The number one rule; don't break the sun.
Regulus had just received an email from his mother; Walburga Black.
Regina Arcturus Black,
I am presenting you with an official warning, I insist you adjourn this futile affair with the Potter heir, as it is causing annihilation upon the family name.
If you choose to disobey my instructions, I assure you that there will be detrimental consequences. Particularly with the Potter son and perhaps your brother. I recommend you give this tremendous consideration.
Toujous Pur,
Walburga Black.
Immediately, Regulus deleted the email from his inbox and looked up from the couch, James was in the kitchen of his apartment. Cooking one of his family recipes, just because Regulus asked about them. James was completely focused on preparing it, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He glowed, making the grey cabinets and white marble countertops seem less draining. James is so, so bright. Catching Regulus' eye, he let out a toothy grin and blew a kiss before returning to the cutting board. Taking a deep breath, Regulus waited. He waited until James had put on his shoes, struggling with the shoehorn he always insisted on using and leaned in for a quick kiss goodbye.
Staring at him with narrowed eyes and a cold gaze, Regulus spoke firmly, "I have always hated you."
"You don't mean that," muttered James, caught off guard as he looked at Regulus with pleading eyes, "Look at me and tell me that you never loved me."
Regulus faltered slightly, eyes flickering to the wooden floor and clenching his jaw. He so desperately wanted to say that James is his sun and Regulus loves him, really loves him. He wants to take James and cling onto him for the rest of his life. 'Broken' That's the only thing he will ever be, because Regulus is broken. Always has been and always will be. Regulus is broken and James is the sun. He always loved the warmth of the sun and James is his sun. You can't break the sun without breaking who he is and Regulus could never do that to James. Never let mother do that to him. He needs the sun to shine, even if he'll never see it again,
"I never loved you, James." It's such a simple yet blunt and heartless statement. Almost effortlessly, it spilled out of Regulus, too effortlessly. He's broken; too broken; Broken beyond repair.
With a stiff nod, James took a step backwards as though he was in unfamiliar territory, finding Regulus unrecognizable. James whispered softly under his breath before turning on his heel and walking out of Regulus apartment, "Okay."
Once the door clicked shut Regulus turned the lock and leaned his back against the door, sliding onto the floor and pulling his knees to his chest. Putting a hand to his mouth, he scrunched his eyes closed and let out a muffled sob. Regulus Black does not cry. Regulus Black never cries.
Hours later, Regulus found himself on the cold tiles of the kitchen. Looking into the faces of Pandora, Evan, and Barty. Pandora's eyes were soft, she never showed much emotion except her gentle exterior. Evan was looking at him with a familiar gaze of concern that he usually does when Barty has a depressive episode. Barty however, looked ready to murder whatever or whoever made Regulus feel like this. Gripping his arm tightly, Barty led Regulus to the couch.
"What the fuck is going on?" Asked Evan as he roamed around Regulus' apartment, carefully picking up pieces of glass and books strewn across the living room floor. Did he do that? Regulus couldn't remember, he just feels numb. He always feels numb, but it's different this time.
Placing a gentle hand on his shoulder Pandora whispered softly, "It's James, isn't it?" Regulus nodded stiffly in response, not having the energy to speak.
Regulus' phone wouldn't stop buzzing. Eventually, Evan got tired of it and picked it up to silent the notifications before hesitating. On the top of the screen showed an image of a grinning Sirius with Regulus in a headlock who was promptly flipping him off and scowling.
Seven Missed Calls From Sirius Black.
A moment later,
Sirius Black Is Calling.
Silently, Evan handed the phone to Regulus who put it to his ear, ready to tell his brother to fuck off. Sirius' concerned voice rang through his ear, "Reggie are you okay? Is James with you? He's not at home. My calls and texts aren't going through to him."
Regulus froze, muttering into the phone, "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Looking through the window, curtains pushed aside, Regulus scanned the parking lot for James. To his disappointment, James was gone. He knew he wouldn't see him, but some part of Regulus hoped that James would be standing there and looking up into Regulus' eyes.
"What is going on Regulus? Where the fuck is James?"
Whispering into the phone, voice full of guilt, "I don't know."
There was a click and his phone screen went black. He stood there and stared at the background of his phone, it was one of James. It's Regulus' favourite photo of him. James had been grabbing them drinks at a bar while Regulus waited at a table, one arm extended towards Regulus with a cointreau in hand. His other hand gripped the neck of a beer loosely, muscles still flexing effortlessly. James's eyes were squinting and the fluorescent lighting reflected off of them. Mouth open in a wide smile as he loudly stated, "A cointreau for the love of my life."
Regulus remembers the first time he saw James. As much as he hated to admit, he could see why Sirius was so enthralled by him. He was fourteen. It was April and the school year was coming to an end and Regulus was waiting for Sirius to come home, except he never did. He woke up that night to shrieks coming from mother, slamming of doors and shoes shuffling down the wooden hallway. Regulus peeked through his door and saw the back of a boys head, dark curls resting on the nape of the tan skin on his neck as he faced into Sirius’ bedroom, turning around and noticing Regulus. Pausing, Regulus just stared at him. That is, until there was a pounding sound as his father stormed up the stairs and slammed a fist onto the doorframe of Regulus room, barley missing his head. He didn’t jump at the sudden movement; he was used to it. What did however make his heart drop was when father shouted into Sirius’ bedroom, “Five minutes until your mother comes with the belt and you will regret ever stepping foot back into this house you ungrateful, worthless, little fag!”
“Shit, Sirius hurry up.” Muttered James as he looked at Sirius who was hurriedly shoving stuff into a duffle bag. He grabbed Regulus’ wrist and tugged him towards Sirius’ bedroom, who looked at him confused. Regulus took a sharp inhale as his arm got yanked away by father,
“You’re staying.”
Regulus eyes flickered around the room frantically as he looked at James who had a firm expression, grabbing hold of Regulus hand and yelling out, “Pads, we should go. Now!”
Sirius nodded, hauling the bag over his shoulder and rushed towards the window, pushing it upwards when another shrill shriek erupted as mother scurried into the room, “Regina, get back here!”
Regulus froze, feeling even more aware of how the nightdress brushed against his ankles, feeling exposed. Before he could get out of the window, there was a thud and he was on the ground, hair pulled by mother and kicked by father. James grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up, helping him out of the window.
Regulus got out.
Sirius got out.
The first time Regulus kissed James was when he was sixteen, James seventeen. Regulus had been helping James and Sirius unpack their things into their new flat. Sirius had immediately made a beeline for his bedroom and began decorating it, jumping impatiently while James fiddled with the lock of the front door. Meanwhile, Regulus and James began with the kitchen. He was organizing the mugs into a cabinet, arms raised above his head, feeling his shirt ride on his skin and exposing it. Rolling his eyes at the box filled to the brim with mugs, he held one and turned around to find James staring at him, unblinking, mouth slightly slack. Raising an eyebrow to attempt at masking a slight blush that crept on his cheeks, heart racing, “What’s the fuck is with the shit ton of mugs?”
Blinking rapidly, James laughed and gestured to the mug in Regulus’ hand, “Remus. He doesn’t have room in his apartment for all his mugs so Sirius offered to keep the rest here.”
Regulus only responded with a nod before returning to putting away the mugs, still feeing James eyes on him. Just as he pulled his hand away from the cabinet, it was being gently closed by James. Regulus tilted his head up slightly, the other boy being so close to him that he could twitch his fingers and they would touch his. James being the innocent and polite gentleman he is, looked into Regulus’ eyes and asked breathily, “May I?”
Instead of answering, he grabbed the collar of James’ shirt and tugged him down, who obliged immediately. Regulus felt James warm hands on his chin, lips pressed against each other. He pulled him closer, wanting to fill any space between them. Regulus was so, so close to the sun. He didn’t know how long they had been like that, but it felt as though time stopped just for them.
Pathetically, a crash was heard coming from Sirius’ room. Once they pulled apart at the sound of a whine from Sirius, “Fuck- Prongs! Ouch. The shelves fell onto me!”
With an overly dramatic gasp, James saluted Regulus after ruffling his hair and calling out to Sirius in a singsong tone, “Dearest Pads, I have come to save you!”
Regulus was going to agree to going out with James two months after that kiss. He had tried to forget about it, because who would want Regulus? James deserved to be with someone who would help him shine, not turn out the lights. After four weeks, Regulus was about to cave into James’ constant efforts at asking him out. He had just entered James and Sirius flat to find James locked in the bathroom. He wouldn’t come out until Regulus threatened to call Sirius who was on a date with Remus. Once the door was unlocked and opened, he froze. James was sitting against the wall opposite to the sink, a blade sitting in front of the toilet. He looked guilty, glancing down at his arm with skin splitting apart in surgical lines. Regulus sat down and grabbed his arm, tracing fingers on his skin. Twisting around, he grabbed the first aid kit from under the counter and silently began applying the antiseptic, ignoring James winces. He wrapped the bandages and pulled James in for a hug. They sat there until Sirius got home. Wrapped around each other with James sobbing into his shoulder, mumbling apologies to which Regulus just hushed him.
Sirius voice was filled with affection once he strolled through the front door, “James, I’m home! The date was so lovely, did you know that Remus has a tattoo behind his ear of the word anarchy? He’s just so beautiful, I could watch him forever and never get tired of it. Prongs, where are you-“ Sirius ramble ended abruptly when he saw the scene in front of him. Regulus saw him reach into his back pocket and pull out his phone, bringing it to his ear despite James protests. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but instead continued stroking James hair and whispering softly into his ear. After a few moments, Sirius knelt down in front of James and Regulus stood up out of the way, wanting to give them space. He would never truly understand their relationship, but he’s glad they have each other. Absentmindedly, he walked into the kitchen and began preparing some tea. Just as he had finished pouring three cups they walked into the living space and Regulus brought them each a mug. The two men thanked Regulus and Sirius looked at James as though he was waiting for him to say something. He never did. Regulus left it at that.
Regulus remembered his first date with James. He had gotten picked up at six and they arrived at a carnival at six thirty. A fucking carnival. Regulus didn’t say anything as James led him to the different booths. The first one was the typical ring toss and James made him go first and Regulus obliged. He was given three rings and once he tossed the first one it went directly to the right, nearly hitting the employee in the head. He dropped the remaining rings and demanded that James go instead, seeing as since he’s laughing, he should be able to land the ring. To Regulus’ dismay, James landed them easily and won a small keychain. Such a scam, honestly. Either way though, Regulus didn’t mind. By the end of the night, James had proudly presented Regulus with a stuffed animal of a lion and named it Simba. On the ride back, he couldn’t keep his eyes off James. He didn’t look away when James caught him, he just continued to watch him. Eventually he leaned over the console and pressed a kiss to James neck, holding it in place firmly to do so. Sitting back down properly, Regulus smirked to himself at James sharp inhale. Using one hand to grip the wheel, James put his right hand on Regulus thigh, rubbing slow circles on the inside with his thumb. He blushed. Hard. Just when James pulled into the parking space at Regulus’ apartment, he pulled James into a kiss. It was slow, until James broke it and stepped out of the driver seat, walking to the passenger side and opening the door to promptly lift Regulus up and kiss him against the car. The kiss was amazing, Regulus never wanted to part from it. He was so warm in James arms.