Moonage Daydream

Remus was out in the yard, drawing with a stick in the dirt. The sundress his mother forced him into already stained with grass, mud and puddle water. Leaves were stuck in the braids that Remus’ mum, Hope, so carefully put together. He snapped the stick, staring at the jagged edges. They certainly weren’t sharp enough to cut off the braids on his head. Remus sighed, getting to his feet and tossing his broken stick to the ground. The weather was starting to get cooler, the summer heat fading away, still no letter waiting for Remus on the step. Lyall, Remus’ father, assured him that it’ll come soon but he was slowly losing faith. 

“███████! Come inside now,” Hope called from the back porch. Remus jogged over to join her. “Oh, your dress!” she sighs, pulling leaves from his hair. “Sweetheart, you shouldn’t be so rough when you play, it’s not ladylike. Get yourself washed and changed; I need you to set the table after. Go on.” Hope waves him away and Remus heads off to the bathroom.  

Ladylike. Remus mouthed the word over and over while he showered. He despised it, it left a shower taste in his mouth, as if he drank curdled milk on accident. Remus was anything but ladylike. He played in the dirt, he couldn’t stand the baby dolls that were given to him, he was foul mouthed, foul mouthed for an eleven-year-old at least, dresses never suited him. Even the name his parents gave him never felt right. It never belonged to him, not really. He wondered if he should have been someone else, someone who was ladylike, someone who belonged to the name. Remus watched the water circle the drain; all the proof of his time outside washed away. He finished his shower, drying himself off before joining his mother back in the dining room. The two chatted idlily while they set up for supper, Hope carrying most of the conversation. 

Remus sat on his bed, a small brown tabby cat curled by his side, his window letting in the late evening air while he read his book. His head snapped upwards at the sound of wings at his window. “Hello,” he muttered to the barn owl that arrived. Remus set his book down to soothe the now disgruntled cat. “D’you have something for me?” The owl flew forward and dropped the letter it was carrying into Remus’ lap. “So, you do. I’m sorry, I don’t have a treat to thank you with,” Remus sighed, petting the owl before it left once again. “Look Mabhe, we got a letter,” he hummed to the cat, picking up the letter and recognizing the scarlet Hogwarts seal. Remus turned it over, his mouth falling open. 

To a Mister Remus John Lupin. 

He stared at the name. Remus John Lupin. It was foreign to him; he had never thought something like that could belong to him. “Remus Lupin,” the words came out as a whisper. Once they were out, it was perfect, like putting on a sweater that he had for years. Perfect, comfortable, worn to his body. “Remus John Lupin.” The name settled into his chest and took hold, that was it. That was the name he needed, the name he wanted. He ran his fingers over the lettering, tracing each line and curve. A smile found his way onto his face as he did so.  

As careful as a surgeon, Remus opened the envelope, not wanting to damage the item with his name. His new name he was ready to carry proudly. He opened the letter and read it over. Mr. Lupin, we write to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Remus blinked at the sentence. What would his parents say when they read that? He searched through his desk, finding the quill and ink Lyall had given him, Remus thought muggle pens were much better but in this instance the quill could be useful. He dipped the quill in the ink, balanced it over the letter and tapped it until a dot of ink spilled over the R. 

He tucked the envelope underneath his pillow. “Now, Mabhe, we don’t tell Mum and Dad what the envelope says, right?” He received a mew in response. “Good girl, I knew you wouldn’t rat me out.” He took the letter and ran to find Hope and Lyall in the living room. “Mum, Dad! I’ve been accepted to Hogwarts. I got my letter!” He raced towards them, handing over the letter.  

“███████, that’s excellent!” Lyall took the letter from Remus to read it over. “I knew you would get it soon; didn’t I tell you?” Remus nodded with a smile. “Better start packing your trunk.” 

~.~ 

Remus trekked down the road from the bus stop to one of the shops in the nearby town. He had gathered the little money he had saved from his allowances, Hope liked to make sure he had some for small treats. He wandered nervously to where the men’s section was, grabbing men’s deodorant, a few other items he had deemed ‘masculine’, moving his hair out of his face while he looked. His hair. His hair was clearly not how other boys wore it. It needed to be changed. If this was who he was going to be then he needed to look the part. Remus continued to look around the small store, grabbing a few chocolate bars as well. He stopped by the magazine rack, examining the model on one of the covers. She had short hair that curled around her ears and stopped at the nape of her neck. Remus added that to his small collection of items before paying.  

Once Remus was back at the house, he ran to find Hope. “Mum, for school, can I get a new haircut?” He presented her with the magazine.  

“You want your hair like this?” Hope’s eyebrows turned together. “Oh, cyw, your hair is so pretty though. Why would you want to cut it all off?” 

“It gets in the way. Please, Mum, don’t you think the model looks pretty too?” Remus put on his best puppy eyes for her, that often worked in his favour. 

Hope sighed and ran her hand through Remus’ curls. “What if you end up looking like a boy?” 

“Does she look like a boy?” Remus tapped the magazine. 

She pursed her lips, looked back between the picture and Remus. “Okay. Okay, we’ll get your hair cut for school, you can grow it out if it looks bad.” 

Elated, Remus gave his mother a hug, thanking her before heading back to his room to change out of his day clothes. 

~.~ 

Remus stared at the crowd moving all around them on platform 9 ¾. He could barely focus on his parents' words. He tried to snap himself back to the current moment and listen.  

“Fy merch felys,” Hope sighed and stroked Remus’ cheek with the back of her hand. “I’m going to miss you so much, make sure you write to us, okay?” Remus nodded at her, giving his mother a small smile. 

Lyall knelt to Remus’ eye level. “███████, you stay out of trouble, understand me? No causing problems, I don’t want to get any letters home from your teachers, and I don’t want to hear any gossip from parents,” he murmured. Remus nodded again; his lips pursed. He fixed his sweater, once his parents had finished giving him his send off, he ran onto the train.  

Remus found an empty compartment and curled up in the seat. He watched as the other students said their goodbyes, bringing their pets along with them. Mabhe’s absence left Remus cold, his mother insisted she stay home. His peace and quiet was interrupted by two boys coming into the compartment.  

“Hey! D’you mind if we sit with you? Everywhere else is too full,” the darker haired boy asked, his smile revealing the dimple that seems to only appear on the left side of his cheek. His hair was wild and curly, seemingly not able to stay styled despite the amount of gel presumably his parents put into it, the lights from the platform casted an orange glow on his dark tawny brown skin. The other boy was short and round, his blond hair cut neatly and kept perfectly tidy, his cheeks were red, and he nearly hid behind the other. 

“Er,” Remus shifts, tucking himself into the corner of the seat beside the window. “S’pose you can.” He watched carefully as the dark-haired boy ushered the blond boy into the booth across from him, muttering assurances to the blond boy.  

The dark-haired boy casted another smile directed at Remus. “I’m James Potter, he’s Peter Pettigrew.” 

“Oh. Nice to meet you. Remus Lupin. Me. Uh, I’m Remus Lupin.” He pursed his lips. He had been practicing that all morning in his head, how did he still mess it up? “Hi.” 

James laughed at Remus stumbling over his words. “Hi, nice to meet you too. You’re not from London, are you?” 

“Conwy, in Wales. What about you? London?” 

“Yeah, house outside of London actually, same with Peter here.” James nudged Peter’s shoulder who looked down at the ground with a mousy expression.  

Another boy with chin length black hair poked his head into the compartment, he had icy eyes, sharp features and pale skin. “Can I sit here?” 

James lit up, inviting the boy in. “The name’s James Potter.” 

The new boy smiled, his smile was mischievous and reminded Remus of a fox. “Sirius Black. I’ve heard about your family, my father’s not a fan so this is perfect.” Sirius planted himself down beside Remus. “Nice to meet you.” The boys chatted and laughed, exchanging stories. Remus stared at them, practically studying their interactions. As the train got further away, they started showing off tricks with their new wands. 

“I can do a couple spells,” Remus announce, pulling out his wand. He muttered his spell quietly, flicking the wand causing tiny fireworks to ignite. “It’s not much.” 

Sirius lit up, he touched one of the sparks, quickly pulling back at burn on the tip of his fingers. “That’s amazing, where did you learn?” Sirius spoke with a posh tone, every word perfectly enunciated. 

“From a book,” Remus muttered. “Where else?” 

“Your parents?” Peter suggested, finally speaking up. Remus wasn’t sure if he had spoken much until now. Remus simply shrugged as an answer.  

The trolley witch strode on by, stopping to ask the boys if they wanted anything. Remus eyed the purple and gold boxes that housed one of his favourite wizard treats; chocolate frogs. He patted his pockets despite knowing they contained nothing, causing a frown to cross his features. 

Sirius watched Remus. “A round of everything for all of us!” Sirius announced, pulling out a few gold galleons. “Please, ma’am.” The boys dove into their new candy stash, eating until they were nearly sick, trading cards from chocolate frogs. A debate had started on which great wizards would win a fight; the debate escalated into loud yelling full of laughter. 

The boat ride to the castle left Remus starstruck, the black lake was entirely inky under the late sun, not even the red reflections could pierce through it. Minerva McGonagall gave her introduction to the first years, as they started to file into the Great Hall, she pulled Remus aside. “Mr. Lupin, you’re not in your uniform.” She pointed to Remus’ attire. He had his robe and shirt on properly, but he hadn’t changed out of his jeans.  

“I... I don’t have the right uniform ma’am. I have a skirt.” 

Minerva nodded, eyeing Remus. “I know of your... situation, Mr. Lupin. Only I, Professor Dumbledore, and Madam Pomfrey knows. Follow me.” She led Remus to where the bags were being transported into the castle, summoning Remus’ with her wand. She opened the trunk, taking out the skirts. Minerva waved her wand, uttering a spell. Remus watched with amazement as the skirts changed, turning into pants. “There, now there should be no more issues with your uniform. Get changed and join us in the Great Hall, quickly now.” 

Remus thanked her and ran off. He found James, Sirius and Peter in the crowd once he was changed. “Where’d you go? Get in trouble already?” James teased Remus. The sorting had already started. There were cheers coming from each of the four tables as new students joined them. James and Peter both got sorted into Gryffindor, James cheered and jumped over to the table, smacking Peter on the back once the two were together. Sirius’ confidence he had been wearing seemed to dip away once he sat on the stool. Remus noted that Sirius was there for much longer than many of the other students, as if the hat was deliberating where he should go. Eventually the hat bellowed out Gryffindor and Sirius smiled. Remus watched him saunter to join James and Peter at the Gryffindor table.  

“Remus Lupin.” Remus stared up at the stool and the hat. Minerva stood beside it, ready to place the hat upon his head. The room slipped away, the chatter became distant and unimportant. He took a hesitant step. Then another. He joined Minerva on the platform, listening only to the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. He watched Minerva’s lips move, assuming she was telling him to sit he did so. The hat was placed on his head and a booming voice replaced the sound of his heart. 

“Remus Lupin. You are something, aren’t you? Where should you go? You’re smart, you thirst for knowledge... but there’s something more. Yes, I know. I know where you should go.” 

“Gryffindor!” 

Remus grinned, hopping down from the stool and joining his newfound friends as the table cheered him on. The rest of the sorting went on, and soon the tables were stacked high with delectable dishes. Remus grinned brightly as he dug in.