Remus Lupin liked to say he knew who Harry was from his looks, he did in fact look exactly like James but that wasn't why he recognised him. It was his eyes, his mother's eyes, Remus’ best friends eyes.
The emerald green Remus used to believe he’d see the day of his death. The emerald eyes he thought would have wrinkles around them as they laughed on a deck together watching their grandchildren play. The emerald green eyes that read over his essays spell-checking them. The emerald green eyes he’ll never meet again.
He looks at Harry he does not see his best mate but his best friend. Remus loved her more than the air he breathed. She was so good with people even if they were not entirely human.
She was everything Remus wished he was.
Even sitting at her grave is not enough it will never be her eyes. Remus could stare into Harrys’ for years dreaming, praying, wishing on every star they’d be hers but they never were they never would be.
She would never bake him chocolate chip cookies again. She would never hug him with those motherly hugs she was born to give. She was born to be a mother and she never got that chance. Same way Remus never had a chance to be an uncle or James a father.
October 31st 1981 haunts him every day, every look, every full moon;
The boys were good during the turn but she was made for after. Cradling him as he cried and screamed, watching him take his medication properly, or even just talking to him about nonsense.
The boys could do it but never as well as she could.
Remus Lupin not only believes but knows it should've been him who died that night. She had so much to live for. Remus was unemployed, broke, a drunk, a werewolf, a loner, a homosexual, and so so so much more.
But most overall?
Selfish..
Remus Lupin was so selfish he refused to speak or even think of her name. Only her emerald green eyes and her fiery red hair.
He had no problem reciting each Marauder member's names but never hers. Even Marlenes or Dorcas even on a good day Marys. But never ever hers he believes he never will.
Until they are reunited in the afterlife when he can stare into those emerald eyes again he will never utter her name.
Lily Evans was dead. And for Remus? So was her name.