Chapter 16
It had been raining all morning, and that rain had turned into snow, then sheets of black ice on the street that Remus had warned Sirius to be careful on. Three days after the full moon he no longer had any excuse to be so protective of Sirius, to want his star so frequently in his arms, touching him in any way possible. It had been a remarkably easy one, after so many difficult moons throughout the last three years, the wolf finally settled again with the presence of his previously missing friend.
The part that wasn’t easy, however, was how Remus still clung to Sirius after Moony had been sated and became more dormant inside of him. How tightly he locked his arms with Sirius’s to make sure that he didn’t fall when Sirius insisted that they slide around on the ice even after Remus had warned that it might be dangerous. A joyful and carefree,
“C’mon Moons, it'll be fun,” to which Remus had retorted,
“Fun until you break your arse,” and Sirius had rolled his eyes playfully and ignored his warning with a smile that spread widely across his cold-reddened cheeks.
“You’ll catch me before that happens, Moons,” Sirius grinned so trustingly that Remus couldn’t find it in him to vocalize his prevailing worries. That no, Remus might not be able to catch him, not with how weakened he was from the moon—even though it had been an easier one. And besides, he couldn’t help himself from giving in when Sirius’s eyes were twinkling like that, when he was smiling so radiantly that his brightness was enough for Remus to never want it to end.
“Fine, baby,” Remus sighed in defeat, not willing to remind Sirius again that he thought it was a tremendously bad idea. That it was impossible to see where the ice ended and began and with Sirius as careless as he was it was surely a recipe for disaster. Not if it would dim his star’s ever brilliant smile.
Remus reluctantly joined him on the ice, because if Sirius was going to slip and break his ass, Remus might as well be there to break his fall, and held him steadily before Sirius could start whirling around, which he did near immediately. Beaming as he dragged Remus around on the ice with him, Remus doing all he could to keep them away from the unsafe edges and jutting out rocks that Sirius was otherwise just barely avoiding.
Snowflakes delicately decorated his hair as Sirius twirled joyously and fell into Remus’s luckily nearby arms, not looking as if he’d done so by accident.
“See, Moons,” Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’s neck and poked him in the cheek with his freezing cold nose, Remus solely focused on not letting him drop. “Told ya’ you’d catch me,” Sirius stared up at him with his wide trusting eyes and undying smile.
“You really didn’t need to prove that,” Remus huffed, half playfully. Sirius easily pulled himself upright and grinned rather triumphantly, leaning into Remus for a kiss that Remus didn’t hesitate to give him. Quick and possibly a bit vengeful as Remus bit down on Sirius’s lower lip, his star releasing a surprised yelp and pulling away with a heavily falsified pout.
“That hurt, Re,” Sirius furrowed his brows expressively as he brought his fingers to his supposedly injured lip. Remus hummed in dramaticized condolence and playfully falsified pity and raised a brow.
“Need me to kiss it better?” Sirius nodded eagerly and Remus laughed as he spun them both around on the ice before kissing it better. Sirius had been right, he realized, this was fun.
As their lips met, Sirius shoved them both into a nearby pile of snow and Remus didn’t even bother breaking the kiss to scold him for his revenge, the substance cold but cushy against his back as he pulled Sirius in closer to him by the waist, kissing him with a growing smile. Just disapprovingly smacked his ass and bit his lip once again in retaliation, which had the opposite effect than intended as it only made Sirius moan.
Clad in Remus’s old ski jacket, because Remus hadn’t had the foresight to buy Sirius much cold weather gear of his own, Sirius gasped in surprise then giggled as Remus worked his cold fingers underneath his layers to tickle at his ribs, mostly just to hear Sirius’s laughter. To see Sirius’s smile as he broke away from the kiss. Rolling over so Sirius was the one laying in the snow underneath him and only letting up when Sirius was squealing and tossing his head around in the snow.
Sirius released a grateful couple of breaths before pulling Remus in for another hungrier kiss, even colder fingers twining themselves in Remus’s hair and Remus couldn’t help but chuckle at the neediness in his star, kissed him back just as fervently until Sirius pulled away with a soft and indisputably devoted gasp. Sucking in all the air that Remus had stolen away from him before reverently imploring,
“Do you ever mean it when you say you want to mark me, Moons? Would you do it if I asked?” The mood was slightly heavier than it was before, but Sirius’s eyes were just as pure, contentedly beseeching. Not expecting the sudden line of questioning, and wanting to answer Sirius with as much tact and honesty as he could despite it, Remus took a moment to compose himself before kissing Sirius’s brow idly.
“What, in the middle of this blizzard?” Remus tried to buy himself some time to fine tune his answer, thought it might lighten the mood and achieved his goal when Sirius smiled but prodded on, a fond but insistent,
“Moons,” and Remus figured he might as well come out with it, if only to keep his star smiling, though he wasn’t sure that his answer would be what Sirius wanted.
“What it always comes down to, baby, is not wanting to hurt you. Or bind you to anything you might not be comfortable with once you’re in. It’s not something that can be undone, love, and as much as I often want to, your freedom and happiness are more important. The wolf becomes more present once it’s bonded with someone, or rather that person can feel it much more, and that's not a price I want you to pay.” Remus made sure to phrase it both plainly and gently to avoid accidentally hurting Sirius’s feelings. But still, Sirius chewed on the inside of his cheek somewhat unhappily when Remus was done talking, and Remus felt a tug in his gut when he thought he might’ve done so anyway. “I would if there weren’t so many risks, darling. Promise.” He added when Sirius developed a bit of a frown.
And it was true, Remus had often laid awake at night imagining making Sirius his, giving into his star’s recurring request like he so badly wanted to. Not just to make Sirius happy but to fulfill that part of him that told him with every glance in his star’s direction that Sirius would be so much safer, more content if he gave him that, that knew that maybe Remus would be too. That wanted that indisputable bond between them because he wanted to give Sirius everything that he asked for, and admittedly Remus wanted it there himself. And yet, something always stopped him. And Sirius seemed to see it, just how close Remus was to saying yes, just how much he truly wanted it, because he steeled himself with an all new sense of determination.
“Re,” Sirius tugged at the hair at the base of his neck to force Remus to look at him when Remus in a last ditch effort tried to avoid his fierce gaze. “Re. Look at me,” Sirius spoke more firmly, but softened up slightly when he had Remus’s eyes on him. “I trust you, and I’ve always trusted you, and Moony, more than anyone else. And I want to be with you in every way I can be with you. I want you to trust me with that part of yourself. For you to believe me when I say that I’m not seeing Moony through rose tinted glasses. He’s good to me, because you’re good to me and he would never hurt me purposely because you would never hurt me purposely.” Remus barely withheld a guilt ridden groan, remembering all too well when the wolf had hurt Sirius purposely, and tried pulling away from him but found Sirius’s grip on him to be stronger, his star much more persistent.
“Sirius-” he tried to interject but Sirius was swift in shutting him up with a kiss, then rubbing some snow in his face for good measure.
“No. You don’t get to run from me, Moons,” Sirius’s brows furrowed in conviction, “if you don’t want to do it, fine. But not because of the same bullshit reasons you always give about not trusting yourself with me. No one treats me better than you do, Remus. No one. You made one mistake. Once. When we were kids. And since then you’ve never hurt me like that again. Whenever I’m hard on myself you stop me so I don’t see why it shouldn’t go both ways. Why I shouldn’t refuse to put up with your self loathing shit that I know you don’t deserve. Especially when I still love you, Re. And love means stepping in when the person you love is too hard on themselves. You taught me that.”
The words echoed and seemed to surround Remus in the whistling winter wind, holding him hostage as Sirius shivered from the cold. Again and again, causing Remus to freeze up in a way he couldn’t entirely blame on the weather, ‘I still love you, Re’ dancing incessantly over Sirius’s frostbitten face, his eyes so genuine and sweet, his lips on the verge of forming an apology or a ‘you don’t have to say it back’. So Remus hauled the both of them up before he could, brushing the snow off of Sirius’s back and shoulders and tugging him towards the cottage door. Trying not to sound as paralyzed as he felt when he said,
“Let’s get you inside where it’s warm,” Instead of the raw and burning admission that he still loved Sirius too. Mortifying because even when Sirius had practically destroyed him by leaving, Remus had never stopped loving him for so much as a second.
. . .
Remus’s cowardice didn’t last long when he saw the crushed expression on Sirius’s face that Sirius was clearly trying to hide but doing a terrible job of. One that Remus knew he had to erase and cursed himself a million times over for causing.
He was quick to press Sirius against the door before they could even make it in and kiss him wholeheartedly to convey his feelings before pulling away to confirm them. Meaning every word he said with a burning passion only Sirius could provoke,
“I love you too, Pads. Always have, always will.” The words rushed out both against his better judgment and with it, but Remus knew he could never regret saying them when Sirius smiled so brightly that he put all the stars to shame, lighting up with that familiar adoration Remus knew he would do anything for, and he kissed him to extend it, to relish that love that warmed him far more than the wood burning fireplace waiting for them inside.
“You’re right,” Remus breathed when he pulled away, shutting the door behind them and shucking Sirius’s outer layer as Sirius frantically pulled off his the second they were inside. “Everything you said, love, you’re right.” But he and Sirius both were getting desperate now, lustful at the freedom that came with their long withheld admissions. Sirius particularly handsy as he panted into the heated kiss that he refused to break away from,
“I don’t care about being right,” Sirius’s explorative hands finding a home climbing up over the bare skin underneath Remus’s sweater, “need-you-to-fuck-me.” Sirius emphasized with a heatedly growing need, one that Remus couldn’t help but match, because ever since he had seen his star naked, had him crying out in ecstasy from only Remus’s fingers in his ass, Remus knew that he had to see him crying out from more than that too. And maybe that was why Remus had been so edgy and possessive with Sirius lately, because he needed to get it out of his system. And spearing Sirius on his cock would do just that.
So it was decided, Remus would be spearing him on his cock. But before he could Remus had to promise him something, something he needed to get out before it could be chalked up to a haze of lustful stupor.
“I’ll give it to you,” Remus pulled away from the kiss, laid Sirius down and knew with every fiber of his being that he meant it, prayed that Sirius knew he wasn’t referring to his dick when he’d said it, but something far more important. Sirius furrowed his brows in the cutest sort of confusion, pawed at him in a way that heavily indicated his star did think he was referring to his dick. Remus chuckled nearly unbearably fondly and figured he should clarify, giving Sirius a warm and honeyed kiss before he carried on.
“I should’ve done it years ago—mated you when you asked, realized how much of an arse I was being by holding back, not giving you what you deserve. I’m sorry, love, but I’ll try my whole life to make up for it, and it’s because I love you that I’m glad for us to do this. I might never be able to fully trust the wolf, which is why it’s taken so long for me to be able to hand over the reins to him—to give him more control—but I trust you and that’s what matters. I only wish I hadn’t taken so long to realize it.” Remus felt raw from all the revelations, having bared his soul to the one person he trusted most with it, admitting the mistakes that he only now realized he had made until they burned but then felt remarkably inconsequential.
He thought Sirius might grin his brilliant grin, that his beautiful face might light up with glee, and Remus would cherish every second of it, permanently tattooing the image in his mind of making Sirius so happy. But instead Sirius so appreciatively, so softly kissed him with the gentlest sort of gratitude, his smooth fingers working their way up to cradle Remus’s face with his hand. Touched, reverent, and soft spoken in a way Sirius almost never was when he uttered,
“Thank you, Moons,” eyes tearing up with emotion and Remus gingerly kissed his tears away, finally content enough to give his star all of himself, and Sirius was already so grateful to have it. But Remus had to give him a warning before he did, a clearer explanation so that Sirius didn’t jump into anything that he didn’t understand fully then later come to regret it.
“There’s no going back, Sirius, once you’re mine that bond will be stronger and more enduring than anything you’ve ever felt, and you’ll feel everything, so much more of me, baby. The good and the bad, and you won’t be able to run from it. It’s not like marriage where you can always divorce me if I’m cranky and gross and it gets to be too much. We do this and you’re stuck with me forever.” Remus made sure to warn in advance. To give Sirius the chance to change his mind if he needed to. Except his star didn’t seem to need to, only took his thumb and ran it smoothly over Remus’s bottom lip, stared at him with such familiar awe and wonder.
“When are you gonna realize that I want you when you’re cranky and gross? That I want to be stuck with you forever?” Sirius smiled sweetly as he spoke, every word of his more genuine than the last, eyes bright and brimming with love. And Remus should’ve seen it sooner—Sirius’s ever-enduring trust and admiration—known that his star could handle anything Remus threw at him, that he so desperately yearned to, to have Remus let him in fully. Something so blatantly obvious that Remus had for far too long been blind to. But he saw it now, saw every inch of Sirius, and knew that he saw him too, that nothing had ever been more right, more fitting. And when Remus leaned down, latching his lips around Sirius’s neck, biting down then biting in as he released only enough of his fangs to break the skin—blood and endorphins flowing between them—a part of him clicked into place that had always felt out of place, the connection between them healing all of Remus’s messily half healed open wounds. Connecting him to Sirius in a way he doubted he could ever find the words to properly explain. A bond building between them that instantly flooded him with security and happiness. And then there was a voice—Sirius’s. But Sirius hadn’t opened his mouth to speak. Yet still it rang clearly in his head, clearly enough that it nearly sounded as if he had.
“You were right about me feeling everything, Moons. I’m finally yours now.” Remus hadn’t known that was part of it, the mating, the bond, but he kissed Sirius with a whole new vigor and decided he liked it. Liked hearing his star’s voice that way too, and he chuckled and pushed a thought back.
“Let’s not act like you weren’t mine for years before this, love.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’s lips, light and gentle, then warm and insistent as Sirius gasped at the revelation, pulled away to stare at Remus in awe—to thread his lithe and delicate fingers through Remus’s hair and hum curiously.
“When?” Sirius spoke aloud this time, only one word but Remus knew exactly what he’d meant. When did he start being Remus’s, when did Remus start seeing him as his.
“Earlier than I’d like to admit,” Remus brushed a stray hair away from Sirius’s—from his mate’s— face. It all clicked into place, and Sirius seemed to feel it too, smiling broadly and bopping Remus’s nose with his own, pulling back just to look at him.
“Tell me,” his star inquired softly, and Remus couldn’t help himself from giving him another kiss, kissing over his neck, over the bite he had left there before answering.
“When I started seeing you as mine or when you really were?” Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’s waist and pulled him closer, half clothed and letting his hands wander under Sirius’s remaining t-shirt. Relishing every poorly muffled moan and hitch in his breath that Sirius released as he did.
“Both,” Sirius gasped, wrapped his arms around Remus’s neck and clung to him like he never wanted to let him go. Remus could very much return the sentiment, hands dancing over bare skin until he had Sirius’s shirt up and over his head, tossing it off somewhere he hoped wasn’t too close to the fire.
“When you came to me that time in third year sayin’ you liked me even more than James, wanting me to walk you to all your classes. And you started climbing into my bed at night, snuggling up next to me then darting back to your bed in the mornings, sleeping in half the time so I’d have to pick you up and put you back in your bed, with you always grumbling when I accidentally woke you up. Trying to act like you didn’t have the biggest crush on me. Then again, I was doing the same with you too. That’s when I started seeing you as mine, when I started wanting you to be. As for when you actually were… I think that’s for you to decide. But it was somewhere between when you started begging me to kiss you and when you got that tattoo.” Remus’s hand wandered up to Sirius’s forearm, lingered over the black ink that shaped a crescent moon, Remus’s initials inked inside of it. And he couldn’t stop himself from pressing a kiss to it, squeezing around Sirius’s waist in appreciation. One look at that tattoo and Remus had known, hadn’t been able to let go since.
But Sirius shook his head fondly, and insisted, “You’re wrong.” Remus raised an eyebrow in disagreement, a silent challenge to Sirius’s breathy claim.
Disbelievingly Remus questioned,
“Am I?” And Sirius nodded, smiled brightly as he held Remus’s face in his hands.
“I was yours since the train, Moons. Since you introduced yourself to me when I was making a fool of myself and you were nicer than anyone had ever been. You were patient and kind and taller than me and I had to talk to James the whole ride to stop myself from gawking at you. You didn’t laugh at me, and anyone else would’ve. Jamie even teased me a little about it afterwards. But you didn’t, you never judged me or made me feel ridiculous and all I wanted was to be around you even though I was probably annoying you. I was yours then, or at least I wanted to be. And now I really am. Now I get to be.”
And that was when Remus kissed him like he had never kissed him before, knew he loved him in a way that could never be broken, because Sirius—his sweet, ever adoring star—had always been so unfaltering. He had seen the rude and disheveled kid Remus had been and fallen for him, adored him with that rudeness. Loved Remus with all his flaws, and with all of his heart. The scars, the weird accent, and the grouchiness that drove almost everyone away never did with Sirius. The kindest and most enduring soul that Remus had ever been lucky enough to encounter.
The brightest star in the sky that loved him as if he shone just as brightly. And the next time the moon was at it’s highest Remus would forever finish making that star his.
. . .
Hogwarts, Fifth Year:
Remus had holed himself up in his usual corner of the library that afternoon and been studying peacefully for several hours, Sirius having dropped by halfway through and since then Remus had entertained him intermittently, trying his best not to reveal how affected he was by his best friend’s presence. How he had to read and then re-read every paragraph in his books and very purposefully glued his eyes to the paper to avoid staring at Sirius’s pretty fingers mindlessly braiding a section of his hair as he tapped his foot in boredom from the seat across from Remus. How Sirius puffing out air, twining his ankle with Remus’s, humming idly, and all around being very distracting as he did anything but homework made it impossible for Remus to do his homework. But really, how Sirius’s presence alone made it impossible for Remus to focus on anything else.
Sometime after Remus pretended to finish his potions homework and when Sirius started singing songs in French under his breath that made Remus lose his breath—Remus knowing just enough French to figure out that Sirius was both inserting Remus’s nickname in place of some of the lyrics and adding some of his own—his friend lifted up from the bench he was sitting on and moved to sit beside Remus on his. Still a bit dizzy from Sirius singing ‘Au clair de la lune’, which was riddled with sexual innuendos to begin with (that being one of the few Remus actually knew the lyrics to), Remus hardly noticed the change until he felt a weight on his shoulder that turned out to be Sirius’s head.
Already attuned to Sirius’s mannerisms, and knowing that his friend tended not to exceed at directly asking for what he wanted, Remus recognized the action for what it was and wordlessly moved his hand to Sirius’s hair, giving him the touch he had likely been seeking out. Remus just prayed that he had judged the situation correctly and not acted simply out of the selfish desire to have his hands on his crush. Luckily, he seemed to as Sirius hummed happily and leaned a little more heavily into Remus’s shoulder. Remus often wondered what it meant, Sirius going to him so frequently for those touches, but didn’t have time to contemplate it yet again as Sirius stated,
“You know, you’re not at all what I thought you’d be like,” with what Remus found to be an alarming amount of causality and Remus was all too sure of what Sirius had thought he’d be like when he forced himself to respond with the same amount of causality,
“What, scary?” Dangerous, odd, repellent, inhuman, and all the other stereotypes typically associated with werewolves went unsaid as Remus chuckled dryly. He knew Sirius had likely been scared of him when they first met, Remus being so far from what he had been raised with and acclimated to, but Sirius just shook his head against Remus’s shoulder, humming in what Remus thought was disagreement.
“I never thought you were scary. But I never thought you’d like me much either. I guess I’m just surprised that you do.” Sirius reached his hand out to take the pen Remus hadn’t been using and scratched little doodles into the corner of his paper and Remus couldn’t see the harm in indulging him. It wasn’t as if he was doing his homework anyway.
“Huh, I actually thought the same thing about you. Thought that was why you were staring at me all the time. Either that or ‘cuz of the scars.” He somewhat brazenly admitted.
“Wha- no, I- I wasn’t staring at you because of that. Um, or the scars.” Sirius looked flustered, cheeks reddening significantly with a blush that seemed to take over his entire face. Stumbling through his words a little and looking downwards as he continued, “I’m sorry though, honestly I’ve just been staring at you cuz I like you. Didn’t mean to-” Sirius cut himself off and squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head like he had just made some kind of terrible mistake and looked like he was probably scolding himself internally. Sirius did go on though, through an embarrassed and nervous laugh when he did. “Jamie’s always telling me I should just talk to you, but- I, um, didn’t really know how. And I didn’t know if you’d want me to.”
“Can I tell you a secret Sirius?” Remus leaned a little closer towards Sirius, wanting unexpectedly to make the strung out boy feel better. He was so well intentioned, so genuinely kind for someone Remus had initially thought snooty and preposterous. Sirius eagerly nodded at him, and Remus whispered the affirmation that until then he hadn’t even admitted to himself. A bit more candidly than he intended when he revealed, “I did want you to. To talk to me, that is.”
Sirius’s whole face lit up with a smile that was brighter than any number of James’s, revealing a set of dimples that Remus couldn’t pretend he hadn’t realized Sirius had had before. Sirius’s eyes full of undiluted joy and hope as he grinned, transfixed with Remus like he always seemed to be, and Remus had to admit that Sirius’s sort of infatuation was better than anything else similar than he had had from others. The good or the bad.
“You did?” Sirius pondered and Remus wanted nothing more than to kiss him and only just stopped himself from doing so when he answered,
“Yeah, Sirius. I still do.” Remus rather recklessly went to kiss Sirius’s forehead instead when he found that he couldn’t restrain himself enough to not kiss him at all and Sirius blushed a shade of crimson that Remus saw in his dreams nearly every night as he wrapped an arm around around Remus’s waist and moved his head from its place on Remus’s shoulder to ask,
“Kiss me again, Moons?” And Remus did. With all his undying hunger and repressed feelings for Sirius, he met his lips and he kissed him, knowing in that very moment that he was resolutely done for.
. . .
Present Day, a Month Later:
The moon would be full when it rose that night and with it rose the possessiveness that Remus would think Sirius must be growing quite tired of if he didn’t know any better. The wolf more dominant in Remus than he ever preferred and it was the wolf he blamed it on when having his hands and too quickly fading love bites all over Sirius wasn’t enough to sate that possessiveness. When he couldn’t keep Sirius in his lap for too long due to his overwhelming desire to fuck him, which he didn’t want to do when the wolf was so near the height of it’s power. When Remus found the solution to his problem at the same time he noticed just how shamefully unadorned his star’s pretty neck was.
Sirius pouted as Remus regretfully shifted him off of where he was cuddled against his body but Remus gave him a light kiss in compensation before a whine could come out too.
“Hush, baby. I’ll be right back,” he murmured in a voice that he hardly recognized as his own, dark, rough, and husky in a way Remus would like to think he only was when he had a particularly bad cold. Nonetheless, he made his way across his room to find the object he desired, rooting through drawers until he found it.
Turning to Sirius, collar in hand, his star’s eyes were all too eager from the moment they landed on it, an excitable smile growing on his face in anticipation. Remus couldn’t help but chuckle as he took two long strides back over to the bed, freely covering his star’s neck with the familiar leather.
“I take it you don’t mind if I add an accessory to that pretty neck of yours?” Sirius only smiled more as Remus still sought out verbal permission, putting two fingers between Sirius’s smooth skin and the collar itself before closing it to make sure it fit comfortably. The silver moon charm hung prettily between Sirius’s already pretty collarbones.
“Don’t mind at all,” his star grinned all the more eagerly, humming in satisfaction once it was fully on and closing his eyes for a minute before adding, “needed me to be yours again, Moons?” Then, with a reverent and gentle hand to Remus’s cheek as the other wrapped around the back of his neck, breathy and almost a plea when it came out, “or are you trying not to fuck me?”
“Careful,” The wolf warned thickly and Remus knew that he himself would soon succumb to it, “about teasing me this close to the moon, Sirius.” His words were tight, gravel and heavily suppressed lust running through his voice as well as his veins, grinding away at his soon to be sore bones.
“Maybe I don’t want to be careful,” Sirius breathed, eyeing him innocently, too innocently, and Remus thought he might lose it.
“Maybe,” Remus growled, tightening his fingers in where they had worked into Sirius’s hair, “you should fucking learn to be.” Remus still had a shard of his resolve, just enough to hold off, to insistently not fuck Sirius, to hold out until after the moon, and had resolved to do just that. But then Sirius was down from the bed and onto his knees on the floor, waiting for instruction with warm pleading eyes and the most delicate kitten licks at Remus’s crotch, making his hopes all the more known. So sweetly begging for him to,
“Please let me help you, Moons.” And Remus wouldn’t have given into it, wouldn’t have undone his zipper and pressed Sirius’s head and eager tongue closer if it had been so much as a day earlier. But it wasn’t a day earlier and he once again indulged himself in his favorite and most dangerous addiction with his only protest being a gruff warning that was about as spineless as Remus was sure it sounded.
“I’m not gonna fuck you, love,” as he loosed a breath, as he lost his mind, any hint of reserve farther out the window than the winter snow. Only dusting now but it would fall in sheets again soon. Come with ice that would cause Remus to have to walk a step closer to his star to make sure he didn’t slip on it and once again twist his elegant ankle like he had years before. To keep himself just within arms reach to prevent that happening once more.
“Just wanna make you feel better,” Sirius lustfully insisted as his hands were quick to free Remus’s cock from his underwear, suckling on the tip of it the moment it was out. The touch caused Remus to release a long withheld groan—as he’d wanted to groan when Sirius kept wiggling on his lap earlier that day, reaching down to palm at his crotch and run his too curious hands up Remus’s thighs—and sheath himself fully in his star’s warm and inviting mouth. Smiling a bit when he heard a light and somewhat muffled gag, Remus couldn’t help but smirk a bit. Always a little bit too big for him even outside of the moons, even more so so near them.
“Then go ahead and be helpful, baby,” Sirius nodded the best he could with a dick in his mouth at the permission, eyes widening in excitement, and got straight to work. Sucking in earnest around Remus’s cock and Remus noted how well Sirius took him despite the brief adjustment period, how gladly even when it bordered on too much. So close to taking all of him and with a little help Remus was sure he could.
Sirius was desperate to take every inch as Remus pushed his head down, drew it closer to him as Sirius whined at the fullness, gagged but did all he could not to, pushed through it, and it was such a valiant effort.
“Fuck, that’s it, sweet star, take my cock,” Remus cooed at Sirius, who was forming tears in his eyes, trying again without prompting to take him whole, and it really was sweet. So sweet, how even with Remus notably larger than his usual length, his star still wanted to do everything he could to take him completely. To help, to be good, because that was all Sirius ever wanted to do.
Sirius whined blissfully as tears started to fall from his glazed over eyes, streaking down from the corners as he was only a couple of inches away. Bobbing his head and hollowing out his cheeks and doing so well as he pushed through his gag reflex to take yet another inch, Remus making sure to praise him when he did, lost himself as Sirius did it again, hummed proudly and ended up making a wet but happy whimpering sound that sent spine chilling vibrations down Remus’s cock, granted him deep surges of pleasure.
Remus’s hands tightened in Sirius’s hair as he groaned, “Good boy,” pulled at the strands and reveled in how Sirius whimpered and doubled down his efforts, putting his hands on the back of Remus’s thighs and batting his lashes as he looked up at him prettily—lips stretched around Remus’s cock.
“Need me to fuck your throat?” Remus shoved the entirety of his length down Sirius’s throat before pulling him completely off of his cock the second he gagged around it. Sirius whined miserably—as if Remus had just taken something vitally important away from him—and lurched back towards Remus’s cock only to be held in place by Remus’s hold on his hair before rasping,
“Yes,” in a greedy manner that the wolf didn’t deem nearly sufficient.
“And why should I do that?” Remus growled smokily, and when Sirius failed to answer, he added, “hm, whore?” And tugged at his hair. Sirius shivered at both the words and the increased pressure, but was still single mindedly focused on Remus’s admittedly throbbing cock.
“Need it,” Sirius nearly sobbed but Remus only tutted, taking pity on his star however, because of just how desperate he was. Reminded him,
“Use your manners,” with slightly less reprehension. Remus still required his whores to be well behaved, desperate or not.
“Please, Moons, can you fuck my throat?” Sirius’s voice was already half broken but Remus swore it broke just a little bit more as he politely begged for what he wanted, even going as far as to keep his eyes solely on Remus and not the cock in front of him as he asked.
“That’s how we ask nicely, love,” Remus purred as he slackened his hold on his star’s hair and nodded his permission. Allowed Sirius to once again engulf his cock and felt a surge of pride as Sirius managed to take almost all of him whole without gagging. Was just about to give his star what he’d wanted, Sirius’s jaw slack in preparation as he gladly took the first few thrusts. But just as Remus had started to jackhammer into him, just as Sirius began spacing out and making indecipherable murmurs, whines, and other sounds of pure and unadulterated bliss-
The door flew open without the courtesy of a knock and Remus knew there was only one person it could be, a spectacled and remarkably discourteous person who he was certain must have a death wish.
“The fuck do you want, Potter?” Remus all but snarled, slowly easing Sirius off of his cock despite his star’s confused eyes and reluctant whine, irritated that James had interrupted him before he could get off but furious that he had butt in on them while Sirius was in such a dreamlike state. Sirius’s eyes were still fairly glazed over and hazy as drool ran sweetly down his chin, evidence of his infatuated pursuit of Remus’s cock that now had to come to an end.
Remus knew it took a while for that submissive and lust filled haze to clear with Sirius, and he much preferred to revel in it, to drag it out with warm kisses and second rounds and smooth touches in the bath… but Sirius seemed to get ahold of himself quickly enough when he let out a surprised and somewhat self conscious gasp of,
“Jamie-” his voice hoarse but not entirely wrecked yet, and Remus could tell by the tone that Sirius was still a bit fuzzy around the edges, fragile if not handled carefully. Remus glared at James savagely in warning, moving a softer hand to Sirius’s cheek to ease his star back into the world that didn’t consist solely of Remus’s cock and irritably tucked his dick back in pants. Thankfully, James seemed to get the message—that Remus’s ‘I’ll kill you’ eyes were really warning him to be gentle, kind to Sirius until he could fully pull himself out of it.
“Nothing I haven’t seen before, Pads,” James reassured Sirius, doing a good enough job of reading between the lines, but soon shifted his attention to Remus before gesturing widely with his hands as if the reason he had interrupted them was obvious. It took a moment, then several, both of them either gaping rather dumbly or plotting his demise—Sirius sweetly clinging to Remus’s leg as if to make up for the lost closeness, and Remus petting his hair softly to ease him out of it—but when no answer came James threw his hands up in exasperation.
“Full moon in an hour idiots, we can’t be sucking dick in these conditions,” he explained himself.
“Oh just ‘cuz you’re not getting your dick sucked—” Remus wasn’t afraid to grouse, carefully helping Sirius up and removing his collar, not sure if Sirius would want James to see it. Sirius pouted silently as Remus slipped it off, then away into a drawer, and internally Remus cursed James even more for taking that from Sirius before he was ready.
“How did you-” James started, flustered, but soon connected the dots, a little too unaware of the circumstances for Remus’s liking, his voice just a little too loud as he continued, now aghast, “Lils told you about the fatwa!?”
“And what you did to deserve it, you broom kissing bimbo,” Remus sniped back but was hardly aware of his response, all of his attention on Sirius and his still somewhat hazy eyes, giving him a gentle and rewarding kiss in hopes of bringing him a little more down to earth, keeping things sweet between them like he knew Sirius needed.
“ONE SHATTERED WINDOW-” Sirius winced at the loud volume of James’s voice and that was where Remus drew the line, hardly a second later gritting his teeth and preparing to shove James out on his ass, moon be damned. What he managed was a less than civil,
“Get. Out. James,” each growled word tighter and less friendly than the last, Remus more and more intently focused on the soft jasmine scent of Sirius’s shampoo and how it muddled with that of Remus’s previously so near release still present in the air. On Sirius’s still sensitive state and how their friend unknowingly intruded upon it. Possession rang through Remus like a flame, an ever rising and flaring fire that he could only barely contain. Wouldn’t be able to contain any longer if James didn’t get the fuck out of there, and fast.
“We don’t have time for you guys to fuck,” James noted good naturdely but put his hands up in defeat and turned for the door anyway, not having to be told twice and experienced enough in Remus’s moon based mood swings to know not to add anything else.
Remus snarled in response, the wolf uncaring of the fact that James was right. That he had expected James, knew he’d be arriving any minute, and shouldn’t have so recklessly launched into anything sexual with Sirius, shouldn’t have put his star in such a vulnerable state so close to the full moon, and definitely shouldn’t have let the wolf get the better of him. The second James was out of the room, having closed the door behind him, Remus forgot the moon and everything else to solely focus on Sirius, sitting down on the bed and pulling Sirius with him, his star comfortably resting on his lap and near immediately taking the opportunity to rest his palm on Remus’s still bare chest. To lean into Remus with saddened and slightly guilt filled eyes, ones that lingered longingly on the half closed drawer where Remus had stashed away his collar, practically brimming with the unspoken question Remus wouldn’t allow him to speak aloud.
And those saddened eyes fluttered shut when Remus kissed Sirius’s slightly pouty lips before he could question what he had done wrong. Before Sirius could think that it was his fault that Remus had irrevocably poor timing and even worse judgment. He pulled away from the kiss slowly, then gave Sirius one more before Remus cradled his jaw in one hand and gently made Sirius meet his gaze. Made sure he was listening as he pressed,
“You did absolutely nothing wrong, love. I should've planned things better, made sure I had the time to do all the things I want to do with you,” even as the wolf roared inside of Remus to just fuck him, to make Sirius his like his star so obviously wanted to be, Remus was adamant in pushing that part of him down, a headache building between his temples as the wolf furiously resisted. “And I shouldn’t have put you in danger this close to the moon, or in a vulnerable position when I knew James would be coming over,” Remus continued, doing all he could to douse the fire raging within him, remind himself over and over again that now was not the fucking time. “I’m sorry, Sirius. We’ll try this again another time. I promise.” He finished as the headache turned into a migraine, as he arranged his arms more securely around Sirius’s waist, surrounding him from all sides to soothe the protective urge within him, the lustful one still painfully burning.
An “it’s okay,” was murmured softly into Remus’s chest and it only made Remus hold Sirius closer, placing a hand protectively over his back and moving the other to run through his unbound hair.
“I really am sorry, darling, if it wasn’t for the moon-” Remus cut himself off, couldn’t continue as the wolf roared for him to continue even with the moon, to continue because of it. And Remus wanted to strangle that part of himself for ever daring to so much as suggest putting his star in that sort of danger. He wanted to take a knife to it, brutally cut the wolf out and never have to deal with his insolence again, and it took all of Remus’s power to instead simply press the wolf down and loosen his vice like grip on Sirius’s waist with an apologetic kiss to his shoulder.
His star nodded solemnly but understandingly into Remus until he got out a small and semi-breathless,
“Was I- before- was I good?” Sirius’s eyes shone with the need to be reaffirmed, with worry, like he didn’t feel he had done his job, like maybe that was why Remus had taken his collar away. It absolutely broke Remus’s heart, and even the wolf agreed with his urge to reassure Sirius as Remus took his face in his hands and knew he would lay down his life just to see Sirius smile. Impressed upon him,
“You were perfect, caraid,” and watched as his words did just that, a small appreciative smile spreading on Sirius’s face at the praise, and Remus was taken aback by how quickly Sirius’s mood changed when it turned into a radiant grin and his star kissed him with irrefutable joy, pulling back with that same smile. Sweet, sappy, and endearing as he nodded in the direction of the door while wiggling even closer into Remus’s lap, practically pressed against his chest as Sirius breathed,
“We should probably get going then, Moons,” his elegant but dangerously explorative hand traveling downwards to run across Remus’s v-line oh-so-reverently before Sirius shook himself out of whatever thought he had been so deeply entrenched in and brought it up to tangle in Remus’s hair, “I can be perfect for you after the moon?”
Sirius’s honeyed and hopeful request evoked the wolf from where Remus had resolutely sequestered it and without so much as a second thought Remus was sinking his teeth into the softest spot of Sirius’s already bared neck in lue of an answer. Right over the half completed mark that he had left the month before. A growl emanated from him and Remus didn’t have it in him yet to curse himself for being so reckless. Not when Sirius gasped at the unexpected breaking of skin but hummed so happily when Remus brought his tongue over the bite to soothe the small hurt, the hand in Remus’s hair flexing and scratching lightly at his scalp.
Certainly not when Remus pulled away only inches to meet Sirius’s adoring gaze and slightly more subdued smile, pleasure and connection zinging through the both of them as the bite slowly began to close up and heal. But it would continue to leave a mark, would always be visible even after it stopped bleeding and the scab went away, and Sirius’s eyes were gentle and inquisitive, sated, when he seemed to fully realize what had just occurred between them. Remus having given him the second and last bite needed to seal their connection to eachother.
“Did you?” Sirius asked anyway, perhaps wanting to hear the confirmation from Remus himself instead of just relying on his own conclusion, and Remus nodded, felt himself form what must have been a very wolflike grin as he confirmed,
“You’re mine now, baby. All the way this time.”