Chapter 8
Under any different circumstances, Sirius would be elated to be out shopping with his Moony—holding his hand, being called ‘love’, Remus opening doors for him, almost like they were back to the way they were before Sirius had left—but in his current ones, Sirius didn’t quite know how to feel. He had just told Remus, his lovely, more than understanding Moons, that he was a vampire. That he had left him because of it, and at first Remus had reacted terribly. Yelled at him then left for a solid couple of hours. Sirius had thought that they were over, for real that time, cried and obsessively cleaned Remus’s entire living room, dining room, and kitchen to try to scrub off any remnants that Sirius may have left while he’d occupied those spaces before he was potentially asked to leave.
But then Remus had come back. Not only had he come back, but he had done so with a completely different attitude, sweet, gentlemanly, and loving like he had been when they were dating. Barely even a hint of anger left over. And sure, Remus still seemed tense, like he was holding something back—maybe that anger from earlier—but as Sirius tried on a variety of sparkly tops and corsets, and Remus insisted that he pay for all of them, Remus only appeared relaxed. Happy and content like he had erased all of their previous issues. And part of Sirius felt slightly on edge because of it. Like he would do one wrong thing and Remus would go back to being angry with him, feeling a bit anxious about the possibility of this all ending just as quickly and confusingly as it had begun.
But the longer he was out with Remus, his Moony’s warm hand on the small of his back guiding him into the shops, the more he let himself just enjoy the sensation of having him again. The more Sirius felt safe and cared for again, and that in itself was enough for Sirius to let go of whatever doubts he was harboring and tuck them away for later. It was indisputable that they both needed to talk about the elephant in the room, the dark shadow of Sirius’s secret, but Remus was finally smiling at him again, wide and amused as Sirius tried to convince him that he needed at least one ball gown in his closet at all times. (He had to be prepared to outshine all the guests at any last minute black tie event he may be invited to, obviously.) And that high heels were a far more practical shoe than Remus realized, to which Remus ended up ceding, saying,
“Whatever you say, Pads. Are you gonna get that corset? It looks real pretty on you,” gesturing to the one that Sirius was currently trying on. And Sirius wasn’t going to get the corset—a black sparkly one with tight boning and some delicate white pearl drops falling off of it in places—because he thought it was a bit too expensive, but now Remus was saying it looked pretty on him so he had to.
“I- it’s expensive Re,” Sirius tried to warn. He didn’t want Remus to spend too much money on him, his Moony had already gone to so much trouble to make Sirius’s stay more comfortable. But Remus simply shook his head in dismissal.
“Do you like it?” He countered, unfazed. And Sirius wanted to say yes, but he also felt bad about continuing to let Remus spoil him the way he had when Sirius wasn’t all that sure that he even deserved it.
“Moons-” Sirius protested somewhat weakly, but Remus was giving him the most gentle, patient smile and, somewhat begrudgingly, Sirius found himself caving. “…yeah, Re I do.” He admitted, because he did, he really did, and he liked it even more now that Remus had said it looked pretty on him. Remus nodded and seemed like he’d made his decision.
“Then get it anyway. Think of it as an apology for the yelling earlier. I shouldn’t have exploded on you. You didn’t deserve that, love.”
. . .
Year After Graduation, The Lupin’s Cottage:
It was Christmas Eve and Sirius was nervous as all hell because he was spending Christmas this year with Remus and his parents in their cottage in Wales. After Sirius’s quite literally scarring Christmas the year before, Remus had absolutely insisted that Sirius spend at least Christmas Eve at Remus’s. His boyfriend likely wanted to insure that Sirius didn’t go back to Grimmauld as well as that he had an enjoyable holiday.
Sirius had met Remus’s parents plenty of times, but he had never spent a holiday with them, with anyone else but the Potters a few times, and, well, the Blacks. Hope and Lyall were nice enough, he knew that. Hope always sent him home with extra food and even let him play with some of her makeup when he was younger. And Remus would be there the whole time too. Logically, there was no reason why Sirius should be nervous.
But still, he was standing outside of the door, hands quivering as he held the presents he had brought the three of them, trying to work up the nerve to knock on the door. Sirius hadn’t been sure how formal it would be—the Blacks always did a big corporate black tie gala and the Potters wore Christmas pajamas or whatever they woke up in, so he had only experienced the two extremes—, so Sirius had erred on the side of caution and dressed up, wearing a crimson long sleeve dress, matching heeled boots, and an expensive snowflake necklace to show that he was festive. He just hoped that he hadn’t vastly miscalculated and wouldn’t end up looking snobby walking in like that.
He also wasn’t sure if Remus’s parents knew that they were dating, which was why he had strategically chosen something with sleeves, so as to hide the tattoo he had gotten for his Moony and the obvious revelation of his affections. Sirius knew that they knew about Remus being gay, that Hope had been incredibly accepting of it and Lyall had taken a little while to come around but eventually accepted it too. And that they knew that Sirius was Remus’s friend, but now Sirius was questioning everything from his outfit to his presents and if he stood out in the cold any longer he was going to make himself late for dinner.
Anxiously, Sirius knocked on the door, Remus opening it a few seconds later in a woolen and somewhat worn out sweater and trousers. Shit, Sirius had overdressed. Remus smiled widely when he saw him, gesturing for him to come in then taking his coat, immediately telling him,
“You look lovely darling,” and giving him a brief but tender kiss when he saw that Sirius was nervous.
“Thanks Moons,” Sirius blushed. He always seemed to when Remus complimented him. “I think I overdressed.” He set down his bag of presents momentarily to give Remus a hug. Though honestly it was more for his sake than Remus’s. Sirius really just needed his Moony’s arms around him to soothe his somewhat fried nerves.
“Nonsense, Pads, Mum’ll love this. I can’t tell you how happy she is to have you here. She’s been wanting you over for ages.” Remus hugged him securely, taking away most of Sirius’s nerves, but not all of them. He opened his mouth to respond when the woman in question, Hope, came right around the corner and the words died in Sirius’s mouth.
The second Hope locked her eyes on him a large smile spread across her face and her arms opened widely for a hug.
“Oh, Sirius, sweetheart, you look so handsome!” She quickly enveloped Sirius in her arms. Hope was a small woman, a few inches shorter than Sirius, who was short enough in his own right, but she hugged him with the strength of someone twice her size.
“Um, hi Hope,” Sirius squeezed out as he hugged her back. “It’s nice to see you.” Sirius always tried to remember his manners around Hope because she was big on them, and wasn’t afraid to correct you if she thought you were acting improperly. She pulled back and immediately waved Sirius into the living room, and aimlessly—picking up his gifts to bring with him—, he followed her.
“It’s nice to see you too Sirius, it’s been far too long, and I’m so glad you could join us for the holidays.” Hope was wearing a somewhat formal dark green maxi skirt and a crisp white sweater, making Sirius feel at least a little better about his outfit choice. “Come with me, dinner’s almost ready.”
“Oh, um, I brought gifts.” Sirius somewhat awkwardly waved his gift bag, which was getting slightly heavy.
“That was so sweet of you dear, but you know you didn’t have to. Your presence here is a gift enough.” Sirius bit down on his tongue to keep himself from tearing up. He had forgotten how nice Remus’s family was. No one had ever told him that his presence was a gift before. Well, no one but Hope Lupin. “Remus, you’ll take Sirius’s gifts and set them under the tree,” Hope directed her son, Remus immediately moving to do so.
“Course Mum.”
Once dinner was on the table, Sirius sat next to Hope, who had insisted that he sit next to her, and he would be lying if he said his nerves weren’t through the roof. Even more so when Hope asked,
“So, is Remus treating you right? Being a proper gentleman and all? Do tell me if he isn’t dear, I’ll give him a talking to and set him straight.” Heavily implying that she knew that he and Remus were dating now. Remus didn’t seem fazed by it, didn’t react with anything but an embarrassed groan of “Mum,” but Sirius nearly spit his drink out. Instead he ended up choking on what he had in his mouth and coughing horrendously for nearly an entire minute.
“He- yes. Yes he is,” Sirius managed when he could actually speak again. “He’s very good to me. Probably even too good.” Sirius hadn’t really meant to say the last part aloud but it seemed to come out anyway, and he winced slightly when it did.
“I told you,” Remus mumbled from across the table.
“Well there’s no harm in asking,” Hope countered before turning back to Sirius. “Does he remember his manners? He ought to.”
“Merlin, Mum,” Remus groaned, but Sirius was quick to nod in the affirmative. No one treated him better than his Moony, Sirius didn’t even have to think about it.
“He’s very chivalrous. Always holds the door for me and pulls out my chair. Brings me food from the kitchens when I’m not feeling well and always lets me go in front of him for things. Re’s always been good to me.” Sirius answered honestly, sending Remus a bit of a shy smile across the table. A thank you of sorts, for being as good to him as he was.
It wasn’t long before they were in the living room again, around the Christmas tree, but before they could begin their miniature gift trade Remus pulled Sirius away to the stairwell for a quick aside.
He gave Sirius a brief kiss, an appreciative one, then pulled away only enough to kiss his forehead as well. It left Sirius feeling tingly and warm, even though the kiss had only lasted a few seconds. But Remus’s kisses always left him with that sensation.
“Thank you for what you said at dinner, love,” Remus smiled fondly at him, lips reddened from brushing across Sirius’s lipstick. “And I’m sorry about Mum, I tried to talk her down before you got here.”
“It’s okay, Moons. I just didn’t know that they… knew about us.” Remus chuckled and winced a bit.
“Yeah, that’s probably my fault. I told ‘em last year when we made it official. Da kept asking if I’d met any nice girls and I told him I’d met someone better, it didn't take them long to figure out it was you. Mum says I’m fairly obvious about it.” He admitted.
“You’re obvious about me, Moons? Goin’ round telling everyone how much you love me?” Sirius teased, wiggling his eyebrows and running a hand through Remus’s hair.
“Essentially,” Remus answered shamelessly, tugging Sirius in a bit closer so his arms were wrapped around his waist and holding him tight. Sirius couldn’t help but grin at that, and he swore his heart either sped up or skipped a beat. His Moony was bragging about him to anyone who would listen. “This dress is doin’ things to me though love. Before you leave I might have to fuck you in it.” Remus’s voice lowered significantly and Sirius shuddered. Remus ran a hand, warm and explorative, up Sirius’s stocking clad thigh until he reached bare skin, his fingers running appreciatively over it and creeping higher as he kissed up Sirius’s neck before he seemed to regain his control and let his hand fall away. And Sirius hadn’t realized how short his dress was until then because Remus hardly had to lift it up at all.
“Mm, but I have to make sure you open all your presents first.” Remus nearly whispered in Sirius’s ear, leaving Sirius longing for more of what his Moony had promised.
He whined a bit petulantly at the departure, pouted too, said something along the lines of “not fair Moons,” though Sirius couldn’t know for sure, but Remus only chuckled and gave him a single placating kiss that really wasn’t enough to placate anything, Sirius thought.
“Try not to get too worked up, love. Now we’d better get back. That is, if you’d like to be on my cock anytime soon.”
. . .
Present Day:
Sirius had ended up getting the corset. He had even changed into it right after Remus bought it for him, because he liked the way his Moony looked at him in it and he missed the days when he would wear something pretty and Remus would not only tell him just how stunning he looked but do something about it.
Sirius knew he was being greedy, and he certainly didn’t expect anything from Remus just because he looked nice, but he did notice how his Moony was touchier than usual when they crossed the street, leading Sirius by the small of his back, squeezing him by the waist when they turned a corner. How Remus let his eyes linger for longer on Sirius’s form, how Remus let more of those little pet names slip out, love and darling, and some scattered compliments that made Sirius glow from the inside out. But Remus had been sweet to him ever since he had gotten back from his drive so Sirius couldn’t be sure how much of it could be credited to the corset.
Before long they were in a thrift store, Sirius rummaging through both the men’s and women’s sections and building up quite the pile of things to try on when he was stopped dead in his tracks. He gasped, and loudly at the absolute miracle he had just beheld.
A 1992 vintage Vivienne Westwood cocktail dress in near perfect condition for only 15 dollars. Clearly whoever ran the store knew nothing about fashion. Sirius pulled it out before anyone else could consider taking it for themselves then declared to Remus that he was changing room ready.
“Oh that’s nice,” Remus remarked offhandedly when he saw the dress.
“It’s more than just nice Moons. It’s vintage Vivienne.” Sirius informed him before slipping into the changing room to try it on.
“I have no idea what that means love,” Sirius heard before he closed the curtain.
“That’s okay, you have other redeeming qualities,” Sirius gasped when he got the dress on and thought he might possibly faint from fashion euphoria. “MOONS IT FITS LIKE A GLOVE!!” He called out excitedly. The dress was a draped light pink silk that cinched him in around the waist with two pearl chains on each side that looped around his shoulders, the whole dress ending around mid thigh. It was a bit girly but Sirius had never found a dress that fit him better than this one did. Plus the light pink color made him look less pale than he really was, which he had become slightly self conscious of since the change. He felt like an upper east side socialite going to a gala. Or maybe even a princess.
“Do I get to see it then Pads? The vintage Vivienne?” Remus spoke and it was only then that Sirius realized that he’d been staring at himself in the mirror grinning like an idiot for Merlin only knows how long.
“Yeah, sorry-” Sirius was able to snap himself out of his trance and pull the curtain back, still grinning. Wearing this dress was the first time that Sirius had felt good about himself, really truly happy in himself for years. He just hoped that Remus didn’t think it was too feminine for him. He knew what his parents would think, they’d call him an array of slurs then probably disown him for a second time just for shame he was bringing to them by wearing it. But Sirius felt happy, felt confident, felt pretty, and he really wanted Remus to think he looked pretty too.
“I- I know it’s really… pink, and girly, but, what do you think?” Sirius asked hopefully. Remus made a contemplative ‘hm’ sound and looked him up and down.
“Spin for me,” he instructed casually. Sirius was more than happy to give his Moony a twirl. It wasn’t long after he had that Remus was gesturing for him to come closer then pulling Sirius onto his lap, Sirius still eagerly awaiting his answer.
“Moons?” He asked almost shyly when Remus’s hand landed securely on his hip.
“I think you look absolutely stunning, darling,” he spoke as he ran his hand smoothly up the fabric.
“I feel like a princess,” Sirius admitted with a smile. His Moony liked it just as much as he did. Remus’s hand moved to squeeze at his waist and Sirius nearly keened at the touch.
“What, on my lap?” Remus chuckled warmly. And that hadn’t been what Sirius had meant, but honestly it was accurate enough. It wasn’t as if for the years they were together Remus hadn’t treated him like a princess. Spoiled him with affection and love and made Sirius feel so safe and special and cared for. And after just a single afternoon of feeling that way again Sirius already desperately wanted the feeling back more permanently. Wanted his Moony back more permanently.
“In this dress, Re.” He softly corrected, though he couldn’t stop himself from adding, “but on your lap too.”
“Mm,” Remus placed a kiss over the soft spot of Sirius’s neck. “Then we’ll have to get it for you. After all you were sayin’ you needed a dress to outshine everyone in.” He scooted Sirius carefully off of his lap and stood him back up, stood up himself too then said, “why don’t you go find some pretty heels to go with it?” And Sirius rushed off to do exactly that.
. . .
By the time they got back to the cottage Sirius was very horny and just barely avoided demonstrating how much from Remus’s many compliments and more importantly, having his hands all over him. What had started on the shopping trip had continued in the car on the way back, with Remus’s hand going back to resting on his thigh like it had on the way there but this time rising up and toying with the hem of Sirius’s skirt. And that mixed with Remus already being very attractive when he drove was enough to put Sirius so close to over the edge.
He nearly popped a gasket when Remus insisted on bringing in all of Sirius’s many shopping bags by himself then handed Sirius the bag from the thrift store and told him,
“Why don’t you put your pretty little princess dress on?” In a way that was phrased like a question but was really more of a gentle direction to do so. Sirius was happy enough to and rushed upstairs to get changed, taking the bag with him. He was back down only a few minutes later in his dress and a pair of white heels he had found to go with it and Remus eyed him lustfully from the second he came down the stairs, beckoning Sirius over to him with his hand.
“You can’t fuck me in this one, Moons, don’t wanna ruin it.” Sirius said when he noticed the way Remus was looking at him. But who was he kidding? He would let Remus fuck him in anything, even vintage Vivienne Westwood. He’d let Remus ruin it too, if that meant he would fuck him. But Remus simply raised a brow and smirked.
“Who said I was going to fuck you in it? I think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself, Pads.” Sirius felt a hot wave of embarrassment rush over him.
“I- I thought-” Sirius flustered.
“I wanted you to change into your dress because I saw how happy you were in it at the store.” Remus held his chin lightly then let go. “But, no, Sirius. I wasn’t planning on fucking you in it.” And that was somewhat of a let down, especially after how Remus had been working him up for hours on end, maybe not even aware that he was doing it, but driving Sirius crazy nonetheless.
“Oh,” Sirius let out, trying not to sound too disappointed. “I understand. And thank you Re, for the clothes, and for- everything really.” Remus nodded rather humbly in acknowledgment and Sirius couldn’t help feeling like Remus did so much more for him than he was ever willing to admit. Remus took care of him in a way that could never be matched. It was irreplaceable, and yet to Remus, it was ordinary. Sirius wondered how it could be.
“Would you like to help me with dinner darling?” Remus offered, and maybe he was doing so to make up for letting Sirius down on the sex prospect, and that was embarrassing enough, but still, Sirius had been wanting to help and Moony had called him darling, so he jumped at the opportunity.
“Of course Moons,”
“Then put an apron on love, we wouldn’t want to ruin your dress,” Remus tossed over his shoulder casually, and Sirius was sure he hadn’t done it on purpose but the phrasing of that really fucking hurt. Remus wouldn’t want to ruin his dress. He used to think of Sirius’s dresses as collateral damage, think of ruining them as an accomplishment. As the end goal. But no, not anymore. Now Remus kept his hands to himself and refused to fuck Sirius in the nicest most polite ways that Sirius couldn’t possibly be mad at so he was just miserably disappointed instead. But he shouldn’t be. He should be grateful. For everything that Remus had given him, including what seemed to be a second chance at their friendship. But at the end of the day it wasn’t about everything that Remus gave him, that Sirius really was so incredibly grateful for. It was about Sirius simply wanting Remus himself. Wanting his Moony in every way he could have him. And friendship never being able to be enough.