Chapter 1
It had been three years. Three years since the article had come out and Sirius had run away without a word; run off to Merlin only knew where, abandoned all his friends, abandoned Remus. The one person Remus had promised to always be there for, to always accept and love, and Sirius had promised the same for him. Now Remus knew that those promises meant nothing. Not to Sirius Black, who had sprinted at the first sign of trouble and thrown Remus’s heart into their vitamix then pressed purée. Careless, callous and cold.
Remus should’ve known better. Should’ve known that Sirius was far too dangerous to keep. Should’ve known that three years after Sirius’ disappearance Remus would still be day drinking in the middle of his shabby living room feeling like a part of his soul was missing. That he would still be missing a man he had once thought was completely and utterly devoted to him, attempting to heal an open wound that he knew would never close, staring at the remnants of Sirius in his cottage that he could never bring himself to get rid of but desperately wanted to—deluding himself into thinking that Sirius had just gone out to the store, would be coming back any minute now. That he hadn’t left Remus’s sorry ass in the dirt, because that was too much for him to bear. Three years later and Remus still despised coming to terms with reality.
This was his punishment, Remus supposed for letting himself love someone as grand and celestial as Sirius, for believing that he could ever be enough for the man who always told him he was more than enough, for naively falling for every word that came out of Sirius’ mouth, each and every one of his pretty lies. So now Remus was here: slouching on his ratty old sofa drinking beer after beer and staring at the scratch marks still worn into the leather from when Padfoot used to jump up on it, Remus wishing he could smoke but knowing it would only make him feel worse because every time he did he was reminded of smoking with Sirius.
Smoking with Sirius and how his lithe fingers would wrap around the joint so elegantly, how his would throw his head back and laugh wholeheartedly at something Remus had said because Sirius always found him funnier when he was high, how Sirius would cuddle into him because he also got cuddly when he was high but he never liked to admit it, and how every time Remus would wrap his arms around Sirius’s scrawny body to hold him closer Remus was reminded that he didn’t eat enough. So no, Remus couldn’t smoke without Sirius. Not without reliving everything that he was already being haunted by, not without missing his star even more than he already missed him, worrying about where Sirius was and if he was safe, and certainly not without pitying himself because he likely wouldn’t ever be able to smoke with Sirius again or laugh as his star shoved himself underneath Remus’ sweater because he was cold “-and you’re so warm Moony” or even truly laugh at anything wholeheartedly again, and today he couldn’t take the additional pain.
Today was—no, would have been, Remus had to remind himself—their six year anniversary and Sirius was always over the top for anniversaries. Every year he did something more and more extravagant and Remus would act slightly put out by it, but secretly he thought it was adorable how excited his boyfriend would get when he pulled out all the stops. Every year Sirius would wake him up with scattered and joyous kisses, make breakfast for them and insist that he wasn’t planning anything crazy. Every year Remus would kiss him back and nod along, knowing very well that his star was absolutely planning something crazy, and then inevitably the crazy thing would occur and Remus would halfheartedly sigh and roll his eyes, all while smiling brightly as Sirius darted around asking “do you like it, Moons?”.
The year before he left him Sirius had gotten Remus what had to be almost a year’s supply of all of his favorite things “-so you never run out,” Sirius had said, because he knew that Remus hated running to the shops at the last minute when he ran out of things. Then Sirius had taken him to a partially completed bookstore that he had actually purchasedfor Remus because he knew he had always wanted to run his own independent book shop and Remus had blushed furiously through the entire experience and then sighed in earnest because it was far too extravagant, then far too horrible as he watched Sirius’ broad smile melt and his bright and overexcited eyes start brimming with tears.
Remus had felt his heart shatter as he had held his boyfriend to his chest, listening as Sirius had choked out “you- you- don’ like it Moons?” And Remus had felt like the worst person in the world for ever causing Sirius to hurt for so much as a second. He had then reassured Sirius that he very much did like it—that he loved it in fact—but that he just had a hard time accepting such large gifts from people and that that wasn’t Sirius’ fault, while he internally felt like shit for ruining their anniversary and making his star cry just like Walburga and Orion did.
Now Remus had switched from beer to whiskey and was wondering if that was the breaking point for Sirius, if after everything Sirius had done for him Remus had extinguished the ever shining light in Sirius’ eyes for the last time, if he had doused the fire within his precious star and Sirius finally figured out that Remus wasn’t worth all the worship and love he had given him without reservation. It was then that Remus decided that it was his own fault that Sirius left, and as much as he wanted to hate his star for leaving he knew that he would always hate himself more. Remus knew that Sirius leaving was always inevitable. He had simply been a fool for allowing himself to believe it wasn’t.
Remus only wished that he could hate his star—who wasn’t his star anymore, who hadn’t been for three fucking years, he had to remind himself—because maybe if he hated Sirius then he could stop loving him, although deep down he knew that he could never stop loving Sirius, that Sirius had bound Remus to him forever from the first time he had spoken to him in the train to Hogwarts. Even then, when Remus had thought Sirius to be an obnoxious posh boy who he supposedly only tolerated because he liked James and Peter, Remus couldn’t truly hate him. Even then, when Sirius had stared at him owlishly with his big hopeful eyes then hardened them whenever he thought someone was looking and Remus had thought it all to be so transparent (because he didn’t truly know Sirius, not yet) he secretly found Sirius’ owlish stares endearing.
Even after Sirius had broken his heart the first time by kissing him in dark corridors only to declare that he wasn’t gay and kiss Mary McDonald right in front of him, Remus still loved Sirius. He had stormed away and ignored Sirius for weeks, even giving Padfoot a nasty injury as Moony on a full moon because of his anger. But as soon as he had transformed back, James and Peter both in the shack with him, Peter worried sick and James concerned with blood on his shirt—Sirius nowhere to be found—Remus had regretted everything. James had explained what happened to him, “it seemed like a pretty big cut Rem- bleeding a lot-probably not as bad as it looked though- he left after you started coming back, think he’s with Pomfrey now- ‘least that’s where I took him- gotta check the map to make sure he’s still there…” and Remus had instantly lost all of the anger he had felt for Sirius, thrown his clothes on and ran down to the infirmary the second James had confirmed that was where he was, guilt eating him alive.
. . .
Hogwarts, 6th year:
Remus was convinced he had never run faster in his life when not in wolf form. His joints ached and he was bleeding out of a handful of places from the transformation but he didn’t care, he could barely feel it. Guilt and concern consumed Remus’ mind as all he thought about was Sirius. Sirius, who he had hurt. Sirius who he could’ve killed. James had said it was bad, but how bad was it? He knew James would sugar-coat it so Remus wouldn’t feel as badly about what had happened and how monstrous he was, so he knew he couldn’t trust James’ word on this. James knew that Remus would blame himself and then hate himself for this so he had downplayed the injury’s severity, but Merlin—if what James had told him was the mild version of things...
Remus would never forgive himself for this. He would never forgive the wolf for this, and he would never let Sirius tell him that the wolf was harmless again. Not after he could have destroyed his best friend just because he was bitter about being rejected. But none of his self-pity mattered now. Not when he was finally around the corner from the infirmary—which he nearly smacked into due to his rush, but that wasn’t important. Nothing could be as important as making sure Sirius was okay.
Remus began to run faster as his limbs cried out in pain now that he could see the infirmary and that was when he decided that he didn’t care if Sirius forgave him, if Sirius never wanted to speak to him again and married Mary for Merlin’s sake, as long as Sirius was alive. As long as Sirius was okay. He really fucking needed Sirius to be okay.
Remus finally slowed his speed right before he got to the door of the infirmary and didn’t bother knocking as he swung it open, walking quickly to Madam Pomfrey’s office where he (very impressively) did knock on the door, opening it the second he heard her prompt him to come in. But right as he did he caught something out of the corner of his eye that could only be Sirius. Black hair, pearlescent skin and the crimson stain of blood. He managed to tell Pomfrey that it was a relatively easy moon with minimal injuries when she asked, which sounded wrong because it was wrong, but after catching a glimpse of Sirius and seeing blood on him, Remus didn’t have the time or will to be honest, or to worry about something as trivial as his own health. He hardly heard anything else Pomfrey had said to him before nodding in thanks and turning to his right to stride fiercely towards Sirius’ bed—which had the curtains only partially drawn around it, revealing Sirius’s face and feet but not where he guessed the full extent of the damage was.
As Remus got closer he saw Sirius turn his head and blink groggily before giving him a bright smile and stifling a groan then weakly exclaiming, “Mooooons…”, really dragging the nickname out. Remus smiled in return because he couldn’t see quite how bad it was yet, but at least Sirius was alive and himself… and maybe not mad at him?
When Remus did see how bad it was however, his heart dropped. It wasn’t as bad as he had been picturing in his head, but it was still a decent sized gash, and one that would certainly leave a scar. It was bandaged up, but Remus could still see that it went all the way from Sirius’ shoulder to mid stomach and there was a swath of blood on his face that looked left-over from the cut itself and not bleeding on its own. That was good at least. He would still hate himself for this but Sirius would survive. Remus could live with that, as horrible as it was.
“Sirius, are you all hopped up on painkillers?” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. Not ‘I’m so sorry, Sirius’ or ‘Are you okay, Sirius’ and Remus cursed himself for that. He had been so thrown off guard by Sirius’ cheery greeting that he hadn’t even asked him how he was doing (not that Sirius would tell him honestly anyway, but still.)
“Nooo,” Sirius stated happily, “only some pain relieving cream. ‘M doing so well I don’ need painkillers. Only needed my Moony.” Remus winced internally at that, because he wasn’t Sirius’ Moony, not really. Sirius only called him that out of habit, as if he and Mary weren’t- but Remus refused to be mad at Sirius right then. Not after what he had done to him.
“Fuck, Sirius, I’m so sorry. I never should’ve- Merlin, I’m so glad you’re kind of okay- I can’t believe I- are you okay, because you don’t really look it but at least you’re not- Sirius I’m so goddamn sorry,” Remus got out in what felt like a single breath. Sirius extended his hand with his palm up towards Remus and Remus took it without hesitation. If this was what Sirius needed right now he would give it to him.
“I thought you would be mad at me,” Sirius responded, pointedly avoiding Remus’ questions. “Didn’t think you’d show up and you did and you’re not mad at me.” A few tears escaped his eyes and Remus shook his head then wiped them from Sirius’s cheeks, taking a seat on the bed and leaning down so that their foreheads could meet. Remus knew that Sirius needed physical contact right now, that he always needed it more when he was upset, and Remus would give that to him, especially now that he knew he wasn’t mad at him.
“No, Pads,” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’s forehead. “Not anymore. You’re all I care about, making sure you’re okay.” Typically Remus wouldn’t be so emotionally vulnerable but he knew that Sirius needed to hear that to be reassured and Remus refused to let anymore tears fall from Sirius’s eyes because of him. He pulled back enough to see his friend’s face and make sure it was clear that he meant everything he’d said. “None of that matters right now,” he stated firmly, “I hurt you so now I’m going to make it better. I’m not mad at you, Pads. I promise I’m not and you know I wouldn’t lie to you. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” Sirius gave him a wet smile and squeezed his hand.
“I really missed you, Moons. I hate it when you’re mad at me” Sirius frowned before starting again. “But you were right to be. I shouldn’t a’ kissed Mary. Just wanted to make you jealous, get your attention.” He frowned again then pouted a bit before continuing. “All the girls like you so much Moony- always goin’ on about how nice and smart and charming you are. You’re always so caught up in school… It was a stupid idea anyway. I didn’t even wanna kiss Mary really, but she and Lils- no I said I wouldn’t tell. She was doin’ it for the show too. Just wanted your reaction really, tried to make it all obvious and everything. Thought you would shove her off and take me upstairs or something but you didn’t. You were really mad Re, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t- just wanted- wanted you- not Mary, Moons, promise. Please don’t be mad.” Sirius tapered off into wet sniffles and hiccups so Remus quickly laid down on the bed and pulled Sirius into his arms.
“Hey,” Remus soothed softly, “stop that. I told you I wasn’t mad and I’m not going to be. I didn’t know all of that, Pads, and while I wish you would’ve talked to me if you wanted some attention instead of kissing Mary it’s all forgotten now. Try and take some deep breaths. Can you do that for me?” Remus knew he had to cut Sirius off early when he started spiraling so while he did want to talk about the Mary situation a bit more, now wasn’t the time for it. Besides he hardly had a right to ask about that after what he had just done to Sirius.
Sirius started to take some shaky breaths with Remus’s encouragement then nuzzled more deeply into his chest, smushing into him as if he was afraid that at any moment Remus would vanish. Remus wrapped both his arms around Sirius and squeezed him just about as hard as he dared to without hurting him. For a while it was quiet and Remus assumed Sirius had fallen asleep with his closed eyes and steady breathing, but after a good chunk of comfortable silence Sirius opened his eyes and looked up at him.
“I really am sorry Rem,” He whispered with fragility, staring into Remus’s eyes absolutely guilt ridden. Remus pressed his hands to both sides of Sirius’s face gently.
“No,” he insisted firmly. “No more apologies. I forgive you Sirius. I forgive you forever, okay? I don’t want to hear any more about this.” But instead of looking relieved at Remus’s declaration Sirius only looked sad.
“Not- about,” Sirius’s voice broke and he tried again. “Not about Mary. About being here. About letting you hurt me. It was my fault Re- I jumped in front of you and I knew- I know that you’re not yourself when you’re- during the moons. But I thought, I thought it didn’t matter, that maybe I deserve to be hurt, that maybe you wouldn’t be so mad at me if I could show you that. An’ Moony was already mad anyway and I was just tired of you ignoring me- so I just-. I’m sorry Moons. I shouldn’t’ve.” Sirius’s eyes were downcast now as he suddenly found Remus’s shirt buttons very interesting. Remus took a deep breath knowing he had to handle this delicately. This time he actually was fairly angry, but being angry right now would do far more harm than good.
“Sirius,” he started as steadily and calmly as he could, “trying to get me to hurt you-” Remus brought his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose and took in another breath. He silently cursed Orion and Walburga Black to hell. “You never deserve to be hurt. Ever. I know that they made you think that you do but that’s because they are cruel and monstrous and always wrong. I can’t act as if I’m happy with this, I’m not, but you are not to blame. I’m not myself when I’m like that. This is the wolf’s fault Sirius. Not yours.” At this Sirius curled into himself and pulled a bit away from Remus, as if he didn’t believe him. Or maybe he just didn’t want to blame anyone but himself for what happened. Remus could understand that well enough, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Maybe it was a double standard but honestly Remus really didn’t care.
. . .
Present Day:
Just when Remus was resigning himself to a night of likely restless sleep—tidying his living room just enough and walking towards the stairs that led up to his bedroom—there was a banging at his door. It was raining heavily out and Remus couldn’t imagine who could possibly be outside both at this late hour and in this weather. The knocking came again and Remus sighed and made his way to the door—opening it to reveal the last person he would’ve ever expected to see again.
Sopping wet, shivering, but fixed with a gigantic grin when Remus opened the door, Remus was met with the same silver-gray eyes and sharp but delicate features he had thought he had lost three years ago. He was paler than Remus remembered him, but then again that could just be the cold outside. Still, he looked different in a way Remus couldn’t describe.
“Sirius,” Remus breathed, the wind feeling very much knocked out of him. He didn’t know how to feel about Sirius’s arrival: furious, or relieved. Some part of him healing and a bigger part breaking once again. Sirius’s eyes were as bright as ever and internally Remus was glad to see he hadn’t succeeded in dimming the light inside of them. Nor that had he permanently stolen his star’s joy, as he looked so filled with it in the moment—although Remus couldn’t possibly imagine why, storm clouds circling above them like the dark but belated omen of Sirius’s return.
“Hey Moons,” Sirius answered—bright and shining grin still in place—and Remus was hit with the realization of how goddamn selfish he was to show up there fucking grinning like the last three years had never happened. Irritation swelled up in Remus as all the parts of him that Sirius had shattered like shards of glass swelled up and broke once again. But at least Sirius was okay…
No, Remus decided, he shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. Not after all that he had done to him.
“It’s good to see you-” Sirius started but Remus cut him off with a wave of his hand.
“It’s been three fucking years Sirius. You left without a word, and now you want to stand here like none of that shit happened?” Remus sighed heavily as he watched the smile drop off Sirius’s face, part of him thinking good because he didn’t deserve to stand there and smile after ripping Remus’s heart to shreds, but another part of him mourning the loss of his star’s beautiful brightness leaving him—wishing he hadn’t have been the one to force it away. “Why are you here?” He finished and Sirius had the nerve to look hurt. Like Remus had just found one of his bruises and pressed on it. Like Sirius hadn’t expected him to and now he didn’t know what to say.
“I-” Sirius started, the hurt fading away slowly as he spoke and Remus thought maybe he had just caught him off guard. And that maybe it was good that he did. “It’s our anniversary.” Sirius provided somewhat lamely, looking down like he had just realized how stupid it sounded. But stupid or not, Remus wasn’t strong enough to deny him.
“Come inside,” he insisted as his brain caught up with the fact that Sirius was currently standing in an onslaught of freezing cold rain. And like it or not Remus could never be vengeful enough to leave him in it.
Sirius furrowed his brows, reared his head back a bit in surprise, but quickly enough took him up on his invitation, following Remus into the small cottage with what Remus could’ve sworn was a hint of a smile.
“You’ll catch a chill from being out in that rain.” He was hardly aware of himself saying as he tossed a towel in Sirius’s general direction.
“I don’t mind it too much.” Sirius trailed in, bringing his sopping wet clothing and a significant amount of water droplets in with him. Not that Remus noticed. He was too busy going to his bedroom to fetch some dry clothes, then to the kitchen to find something warm for Sirius to eat.
Remus was still angry with him, the star that had shot down from the sky just to explode in his living room. Was still resentful that he left and irritated that he had the audacity to turn up without so much as a warning or an explanation, but Remus would be damned if he didn’t take care of Sirius anyway. It might’ve been a force of habit, but Remus couldn’t imagine a day when he wouldn’t drop everything to attend to Sirius. Regardless of if he’d previously taken his heart and smashed it into a million crystallized pieces.
Shoving a handful of dry clothes that Remus had randomly picked out from his closet—a comfortable brown sweater and a pair of Sirius's old jeans that he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of—into Sirius’s arms a little too roughly, he almost fucking lost it when Sirius let out a soft little gasp at his movements. Fuck, Sirius could not be getting in his head already. The boy had only been there for less than five minutes.
“Well I do,” Remus got out gruffly. “Change. I won’t have you freeze to death.” He didn’t sound at all amiable, rather about as off-kilter as he felt, Sirius messing with his head more and more every second he was inside what had previously been his very peaceful—though admittedly quite depressing—home.
Immediately, Sirius obeyed, taking a look at the garments before changing right in front of him. Remus had hoped, for his own sake, that Sirius would do so in the bathroom—or really anywhere out of his sight—because the sight of his smooth aristocratic legs, and then his perky little ass (that Remus had a great view of considering that Sirius was wearing women’s panties) was testing his self restraint just like he suspected that Sirius had wanted to.
Sirius slid on his old pair of jeans, still as skin tight as they had been years ago, then removed his shirt, and Remus about lost it again at the sight of his sinfully slutty little waist. He took a long moment to examine the sweater that Remus had picked out for him, in no real rush to put it on yet, and hummed approvingly at it. Sirius had to be doing this on purpose.
“You brought me one of my favorites,” Sirius commented airily before slowly pulling it over his head and letting the fabric fall down, smiling endearingly when it did. “Thanks, Moons.” And there he was, smiling like his world revolved around Remus as if nothing had happened. As if he had never left and shattered Remus in doing so. Almost as much as he was shattering Remus by standing across from him in one of his favorite of Remus’s sweaters that sloped somewhat off his shoulder and hit a little past mid thigh on him, not even close to his size.
“You have to eat. Or have some tea at least.” Remus spoke abruptly, shaking himself out of his increasingly lustful stupor and sharply turning into the kitchen. Sirius bobbed his head obediently and followed him, and fuck, that did not help at all.
Seconds later Sirius was standing awkwardly beside Remus as he tried his absolute hardest to just focus on preparing him tea. Every once in a while Sirius stepped forward and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, do something, help maybe.
Remus put up with it three times before he started feeling itchy underneath his skin and decided to put an end to it.
“Re can I-” Sirius actually spoke up that time but Remus interrupted him far before he could finish.
“No, you can’t. Go sit down while I make your goddamn tea. And do me a favor and stop acting like the last three years didn’t happen while you’re at it.” He spoke more harshly than he perhaps meant to, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret his words when Sirius looked like he had just now realized that that was what he was doing. But Remus did regret them when he saw the guilt and hurt that filled Sirius’s previously glowing eyes.
“I just wanted to help,” Sirius’s voice was small, defeated. But he did sit down, shuffled around on one of Remus’s ratty barstools and stayed silent for a bit, allowing Remus to almost forget that he was there, until he made himself known again.
“I never meant to hurt you. By leaving.” Remus sighed in anger, at Sirius’s stupidity, at how that mixed with his regardlessly still charming naïveté. The genuine regret in his voice that made Remus furious at how it was getting him so much closer to forgiving him.
But not close enough. Not yet.
“Sirius, what did you think it would do?” Remus got out exasperatedly.
“I-” Sirius opened his mouth and then closed it again, knitting his brows together like he was either unhappy that Remus had caught him or trying to decide if he should say something. Remus sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Here, just drink your tea.” He slid the cup across the counter and watched as Sirius frowned but drank it.
“Thanks.” He got out softly. But this time he didn’t add the ‘Moons’. Remus kicked himself internally when he found that he missed it, heart sinking a bit in its absence.
He found himself wondering how long Sirius had been out in the rain—his hair clearly soaked through—, but more importantly, why Sirius had come back now. Remus knew it had nothing to do with their anniversary.
He watched Sirius in silence, mostly because he couldn’t bring himself to say anything—couldn’t think of anything to say in the first place. Nothing would heal the gap between them. Sirius acting as if it didn’t exist certainly didn’t.
So Remus just observed as Sirius elegantly sipped his tea, allowed himself for a moment to pretend that the painful years of heartbreak and isolation hadn’t passed between them, that Sirius had come home to Remus after only a few hours instead. It was easy enough to, even with his wet hair and noticeable discomfort with the silence between them, Sirius fit right in like he always had.
Knees to his chest in Remus’s warm wool sweater, there was a certain type of home about him that really did make it feel like he’d never left. He was still wearing the necklace that Remus had given him on the last anniversary that they had spent together: a moon and star side by side, and visibly laying flat on Sirius’s exposed collarbone.
There were still traces of Remus on him, and it tugged at Remus’s heart that they had lingered all this time. That Sirius had never fully let him go. Not completely. Even if for all intents and purposes he had abandoned him without a second thought and disappeared like it was nothing to him. Like Remus was nothing to him.
But the back and forth between what was and what could be was giving Remus whiplash so he forced himself to get out of the game before it could do any more damage. Sirius, however, seemed intent on pulling him right back in.
“I missed you, y’know. While I was gone,” Sirius put down his teacup, almost done with it, “I know I shouldn’t say it, that you won’t want to hear it from me. But it’s true, I did. I thought about you every day if you care about that.” He gazed up at Remus hopefully, guiltily still, but eyes innocently wide in some sort of prayer that Remus couldn’t even begin to decipher.
“I really don’t know what you expect of me, Sirius,” Remus took his nearly empty teacup from him, uncaring that he hadn’t finished, “you can stay here until you can find somewhere else, but it doesn’t all go away just because you want it to.” Remus rinsed out the cup and hand washed it in a blur, desperate to get out of the tiny room that had far too much of Sirius in it. But that was always Sirius, shining so brightly that he was near impossible to ignore. Except that Remus had every intention to.
“Re-” Sirius started, but Remus simply shook his head in dismissal.
“I’m going to bed. I can’t do any more of this tonight,” It was still somewhat early, but Remus was fast approaching his limit for Sirius’s innocent and hopeful eyes, his slight pout and unreasonable smiles, and needed definitively to get away from it. To flee before Sirius could devastate him any further. “You can take the couch. Blankets are in the cupboard.”
Remus turned on his heel to go upstairs to the bedroom. Part of him wanted to offer Sirius the bed instead with the sorry state he was in, but the bitter part of him felt no remorse in leaving him on the couch. Even though the storm outside was worsening and it would be much louder downstairs than up. Even though Sirius never did well in storms and likely wouldn’t be able to sleep through the night.
No, Remus had to get out of there before he started feeling too sorry for him. This was the man who had taken his heart and ripped it into shreds. He didn’t deserve to take comfort in Remus’s arms after doing so.
. . .
The rain was coming down in sheets now, thunder and lighting loud, heavy, and vicious even from the sanctuary of Remus’s bedroom. He tried to ignore it, he wasn’t the one with the fear of exceptionally loud noises and storms that wouldn’t let up after all, but something was keeping Remus up. Worry for Sirius was keeping Remus up. Undeserved worry, but worry nonetheless, and Remus could hardly close an eye without the thought overtaking him.
Not even a day back and Remus was already at his star’s beck and call.
For his own sake, and for his own sake only, Remus determined he would head downstairs to make himself a cup of tea before going back to bed. And if he happened to see Sirius soundly asleep while he did, so be it. It was just to put his mind at rest. It was just because he needed his sleep. That was all.
But when he went to open his bedroom door he was surprised to see Sirius right outside of it, hand up like he was just about to knock.
Remus raised a brow and Sirius stepped aside quickly. He looked shaken up, still just as pale as he had been when he arrived, and overly alert of every sound and movement both outside and in.
“I wasn’t going to come up,” Sirius started before Remus could begin to question him, his voice shaky in a way it rarely ever was. “I know it’s selfish. ‘Nd that you probably hate me and you need your sleep, but-”
A harsh clap of thunder came sequentially with a murderous bolt of lightning that shook the whole house. Without a second thought, Remus waved him in.
“It’s okay Pads. You can sleep with me tonight.”