bad idea, right?

On Saturday, Evan went to Hogsmeade with Bella Hope. 

The entire walk down to the gates, Barty was scowling, just as he had that morning while they were getting ready, and the night before at dinner, and on Thursday while they were playing chess. Evan wasn’t quite sure what Barty was so mad about. Sure, Evan had gotten a date, which helped him for the bet, but Barty had a date with Allegra Vane himself. Courtesy of Evan’s now bleached-blonde hair. 

Evan wasn’t quite sure how to feel about his new hair. Actually, he did now how to feel. He felt, honestly, confident as fuck. That was what he felt unsure about.

Evan had never been particularly confident. He’d been a shy boy growing up, never speaking out of turn or raising his voice. He’d been mischievous and a troublemaker, yes, but never so openly so. Even once he got to Hogwarts and began spending more time with Regulus and Barty, he never seemed to get much louder. Evan was, in all regards, rather soft spoken. He could tease and banter and taunt his friends, and he wasn’t shy anymore, but he wasn’t eager for a whole lot of attention either. He’d tried to stay mostly under the radar during his time at Hogwarts so far, which was no easy task considering the constant ruckus his friends made. 

But for the first time in his life, Evan wasn’t being noticed for his friends. No, Evan was being noticed for Evan. He’d never had trouble with girls. They’d always seemed to rather like him, even when he showed little interest back. But he’d never had so many people stare at him, throw flirtatious looks over their shoulders. The problem was, Evan liked how he looked now. He liked looking in the mirror and seeing himself as an adult, as a man. Evan had spent the first part of his life trying not to care about how he looked. But with his daily mind-clearing runs, his new hair, and the jewelry Pandora now forced him the wear, Evan felt - no, he knew - he was attractive. And he didn’t really know what to do with that. Because no matter how many girls smiled at him, or the double-takes that people did when he walked into the Great Hall that first day after the haircut, or even the (small) ego he was growing when he looked in the mirror, it still felt like he was waiting for the right person to notice. The problem was, he had no idea who the fuck that person was.

So in the meantime, Evan walked with a little more confidence than he did before. Perhaps he should’ve felt shallow for letting something as stupid as a haircut and some jewelry make him feel fit. He’d always laughed at Barty and Regulus for being obsessed with their looks, taking time to fix their hair each morning. But, Merlin, he was a seventeen-year-old Slytherin. Could you blame him?

He met Bella outside the gates. She looked quite pretty, Evan had to admit. She was wearing a blue sweater that made her eyes sparkle, and Evan told her as such. He knew how to turn on the charm when he needed to.

“Already flirting, Rosier?” she quipped, but her cheeks flushed and Evan could tell she was pleased at the compliment.

“You wish. Let’s go?”

They set off down the path, a few paces behind Allegra and Barty, who seemed to be in an animated conversation about Felix Felicis. Barty was trying to convince Allegra that it was perfectly fair to use it before a date.

“ — but you’re not even actually impressing them then, you’re just—”

“ —it’s not like it makes you turn into a whole different person. Just a boost of confidence, tha–”

“ —but what’s the point of dating them if you aren’t confident enough to even have a normal conversation. That’s not authen–”

“ —how is that not authentic? Your conversations are still yours, just an extra bit of char–”

“Barty. Did you take Felix Felicis before this date?”

“I’m appalled at the accusation. Why would I compromise the integrity of this date?”

“So you agree? It compromises the integrity.”

“I always agreed. I just wanted to try arguing the other side.”

“God, you are impos–”

Seemed like they were having a great time, then. Good for Barty, Evan thought. Allegra was beautiful, and intelligent, and interesting. And as much as Evan hated to admit it, Barty was all those things too. Well, intelligent and interesting, at least. Evan had no idea if he was beautiful or not, obviously. He deserved someone like that, though. And, yes, maybe something about Allegra and Barty rubbed Evan the wrong way. Probably because it started from a bet. Yeah, that must’ve been it. But regardless, if they were happy, Evan was happy for them. Ecstatic, even.

“Evan?” Bella asked, and he turned to her.

“Yeah?”

“I was asking what you wanted to do in Hogsmeade.”

“Oh,” Evan replied, shaking himself out of his weird train of Barty-thoughts. “whatever you want to do. I’m not particular.” 

That wasn’t entirely true. Evan usually spent his Hogsmeade weekends in the bookstore, looking for new things to read at night. Evan wasn’t a particularly good sleeper, and he’d often stay up reading until his eyes finally closed.

Bella laughed. “Evan, if this is your attempt to hide your swot-iness from me, I already know you spend hours in the bookstore. I’ve seen you there.”

Evan turned in surprise. Wow, he hadn’t realized Bella was so observant. Perhaps there was more to her than he had thought.

“Been following me, Hope?” Evan asked teasingly.

“This may be hard to believe, Evan, but other people besides you read.”

Evan gasped in mock surprise. “You’re kidding. I thought it was just me.”

“Oh, shut up. Is that a yes to the bookstore?”

Evan smiled at her. “It’s always a yes to the bookstore.”

When they arrived at the bookstore, Bella glanced at Evan unsurely. 

“So, do you want to just look around, or…”

Evan racked his brain, trying to remember something Remus told him, months ago.

“You know, Lupin told me that, sometimes, he and Sirius will come to the bookstore and pick out a favorite book for the other to read.”

“That sounds fun, actually. Should we try it?”

“Meet back here in 15?”

Bella nodded, and Evan headed towards the fiction section, already knowing what he wanted to get. Being a pureblood like him, Evan assumed Bella hadn’t read much Muggle literature. To be fair, he wouldn’t have either, if not for Remus’s constant recommendations. But he immediately knew what to get Bella. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. He’d read it over the summer, Remus’s worn down copy stuffed into the bottom of his trunk. He’d absolutely loved it, getting completely immersed in the wild story. Evan had a feeling Bella would love it just as much as he did. She seemed to have the same hidden wildness inside her that he did. 

Fifteen minutes later, they met at the front of the store to exchange books. Evan took a glance at Bella’s choice, surprised when he recognized it as a Muggle book. Pride and Prejudice. Evan had remembered hearing about it from Remus once, who pretended he hadn’t liked the whirlwind romance, but promptly was seen tearing up in the library as he finished it. Evan smiled to himself, shaking his head. Remus Lupin was truly an enigma. 

As Evan held Frankenstein out for Bella to take, her eyes lit up. 

“I’ve been wanting to read this!” she exclaimed. “Lupin recommended it to me!”

Evan smiled. “I’m assuming that’s where you got the Pride and Prejudice suggestion from too?”

“Yeah. He’s really turning us wizards over to Muggle literature, huh?”

Evan grinned sheepishly. “I can’t help it. It’s so interesting how muggles create their own magic in a magicless world. And, honestly, I was getting tired of reading the endless stories of Beedle the Bard.”

Bella matched his smile. “You can say that again.”

They swapped books and decided to head to the Three Broomsticks, wanting to start the first chapter of their books and discuss.

As they settled down at a table and opened their books, Evan spotted Barty and Allegra out of the corner of his eye. They were at a table in the corner, Barty telling some elaborate story with his hands flying around while Allegra giggled. Merling, did Barty always have to be so…Barty? It’s like no matter where you were, if you were in a 10-foot radius of him, you just had to be looking at him. It’s not like Evan wanted to. No, he definitely didn’t want to be looking at Barty. He just couldn’t help it. It wasn’t just him, he was sure. Barty just had this magnetism to him, this life that made you want to watch him. He was one of the most alive people Evan had ever met, which was remarkable in itself considering Barty’s upbringing. Evan knew he couldn’t help it. It was just what made Barty, well, Barty. But, Merlin, it made it so fucking difficult for Evan to focus on anything else but Barty’s stupid floppy brown hair that Evan was always itching to push out of his eyes, and those stupid dark brown eyes that were practically always taunting him, and that smirk that Evan wanted to slap off his face all the time. 

So instead Evan focused his attention back to the first few chapters of Pride and Prejudice, trying not to think about how much the arrogant, infuriating Mr. Darcy reminded him of Barty, if Barty knew how to shut up every now and then. And when that didn’t work, he shut the book loudly, startling Bella from her reading.

“Evan, I love this book. You have to let me bother you with all my thoughts as I finish it.”

“Please do. I hate not having anyone to talk about books with. Regulus only reads tortured French poetry, and Barty has a photographic memory and therefore feels no need to read ever.”

“A photographic memory?” Bella asked, almost enviously. 

“I know, right?” Evan replied. “The bastard never even needs to study. Gets top marks without even trying.”

“Are you really complaining about now getting top marks, Mr. Top-of-his-Class?”

Evan knocked her shoulder playfully. “Hey, I study for those marks. And anyways, I’m nowhere near as insane as Barty. The idiot took all 12 O.W.Ls.”

“No fucking way. Crouch?”

Evan tried not to chuckle at her incredulous tone. He loved watching people find out how infuriatingly smart Barty was. Evan used to be jealous, but he’s long accepted that that’s just Barty. Infuriatingly good at everything he does. To Evan’s luck, though, Barty rarely tries, save for his O.W.Ls in fifth year, allowing Evan to remain towards the top of the class. He knows Barty would be up there with him, if not ahead, except for his genuine disregard for turning in his assignments on time. Evan knows that Barty does it, mostly, to piss off his father, but he can’t help but be a little bit irritated every time Barty sacrifices his potential just to make a point. 

Bella and him sit there in the Three Broomsticks for an hour more, chatting about the books they’re reading and the classes they’re taking. Evan realized that Bella wasn’t just intelligent, she was funny and interesting. He wasn’t quite sure he was attracted to her, though he hadn’t really tried, but she seemed like a good friend, at least. He hoped this date wouldn’t ruin that.

Seemed like he was saying that a lot lately. This bet was more trouble than it was worth.

By the time they left, Evan realized Barty and Allegra had disappeared too. Barty had probably taken her to one of his many Hogsmeade snogging spots, and Evan felt slightly disgusted at the thought. He did not want to think about Barty snogging Allegra Vane. Because Barty was his friend. Gross.

As he walked Bella back up to the castle, their conversation grew quieter, as they fell into amicable silence. At the gates, they paused, as Bella looked up at him.

“I had fun today, Evan.”

Evan smiled at her. “I had fun, too.”

She stared at him for a second, clearly expecting him to kiss her. He knew he should’ve. He just didn’t particularly want to. He felt like an asshole. No, he was an asshole. But the thought of kissing Bella positively sickened him. 

He wasn’t sure what had happened. He’d never been particularly attracted to any of the girls at Hogwarts, sure, but he’d snogged quite a few, even shagged one or two. But lately, he’d realized he had never really wanted to. Maybe it was the bet that made him realize. Because while Barty had been having a blast, running around and flirting, Evan had just felt, well, gross. He liked the flirting, sure, but anything past that, with one of the Hogwarts girls? Sounded like Evan’s worst nightmare.

As he wandered through the castle, he became lost in his thoughts, trying to pinpoint the exact moment he stopped wanting to snog these girls. Or, for that matter, had he ever wanted to. Until he ran into a wall. Or, rather, a human wall.

Evan stared up at Benjy Fenwick, a seventh year Ravenclaw. Benjy was one of the rare blokes at Hogwarts who was taller than Evan, though only by a inch or so. Benjy was quite classically handsome, like your heartthrob white movie star. All sandy hair and green eyes, which blinked down at Evan curiously.

“Rosier. You should watch where you’re going. Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty head of yours,” he said, but his smile held a teasing quality to it.

Evan wasn’t sure what overcame him, but he decided to tease back.

“Must’ve gotten lost in your eyes, Fenwick.”

Benjy blinked for a second, startled, before recovering.

“Are you flirting, Rosier?” he said, tutting. “I’ve got to say, I didn’t expect for you to realize it so quickly.”

“Realize what?” Evan asked blankly.

Benjy smiled at him pityingly. “Rosier, I’ve seen you watch Quidditch matches. You’re a smart boy, you can figure it out.”

Evan stared at him, absolutely lost. What was he going on about? Quidditch matches?

As he walked away, Benjy winked at him, shooting him another smirk. Evan’s stomach flipped, and he felt his heart beating in his chest. That was odd. What had happened to his newfound confidence? How had Benjy done away with it with one stupid smirk?

Walking back towards the Slytherin dungeons, Evan couldn’t seem to forget Benjy’s green eyes, sparkling at him as he teased Evan. Or his sandy blonde hair. Or the way he’d made Evan’s stomach flip and mouth go dry with his sly smirk. Or his–

Holy fucking shit.

Evan opened the door to his dorm to find Regulus sprawled on his bed, a book of poems dangling from his fingers.

“Regulus,” Evan started, his voice shaking. “I think I might be gay.”

“Merlin,” Regulus drawled, “it’s about fucking time.”