Remus smiles into his mug as Grant takes a picture of him. They are here to celebrate their wedding anniversary. When Grant showed him the plane tickets Remus hesitated. Yes, France was a large country but there was still the fear that he would run into a certain someone from his past there. In the end, the excitement on his lover's face had been enough to convince him to go. They would only be staying for two weeks and he was almost certain that the man he was avoiding would be nowhere near. The universe wouldn’t be that cruel.
“Why are you always taking pictures of me,” Remus asks as Grants sets the camera down picking up his own cup.
“You know I like to photograph art,” He smiles as a faint blush appears across Remus’ face. Grant had a way of doing that. When Remus was a child he got into a horrible accident that scarred most of his body, including his face. He thought he looked hideous but Grant always made him feel beautiful.
Someone enters the shop and the bell overhead rings, Remus looks up on instant and his grip on his cup loosens allowing some of the hot liquid to spill over the lip and onto his pants.
“Shit,” he curses a bit too loud and moves his chair back so he can inspect the damage. The man who had previously entered turned to look at the commotion, at first his eyebrows drew together in confusion until his eyes widened and face pales in recognition.
“Remus?” The man asks looking like he wants to take a step closer but holding himself back.
Remus pauses, taking a deep breath before meeting the man’s eyes, “hello, Sirius.”
“What are you doing here? I thought you said you would never come to France.”
“I didn’t want to but my husband here is quite convincing.”
“Husband?” For the first time since walking into the cafe Sirius’ eyes slid over to the man across from Remus. He stared for a minute before remembering himself and offering his hand, “Hello I’m-“
“I know who you are.” Grant said, his hands never even twitching from where he still held his coffee cup, nor did he offer his name in return.
“Right of course,” Sirius wiped his hands on his black jeans as if trying to wipe away dirt, “well where are you two staying while you’re here?”
Grant once again offered no information and Remus looked between the two before speaking up “Âmes Purdues.”
Sirius’ eyes widen, “Are you sure?”
Grant rolls his eyes and Remus does as well but for a different reason, “I know my French was bad last time we talked but I would like to think I am capable of at least reading a hotel sign.”
“No it’s not that. It’s just,” he pauses, “I own Âmes perdues.”
This gets a reaction from Grant, “what do you mean you own Ámes perdues?”
“I mean that when I moved to France I needed something to do so I opened the hotel. Normally it’s travelers just passing by who don’t know their next destination. That’s why there’s so many travel flyers. That’s what it’s called lost souls.”
They both stayed quite for a minute before Remus spoke up again, “Does Wormtail happen to know you own the place?”
“Pete? Of course he does. He was there for the grand opening and visits once or twice a year when he can get a break from his job in Heidelberg.”
“That little rat. I am going to kill him,” Remus whispers under his breath before standing up, “excuse me a moment.”
The other two boys watch as he leaves and then Sirius turns to Grant, “I never-“
“I know what you’re doing, or trying to do,”Grant cuts him off.
“What.” Sirius asks genuinely confused by the sour look on Grants face.
“You left him Sirius. You walked away and I had to pick the pieces back up. Do you know how long it took to make him stop feeling like an unloveable monster after you? No because you moved thousands of miles away instead of dealing with the fallout. You broke him and I bandaged him up. I won’t say I fixed him because he still struggles but he is happy and in love and married. To me. I suggest you stop whatever thoughts are racing in your head before they begin. You had your chance and you threw it away so. Don’t. Even. Try. It,” By the time Grant has finished Sirius’ eyes had grown twice their size and Grant had a satisfied smirk on his lips.
“I wasn’t- I wouldn’t-“ Remus walks back into the cafe and Grant shoots Sirius a look telling him to shut up.
“Sorry had to take care of something,” Remus says as he re-enters kissing Grant on the head out of habit, “What did I miss?”
“Nothing much,” Grant supplies not taking his eyes off Sirius but grabbing Remus’ hand, “however we should get going. We don’t want to be late do we darling.”
Remus checks the watch on his hand and eyes widen, “oh you’re right,” he gets up and pushes his chair in before pausing and looking at Sirius, “well see you around.”
“Maybe we can see eachother again before you leave,” Sirius asks hopefully.
‘Oh um, maybe if we have time,” in all honesty even this interaction was a little much for Remus, he looked at Grant asking for help.
“You know I’ve really booked us solid for our anniversary,” The way he says anniversary is pointed, “I’m not sure if we’ll have any free time.”
“Oh,” Sirius looks a little put out, “right yeah of course. Well enjoy France, I know Moony has always wanted to see it.”
Remus gives Sirius one more awkward smile before Grant pulls him away. Once they make it out the door Remus can finally breathe again.
“Now I understand why you’ve avoided France all these years,” Grant says and they head towards their destination.
“I just hoped France would be big enough to avoid him, I mean we’re not even in a large tourist city.”
“We can leave if you want,” Grant offers. Always the gentleman willing to give up anything for Remus. This time it was Remus willing to make the sacrifice.
“Absolutely not,” Remus steps forward and takes Grants face in his hands, “this is your dream and our anniversary. You put so much work into this. We are staying.”
“Are you sure?” Grant asks and Remus just kisses him.
“What happened with Sirius happened years ago. It’s fine. I’m over it.”
Grant looks like he wants to push the subject further but they are already at the entrance to the painting shop and so he drops it. For now
*******
Its two days later when Remus runs into Sirius again. Grant had been craving some gelato after a special time and so Reus, being the wonderful husband he was, pulled on some clothes and stumbled to the nearest ice cream parlor.
“Hey, Remus,” Sirius smiles and comes up next to him. Remus stills not having Grant as a back up.
“Hi, Sirius,” Remus greets and pulls his cardigan tighter around himself.
“I see you have found the best gelato in all of France,” Remus can’t help but smile and Sirius’ dramatics.
“We’re not even in Paris, are you sure it’s the best?”
“Ah see Moony,” something in Remus’ stomach swoops at the use of the pet name, he can’t tell if it’s good or bad, “thats where most tourist fuck up. They assume that the good stuff is in the bigger cities when actually it is right here.”
Before Remus can respond the worker calls Sirius’ name, he must have ordered ahead of time, “well I best be off I don’t want this to melt,” he shakes the bag slightly, “oh but do try the expresso flavor, I know how much you like coffee.”
As Sirius walks away something in Remus heart melts, despite his best efforts.
*******************
No matter how hard they tried Remus and Grant could not stop running into Sirius. He was every place that they had planned for their anniversary trip. Perhaps it was because they picked such a small city or perhaps it was that Sirius could not stay away from the man that once owned his heart.
He knew that Remus was happy and married, but everytime he saw the flash of silver on his finger Sirius got an indescribable feeling of rage through him.
He should have the matching ring. Not Grant Chapman.
********************
The next time the men actually talked was half way into their trip. Somehow they managed to get seats right next to each other at one of the local movie theaters. Although, but the lack of shock on Sirius’ face, Grant doubted it was an accident.
“Remus!” Sirius called as they entered the theater, Grant was right next to him, but Sirius looked right through him.
“Sirius?” Remus asked confused and looked at Grant who just shrugged.
“Don’t look at me. It looks like someones got a crazy ex who hasn’t moved on from the past yet.”
“He’s the one that left.” Remus reminded Grant, pretending that that reminder didn’t hurt himself.
“Maybe he’s finally realized what he’s lost.”
“Doubt it,” Remus whispers the last part and Grant looks at him questioningly but Remus just shakes his head and the pair make it to Sirius.
“What are you doing here?” Sirius asks, eyes bright.
“Well, Dead Poets Society is Remus’ favorite book,” Grant supplies coldly.
“Is it? Didn’t know that.” He shrugs and sits down.
Sirius did know that Dead Poets Society was Remus’ favorite book, he was even with him on the first day the movie premiered. He used his wealth and status for once and got Remus tickets to the biggest premier in London.
Remus just looked at him for a minute before taking his spot, conveniently right next to Sirius, Grant following suit. Sirius turned to look at Remus, opening his mouth and then shutting it again.
“What?” Remus snaps, but at this point the lights had begun to dim and Sirius just shook his head.
At some point in the movie Sirius tapped Remus on the shoulder and offered him a small cardboard box. Not only had the man booked tickets, right next to his, to see his favorite movie, he always remembered and bought his favorite candy.
Remus knew he should be upset or weirded out but something in him, probably the twenty-five year old version of him, melted at the sight of Sirius going out of his way to share and do things that Remus loved.
He hasn’t seen him in awhile, thats the only reason Remus cared so much. At least thats what he told himself as the movie ended and the lights came up. He looked over at Sirius who had tears streaming down his face and Remus just wanted to wipe them away.
Its just platonic. Remus would say as he let his hand brush Sirius’ as they walked out of the theater.
I just want to reconnect. He said as he found himself whispering an invitation to his room while Grant ran and got ice cream for the two of them.
Its not real. Remus thought as he leaned in and captured Sirius’ mouth with his own.
**********************
“Oh baby don’t you see,” Sirius says pushing Remus against the door to the hotel room he was staying in, “I’ve got everything you need.”
Sirius leans in and brings his mouth to Remus’. It’s slow at first. A slight brush of lips on lips. A question. One Remus answers with urgency. He balls his hands into the shirt that Sirius is wearing and pulls him impossibly closer. Sirius bites Remus’ lip and Remus moans into the kiss allowing Sirius to expertly slip his tongue into his mouth and brush it against Remus’ own tongue. A feeling that is foreign and if klar at the same time.
“Sirius,” Remus pulls away his eyes are glassy, his hair tousled slightly from where Sirius had been running his hands through it.
“You know you’re beautiful like this Moony?” Sirius smiles and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Remus’ ear, “you haven’t changed a bit.”
Remus smiles and leans into his hand brining his own to Sirius hair when the light catches on one of his rings. His wedding ring. He suddenly goes still.
“Remus?” Sirius asks pulling away slightly but not enough for Remus to escape who tries to back away and wacks the back of his head on the door.
“I can’t do this.” Remus tries to push Sirius away, “this is wrong.”
“What but Remus-“
Before Sirius can say anything else Remus interrupts him, “I have a husband Sirius. Who I love dearly. This was a mistake.”
At the last word Sirius flitches away, “Moony,” he trails off and Remus finally pushes out of his grasp and collects the jacket they threw earlier.
“You need to go.” He hands Sirius the jacket who just stands there helplessly.
“Wait Moony.”
“I said go Sirius.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I walked away last time, I won’t make the same mistake twice.”
“I am married now Sirius. I love him.”
“Then why did you let me kiss you?” Sirius demands stepping closer.
“I don’t know,” Remus admits stopping his pacing and looking at Sirius helplessly, “I lose my mind around you Pads. I always have.”
“Then let me stay.” Sirius asks placing a hand on Remus’ cheek and for a minute it looks like Remus will say yes.
“I can’t,” he removes Sirius’ hand and turns away from him, “you should go.”
“Please,” it’s a simple word but it tears out of Sirius like a plea.
“I’m sorry.”
Sirius wants to say more but he knows it’s useless so he turns to go stopping at the handle just once, “It would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one.”
He doesn’t wait for Remus to reply before he walks out the door giving a small click as it shuts. It makes everything feel so final.
Remus sits on the floor right where he is dammed his bad joints and just stares thinking about “what if” and “what will be”.
*********
Sometime later the door opens and Grant walks in smiling and carrying a large tote bag. His smile fades, though, as he takes in Remus who is still sitting on the floor. Now facing the door, hair messy and tear stains on his face.
“Oh my love,” Grant drops the stuff and goes to his side, “What happened. What did that bastard do?”
For awhile Remus says nothing before he whispers “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?” Grant pulls away and looks at him, “why are you-“ All at once Grant gets it, “What did you do?”
“I kissed him.”
“You kissed him.” Grant repeats with little emotion, Remus stays silent there’s not much to say and Grants whirls on his standing up getting angrier and angrier, “Well? Say something!”
“What do you want me to say Grant.”
“Say you regret it. Say it meant nothing.”
“I do regret it,” Remus says sincerely but he can’t bring himself to say the second part. He already cheated on Grant he didn’t want to lie to him too. Grant seems to pick up on this too.
“Do you love him?”
“I don’t know,” Remus answers honestly. These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and broken promises being mending. Grant laughs.
“You don’t know, that’s just great.”
“What I do know is that I love you.”
“Yeah you love me enough to go kiss your ex the second I leave for more than twenty minutes, which was to get wine for our night. Our anniversary night might I add.”
“It wasn’t planned.”
“Oh so that makes it better?”
“No,” Remus gets up now and stands in front of Grant, “of course not and you should be mad you should hate me. I understand that and we can leave France and never come here again and I will never talk to another man ever for the entire rest of my life…but please Grant, please don’t leave me.”
“You don’t even know if you love him Remus.”
“But I know that I love you,” Remus is pleading at this point, “you are my husband and i chose you. I continue to choose you.”
“I think I need some space,” Grant pulls away.
“Love,” Remus’ eyes fill with tears, “please.”
Grant pauses for a minute. He goes and gives Remus a short kiss and Remus melts trying to pull him closer but Grant steps away, “just give me the night. We can talk more tomorrow.”
Grant gathers the things he will need in a small bag before walking out the door. Unlike Sirius he does not stop. Like Sirius the click of the door sounds just as final.
Remus flops down on the bed and stares at the ceiling thinking about all those years ago….
**************
“Please,” Remus begs as Sirius packs his things, “don’t leave me.”
“I have to go Moony. I can’t stay here anymore.”
“Just a few more months, to figure out things with my job and my mother.”
Sirius freezes for a minute, “No, Remus.”
“Okay this is fine we can do long distance just tell me where you’re going and I’ll find you after I figure things out.”
“No Remus,” Sirius repeated and Remus freezes.
“What do you mean no?”
“I don’t want you to follow me.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
“But why? What did I do? It’ll be okay, once I figure out my moms medical bills I can follow you. I know things have been stressful and I know we haven’t been the best recently but I don’t want to give up on us,” during his speech Remus had walked closer and closer standing in front of Sirius who only just now meets his eyes.
“I do.”
“What?” Remus pulls back.
“I don’t think I love you anymore.
And oh that felt like a knife in the heart. Sirius takes a deep breath and walks out leaving Remus behind in a ruin of their relationship.
*****************
“Okay time to get up,” Grant grunts and pulls Remus off the couch.
“I already told you I don’t want to,” Remus whines and does everything in his power to make it more difficult for Grant to keep him upright.
“I don’t care. I gave you a week but your mother is dying and I’m absolutely not allowing you to waste away because of some man.” The way he says man is like he just tasted the most vile thing in the world.
“I loved him Grant,” Remus eyes well with tears but he allows himself to be pulled to the bathroom.
“I know love,” Grant sighs and starts the water.
“Why wasn’t I enough?” Grant stops and turns to him forcing Remus to look at him.
“Hey, I don’t know what happened between the two of you but you have always been enough Remi, you understand? You are more than enough and any guy with eyes knows how beautiful you are and any guy with brains knows how wonderful you are. This is not the end this is simply a beginning.”
Remus doesn’t say anything just continues to sniffle and Grant sighs before helping him undress and shower.
*********************
“Hi Moony,” James says coming to stand by him in front of the grave, Peter not far behind giving him a sympathetic look.
“He’s not coming is he?” Remus asks but he already knows the answer.
“I’m sorry, Moony,” James rests a hand on his shoulder and Remus allows a single tear to slide down, not for himself but for his mother who had loved Sirius as her own and he didn’t even have the common courtesy to say goodbye.
After a minute Remus shakes himself off and looks at the two boys next to him, “thank you for coming, she saw you as her own.”
“I’m gonna miss her cookies,” Peter says mournfully making the other two crack a smile and Grant walks over.
“You ready to go, love?”
Remus stands for one more moment in front of the freshly dug grace before nodding and taking his out stretched and nodding at his friends.
As Grant and him walk away he misses the dark haired boy who steps up next to the friends who he just left and breaks down in their arms.
*********************
“This is beautiful Grant,” Remus says smiling aking in the trees around them. They had been together for three years now. It took a lot for Remus to allow another to love him, to love another but he had because Grant never left his side. Not even when he said the most awful things to him. He walked away but he always came back. These days he didn’t even think about the raven haired boy who broke his heart years ago.
“I know something even more so.”
“What do you-” Remus cuts himself off, “Grant?”
Grant had bent down on one knee, “Remus Lupin from the moment I met you at 16 I knew you were the one for me. You made me fee things I forgot I could feel. Gave me something to look towards and I know we lost our path along the way but we found our way back to each other and I know sometimes we fight and sometimes we yell but we always make up. You are my piece of magic, my rock, my reason for getting up,” he pulls out a ring box and opens it, “Will you Remus Lupin do me the greatest honor of becoming my husband.”
Remus had tears in my eyes but nodding dropping to his knees and kissing Grant with so much passion that it almost toppled them both over. Grant laughs pulling away and sliding the ring on his finger, “come on old man lets get you off the cold ground.”
*****************
Remus opens his eyes and looks at the ring still on his finger. Me made a vow. One to a man who had always loved him. Before and after his mom got sick. Called him beautiful with his scars. Picked him up when he was little more than a piece of himself and rebuilt it. When he was so drunk he vomited on himself Grant would clean him. When he was to weak to move Grant made him tea and laid in bed with him. When he wanted to give up Grant gave him a reason to keep going.
Grant gave him the world and he traded it for a single kiss with a boy who left at the first sign of hardship after years of friendship. Maybe he just broke the things around him. Remus didn’t sleep that night just thought about what he was loosing.
**********
The next morning Remus gets up after staring at the ceiling for awhile. He packs his things and makes sure he has enough money for a plane ticket back to Europe.
At some point while he’s packing Grant enters, “going somewhere?”
Remus drops the bag he was currently holding and spins, “I figured I would leave early, allow you to enjoy the rest of France and get the apartment cleaned out before you got back home so you didn’t have to see me.”
“Why would you empty out our home Remus,” Grant asks and comes to stand next to him taking the bag from his hand.
“I kissed Sirius,” Remus says his voice cracking, “I cheated on you.”
“Is that all that happened? Just the kiss?”
“Yes.”
“And do you regret it?”
“Yes, Grant I-I- I don’t know what happened and I don’t know what it means but he left and he didn’t care. You were there. You stayed. I love you.”
“I love you too, Remus,” Grant kisses him and smiles lightly, “lets go home.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, we will talk about this and I don’t forgive you yet and we are never coming back to France,” this earns a slight chuckle, “but I know what we have is real and so we will work on it.”
With that Remus and Grant finish packing and head to the airport.