“Expecto Patronum!”
A bright burst of light so blinding that James had to squint burst forth from his wand in a cascade of blue and violet. He thought he might have missed the mark again but the shimmering pieces slowly began to coalesce into the figure of a large stag. It was a few inches taller than he was with jutting prongs the length of his wingspan. The great animal was conjured into such detail that James marvelled at the long eyelashes that batted at him and the way its nose twitched as it huffed.
Its’ edges were shimmery and blurred but James couldn’t suppress the urge to reach a hand out to stroke its’ coarse fur though his hand simply dropped straight through the apparition.
“Show off,” Sirius joked from next to him as he stared, wide-eyed at the animal.
“I mean I’m not surprised but wow,” Remus then said as he approached, hands clasped behind his back as he circled his patronus with an assessing eye. One might mistake him for being the professor of this class.
James was at a loss for words as he stared at it.
It had been days and he was starting to lose hope that he’d even be able to conjure a corporeal patronus at all.
He’d signed up for the extra classes held by Flitwick as a spur of the moment decision when all of his friends had signed up and figured the bragging rights that came with mastering the charm was worth it; however, he hadn’t anticipated just how much of an effort it would require.
Flitwick, from atop his stack of books on the first day, ordered them all to think of their happiest memories and begin but he quickly realised it was far deeper than that.
He dug into memories of all types- Sunday mornings with his mum making breakfast, when his dad first taught him how to ride a broom, when he and his friends all went on holiday last summer, memories with certain people he tried not to think too hard into but still consumed him- everything.
Finally, after days, he settled on a memory that seemed to work and he produced his stag perfectly. He could still feel a pleasant hum of magic rush through him after casting such a powerful and bright spell.
Flitwick came over and smiled up at him, “Fantastic job, Mr. Potter.” He looked down at his clipboard, jotted down some quick scribbles, and happily walked back to the front of the cavernous classroom.
“You have all officially mastered the Patronus charm!” he announced and James cringed to realise that he was one of the last ones to manage it though he didn’t think any of the other students noticed as it must have been their first time as well.
Students from sixth and seventh year were permitted entry and many had taken Flitwick up on his offer as Slytherins stood by Hufflepuffs who worked with Gryffindors and Ravenclaws- they were a sea of colours working towards a common goal.
“Now I’d like us all to cast our patronus’ at once!” he beamed and cast the charm himself.
A large eight-legged spider crawled out from his wand and at least half the people in the room made audible noises of surprise or disgust but Flitwick only stared at it like he would a pet he was immensely fond of.
Then, all at once, the room filled with elephants, badgers, dogs, and cats- it was a roaring melee of animals that he couldn’t make sense of. He watched his stag nuzzle against Sirius’ dog that was currently chasing his own tail. Remus’ werewolf pawed at his nose where a small rat sat and he smiled at them- a glimpse of what they were all like in their Animagus form.
Lily was grinning at her hand where a parrot sat perched on her finger whereas Marlene was chasing her fox around the room.
On and on it went until from the corner of his eye, he saw a doe rush past him, jumping off the walls before disappearing into the throng once more. He had just barely caught it but it was so quick that he couldn’t possibly decipher whose patronus it was.
“Pads,” James’ hand shot out to seize his attention, unknowingly hitting him a bit too hard in the midsection,
“Ow, what?” he complained.
“Someone has a doe,” he rushed, his eyes scanning the room to find it but the task was impossible with the glinting reflective shimmer of blue all around him.
“So?”
“I have a stag, someone has a doe! They’re meant to be,” he urged, moving his hands together in a shoving motion.
Sirius was completely unconvinced, “I think you’re reading too much into it. Maybe they just have a doe? Who knows what your patronus would be if you weren’t an animagus?”
Remus was a bit sceptical, “I mean…I will say it is interesting for someone to have the exact pair to his, it’s pretty rare for something like that to happen. Having the exact same patronus as someone is one thing but to have the other half of a pair could be…telling.”
“What so someone here is like, in love with him?” Peter asked wide-eyed as he stared around the room for the suspect.
“I mean it wouldn’t be hard to imagine, he is James,” Remus nudged him on the arm. James just wanted to knock him on the head because while he may be the loudest and most obvious option, he knew almost every girl in their year fancied Remus at one point or the other much more than they ever did him.
“Aw I’d date you too Moons,” James winked.
“Well then we clearly only have one solution,” SIrius decided, throwing an arm around him with a funny smile on his face, “We have to find out who it is.”
_________
“Lils, who do you remember being in the class?” Sirius asked over his shoulder as he sat crouched over a table in the common room.
“Why?” she asked suspiciously with narrowed eyes
Mary, however, had no qualms with answering, “Well all of us plus Marcus, Tori, and Matthew in sixth year. Then I remember talking to Chen and Emma from Hufflepuff but I think there were a couple more. There were some Ravenclaws too but I don’t remember their names.”
Marlene quickly added, “Dorcas and their whole group was there.”
Most of the issues came from not knowing who the sixth years in the other houses necessarily were so the following day, when James spotted one of his favourite Ravenclaws sitting at a table in the Library not too far from his own, he decided to get answers.
Pandora was sitting with Barty, Evan, and Regulus, all of whom were also at the class, working on what appeared to be Astronomy- a rather unpopular course choice in later years.
“To what do we owe the pleasure,” Barty crowed as he looked up from where he was meticulously applying black nail lacquer to Regulus’ slight fingers, his hand resting softly atop his- he looked away.
“Do you remember which Ravenclaws took Flitwick's Patornus class?” he asked seriously as he took a seat.
“What’s it to you?” Regulus asked as he raised one brow, his mercury eyes glinting in the low amber light of the room.
Immediately he blustered, “I just- er- Lily got to know one of them but she never caught their names.”
Under Regulus’ heated stare, James already felt twitchy and panicky- a feeling that only intensified and worsened since second year when he first saw him on the train- annoyed with Sirius and a horrifying bowl haircut given to him by his mother.
He thought the butterflies in his stomach could be explained away by the fact that he was meeting someone new- Sirius’ brother most of all- and so he wanted to make a good impression but it didn’t quite fit as he never really felt nervous meeting new people.
He could always easily talk to people no matter the time or situation but something about Regulus caused his tongue to thicken and mind to melt, rendering him unable to say anything worthwhile while he just stared dumbly at him.
He’d never forget the time they spent a day in Hogsmeade together and at one point, James and Regulus were the only two people in the aisle of Honeydukes containing chocolate frogs. He had meant to move closer to him and ask what sweets he liked as a sort of conversation starter but he tripped over his own feet and fell right into the shelves next to him, causing multiple canisters of chocolate frogs to fall and burst open to wreak havoc on the surrounding area.
Regulus jumped back for a moment before silently walking away and leaving him there to deal with the aftermath- he would never live that particular moment down.
His friends weren’t any easier to speak to either. Despite their tentative friendships, Slytherin humour was miles apart from Gryffindors’- like when Barty said he looked like a boulder with glasses, it was meant to be a compliment and not an insult.
Pandora was the easiest out of them to speak to, and the nicest, so she breezily answered, “Well, there was Neron and Cilia from sixth year and Sonia, Olivie, and Ali from my year.”
He quickly pulled out a scrap piece of parchment, not wanting to expose the list, and scratched all the names down.
He knew Neron well enough, having worked with him on some assignments through the years as well as Cilila and Olivie.
His problem was only worsened by the fact that he was quite open to both boys and girls so he had to leave his possibilities wide open.
Once he looked back up at them, Regulus was leaning back in his chair, his pink lips slightly parted as he blew across the fingers of his left hand, Barty was smiling like a Cheshire cat, and Pandora had gone back to her book.
“Right, thank you,” he said, readying to stand up.
“Say, what was your patronus Potter, I didn’t get a chance to see it,” Evan spoke up for the first time, his head resting idly on his hand and while his tone sounded bored, his pale blue eyes seemed anything but.
“Oh er- it’s a stag.” He scanned them each in turn for any hint of recognition.
“So like a deer?” he questioned.
“Sort of, you?”
“Mine’s a mink,” he answered easily and James mentally scratched him off the list though he hadn’t necessarily suspected any of them- still, it helped him feel productive.
He looked at the rest of them in question.
“Mine’s a thestral.” Pandora had a smile on her face though her eyes held a slight shadow- unusual considering how bright they were and James quietly marvelled.
Flitwick had gone on about the many types of reported patronus’ and had made a point about how incredibly rare thestrals were so to see someone in their class manage one was a sure feat though at the same time, there was only one way a person could see a thestral so it dampened his awe slightly.
“Sphinx,” Barty shrugged.
When he turned to Regulus, he waited a beat before answering,
“Cat.”
It all sounded about right.
“Right well, thanks!” he said, quickly making an escape before they asked any other questions- the Slytherins always seemed to know a bit too much so the less time he spent in their presence, the better.
_______
“What about Marcus?” James murmured to Remus when he saw the boy walk into the common room, his head stuffed into a book he was frantically flipping through. He looked up when a girl bumped into him on her way out and when his eyes connected with James, he offered a dazzling smile and the other boy just hurriedly shoved his face back in his book.
Remus made a face, his lips twisting and eyes narrowing, “He doesn’t seem all that interested plus, I think he’s straight”
“But that’s the point isn’t it? I’m not supposed to know, and everyone thinks they’re straight till they’re not,” he countered and with his own logic seeming good enough, he dusted off his trousers and stood up, making his way over to the boy that was now settled in a table in the corner.
He was a few inches shorter than he was with long sandy blond hair and chocolate brown eyes. He had a boyish face making him seem younger than he actually was but a strong build that offset his features. He could be handsome, James considered, if he thought hard about it.
“Shepherd,” he smiled as he came over, “You alright?”
Marcus startled when he arrived but relaxed quickly enough, “Potter, I’m well, you?”
He leaned back, “Oh I’m good, I just saw you walking through the door and you seemed a bit stressed, anything I can do to help?”
He blushed a little and that immediately had James leaning forward, “No, just studying for McGonagall’s upcoming exam, I think I’m going to fail.”
“I don’t believe that, you’re incredibly smart, I saw you in Flitwick’s class so surely you are,” he grinned, easily flirting with him and it seemed to be going well.
“It wasn’t all that great when my patronus ended up being a frog, I’m never casting that again,” he frowned.
Shite.
“Hey, you managed it, that’s pretty awesome to me,” James smiled, tapping him on the shoulder before standing up and heading back to his friends in shame. That was short and underwhelming.
“Didn’t make it?” Peter frowned, shaking his head.
“No,” James answered, dropping down into the squashy leather sofas and staring deeply into the hearth as though the dancing flames would have his answer.
They all sat in silence for a few stunted moments before Sirius, who was sitting on the arm of the sofa, gasped deeply, lurching forward, “Oh my gods, we're so dense.”
“Enlighten us please,” Remus leaned forward to Sirius, a small fond smile already growing on his face.
Sirius turned to them wide wide eyes and a goofy smile that grew larger by the minute, “Flitwick was walking around taking notes yeah? Why don’t we just steal it, I’m sure he wrote down everyone’s Patronu’, get the list and we find James’ secret lover.”
“No way it’s going to be that easy, even with the map and cloak, Flitwick’s probably got a hundred charms on his office- it’s kind of the whole point of being Charms professor,” James countered though the cogs in his mind were already whirring as his excitement grew.
The prospect of getting an answer was growing and while excited, he had to wonder- what did this mean? This person could love him but what if he didn’t even know them? What if he didn’t like them? Magic was as sure as silk so he didn’t want to put too much stock into it but still- it meant something.
He could name the number of people he would have prayed for it to be a few years ago but now anything was possible, especially with graduation looming over the near horizon- he didn’t know what or who he wanted.
“What kind of attitude is that Prongs?” Sirius frowned, “Scared are you?”
“Of course not,” he smiled though the stone that had dropped in his stomach indicated otherwise.
_______
They decided on James going in with Remus as Charms was his best subject so he’d be the best option for taking down any potential deterring charms and James because, well, he was the instigator for all this.
Remus with his long limbs was bent over with his arms scrunched in close just to fit under the cloak of invisibility alongside James who felt like a crumpled piece of parchment- this was much easier when they were teeny first years who hadn’t yet grown in size or width.
When Remus stepped on his foot he accidentally yelped and scared the life out of a small second year who was walking alone in the opposite direction of the corridor. That earned him a smack on the back from Remus.
When they got to Flitwick’s classroom, the door opened easily but it was his office tucked into the back that they would surely have difficulty getting into. He hastily locked the classroom door once they were safely inside and turned back to Remus who had already crossed the room and was analysing the door and large brass handle.
“So?” he asked excitedly, peering over his shoulder.
Remus was puzzled, “I mean, we just have to try it first.”
James was hopeful that Remus would do it but when he just turned back to him with raised brows above flashing golden eyes, he knew he would have to pay for this.
Ever so slowly, he reached forward and the minute his hand connected with the cool metal, it turned red-hot and burned his hand, leaving behind a bright red welt that stretched across his palm, “Fuck,” he cursed, waving his hand and blowing on the wound.
Remus quickly waved his wand over it, muttering under his breath, “Okay try again.”
“Are you joking? No!” he protested.
Remus sighed and turned around, “Well then we’re done here.”
He made a noise of complaint, “Fine,” he grumbled, unable to just give up now.
He reached for it again and the handle morphed into a small bird that blinked up at him, “Moony, what the fuck is this.”
“Er-...” he trailed off, staring at the small palm-sized bird roosting atop the handle, peering up at them, its small head twitching every so often.
“This is impressive though I don’t know what it's supposed to do,” he mused.
“Incorrect!” it chirped loudly, its voice screechy and high-pitched. He wished he could just blast it off but he didn’t think Flitwick would be all that pleased when he came back to see his pet bird blown to bits.
“Oh,” James drew out the vowel, “I think it’s meant to be like the Ravenclaw common room where the owl asks you a riddle but this is just meant to be some password.”
He had a dark memory where he was meant to visit Lily who was in the Ravenclaw Common Room with Pandora and was unable to get past the riddle barring his entry. He ended up banging on the doors until one of them opened it for him, making sure he gave the owl a mean glare even though it was barely sentient.
“Hmm,” Remus guessed, “Flitwick?”
“Incorrect!”
James gave him a bored look- surely he was smarter than to guess that, “Charms?”
“Hogwarts?”
“Ravenclaw?”
“I think we’re missing the obvious,” Remus decided, “Patronus?”
The bird chirped happily, jumping up from its perch for a moment, “Welcome!”
“Too predictable,” James shook his head. Flitwick’s love for that spell was like no other.
His office was chaotic to say the least– in the centre was a large oak desk, its height shortened to accommodate his height with a matching leather chair behind it. There was only a small square of free space atop it, the rest of the desk was filled with parchments and books and various trinkets both muggle and magical. The walls were lined with books and portraits and tapestries of various colours and designs, only broken by two small windows with a view out to the Black Lake. There were statues all around them as well, gleaming in the candle light and James didn’t know where to focus first- he wished he could just spend an entire day here going through everything.
“You go on, I’m going to explore,” Remus smiled, going straight for the bookshelf and James ought to have expected that.
“Right,” James murmured, rounding his desk and staring at the imposing stack of papers awaiting him.
He had made it to about the halfway point when he finally found what he was looking for, holding it above him to show Remus who quickly came over.
“You look,” James pushed it to him, forcing it into his hands, not wanting to know the truth now that they were so close to it.
Remus, clearly too excited to protest, hastily flipped it open, his eyes jumping across the page, his finger skimming down the page until it froze and James anxiously watched his face.
While he expected confusion or maybe a hint of recognition, Remus just burst out into laughter, “Oh my god,” he choked out in between heaves, “Of course.”
“What? Who!” James was about to jump him just to take hold of the thin blue folder in his hands.
“This was such a waste of time, this was obvious,” Remus shook his head, holding the folder out to him to take a look himself.
James eagerly grabbed it and scanned the page until-
Regulus A. Black-
Patronus- Doe (Female Deer)
Completed- 29/ 1/1978
“That can’t be right,” he looked up at Remus who was wiping at his eyes, “His patronus is a cat.”
“And why do you think that?” he inquired though his tone made it seem like he didn’t really care to hear the answer.
“Because he told me,” he shut the folder in disbelief.
“Repeat what you just said,” Remus said, hand on his hip.
“Because he told me.”
“Exactly dumbarse, he lied.”
_________
“So who was it!” Sirius pounced on them the instant they walked back into the dorm.
James was tense the entire way back- wound tight like a spring ready to burst. On one end it was bloody Regulus- the boy who took up his dreams at night and fantasies in the day, the boy he could barely speak to without falling apart yet it was all he ever wanted to do when he was near, the boy he forced himself to stay away from because the fear of rejection was burrowed far too deeply into him.
It was impossible and all too real all once.
But on the other end was Sirius and how he’d possibly deal with the news. He wasn’t on the worst terms with Regulus but that didn’t mean he’d be all too happy about this either because there was nothing stopping him from pursuing Regulus now that he knew unequivocally that the feelings were reciprocated.
He considered the fact that maybe Regulus’ patronus was just a doe, coincidences aside, but the fact that he lied about it was only more proof that he knew about this and intentionally withheld the truth for fear of what would happen.
He stared blankly at Sirius, chewing the insides of his mouth as his hands flexed at his sides- he felt like a child who had just been caught stealing sweets before dinner.
“Who was it?” Sirius asked again, stepping closer and dropping his hands on his shoulders excitedly.
“Prongs?”
“Sirius.”
His face slowly morphed into suspicion, “James?”
“It’s Regulus.”
Grey met hazel as they stared at each other in the silence of the room, moonlight streaming through the open windows enhancing the stillness of the moment. Even Peter seemed to have held his breath as he peered through his bed curtains at them.
“You’re shitting me right?”
“I’m not.”
“Moony, he’s shitting me right?”
Remus dropped into bed, folding his hands behind his head, “No my love I’m afraid not.”
“I knew it,” Sirius grumbled, turning back to lay down alongside Remus.
“You’re not mad?” he asked tentatively.
“Don’t you dare flirt with my little brother James,” he ordered with a raised finger, “I’m done with this conversation,” he finished, shutting the curtains behind him with a dramatic swish.
Little did he know it was all he dreamt about that night and more.
_________
The next morning he moved with renewed with a new sense of purpose that even McGonagall’s exam that day couldn’t put a damper on.
He wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted to do, just that he intended to do something about this as soon as possible. Once he graduated, there was no telling what would happen so he wanted to make the most out of the time they had with each other now.
That morning his eyes continued to stray over to Regulus at the Slytherin tables as he pushed his food around his plate with his fork. He barely ate his own breakfast as he openly ogled him and as though Regulus could sense the extra pair of eyes on him, his eyes snapped to James’. He didn’t look away in time so their eye contact held for a brief moment before Regulus, expectedly, broke it.
“Are you okay?” Lily asked from opposite him, her green eyes all too seeing.
“Hm? Yeah fine,” he replied distractedly, looking down at his untouched plate.
“You’ve blinked like twice in the past thirty minutes,” she questioned. “And you haven’t eaten a thing.”
“Since when did you pay so much attention to me?” he huffed.
She laughed and turned back to Mary who casually spoke up, “He’s obviously staring at Regulus again.”
He choked on a piece of toast, “What? No? I’m not, why would you even say that?” he said a bit too defensively.
“Maybe because it’s all you’ve done for the past three years, even while you gushed over Lily, and when she inevitably dumped you, your eyes went back to the green table,” she shrugged, stealing a piece of bacon from Lily’s plate rather than the platter across from her.
“I don’t do that! And I never gushed,” he crossed his arms.
“Babe, who do you think she came to after every embarrassing public proposal? It was just as horrifying to see it as it was to hear about it, it’s also exactly how I knew how to woo her,” she wiggled her eyebrows, pressing a kiss to Lily’s cheek as she laughed, leaning into her embrace. “But really, you’re not that good at hiding it.”
He just whispered hurriedly, “It’s just- his patronus is a doe, mine’s a stag-.”
The two of them gasped so loud that they attracted multiple sets of eyes, their hands flying to cover their mouths as their eyes widened.
“James! Don’t you see what this means,” Lily was so excited, “He likes you too, no he loves you. I mean how could he not but still.”
“Yeah and what am I supposed to do with this now that I know, I can’t just walk over to him and declare my love, that clearly didn’t work well.”
“You need to learn the art of subtlety James,” she tutted, “The hard part of making him love you is over, telling him shouldn’t be too hard at all, just ask to speak to him and be honest, it’ll work I’m sure of it.”
He looked over at Regulus, his high cheekbones, his pink lips, and mercury coloured eyes and sighed, hoping she was right.
_______
He didn’t know what overcame him really.
One minute he was walking to Potions and then multiple things happened at once-
Regulus appeared behind him, also on his way to class.
The corridor emptied.
The Potions classroom was getting closer.
The broom closet appeared just a few feet ahead of it.
In one swift spin he had grabbed Regulus’ wrist and pulled them both into the closet, slamming the door shut and locked behind them.
“What the hell are you doing?” Regulus instantly hissed, grappling for the doorknob at James' side but he sidestepped to block his access.
He couldn’t see Regulus in the darkness but he could already imagine the fury on his face- he really was so lovely.
“I just wanted to talk,” he rushed out, holding his hands out. His hands met nothing but air meaning Regulus must have pushed himself fully into the shelves behind him to maximise their distance. His breathing was rapid, the only noise filling the space, though James’ heart was beating so loudly he thought Regulus would be able to hear it as well.
Regulus had been a dream of his for so long that he almost couldn’t handle being so close to him in real life. His attraction to Regulus waxed and waned over the years but it remained ever constant in the back of his mind and now he had an opportunity to do something about it but had instead mucked it up by kidnapping him.
“Talk about what?” he forced out, “We’re going to be late!”
“We won’t, I just er-” he didn’t know where to go from here. He just stared dumbly at the silhouette of Regulus’ form, a bare imprint in the darkness.
“Speak,” he ordered, flapping his hands to urge him into action.
“Meet me by the Lake tonight- please?” he asked, hoping.
“Why?” he questioned suspiciously now, his voice tight.
“I just- please, 9PM?”
“Will you let me out if I say yes?” he huffed.
“Yes,” he replied immediately.
“Okay then,” he sighed.
James opened the door and Regulus quickly pushed past him, adjusting his jumper and bag, “I could be lying you know.”
“I know.”
“And you still trust me?”
“I do.”
Regulus’ eyes roved up and down his form before he turned on his heel and strode into the classroom and James waited a few moments before trailing in behind him.
He shot a guilty look to Sirius and a hopeful one to Mary and Lily who were silently cheering him on from their seats.
_________
He fussed in front of the mirror for a good fifteen minutes before heaving a big dramatic sigh and throwing his comb on the floor- it wasn’t doing him any good anyways. Taming his hair never worked yet he still tried every few weeks, hoping something changed.
“Everything okay in there?” Peter shouted fearfully but he didn’t respond as he braced his hands on the counter and dropped his head between his shoulders.
He didn’t know why he was so scared. He was normally the most confident person in the room and prided himself on that fact, and if he wasn’t for some reason, he forced the confidence because that was at least expected of him but now he’d be forced to lay himself bare and he was petrified.
He didn’t want to ruin this chance he was given- what if he was wrong? Maybe Flitwick made an error and his patronus actually was a cat and he was about to make a fool of himself.
He supposed even that wouldn’t be all too bad because he’d at least be able to be honest with Regulus after all these years. After he’d accepted his feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated, he had just locked them away, and digging them back up now was a terrifying prospect.
He needed to be brave- he needed to be a Gryffindor.
He steeled himself, standing up straight again and eyeing his white jumper and black denim, straightening them and picking off invisible pieces of lint. He placed a knit cap over his wild hair and shoved his feet into his red Converse before stepping out into the dorm.
Sirius was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring up at James but remaining silent.
“I- er,” he started but trailed off because he wasn’t sure what to say- he didn’t want to lie to Sirius but at the same time he desperately hoped Sirius wouldn’t ask him to stay, to abandon the topic of Regulus entirely because he wasn’t so sure he could anymore.
“Go on then,” Sirius said, jerking his head with a small smile.
“Really?” he murmured as heat climbed up his neck and pooled in his cheeks.
“James, I’m not blind either no matter how much I wish I was. While the idea of you snogging my brother makes me want to vomit, I will refrain because I know this has been going on for a while,” he answered.
“Not a while, I just-.”
“Prongs, you know you talk in your sleep right? And ‘Reg’ isn’t that common of a nickname,” he cringed and James abruptly turned, not wanting to hear any more of that.
“Bye!” he called out over his shoulder before leaving and making the trek to the greenhouses where he’d make a brief pit stop before going to the Lake.
The greenhouses were infinitely hotter than it was outside, sweat instantly beading on his forehead and back as he stalked through the rows of flowerpots. It might be a bit cheesy but it didn’t feel right to go empty handed so he slowly picked at flowers, making a small bouquet himself as a sort of offering he supposed.
He picked a few delicate bunches of white baby’s breath before adding a few blue hydrangeas and poppies that had petals as white as snow and a centre as dark as night. He spotted fresh lavender sprouts and added some to the growing bushel in his hand and finished with a single rose in the centre. He made a few adjustments before wrapping a piece of brown parchment around the bushel and tying it off with a scrap piece of rope he had found on a side table.
He felt a bit more grounded with the weight of it in his hand and he set out to the Lake that was growing closer with each step he took.
There were multiple well worn paths to the Lake and he followed the one that looped around a bit just so he had time to take a couple deep breaths and dry the sweat that continued to grow even after he stepped out into the cool air.
The coast was empty and James settled down on a quilt he had brought with him shrunken down into his pocket. He was still a bit early- so worried about being late that he dressed too early and was now forced to wait with nothing but the crescent moon and the Lake as his company. He supposed the Squid there too but he didn’t think the beast liked him too much after he dropped a bunch of the Slytherin’s trunks in the lake without caring whether any hit him or not.
The minutes crawled by and he was growing more anxious as he wrapped the quilt fully around himself and cast a warming charm in a small bubble around him. A quick tempus showed him that the time was 9:17PM and he was starting to think that Regulus might not show up and that he truly was lying earlier
At 9:30PM he began straightening up, preparing to leave, but then he saw a figure just break over the crest of the nearest hill, hurrying down in his direction.
The tightness around his heart eased ever so slightly at the sight of him and only when he was right across from him could he make out his flushed cheeks and bright eyes, reflecting the bright white moonlight. His hair was mussed and wavy, completely unlike its usual crisp style, and he was wearing a casual pair of black trousers and a black jumper. He raised a hand to run through his hair and his black-nailed fingers donned multiple silver rings that James almost reached out to touch.
“Sorry, the prefects were everywhere, I had to get past them all,” he gestured vaguely towards the castle and James just nodded- he would’ve accepted anything Regulus said really.
“It’s okay,” he smiled but he felt it came out more like a grimace.
“I got you this, well I made it, from the greenhouses,” he stammered, holding out the bouquet but Regulus just eyed it warily, making no move to grab it.
“Why?” he raised a thin brow again.
“Well I-.”
Because I think I love you too? Because I might have been in love with you for the past five years? Because even though we barely speak I know you take your tea with two sugars, that you favour your left hand over your right, that whenever you enjoy a book you’re reading, you try to hide the smile that’s already growing by biting the insides of your cheeks, that you always bite your lip whenever you concentrate on something for too long.
“Is this like…a prank or something? To see if I’d follow whatever you say because if so, it’s juvenile, even for you Potter,” he rolled his eyes, already turning away.
“No, it’s not that,” James rushed after him, his long legs helping him catch up fairly quickly, his bouquet swinging with every step in his grip.
“It wasn’t worth it to call me out here so late I mean really-” he huffed.
“Will you just-” he reached out again, his hand wrapping around Regulus’ exposed wrist, the skin hot and sending jolts of electricity up and down his spine. Earlier, the touch was so brief that James’ couldn’t process it but now his entire world had narrowed down to the point where their skin connected, “-wait,” he breathed.
“Why?” Regulus whispered back though there was no one around.The castle was dark and sleeping behind them but the two of them out here alone felt so illicit that speaking above a whisper would surely give them away.
“What was your patronus?” he settled on asking again.
He watched open confusion flash across Regulus’ face, his eyes jumping from where James still held his wrist back up to his face, “A raven.”
James shook his head slowly, “Incorrect.”
Regulus stuttered, “A cat, I meant a cat.”
His cheeks were a fierce red and while he wiggled in James’ grip, he didn’t fully try to leave and James didn’t want him to go. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and his eyes were glued to the action as his hand tightened ever so slightly around his smooth wrist, encircling it perfectly.
“You’re lying,” he stated honestly.
“I’m not.”
James stepped back and he shut his eyes, thinking back to his favourite memory- it was one summer evening after sixth year in which he and all of his friends had gone out to London. While there, they visited a magical speakeasy they had overheard some people talk about Diagon. Muggles frequented the establishment as well though they attributed every magical thing about it to tricks and sleights too advanced for their notice.
While there, they ran into Regulus and his friends who had somehow made it in as well.
After the initial shock of it all wore off, they spent the evening together talking, laughing, and drinking, the bartender barely checking their fake ID’s before serving them. She could’ve easily asked them to magically verify their age but thankfully she didn’t and they tipped her heavily for her service.
It was one of the most fun nights James had ever had in his life, surrounded by those he loved, platonic and romantic- he’d never forget it for as long as he lived.
The stag burst out of his wand, its’ blue exterior glittering in the dim and Regulus’ lips parted slightly as he stared at it.
The stag turned towards him, its antlers protruding widely in either direction as it dipped its head towards Regulus as though nuzzling his shoulder. Regulus’ hand twitched like he was going to touch it in turn but he refrained.
“Cast your patronus Regulus,” he’d never said his name directly to him before.
“I can’t James,” he’d never said his name either but it sounded so right in his mouth,
“Why not?” he pushed gently.
“Because I lied,” he answered and before James could speak, he turned away and lifted his wand, quietly but forcefully declaring “Expecto Patronum!”
A sheet of shimmering blue emitted from his wand and once he thought it would dissipate, it slowly gained the corporeal form of a doe, slight and limber, its eyes wide with thick framing lashes. Its’ petal shaped ears flickered as it took a few slow steps forward towards his stag- the magical representation of the two of them.
James grasped forward again, reconnecting their grasp to each other and it just felt so right, “Our patronuses are-.”
“A pair,” he whispered, turning back towards them.
“I think I-”
“Don't say it,” he looked genuinely pained now as a furrow grew between his brows.
“Why?” he breathed.
“You’re just saying that because you think our patronuses match, you don’t know why- just because I feel a certain way doesn’t mean you-,” he began rattling in a manner that was very uncharacteristically him.
“Reg,” he said gently to try and stop the chaos going on in his head right now, “I know it’s not just a coincidence that our patronuses match. I know this isn’t some random event. And I know that whatever you feel for me, I feel for you. I have for years.”
Regulu just blinked back up at him, wide and uncomprehending, he was slightly trembling like he’d bolt at any second and James prayed he wouldn’t. To ensure it, he raised a hand to cup his round cheek, his calloused fingers brushing against his smooth porcelain skin.
“You can’t,” he respired.
“I can and I have, I think I was just waiting for an excuse to tell you,” he huffed a bit humorlessly, “I’ve been thinking it was impossible for so long that when I found out you lied I just- I couldn’t wait to tell you, it’s why I pulled you in the broom closet, it’s why I made you a bouquet- I can’t contain it anymore Reg.”
Regulus turned his arm over in his grip and tilted his cheek into his hand now. He brought his other hand up to his shoulder, just resting it there, unsure of where to move next.
Now James knew he had only this one chance to turn his dreams into a reality as he asked against the shell of his ear, “Can I kiss you?”
Regulus shivered against his warm breath but nodded nonetheless.
He leaned in slowly, his eyes fluttering closed as he brushed his lips against’ Regulus, a question, an answer, and when he started to pull away, Regulus reached out, pressing his lips more forcefully against his own as his grip on his shoulder tightened. The scent of aloe and sandalwood brushed over him as he stepped closer and James couldn’t hold back as his hand jumped from his wrist to his waist, resting lightly in the dip above his hips.
Regulus’ lips were soft and plump against his and all thoughts about the cold fled from his mind as he was enveloped in his warmth, James was burning under his touch, and when Regulus bit down on his lips, he gasped and deepened the kiss as Regulus fingers’ trailed up from his shoulder to the nape of his neck, his nails scratching lightly at his scalp.
They pulled away when they were breathless and shaking, eyes fluttering open like they were seeing each other for the first time.
Maybe they were.
When they turned to the side, their patronus’ were entwined, bodies brushing side by side as they eyed each other, the doe turning away as the stag tilted its head to follow.
The bouquet lay forgotten on the floor and he reached down to pick it up, he hadn’t realised he dropped it, he picked it back up and held it out, “For you,” he mumbled.
Regulus smiled then, a true and genuine one, and it was the most beautiful sight James had ever seen as he smiled back at him, leaning in for another bruising kiss.
_________
“And then he bit my lip and I swear to gods I started seeing stars like-.”
“EW!” Sirius shouted as he stepped out of the dorm bathroom, “I mean Prongs, that’s graphic, like I’m literally listening to porn right now,” he cringed, shaking his head to clear the air.
“Oh and it’s not porn when I hear you and Remus-,” he started but Sirius quickly shouted and ran back to the bathroom.
“I thought he cast a silencing charm,” Remus muttered as he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.
“You two literally never do,” James said honestly as Sirius sheepishly joined them again.
“It’s genuinely traumatising,” Peter shook his head as war memories seemed to flash across his field of vision.
“Noted. Well anyways, what happened after that then?” he asked.
“Well we sat by the Lake for a while and just talked, I s’pose. It was nice, really nice if I’m honest,” he pulled his knees up to rest under his chin, “He’s really something Moony. I mean I know how he seems to everyone else, cold and harsh, but he’s…I dunno I just- I can’t get enough of him,” he shrugged abashedly.
“And you think you actually love him?” he inquired leaning in.
“I think even if I wasn’t an Animagus, my patronus would still be a stag if he was a doe. It just feels right,” he hummed.
“Damn you,” Sirius sighed as he sat down next to James, dropping his head onto his shoulder.
“Why?”
“Well that’s just about the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard, I mean I hate that it’s about Reggie but come on, you never even talked about Lily like that,” he gesticulated wildly.
“I’ve never felt for her the way I feel for him,” he replied honestly.
“Well you’ll have to invite Flitwick to the wedding,” he redirected, “I’m obviously the best man but-.”
“Well,” James drew out just to set him off.
Sirius reared back, “There’s no way that I…”
He went on the entire way out of the dorm, through the common room, and out into the corridor where Regulus along with Barty, Evan, and Pandora were waiting with eager smiles on their faces.
“I couldn’t get them to leave me alone,” he frowned.
“I just wanted to ask James here what his intentions with you were,” Barty stepped forward, head cocked, tone brusque.
“James’ intentions? They’re nothing but pure, dunno if I can say the same for you,” Sirius countered hotly.
“What just because we’re Slytherins we’re automatically bad or something because I can tell you now…” Barty trailed on in the background but James was focused on nothing but Regulus beaming up at him.
“Wanna go down for breakfast?” he asked and James eagerly nodded, leaving Barty and Sirius to their arguing, they could argue intentions and logistics and all the superfluous nonsense but with Regulus tucked into his side as they walked through the castle, he knew he’d never do anything to give this up.
And really, he needed to make a damn good bouquet for Flitwick for orchestrating all this.
As they walked out of breakfast, together again, they managed to run into him ambling past them.
They immediately jumped apart under a professor's gaze but he merely smiled up at them, “Mr. Potter, Mr. Black,” he addressed them each.
“Professor,” they greeted in tandem.
“The stag and the doe,” he teetered to both sides like he couldn’t possibly contain his glee.
“We er-.”
“Every year this happens,” he smiled, pleased with himself as he walked away.
“Were we…set up?” Regulus finally asked once he was out of earshot.
“It would seem so love,” James laughed.
“He’s an evil mastermind,” Regulus stated as they continued walking.
“Mastermind? Yes, Evil? No. I mean really, I wish I’d thought about it first, we could’ve saved ourselves a lot of trouble,” James considered.
“By the way, how did you know I was lying about my patronus?” he stopped with a raised hand, turning to him.
A bell rang distantly, “Looks like we’re out of time, see you tonight, bye,” he pressed a rushed kiss to his lips before bolting down the hallway out of view.
Regulus didn’t need to know he may have broken multiple school rules just to get a confession- he couldn’t know he would ever be so desperate, a cool facade he had broken at least a hundred times over now but James liked to imagine it still stood.
He caught a final glimpse of Regulus standing dumbfounded and amused in the hallway and James wanted nothing more than to run back to him but he’d see him tonight, and tomorrow night, and every day and night after that for as long as he was wanted for now that he was by Regulus’ side, he never wanted to leave.
Neither did their patronuses that seemed to snuggle up next to each other beside them whenever they conjured them, basking in each other's presence before they dissipated into the wind together as one- never one without the other.