As I ran down the corridor, huffing my breath started to run out.
It felt like almost yesterday when I found the first poem. In reality, it has been at least more than two months. As I look forward, he’s running away and It was all my fault. If I just had noticed him, I wouldn’t have told Hermione I knew who he was, I wouldn’t have told her I would talk to them. I could have avoided all of this. Blaise's steps are clumsy and frantic. I can only guess I’m not any better. Every few seconds I’m shouting either “Stop please” or “Please wait up”.
This chase felt like it was going on for hours but it most likely was 10-15 minutes. I Blink my eyes to stop my tears from flooding out. The memories of those past months start to flood back.
•
The scratching of quills on the parchment was the only thing I could hear, as the new potion professor had to run out to do an errand and we were left to write down the instructions on the board until she returned, that is if she even returned. She tended to get lost often, more than the average first year. Hermione just rewrote the notes repeatedly but I could tell it was boring her. “Why did the Professor not let us make the potion!?” I thought angrily. Harry was just staring at Malfoy again, I mentally sighed. “Has he not returned Malfoy’s wand?” my brain already knows the answer so I choose not to bring it up. I start to fiddle with my quill. Eventually, Hermione shook my shoulder, class had ended and the Professor hadn’t even returned. I guess I spaced out in boredom and thinking of a certain someone.
Harry was looking blankly in front of him, and Hermione ended up having to practically drag him out as he was still lost in thought. I started to quickly pack my things. When I noticed a piece of parchment on the floor. I stupidly looked around but there was no one there. I kneeled to pick it up. Slowly standing up, and read it,
Eyes made of jewels,
of the ocean blue,
Like the night sky,
Shining with stars
No name was on it but I continued to turn it around in my hands, trying to find one. A lot of ink droplets were at the bottom. It seems like they wanted to continue it but didn’t. I fold it up and stuff it in my pocket before rushing out. I pushed open the doors rather quickly and shut them loudly. “Are you alright Ron?” Hermione asks. Harry looked from the ground and the new potion Professor stared at me wide-eyed. I recalled being embarrassed.
•
After a couple of days trying to figure it out on my own. I decided to consult the one and only Hermione Granger. “Could you find out who someone is by the handwriting!?” I blurted out, Harry had left earlier and there was a silence between us. Hermione just stared at me for a couple of seconds before opening her mouth to say, “... .why Ron?” She had set down her book by now. I honestly didn’t want to share the poem, as I didn’t even understand it myself. I didn’t even know who or what it was about. But this was driving me crazy, I wish I had just given it to the professor. It Would have been so much easier to let them deal with it, wouldn’t it….
“Ron? Are you going to tell me what is going on?” Hermione asked. I just sigh and look at her before explaining away….
•
“YOU WHAT” Hermione exclaimed as she saw the letter! “It has the same handwriting and um…it has initials…” I reply nervously. She just sighs “You know they’re going to be looking for it like crazy. They not only lost their poem but a letter now!” I look down at my feet and stare down at the folded piece of parchment in my hands. It was a detailed letter…a love letter. I had a feeling it was about someone I knew, the way they described the person sounded familiar…..who is a possible match….
I must have started to walk away. In the back of my mind, I could hear Hermione’s voice but my brain was too focused on figuring out who the letter was for…
“RON!!!!” I now realize I was stuck in a long train of thought, I look over at Harry. “You alright Ron?” He asked as he sat down next to me on the ground. “Over thinking about this person I guess' ' I sighed. Harry shakes his head and chuckles. “It seems like it has taken over your life, Ron, '' he remarked. “I’d say the same for you but with Malfoy, what's going on with him and you anyways?” I said and Harry's expression went from shocked, to flustered. I um…uh…..wel- It- nothing is going on. What making you think otherwise?” He said, although his voice betrayed his fake calm expression. “HARRY! RON! Look what Ginny found!” I recall Harry standing up and running toward Mione so quickly that it was almost a blur to me. I followed suit, to see Hermione holding some parchment. “We found out who these letters and poems are about, or at least Ginny does. She just left. '' Hermione told me while handling the letter. I just let out a small gasp once I read it all.
•
After 4 letters, 6 poems, and some doodles on the letter and poems. I ended up helping out in the library to find someone's work laid on the table, the recognizable handwriting in front of me. “I suggest you don’t touch that, a friend pulled him out and he told me he would be back for his things..” MadamPince mumbled something else but I couldn’t hear it….
Blaise Zabini, the guy responsible for the letters, the lovely romantic poems, the cute yet awful doodles. I smiled and quickly finished “helping” and fled from the library, bursting with joy at the mere fact I finally figured it out.
After a while of running around, I found who I was looking for, Hermione. I pulled her to an isolated area. “I KNOW WHO IT IS!” I shout, my excitement getting the best of me. Hermione looked confused before the realization hit her. “You do!? Who is it? "She took the letters out of my hands. “Well, can’t I tell you how I found out” I exclaim. “Ronald” I sigh “It Blai-“ I Spotted something out of the corner of my eye. I turn around to see him. His usual masked expression was completely gone. His eyes were widened filled with devastation and looking at the letters in Hermione’s hand. As soon as our eyes met, he turned around and fled.
•
My eyes flew open, those core memories meant a lot to me now. My leg wanted to collapse, I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. My vision started to clear, we were outside, in the distance was Hagrid's Hut, and up ahead Blaise had finally stopped catching his breath and what I believed drying his tears. As I started to approach him I could tell he was about to run. So I reach out, turn him around, and hold him tightly. I could feel him trying to slip out of my grip
•-•-•
Fear and anger are all I feel towards myself, where could I have put that thing I called poetry. It was ridiculous, I just can't get him out of my head. Although my feelings are silly and the muggle romance novels Pansy gave me because she thought I’d like them, aren’t helping! Is this even a crush anymore, I’m just furious I can’t find it. I’m confident I put it in my bookbag! I have dumped everything down on my bed and I just can’t find it. I’m scared the others will find it and I know they won’t ever let me live it down.
I open my chest and take out a box filled with poems, and letters. As well as some art pieces, I made them myself. I know I didn’t put it in here but I guess it's just wishful thinking. As I rummaged around, I noticed how awful some of my old poems were. (As well as embarrassing). “What are you looking for?” I turn around my expression hiding the split second of panic I felt from Draco's sudden appearance. “Something, nothing important. How’s the new wand?” I try to avoid the topic and hurriedly put all my things away but I leave the box out. Draco sighed and shrugged. “It alright, I guess” He walks next to me, picks up the boxes, and begins to shake. His hair isn’t covered in gel, a good change for him. Not to mention, it was longer than usual. He even added more color to his wardrobe. Loads of unnecessary Turtlenecks and loose jumpers. Pansy agrees with me on that. (“He should at least have more variety, shouldn’t he?” She said once)
“Is something on your mind?” I ask him only to take the box away from him in a swift motion. “Blaise….ugh! Never mind you wouldn’t understand. Merlin knows you do nothing about your love life either!” He snapped stomping out of the room. He is not wrong, but there is no way he likes me and I’ve just come to accept that. Plus I have other things to do than focus my silly schoolboy crush on Ronald Weasley…….
•
A letter this time…when have I become this reckless? I asked myself before mentally hitting myself. How many more of these will I lose before I find out what’s happening to them? I’m not going to waste the rest of my day trying to find it this time. I just have to accept that it is gone and that no one has found it. Although thinking of all the places I could have lost it I feel like I should know where it is. This is useless. I won't accept I just lost them because there's a chance someone has them and has read them and might be an asshole and give it to Ronald Weasley. Which can’t happen, and I just hope it doesn't happen. I need to stop thinking about this….
Maybe I should just start asking my friend- No if they do find it they would read it out of curiosity and I’d be humiliated.
•
After losing 3 poems and 1 letter. I just started looking everywhere. I turned my dorm upside looking for them and I also managed to get the courage to ask a few of the Professors. I noticed the first poem I lost was after potions. I should have come here when I realized. There is no chance of it here anymore but maybe just maybe no one found it. The door is practically taunting me, so I reach out for the door handle. Suddenly it slammed into my face. “Oh, Blaise…it's been a while hasn’t it? You’re covered in nargles” said a soft dreamy voice. I open my eyes to her with her strangely shaped glasses. “Greeting Luna…w-“ “I was talking to Professor Barwick, our new potions Professor if you may have forgotten!” She interpreted“I am deeply sorry for hitting you with the door, I got distracted from saying anything earlier by the nargles who were just telling you’re here to look for some missing things”
I just blink at her in surprise, even if my face is completely the same I know she can tell. She somehow always knows. “Ne-“ I hold my hand up to reject her offer. “Sorry Luna but it’s better if I deal with this myself and yes I will come to you if I want help. Also thank you for the reminder on the Professor's name.” I say as calmly as possible, as expected my voice didn’t betray me. Luna gives the same smile she always has and walks away to most likely join her friend for whatever she does in her free time.
I sigh and reach for the door again, thankfully no one slams it in my face. Professor Barwick was a pretty intelligent and kindhearted woman. Although after the war everyone is still in shock and a lot of us older students don’t quite acknowledge her. She is a very hardworking muggleborn and is certainly gifted, my mother told herself after a brief encounter with the lady. Mother wasn’t wrong, as I looked at her cautiously cleaning her equipment and the classroom in general. “Do you need something Mr. Zabini, or are you just going to stand there?” Her voice sounded calm and honey-like. “My apologies Professor, I have been wondering if someone found a piece of parchment paper here with some…. Poetry on it?” I hesitated on the last bit. She puts away the cleaning supplies with a flick of her wand and starts to think. “I’m not sure Mr. Zabini, how about you accompany me to my office? If you left it here it should be there!” She states, as she swiftly walks out of the room to her office.
I followed suit, always standing directly behind her. Once she reached her office door she held the door open for me and proceeded to look for a poem once I entered.“I'm afraid I don’t have it Mr. Zabini, I c-'' I shake my head “It's quite alright, I’ll ask around if anyone has seen it.” I sigh sadly. I turn around to exit but I hear the sound of a teapot being gently placed on a table. “Join me for a cup of tea, and maybe tell me what's going on?” She offers. “You seem very stressed….”
•
After my very insightful discussion with Professor Barwick, Sure I didn’t tell her the truth but a watered-down version. Blimey! If I had told her the truth I would have only embarrassed myself. Oh Salazar Slytherin, just help me find my things!!!! I’m desperate at this point, so that’s why I told my friends and am now on my way to consult Luna Lovegood of all people to help me!!!!
She is sitting under a tree chatting away with Ginevra Weasley. “I guess I'll have to wait it out before I talk to her. '' I mutter to myself, as I try to convince myself not to tell anyone else. Until “Blaise!? Is that you!? Join us!” Reaches my ears, how can someone's voice get so loud yet soft at the same time? I walk towards the pair with as much confidence as I can muster only for it to falter at the last second. Luna frowns, her face full of concern. “Ginny, I think I need to talk to Blaise in private, c-'' Ginevra simply kisses her cheek and nods before grabbing her broomstick. Which I had not noticed earlier. “The nargles are telling me you need help?” “I was not aware you were in such a relationship with Ginevra, you two are…adorable?” I replied not thinking much of it. I immediately regretted both saying that and coming to her for any sort of help. “Thank you, although I think it's Ginny who’s that cute one, sit down and tell me what's going on, you seem devastated.” she pats the ground next to her. I slowly sit down and the words quickly flow out and I start to cry. I desperately try to stop crying but I can’t. Luna hands me a handkerchief. “I’d be glad but how about we start from the beginning, and what does each poem and letter say?” She questioned.
I start to rummage through my things to find the poem I was working on earlier only to find it gone to….
“I fucking lost another one” I complained, finally using the vulgar language my friend have been using. That I’ve used in my head from time to time. I suddenly feel someone rubbing my back, and I quickly turn to see Luna trying to comfort me. “How about you make a new one so maybe I have an idea what we’re looking for? I’m sorry you lost another.” Her voice was full of compassion. “I have some in my dorm, how about I show you one of those?” I suggest awkwardly standing up and offering her my hand. “Sure, it will still help, we can talk more about this on the way there” She accepted my help as she told me this. I nod and we head to my room, my head a jumbled mess…..why did this have to happen?
“Thank you for agreeing to help me, Luna….”
“What are friends for?”
•
Everyone has been looking, they swore they had but with no luck on their part. Everyone started to stare at me as if I looked like a sad puppy. I frown at the memories of my dead dog and curp. Mother was nice enough to get me both but never understood what was so different between the two species of dogs. They were way too similar but I still cherish the animals. Thinking of them makes me think of my Father, funnily enough, it just so happens to be the death date today. Although here I am mopping over a bunch of junk.
I let out a long sigh and grabbed my only picture of him and a candle and lit it. “May you rest easy….” looking out the window was always a somber feeling as at home looking out a window meant looking at his grave. I wonder if he would have been proud of me, my father, Or disappointed that I would mope over a boy and not man up and ask him out. As he did with Mom, he also wrote poems to her too. “I miss you, even if I never knew you, Father, once I find my missing letters and poems. I’ll ask him on a date, I promise…..”
•-•-•
Why! I only stepped out for a second, if I hadn’t he would’ve never known! Why am I so stupid!? This is all my fault, it is not like he would ever like me, why why why……..
Why am I even trying to avoid him?
Why did I follow him after I noticed?
Why did I let this happen?
Why am I running?
Why am I crying?
Why….hasn’t he given up……
I can barely breathe, my chest hurts a lot but I know the most likely outcome. I mean he hasn’t told me outright but it is the answer. How many times have I almost tripped? I can still hear him, he sounds like he is in pain too….
That makes everything hurt more…. I’m not moving….oh yeah I have to catch my breath. I’m not a godly being, I need air. Has breathing always been this hard, my hands are shaking. I’m shaking from head to toe…..
A warm touch grabs me from behind and spins me around…..
-
I instantly notice the struggle he puts up to try to get out of my grip but I just cling tighter. I stared into his beautiful sharp brown eyes, which were looking everywhere but at me erratically. That is until he was forced to look at me under this moonlight, the only thing you could see would be only a few animals. As well as the smoke coming from Hagrid’s Hut.
Za-Blaise was still struggling but now I could see how panicked he was. I suddenly felt hot tears on my cheeks and my breathing had become controlled again, and so had his. “Stop just stop struggling! Bloody Hell I said STOP!” The shout seemingly came out of nowhere for both of us as we suddenly froze.
Slowly I took a deep breath and looked downwards to the ground. “Hear me out, please….I just need you to hear me out and not run away.” meekly looking up, I almost start to choke on my own words. He started to wriggle around again but more weakly.
“Why are you running!? What could I possibly say that could be so bad!? You don’t even know what I could say! You’re a bloody idiot and a coward! Sure I would be like you in the situation but would you have come after me, like I did? Would you have let me run and ignore you for as long as I could!? Where the fuck is the Slytherin I would see across any room here at Hogwarts! Where's that arrogant act of yours?” My voice was progressively getting louder. “ You’re the man who would try to hide the way his lip quirked up when he found something amusing, poke fun at his friends. Let out this sweet-sounding laugh when his friends managed to break his tough persona you have in public!” I just looked at him hoping he’d get what I was trying to tell him.
“If YOU think spending your Time and Energy on love notes is better than CONFESSING...then…..At least hear what I have to say when I figured out who wrote them for me….I DON'T SPEND MY TIME LOOKING AT YOU AS YOU LOOKED AT ME TO DO NOTHING ABOUT IT WHEN I HAVE A CLEAR WAY TO KEEP YOU RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME AS MY BOYFRIEND! I LIKE YOU TOO, I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE ALL THIS JUST TO REJECT SOMEONE. YOU BLOODY SHOULD KNOW THAT!!!!” My voice falters again, I want to keep yelling but I can't, “…..I’m an asshole sometimes but I wouldn't do that, especially not to you. You have this sweet side I want to see too, not just catch a glimpse of when they happen in public. I wanna see that smile you make when you find something that should not be funny, hilarious. I wanna see you write and then read your poem again about different things and find out new things about you. I want to see the real you, the one you’ve hidden the most recently…..SAY SOMETHING! Please…..don’t run off and tell me if this is all but a cruel trick.”
I shut my eyes, definitely not expecting him to slowly wipe the tears off my face. “Then please don’t cry, you’re most lovely when you smile. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, I won’t run. I won’t be a coward” his voice just cut the tension and my knees started to buckle as I just wanted to cry from relief. “I’m staying right here, and you get to know the real me and I make sure to do whatever I can to make you the happiest man alive.” Slowly his tears fell on his face.
Calming silents fall upon us and I hear the wind blowing past us and the rustles of the leaves. I simply give into temptation, I embrace him tenderly and lean forward. Underneath the moon and the stars we share a short sweet kiss, one burned into our memories forever.