Ghosts

At Andy's Car

Maya was rubbing her hands. " I don't know if I did the right thing.

Andy tightened her grip on the streering wheel. " Mai you said the same thing when you left that house the first time. You Mom is an adult. She is not your responsibility. Besides Lane is scared of Ryan. Going back to this house is messing with your head. You don't need your childhood trauma bring triggered four days a week for months. "

Maya let out a shaky breath, staring out the window. "I know, I know… but it’s not that simple, Andy. She’s my mom."

Andy sighed, loosening her grip on the steering wheel. "Yeah, and she let him hurt you. She let him break you over and over again. You don’t owe her anything, Mai."

Maya swallowed hard, rubbing her hands together again. "I just— I thought maybe this time it would be different. Maybe she would finally stand up to him. Maybe she would finally pick me." Her voice cracked, and Andy’s heart clenched at the sound.

Andy reached over, placing a hand over Maya’s trembling fingers. "She should have picked you a long time ago. That’s on her, not you."

Maya let out a humorless laugh. "Then why does it still hurt so much?"

Andy squeezed her hand. "Because she’s your mom. Because mom's are supposed to pick their children over anything. Over a man or a job but sometimes they don't. "

Maya turned to look at Andy. " We are talking about my mom or your?"

Andy stop the car at a red light. " Probably both. "

Maya took a deep breath. " You never talked about her. Since we left L.A. "

Andy took a pregnant pause. " I berly had time to process. I tough she loved me. I tough she had walked into the fire because she didn't want a mother to lose their child but the truth is that I mean nothing to her. Absolutely nothing. She could have the job in New York she could have 10 months of 12 without having motherly responsibilities but still be in her life. The truth is that is not even that she chose the dammit job. She just didn't want have nothing to do with me. "

Maya stayed quiet for a moment, watching Andy’s knuckles turn white as she gripped the steering wheel again. The pain in her voice was raw, unfiltered, the kind of hurt that settled deep in the bones and never really left. Maya knew that feeling all too well.

"You do realize that’s on her, right?" Maya said softly. "Not you. She could have had you in her life in so many different ways. She chose not to. That’s not because you weren’t enough—it’s because she didn’t know how to be a mother."

Andy let out a shaky breath, blinking rapidly as the light turned green. She pulled the car on the side of the road . " You don't know what Maya. Dosen't take that much effort to spend summers with a child when you work 24hrs shifts three times a week. She wouldn't even have to handle homework. Even most dead beat dad's who don't want to parent show up once in a while. Maybe was something that I did-"

Maya cut her off. " Andy you were eight. Don't do this to yourself okay? "

Andy let out a sob. " I guess I understand now why my dad did it. Why he made up that lie. He didn't want me to grow up feeling like I'm feeling now. "

Maya’s chest tightened at Andy’s words. She had never heard her best friend sound so broken, so completely gutted. Andy was the strongest person Maya knew, the kind of person who kept moving forward no matter what, but right now? Right now, she was just a little girl who had been abandoned, trying to make sense of something that would never make sense.

Maya shifted in her seat, turning to face Andy fully. "Your dad did what he thought was best, Andy. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing, maybe it wasn’t fair to you, but he was trying to protect you."

Andy wiped at her eyes roughly, shaking her head. "I don’t need protecting. I needed the truth. I needed— I needed her to want me."

Maya felt her throat tighten, because God, did she understand that feeling. The desperate, aching need to be chosen, to be worth fighting for. She reached over again, gripping Andy’s wrist, grounding her. "I get it, Andy. I do. And I know it doesn’t change anything, but you are wanted. You are loved."

Andy let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. "Yeah? By who? By my dad, who lied to me? By my mom, who couldn’t even bother to pretend I mattered?"

Maya didn’t hesitate. "By me."

Andy’s breath hitched, and she finally turned to look at Maya. There were tears in her eyes, unshed and burning, and Maya hated that she couldn’t take this pain away from her.

"You are my family, Andy," Maya continued, voice steady despite the lump in her throat. "You are the person who pulled me out of that house, who showed me what love is supposed to look like. You’re my sister. And I will always, always choose you. And I'm not the only one. Meredith she loves you she chose you to be her wife and those three kids they choose you to be their mother. You were chosen for a lot of people. "

Andy’s shoulders shook as the words sank in, the weight of them pressing against her chest, making it hard to breathe. Chosen. The word echoed in her mind, breaking through years of doubt and rejection. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white, as if holding on would keep her from falling apart completely.

“I don’t feel chosen,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “I feel... discarded. Like I was never good enough for her. Like no matter what I did, I was never worth it.”

Maya’s heart shattered at the rawness in Andy’s voice. She knew that pain, that deep-seated belief that something was wrong with her, that she was unlovable. She had spent years trying to prove herself, trying to be enough for people who never saw her worth. But Andy? Andy was the best person Maya knew, and it killed her to see her so broken.

“Andy,” Maya said firmly, shifting closer. “You are enough. You have always been enough. Your mom’s choices don’t define you. She couldn’t see the incredible person you are, but that’s on her. Not you. My mom choose Lane over me so many times and you were the one who helped me understand was not my fault. "

Andy’s vision blurred as tears finally fell, silent and relentless, tracing paths down her cheeks. “ I know I said that and I was right but still I can't help but feel like was something that I did. I keep going back trying to figure out what it was. "

Maya’s jaw clenched, anger bubbling beneath the surface—not at Andy, but at the woman who had put these thoughts in her best friend’s head. “ Andy looked at me. It wasn't anything you did. I promise you it wasn't. Just like I didn't do anything to make Lane be abusive or to make my mom not protect me. You didn't do anything to cause her to leave. You were just a kid doing kids stuff. Her leaving has to do with her and her only. "

Andy’s breath hitched, the sobs she had been holding back escaping in broken gasps. She slammed her fist against the steering wheel, the pain grounding her, pulling her back from the edge. “I hate her,” she choked out. “I hate her for making me feel this way. For leaving. For never looking back. I hate her, and I still miss her, I still want her to love me and it’s so messed up, Mai. It’s so damn messed up.”

Maya didn’t hesitate. She unbuckled her seatbelt, leaning over to pull Andy into a tight hug, holding her as she broke down. Andy buried her face in Maya’s shoulder, gripping her shirt like it was the only thing keeping her from falling apart completely.

“I’ve got you,” Maya whispered, rubbing soothing circles on Andy’s back. “I’ve got you, and I’m not going anywhere. Let it out, Andy. Just let it out.”

Andy sobbed harder, her tears wearing Maya's jacket 

They stayed like that for a long time, the car parked on the side of the road as Andy finally allowed herself to break.

When the sobs finally subsided, Andy pulled back, wiping her swollen eyes. “I’m a mess,” she muttered, her voice hoarse.

Maya smiled softly, brushing a tear from Andy’s cheek. “You’re allowed to be a mess. "

Andy managed a weak smile, her eyes still red and puffy. “I know. And... thank you, Maya. For being my family. For... for choosing me.”

Maya’s eyes softened, her own tears threatening to fall. “Always. You’re stuck with me Herrera.”

Andy let out a watery laugh, the weight on her chest easing just a little. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Maya leaned back, settling into her seat. “Good. Now, let’s get out of here before people start thinking we’re having some sort of crisis.”

Andy laughed, a real, genuine laugh that felt like a balm to her wounded heart. She started the car, the engine rumbling to life. “Too late for that, but okay.”

At Maya apartment.

Maya walked in to find Andrew and Carina taking in Italian on the couch. " Hi Andrew. Hi babe. "

Maya sat next to Carina and rested her head on her shoulder. " You are back earlier. Do we need to bail Andy out of jail?"

Maya let out a laugh. " No. I - I dicided to leave early. I don't think I'm coming back. "

Carina frowned, gently running her fingers through Maya’s hair. "What happened, amore?"

Maya let out a slow breath, staring at the ceiling. "I just— I kept hoping, you know? That maybe this time, she would see me. That maybe she would finally choose me over him. But she won’t. She never will."

Carina’s arms tightened around her. "Oh, tesoro…"

Andrew, sitting across from them, crossed his arms. "Maya, you’ve given her so many chances. At some point, you have to stop hurting yourself for someone who doesn’t deserve you."

Maya swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. "Yeah… Andy said the same thing."

Andrew let out a short laugh. "She’s a smart one, that Herrera."

Maya smiled, but it was small, tired. "She is."

Carina pressed a kiss to Maya’s hair. "I know it hurts, but you made the right choice, amore. Walking away doesn’t mean you don’t love her—it means you love yourself too. It was so hard for me to leave my Papa but was the best decision I ever made. I spend more than half of my life trying to help him but the truth is we can't safe people that don't want to be saved. And of we try to shred we ended up losing ourselves. "

Maya leaned into Carina. " You are right. One day in that house and I was I just couldn't function right. I need to let go. Even if it hurts. "

Carina kissed Maya's cheek. " That is right bambina. "

Meanwhile at Andy's and Meredith's home

As soon as Andy walked in she seat next to her fiancee and broke down in her arms.

Meredith didn’t say anything at first. She just wrapped her arms tightly around Andy, pulling her close, letting her cry. Andy clung to her, fists gripping the fabric of Meredith’s sweater as sobs wracked her body.

Meredith pressed a kiss to Andy’s temple, rubbing slow, soothing circles on her back. “I’ve got you,” she whispered. “I’m right here.”

Andy just cried harder. Meredith just held her. She didn’t try to fix it or tell her everything would be okay. She knew Andy was the type to hold everything in until it crushed her. She also knew there were no magic words to make it better. So instead, she let Andy fall apart.

After a while, Andy’s sobs quieted to sniffles, and she shifted slightly, resting her head against Meredith’s shoulder. “I feel so stupid,” she whispered. “Like, I’m a grown-ass woman, and this gets to me.”

Meredith shook her head. “You’re not stupid. You just found out your mother left you. You have every right to feel whatever you feel. My mom stayed but she always made clear how unhappy I made her. It took me a lot of therapy to get over the harm she caused me. And Amy she became addicted trying to numb the pain our mother caused us this sort of thing doesn't magicaly desapear just because we grew up."

Andy snuggled further into her wife. " I just wish I could stop  feeling I'm not good enough. "

Meredith kissed Andy's cheek. " You are more than enough mi amor. You are so strong , and brave and intelligent and you have a such beautiful heart. I love you so much princesa. "

Andy leaned into Meredith. " I love you too Mer. So much.  I know that wasn't what you had in mind when you asked Lexie to take the kids I'm sorry."

Meredith tighned her grip on Andy. " Princesa don't apologize. I asked Lexie to take the kids so I could foucus on taking care of you. I knew you were trying to be strong in front of them. "

Andy snuggled further into Meredith. " You are so good to me. I won't ever let you go. "

Meredith let out a smile. " That was the plan all along.  To keep you forever. Let's get you to bed my love I know you are tired. I promise I won't leave your side. "

Andy’s fingers tightened on Meredith’s sweater as she whispered, “Stay with me?”

Meredith’s heart broke a little at the vulnerability in Andy’s voice. She kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”

They made their way to the bedroom, Meredith’s arm wrapped protectively around Andy’s waist. Andy sank onto the bed, exhausted, her shoulders slumping as she kicked off her shoes. Meredith sat beside her, her fingers gently combing through Andy’s hair.

Andy leaned into her touch, her eyes fluttering shut. “I don’t know how to move past this, Mer… How do you move on from your own mother not wanting you?”

Meredith’s chest tightened. “ I promise  you that it doesn’t make you any less worthy of love. You have so many people who care about you… me, Maya, the team… the kids adore you.”

Andy’s lips trembled. “I love them so much. They’re the only reason I held it together as long as I did. I didn’t want them to see me fall apart.”

Meredith cupped Andy’s face, her thumbs gently brushing away stray tears. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. Not with me. You’re allowed to fall apart, princesa. And I will be here to help to put yourself tougher. "

Andy looked up at her, eyes raw and vulnerable. “I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m never good enough."

Meredith leaned her forehead against Andy’s, her own eyes stinging with tears. “I wish I could take away your pain. But I will do my best to remind you every day how amazing you are. You light up my life. I'm so lucky that in a few months a will be able to call you my wife. "

Andy’s lips trembled, and she fell into Meredith’s arms again, her voice a broken whisper. “I'm the lucky one. When you asked me out I was sure it could be a date until you asked to buy me that drink. I tough you were out of my league. "

Meredith’s grip tightened. “ Out if your league? You are my world championship mi amor. " 

They lay down together, tangled in each other’s arms. Meredith continued to whisper soothing words, her fingers tracing gentle patterns on Andy’s back until her breathing evened out, and she finally fell asleep.

Later 

Andy was sleeping in bed when she was waken buy the kids jumping on her. Zola snuggled into her. ," Mami you sad?"

Andy nodded. " Yes but having you guys here makes so much better. I promise I will be fine I just need lot's of cuddles. "

Zola, Bailey, and Ellis all snuggled closer to Andy, their small bodies pressing into her with a comforting warmth. Ellis, who had always been the most affectionate of the three, rested her head against Andy's chest, her tiny hand clutching Andy’s shirt.

Bailey, ever the empathetic one, looked up at her. "You don't have to be sad, Mami. We love you so much," she said softly, his voice serious for such a young boy.

Andy smiled weakly, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall again. "I know, baby. I love you guys too. You make everything better."

Zola tightened her arms around Andy’s waist. “You don’t have to be sad alone, okay? We’re here.”

Ellis, barely awake but still clinging to her, mumbled, “No leaving, Mami.”

Andy smiled through her tears, brushing a hand over Ellis’s hair. “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

Meredith, standing in the doorway, watched the scene with a soft smile. She knew there were wounds inside Andy that would never fully heal, scars left by a mother who never chose her. But here, in this house, in this family, Andy was chosen every single day.

Meredith walked over, climbing onto the bed and wrapping an arm around Andy, pressing a kiss to her temple. “You’re stuck with us, princesa.”

Andy let out a breath, the weight on her chest feeling just a little bit lighter. “Good,” she murmured, closing her eyes as her family held her close. “Because I don’t ever want to be anywhere else.”

Meanwhile at Maya's apartment 

Maya and Carina were snuggling in bed after Andrew had left. " Car are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

Carina smiled at her girlfriend. " I have everything I need right here. "

Maya kissed Carina's cheek. " I love you Car so much."

Carina kissed Maya back. " I love you too bambina.I know you are hurting but I promise it gets better"

Maya leaned into her girlfriend. " Andy broke down in the car. I have never seen her like that. We have been best friends since we were twelve. I'm really worried about her. "

Carina ran her fingers through Maya's hair. " I can't even imagine what she is feeling but she is not alone bambina. We will help her get trough this. "

Maya took a pregnant pause. " Andy would be better of never knowing the truth. I'm not condoning with Captain's Herrera lie but I just wish she wouldn't have to be in so much pain."

Carina sighed, her fingers continuing to run soothingly through Maya’s hair. “Maybe… but the truth was always going to come out eventually. Secrets have a way of doing that.”

Maya let out a frustrated breath. “ You are right. I just wish I could do more. Andy did so much for me. "

Carina ran her fingers through Maya's hair. " You are doing more than you think bambina. What she needs right now is to be reminded that she is loved and that is what you are doing. "

Maya let out a deep breath. " The day I turned 18 I had just gotten back from getting my medal in Beijing. Andy showed up at my parents house. Lane had looked me in the basement because I was injured and couldn't train-"

Carina’s eyes widened, her hand pausing mid-stroke in Maya’s hair. “He locked you in the basement? Maya…”

Maya nodded, her gaze distant as she remembered. “Yeah. He did that everytime. He said if I couldn't train I didn't need to be outside or to eat. I just remember her kicking the door down and telling me we were leaving to  celebrate my birthday . She took me to Capitain's Herrera house and she baked me a cake. Was the first time I had cake or a real birthday."

Carina’s eyes filled with tears as she held Maya closer. “Oh, bambina… I’m so sorry you went through that.”

Maya swallowed hard, blinking back her own tears. “ That day Andy convinced me to leave that house. I didn't want to because of my mom and Mason but she told me that if I stayed she was going to make sure Lane wouldn't be there. I was scared she was going to do something stupid so I went back for my things and left. "

Carina held Maya tightly, her heart aching for the woman she loved. “She saved you,” Carina whispered. “She gave you the courage to leave.”

Maya nodded, her voice breaking. “Yeah… she did. And I’ve never been able to repay her for that. I owe her everything, Car.”

Carina shook her head gently, brushing her lips against Maya’s forehead. “No, amore. You don’t owe her anything. You’ve given her your friendship, your loyalty, and your love. That’s more than enough.”

Maya’s shoulders trembled as she fought back tears. “She’s hurting so much right now… and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Carina’s eyes softened. “You can’t fix it, bambina. No one can. But you can be there for her. Sometimes that’s all we can do."

Maya sniffed, nodding slowly. “Yeah… I just hate that this is all I can do.”

Carina cradled Maya’s face in her hands, her gaze fierce and loving. “l understand bambina. But I promise you that you being there for her means a lot more that you can think of. "

Maya leaned into Carina’s touch, her heart aching but feeling a little lighter. “I just hope it’s enough.”

“It will be,” Carina promised. “We’ll make sure of it. Will take time but she will get trough that”

They lay there in silence, holding each other as the night deepened around them, both lost in their thoughts about the friend they loved so dearly.

-

Meanwhile, at Andy and Meredith’s house…

Meredith lay awake, listening to the soft breaths of her wife and their children, all tangled together on the bed. She traced her fingers gently over Andy’s hair, her heart heavy with worry.

Andy stirred, her eyes fluttering open to find Meredith watching her. “Hey,” she whispered sleepily.

“Hey,” Meredith whispered back, her fingers still stroking Andy’s hair. “You okay?”

Andy looked down at the children curled around her, their little faces peaceful and full of love. “I am now,” she admitted. “They… they make everything better.”

Meredith’s eyes softened. “They love you so much, Andy. And so do I.”

Andy looked up, her eyes shining with tears. “I know… I just… it hurts, Mer. It hurts so much.”

Meredith’s heart broke at the raw vulnerability in Andy’s voice. She wrapped her arms around her wife, holding her tightly. “I know, princesa. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Andy’s body trembled as she finally let herself break, silent tears streaming down her face as Meredith held her. “ Just stay close”

Meredith didn’t have an answer. She could only hold Andy closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I'm not going anywhere. "

Andy looked into Meredith’s eyes, seeing the fierce love and unwavering support there. For the first time in days, she felt a flicker of hope. “I love you.”

Meredith smiled through her own tears, pressing her forehead to Andy’s. “I love you too. Always.”