Sirius had taken the weight off of remus's shoulders. He made life easier for him and made his days exciting. Before Remus had met Sirius, he was stuck in a cycle, life had become boring to him.
But waking up every morning was worth it to see that pretty face of his favorite boy, getting to hold him every night and waking up to him every morning made his life new, it made him someone better, it saved him.
They've been together for nearly 5 years now, but they both still remember the day they met like it was yesterday. From when they were stuck in the same carriage together to after the sorting. When they started having meals together to when they went on to live together, they started as friends but became inseparable fast, wherever you saw remus, Sirius was probably somewhere close, they had trust closer than brothers.
They knew each other better than themselves, and communication between the two was gentle but thorough. Whenever one of them felt bad, the other knew just how to cheer them up, they had small fights every now and then but they worked through it.
One of their rules was to never go to sleep angry, and to never act in anger or on any emotion alone. When they fought they apologized, they never said anything they would regret because they both knew each other too well to hurt each other, even on accident.
Today marks their 5 year anniversary, Remus stretches in bed, being careful so he doesn't wake Sirius, but Sirius was already up, his sleep schedule was Remus.
Remus looked around the room and set his eyes on a drawer, it was near the corner of the room so Sirius had never paid attention to it. Remus quickly took notice of that so whenever he got Sirius his comfort food he'd hide it there to surprise him with it later. Sirius had gotten a lot better but every few weeks he'd have one day where he couldn't eat anything except for those foods.
Remus understood Sirius, he wasn't disgusted or anything, he fell in love more with every new thing he learned about his sweet boy, all of Sirius's insecurities were what Remus loved most about him, even with scars lining his chest and back, Remus drew crescents around them, given remus had liked Sirus's nickname for him.
Remus rubbed circles in sirus's cheeks, slowly lifting up to kiss him, they held their kiss for long, enjoying the sweet and innocent bliss of each other's presence, they fought so hard to be together.
Shortly after they were done, Sirius sat up, throwing his arms over remus's shoulders. Remus lays his hands on Sirius's waist, as soon as he did Sirius had a big smile on his face. "So dear, where do you want to go for today?" Sirius took a moment to think but he had been waiting for this for a long time.
"Could we go to where we had our first date?" Sirius was really hoping Remus would say yes.
"You mean that one park where you spilt your strawberry shake on my lap?"
"Well, yeah, but I didn't mean to." Sirius turned all red, he forgot that happened.
"Don't worry love, I knew it was an accident, plus it gave me a good excuse to take you to my place already."
"I'm still sorry."
"Hey don't worry love, you always were quite clumsy, weren't you."
"That's true, I trip every 10 steps unless I'm walking with you."
"Am I your personal walker?"
"Yes moony, yes you are."
Remus lifted Sirius up and carried him until he could sit him down on his desk. "Strip." Sirius nodded his head and began to strip instantly until he was completely bare sitting on Remus's desk.
Remus went around the room and got out some clothes for Sirius, he set them on their bed. Remus wanted to take a shower before they went off. He got his clothes and set them down but was careful when swapping his pockets.
He walked back to Sirius and rested his hands on his thighs. "You're so pretty, I could stare at you all day." Sirius turned red, he'd always have problems accepting himself and his body.
"Breathe, focus on me dear, how're you feeling?"
"Good."
"I love you Sirius."
"I love you more moony."
"We can debate about that all we want when we get home later."
Remus lowered his head and kissed Sirius, then his shoulders, then his collarbone, and he kept going lower, kissing everywhere on Sirius's body, Sirius couldn't keep himself quiet but he was in a state of pure bliss, nothing was on his mind except for Remus. He didn't exactly want to be fucked or anything right now but this type of intimacy was comforting to him.
"One tap for good, two taps for stop."
Remus knew Sirius would go nonverbal whenever they were like this, they talked about it a lot before they first did anything, Remus knew Sirius would get scared if he felt like he wasn't good enough, but Sirius was always good enough for Remus, Remus was just still figuring out how to properly take care of his boy.
Sirius tapped once, he didn't want it to ever end, but he knew that he always feels like this with Remus, Remus was his comfort.
Sirius threw his head back when Remus reached his neck again, it was where he was most vulnerable, but to Remus, he wasn't vulnerable anywhere, Remus wouldn't ever hurt Sirius.
Remus met his lips again, and he sat there, kissing him, just thinking of how good it felt to have him there. But he eventually had to pull away, but when he did he immediately scooped up Sirius in his arms and carried him to the bathroom.
Sirius went and sat on the counter while remus went out into their bedroom, itching his arm. "Damn allergies." He muttered to himself, he swapped the things in his pockets accordingly and took a pill to help his allergies.
Sirius was kicking his feet on the counter, he truly felt comfortable being bare around remus, he trusted him so much.
Remus came into the bathroom with a few towels, he set down the toilets lid and placed the towels there. Walking to Sirius, he placed his hands on his shoulders and went down, admiring him again, his hands met the scars on his arms and he rubbed them gently.
"You're so strong, I don't want you to ever be ashamed of these, you fought so hard for this."
Sirius nodded and kissed him, holding him tight. Then when remus's hands met the scars on sirius's chest, Sirius felt worried for a moment. He had always worried about them after his surgery, he thought it made him less of a man.
"Hey, look at me."
Remus noticed sirius's gaze fall, so he gently reached for his chin so their eyes could meet, and they did. Remus got lost in his eyes, he couldn't stop smiling, he loved the way Sirius's eyes shined, he loved everything about him, so he just stood there, looking at him, admiring him.
"You're such a handsome man, just because you have these scars doesn't mean youre any less of a man than me."
And with that, Sirius started to cry, not bad tears or angry tears or anything, but he was happy, so happy, he was happy that the man he loved most validated him and took him in, he was happy to be accepted.
Remus rubbed circles in his cheeks, wiping the tears away, he kissed his forehead and picked him up.
"I love you dear, you're so pretty."
"I love you more moony, you're so good to me."
"You deserve the best and I'm always going to try my best, now let's go run you a bath."
Remus set him down and Sirius sat in the tub while remus started the bath, making sure the water wasn't too hot or too cold, he started taking care of Sirius more after he found him scrubbing his skin hard with scolding hot water, from then on he took it upon himself to keep Sirius from being pushed to that point again.
Remus was gentle, he started with sirius's back and made sure to wash him slowly, then he went on to do his legs, as he went up and down his thighs he made sure to not startle Sirius, he knew his Past and even the slightest wrong movement around there would send him into a panic attack.
"Arms."
Remus was gentle but firm, Sirius lifted his arms and let Remus clean him, he scrubbed soap onto him then rinsed it, and repeated it, sirius's mind went quiet, listening to Remus, focusing on him.
Remus got up to his hair and washed it before putting anything in, he gently went through it with shampoo, using his fingers to get it down to his scalp, he made sure he didn't tug or anything to not break Sirius out of the state of mind he's in, he's been needing this.
Remus rinsed the shampoo out and went through his hair again before he put conditioner in his hair, scrubbing slowly again, he could feel Sirius rocking back and fourth while his hands worked through his hair, Sirius was completely calm, there wasn't anything that could throw him into a frenzy now, because Remus took such good care of him.
Remus then took time to wash himself. He kept checking on Sirius even as he cleaned himself, but after he got done he sat in there with Sirius for a bit, rubbing his sides up and down, he went from his waist up, slowly sending Sirius back to him, then he stood him up and put a towel around him, drying him before he dried himself.
After remus got done drying them both off he walked Sirius to their bed and began to dress himself as Sirius got dressed as well, Remus kept glancing at Sirius, he couldn't help but take in how beautiful he was.
Remus walked over and hugged Sirius, kissing him again, he held Sirius until he saw his pupils change.
"There's my pretty boy." Remus's tone was soft.
"We should eat something before we go." Sirius still sounded as if he was half asleep, but he was perfectly awake, he knew this wasn't a dream, this was the life he fought for.
Remus was happy Sirius said that, when they were still early into dating, whenever Remus had cooked for them both Sirius would hardly even touch his plate, he never ate because he was scares of gaining weight, he never ate much when he was younger because he always thought someone else deserved it more than him, even when someone had already eaten and he was next to starving, he still gave them his food.
"What would you like to have darling?"
"Spaghetti?"
"We haven't had that in quite a bit, it sounds like a wonderful idea."
Sirius walked out of the room and Remus followed, usually it was Remus cooking but today's special and Sirius wanted to help, so they both would work on making them food.
"Go on into the pantry and get the non-fridrated ingredients."
Sirius went off into their pantry, it really helped to have one because it made shopping and sorting a lot easier.
Remus grabbed everything they needed from the fridge and Sirius came back with the things they needed from the pantry, Sirius set them down and went to get the proper tools to use, Remus sorted the food but he had to itch his arm again, it wasn't a terrible itch but it was an annoying one.
Sirius came back to Remus and set everything down before stopping Remus from scratching his arm.
"Don't scratch, it'll only make the itching worse, put something cool on it or rub it gently."
Remus hugged Sirius and ran his hand through his hair. "You do a really good job at taking care of me, you know that?" And Sirius smiled.
"Yes, yes I do."
Remus turned on the stove and Sirius began putting things together, the two worked so well together that making themselves the simple meal was easy, they knew each other so well that they didn't get on each other's way, they were basically dancing around their kitchen while making themselves a meal.
Sirius smiled as he watched remus take the spaghetti from the pot and setting it onto the plate, then Sirius put the sauce over it and Remus poured their drinks, they set the table accordingly and cleaned up the small mess they made before sitting down.
"You know, I could get used to cooking together more often." Remus laughed a bit to himself.
Sirius smiled. "That makes two of us."
After exchanging those words they ate, Sirius twirling his fork with spaghetti in the air, and Remus eating carefully so he didn't get hiccups, they both enjoyed their meal together, it wasn't silent because of any division between them but it was silent because they were enjoying the moment, and they exchanged 1000 words with just their eyes and moves, they could go an hour without saying a word to each other and they would still be happy, because all they needed were each other's company.
Once remus finished he got up and cleaned his plate and set it in the dishwasher, he then walked over to Sirius and sat next to him.
"You don't have to eat it all if you can't dear."
"It's not that I can't finish it, I was just caught up in something."
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"It's nothing special, I just keep thinking of how nice it would be with you in my arms, I love you moony."
"That would feel amazing, I love you more dear."
Remus went off to their room to grab everything he needed, he grabbed a light coat and put it on but itched his arm again, so he swapped to a new one. Sirius was finishing his plate and cleaning it while Remus waited by the door. Just as Sirius got to the door, Remus had been waiting there for him, holding a marching coat for him.
Sirius smiled and hugged Remus, then they went off to the car. Sirius got into the passenger's side as Remus got into the drivers seat, Sirius was always his passenger princess.
Sirius messed around with the radio was Remus pulled out of their driveway and started off to the park, the park that brought them together. Sirius was watching the cars pass by them until he decided that wasn't enough.
"For a park, I really am excited to go out with you."
"Well, I really am lucky to be going here with you, and to be with you is something even better."
Remus slowed into the parking lot and went to a space next to the place Sirius has gotten his favorite milkshake. He shut the car off and the two left the car and darted towards the place, there was a line but it was short enough to not be an issue. Remus pointed out the drink Sirius has first spilt, but this time he'd be more careful with it.
After the line finally ended, they got what they liked, Sirius had gotten a drink while Remus got ice cream, then they walked through the trail, admiring its beauty.
"This place is as good as I remember, but it's half as pretty as you love."
Sirius had a giant smile plastered across his face. "You always have something to make me smile don't you?"
"I try my best to."
They held hands as they enjoyed what they got, they passed ducks and many other small animals along the trail, then they took a break and sat down on a bench close to them.
Sirius put his arm around Remus and laid close to his chest, he would always find a way to get comfortable if Remus was around.
Remus finished his ice cream as Sirius finished his milkshake, Remus saw the milkshake had left a bit on his lips, so he took the opportunity and kissed him, right where they first met.
"Why don't you go toss that in the bin over there?"
Sirius got up and went to throw his thing away but Remus had other plans for the day, he made sure he had the right things in his pockets and he adjusted himself before Sirius turned around.
And as he did, he was immediately filled with joy, Remus was on one knee, with such a beautiful ring picked out for him.
"5 years from today started the most beautiful journey of my life, and I'd love to continue that journey with you, till we grow old and death due us part, and even past then I'll still love you, may you take my hand in life and death my love?"
"Yes, of course I will."
Tears streamed down Sirius's face, they were happy tears, Remus slid the ring onto his finger and held his hands, kissing him once more, he would never stop loving Sirius.
Remus kisses him again and again, he loved Sirius so much, he would always keep him company, he took his hand and walked him down the trail again. They saw all of their sights from before, and they went back to their car, they wanted to go out and celebrate their moment.
Remus reached for the car door, scratching his arm again, he needed to take something for it to fix it until he could get checked out.
He forgot his keys, so he reached into his pocket to grab them, but it felt like something pricked his finger, he shook his hand back out and there was blood.
Remus's head started to ring until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, he closed them until there was a bright light that forced him to blink until he could handle keeping them open.
He saw his bathroom, the light was on, but it was just him, all alone. In reality, Sirius has died a long time ago into their relationship, so Remus never got to marry him, but he never gave up on that hope, however it haunted him still, he couldn't get his life back together after he lost them, but something else was wrong too.
Remus was on the floor, he has looked around and saw the door was locked, he tried to reach for it but he couldn't, he looked down and his arms were laced with cuts, they all were bleeding worse than any other, he wasn't scratching his arms, he was cutting himself deep.
He started to panic, and he saw bottles, empty, the medication he took to calm the scratching were bottles of other medications, Remus had gotten backed into his mind but he had went far this time.
Remus tried to move again to signal somebody to help him, he hoped he had a chance but he had no efforts, until he felt a wave come over him, he shot up and went to reach for the door but as soon as he was up he fell back down.
But he landed right into Sirius's arms.