Cursed

Ianto screwed his eyes shut and tried to hold onto the broom, but it was like the bastard thing had become possessed.  It was vibrating violently, swinging back and forth, and shaking up and down.  Ianto wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. 

The broom gave a huge vertical jolt, and Ianto’s legs came loose.  He heard his friends cry out from the ground, but he was too busy trying to hold on to pay them any heed.  He now had the broom handle in both hands, and he felt his sweaty grip weakening.

“I’m going to fall!” he shouted.

He felt his hand slipping, but he was afraid to let go to try to get a better grip.  His arms were so tired, he knew if he let go, he would lose his hold on the broom, altogether.

“I’m slipping!” Ianto shouted, realizing he wouldn’t be able to hold on very much longer.  “I… can’t…”

Ianto watched in horror as the broom handle began slipping from his grasp. 

“Gonna… faaaahhhhhhh,” he screamed as his fingers finally came loose and he began to fall.

***

“IANTO!” Jack screamed, sitting bolt upright and dislodging his Welsh duvet, in the process. 

Ianto was immediately alert.  He righted himself from his sudden repositioning and sat up, pulled Jack into his arms, and began softly crooning the Boeshanian lullaby he had learned from Jack.  As Jack allowed the sound of Ianto’s voice to ground him, he began to calm.

Ianto felt a moment of guilt before he realized that it hadn’t actually been his nightmare that had troubled Jack.  He had merely experienced the echoes of Jack’s nightmare along their bond, and for him it had not escalated from bad dream to a heart-pounding, panic-inducing nightmare.  He felt relief that he had been spared that, even as his heart went out to his lover.

“It’s alright,” he whispered into Jack’s hair as the older man clung to him, trying to catch his breath.  “I’m safe.  I didn’t fall.  Gwydyon caught me, remember?  I’m right here, Beloved.”

Ianto continued to whisper sweet nonsense, slipping into Welsh as he rocked Jack, to and fro.  Everyone gave Jack hell that he had not learned the language of the land he’d made his home for nigh on a century and a half, but for all that, one cannot live somewhere all that time and not pick up some of the language.  And in offering comfort, Ianto was not using a complicated vocabulary.  Jack recognized words like Safe and I’m here and My Beloved.

Ianto knew the moment Jack was fully himself again, because the older man began nuzzling his collarbone, offering small kisses and nibbles as he breathed Ianto in.  He leaned back and, tucking a bent finger under Jack’s chin, lifted his head so they could see one another.  “Better?” he asked.

“Better,” Jack gave one of those small, genuine smiles that made Ianto’s insides go all gooey.  “Thank you for… helping me,” he added, uncertain how to express what Ianto had just done, pulling him out of a very dark mind space.  Ianto had fallen in the nightmare; he hadn’t survived and hadn’t revived.  It had taken Jack to the dark place he’d been when the Master had killed Ianto, and Jack had thought his lover gone forever.  But Ianto’s voice, and those sweet words, had pulled him back out of the darkness.

“Thank you for letting me help,” Ianto returned Jack’s smile, and all of a sudden, he understood.  All this time, all these months since he had swallowed the poison, he had felt guilty for the time and care Jack had given to him so freely. 

But Jack hadn’t done it out of duty or obligation, and it hadn’t been a burden, to him.  It had been an honor.  An expression of love.  Something sacred offered and made all the more so when accepted.  It took Jack’s easy acceptance of Ianto’s care for him now to realize that it is as great an act of love to accept comfort and care as to offer it. 

The realization left him stunned.  Sadly, part of that was down to the fact that there had been so little offered to Ianto in his young life.  But that had changed now, and Ianto felt something ignite along their bond as he opened a door he’d not realized he’d been hiding behind.

Jack drew in a breath as he felt the shift, and his smile grew even warmer, somehow.  He watched something open in Ianto’s countenance – a subtle change that might not have even been physical, but even if it was at the auric level, it was still plain to see. 

And it was beautiful.

“There you are,” Jack murmured, his voice low but still filled with awe and reverence.

“Pretty sure I’ve been here all along,” Ianto replied, one corner of his mouth lifting in a crooked smile.  He knew what Jack meant, but he hoped he’d been mostly present with his lover, all along.

“Oh, you have,” Jack assured him.  “I kept coming back because every now and then, you’d give me a glimpse, and that was enough to keep me hooked.  But now…” he reached out and caressed Ianto’s cheek.  “It’s like you’ve finally stepped out from the shadows.”

“Bit of a scary thought,” Ianto said, his eyes showing his nerves.

“Wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t ready,” Jack replied.  “You’re beautiful, you know that?  Always have been, but…”  He shook his head, that same cherishing smile gracing his lips.  “You don’t have to hide anymore.  I see you.”  He smiled as Ianto’s eyes began to shine with unshed tears, and he felt a few fall from his own eyes.  “Thank you letting me see you.”

“You saw me even when I didn’t want you to,” Ianto said, wiping the tears from Jack’s cheeks, even as his own fell.  “You’re the only person I’ve never been able to completely hide from.  It terrified me, at first.  But then…” he sighed.  “But then I realized you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But then I did.”  It was Jack’s turn to sigh.  He leaned in and kissed Ianto to keep him from protesting.  “I’m not talking about the curses.  I know I hurt you when I pushed you away.  When I used Gwen as a shield every time I began to feel too much for you.  Every time you managed to see me.”  He sighed.  “And that trip to the past…”  He shook his head.

“Is in the past,” Ianto asserted.  “All done and over ages ago, and all forgiven.  Let’s not dwell on that.  Since you came back from the Year, things have been different.  I trust you, Jack.  I think that’s why you’ve always been able to see me.  On some level, I knew it was okay to allow it.”

“I do see you, Ianto,” Jack said, feeling it necessary to repeat himself.  “And there’s no part of what I see that I don’t love.”

Ianto’s eyes flew wide.  Did Jack just…

Jack realized that the time had finally come.  He didn’t want to miss another opportunity.  And perhaps those episodes of insecurity would finally leave Ianto be, if he felt himself on more solid ground. 

There was one last thing Jack had been waiting to do, in order to provide this firmer footing to his lover, but he’d been waiting for the right moment.  He’d missed a window during the younger man’s birthday – mostly because Ianto had rendered him incapable of coherent speech that night.  But now…

He leaned back a moment, looking into the face of his beautiful, vulnerable wizard.  Ianto had been through so much, and yet here he was, stronger than ever.  It was such a gift, and now Jack felt stingy for having held back for so long.

“Jack?”  Part of Ianto half-expected Jack to backpedal again.  They’d been dancing around this for weeks now, waiting for the right moment, when each of them would be in a place to finally hear it.  He reached out and caressed Jack’s cheek, sensing something shift in Jack’s mood.  Jack placed his hand over Ianto’s, leaning into the younger man’s touch before meeting his eyes again.

“I love you.”

Ianto’s lips parted as he sucked in a startled breath.  Jack felt a jolt along the bond, and then for a moment, he felt Ianto’s physical sensations as his own.  His heart thumped, hard.  A frisson of icy lightning flew through his veins – not as a lie detected but as a truth embraced – followed by a deep flush of heat, a fierce instinct to protect his beloved.

And as the creatures’ reactions to Jack’s words settled and softened, in their wake came a giddy joy that filled him to bursting.  He felt like his skin would not be able to contain all that he had become in his joy and happiness and a love so fierce he could hardly breathe…

With another jolt, Jack landed back in his own body, and he stared at Ianto with awe, hoping the younger man had felt Jack’s love as surely as he had just felt Ianto’s.  The smile that slowly spread across Ianto’s face told Jack he had.

“I love you, too,” Ianto replied, his voice raw with emotion.

There was very little distance between them, but they closed it, now.  Each leaned in, and neither would have been able to say who initiated the sweet, tender kiss that filled them both with love, grace, relief, and hope.

No further words were needed as they loved, allowing the growing bond to carry all the expression of the feelings stirred by the confession of their feelings.  Sure, they had both felt that way for a very long time, and each had known how the other felt, at least since Ianto’s convalescence had begun in earnest.  But there was something about saying it aloud that tore down the last wall between them.

What followed were several hours of slow, gentle lovemaking, each bringing the other off as the joy blossomed and grew along their bond.  They slept and then showered, and it was midnight when they sat down for a hearty meal served by a giggling Mitzy.  Unable to resist, they loved a bit more before surrendering to sleep for the night.

***

They were late to breakfast the next morning, and the laughter from the others made Ianto realize he had forgotten the muffliato spell when they returned to their rooms the previous day.  But Jack didn’t care, and Ianto was too overwhelmingly happy to allow embarrassment to dampen his good mood.

The previous day’s terror and fatigue were all but forgotten, though the current lesson did give Ianto pause.  He worried about splinching, but Professor McGonagall and the others took him back through the lessons, step by step, and soon he was practicing.

They had lifted the preventative spells on the Great Hall so apparition could be done within its confines.  It took far less time than Ianto had expected for him to become more comfortable with it, but he practiced for more than an hour to be certain he was performing the spell correctly and wasn’t calling on too much magic.

Ron was kind enough to volunteer to help Ianto practice side-along apparition.  There was much laughter as Ianto brought along a few items close to their starting point in the Great Hall to the opposite corner.

“It’s an anti-splinch!” Harry laughed.  The others joined in, and Professor McGonagall noted – if only to herself – that Ianto had most likely only done that because he was terrified of hurting Ron, somehow.

And so went the final lesson of Ianto’s magical refresher course.  Professor McGonagall was able to assure Minister Shacklebolt that Ianto was healed, mostly recovered, and fully qualified to carry a wand and practice magic safely.  They were all chagrined, but not terribly surprised, to realize that Ianto intended to stay in the muggle world and continue working for Torchwood.

The group spent the afternoon enjoying one another’s company, and the evening’s revels were great fun.

***