… Everything Changes
”Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk.” William Arthur Ward
All three adults sat down to join Harry at the table. Severus looked both stunned and confused at Harry’s rather blunt statement regarding his daily habits. Harry had started tapping the table, nervously looking at his Aunt Petunia. Casting a quick glance around the table, Petunia carefully cleared her throat, and prepared herself to tell her and Harry’s tale.
“Before I begin my tale of woes, Severus, there is something you must understand. Harry was diagnosed, officially, last year with Asperger’s Syndrome, it is a form of autism and with a mild form of mutism. As you have heard he does let his voice be heard through sounds and we believe, when he is ready, he will speak. It is not that he doesn’t have the capability, it’s that for whatever reason it doesn’t happen. Do you have any immediate questions before we begin?”
“Yes, what exactly is Asperger’s Syndrome? I have been away from the mundane world for quite some time now so this is new to me.” Severus stated calmly.
Petunia glanced quickly at Harry before answering. Severus had made a simple statement about the mundane world and she wanted to gauge Harry’s reaction before she continued. Harry continued his tapping and was glancing at something on the wall. Petunia smiled, “Asperger’s, as it is often called, is as I said, a form of autism.” at Severus’ nod she continued, “It is not as understood, because not only is it diagnosed or discovered later in adolescence, Harry was nine, it is also misunderstood because generally, children with Asperger’s are highly intelligent. Harry is really smart, though at times his focus can be linear. If he finds a subject he is particularly interested in or drawn to, he gets hyper focused and will want to learn all about it. Recently, he read all the books he could find about gardening, and today I believe he found a new topic on something about religions. Harry functions best with a routine, so that he knows what to expect and when to expect it. Any change from his routine normally causes him massive anxiety that causes a breakdown.” Harry let out a giggle and Petunia stopped and looked at him, seeing how his giggle caused her to look at him, he signed to her, “I do not have breakdowns Aunt Petunia. It is not my fault that any change from what the routine is makes my skin itch,” he signed with a smile on his face. Suddenly, a blank look appeared on his face, he continued to sign, “Change meant Uncle Vernon yelled a lot. Too loud. I don’t like loud.”
A look of sadness and regret passed quickly across Petunia’s face. She offered Severus a small smile and she continued, “Harry often doesn’t make eye contact, it makes him uncomfortable, he will look down at his lap most often. Getting on his level in front of him when you need his attention helps, and he will look at you to let you know he is listening and then glance back down. His hands are almost always occupied, he has items he uses to keep his hands busy, or he taps either his legs or the table. And as he stated he doesn’t like loud” She pauses, “Severus, he doesn’t know.” Severus just looks at her, “What do you mean he doesn’t know? How can he not know?”
“He only knows it as tingles. It’s part of why I decided enough was enough. You remember how I was, back then. You may not remember but I journal. Vernon thought I burned them after I filled one up. I didn’t. I put them in a box in the attic.” sighing she pressed on, “I get constant migraines, debilitating migraines. Medication they have been providing me isn’t working, but I still journal. One night a couple months ago, I was in the middle of journaling when I felt something in me shift. I cannot describe it beyond that. I felt I needed to get some answers about that night, so I went into the attic and pulled out a journal. Severus, the journal I pulled out was dated January 15, 1971.” Petunia stopped there, Summer had just been sitting and listening to her tell her tale. She didn’t know how she knew Severus or the origin of well, everything. She looked at her across the table and said, “Summer, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I am trying to get the whole story told, I do not mean to overlook you. I know you heard Severus confirm he knew Harry’s mum. She was my sister. And on the date on the journal is important because that’s when Lily got her letter.” A knowing look passed across Summer’s face and she nodded for Petunia to continue, “What hasn’t been said is I was a berk of epic proportions after that.” glancing at Severus, “The journals put so much into perspective. Severus, listen, is there anything anyone can do to me that would cause a lapse in memories or periods where interests went from one thing to another? It’s frustrating how one minute I’m interested in repairing my relationship with Lily and focusing on my education and the next I’m writing hateful things and how I am desperate to be a homemaker.”
A thunderous look flashed across Severus’ face causing Harry to whimper and slam his eyes closed. Unknown to the adults at the table Harry could feel something radiating from Severus, it was like tingles, but painful. Seeing Harry’s reaction Severus fortified his mental shields and took several calming breaths, “Yes, there is and no one should have been allowed to do so. It is illegal on many counts.” He paused, “It could also explain your migraines if you were fighting off a strong enough compulsion.”
Harry stopped whimpering when Severus fortified his mind shields. He felt the painful tingles just snap away in an instant. He stopped and stared at Severus. He cautiously reached across the table and tapped his hand, when Severus looked at him he signed, “What did you do?” seeing the looks of confusion, he continued, “Your tingles, they hurt. Then they were just gone. What did you do? Why do you have tingles? Does everyone have tingles? What are the tingles?” Severus raised his hand to have Harry stop rambling long enough Severus could answer. At Petunia’s hesitant nod he replied, “The tingles as you say, is magic. I am sorry that my magic affected you in such a manner. I practice an advanced form of magic that helps maintain my thoughts and emotions and that helps control my magic. That’s why you felt that they suddenly came and then went away.” Making sure he still had Harry’s attention he gave a small smile when he noticed him focusing on every word he was saying, “I have magic, yes, but not everyone has magic. It’s a topic you will learn as you learn more about magic. There is a school that will teach you everything you need to know about magic. It is part of why I am here.”
The adults waited and let Harry process what Severus had just told him. When it finally settled that Severus said the tingles were magic, the breakdown that Petunia was hoping wouldn’t happen, happened. Petunia and Summer had to work together to get Harry calm enough to lay down. Summer was thanking the Gods that she had found that layering multiple heavy blankets helped with Harry’s over stimulation and calmed him down. Paired with a soft sound of some classical music and Harry was on his way to sleep, hopefully.
Back in the kitchen the adults sat around the table. So much had been shared today, but so much more needed to be said. Severus was running out of time. His free time was coming an end soon and he would have to get back to the castle to teach. Sharing this information the adults planned for Severus to come by the next day and the rest of their story could be told then.
After Severus left, Petunia spent time with Summer preparing a small supper making sure it had items that Harry would eat. Harry disliked foods that felt slimy or left a lingering taste in his mouth. He also was sensitive to sweets and it was trial and error with desserts. His favorite at the time was treacle tart so they made sure to have some for after supper.
As they were finishing up the last bits for supper, Harry padded into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. Aunt Petunia guided him to the table and sat him down with a glass of cold milk. Silently she prepared him a plate of small pieces of pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy and a dinner roll. He wouldn’t touch the roasted potatoes or carrots so they made him his own mashed potatoes. Disaster averted. Once again Petunia noticed Harry staring at something on the wall.
Curious, Petunia asked, “Harry, is everything ok? Do you see something wrong? You’re staring awfully hard at something.” She watched as Harry stopped eating. He placed his silverware down since his hands started to shake, tapping his thigh trying to center himself.
“Harry, it’s ok. You don’t have to answer, I was just curious.” Aunt Petunia calmly stated.
Harry began shaking his head, No! He shouted in his head, I will do this!I can do this!
“Happy Birthday!” he whisper shouted.
There, he said it! It had been bothering him all day, today was September 3rd, 1990, it was Aunt Petunia’s birthday. He didn’t have time to make her a present and this year he wanted to. She has changed so much this last year he wanted to. He might not understand why people cared about birthdays, or why people got excited when someone gave another person a present, but he wanted to put the look of happiness on his aunt’s face today because today he felt safe.
Today was special.
He heard Aunt Petunia and Summer gasp. He shut his eyes tight, started tapping his leg and started to hum. Did he say it wrong? Did he mess everything up?