Alone. Marlene packs her bags alone. She stares at the lock screen of her phone as she double checks her plane ticket for her departure time. The wide grin worn by the girl next to Marls in the photo brings tears to her eyes. I miss you so much , she thinks as she blinks the tears away. With the room dark, thick curtains drawn across both windows, the only light comes from the glow of her screen, reading that her plane leaves at six pm. A heavy sigh leaves her lips when Marlene shuts the phone off, acknowledging that she needs to leave soon.
Tugging her suitcase out of her room, she takes one last look at her apartment. Her friend would come over soon, they decided Lily would live there while Marlene went back to London with her mother. Yet, Marlene felt like she was saying goodbye. Who knows if she will be back here one day? Right now, she was more worried about being with her mum while she had the chance to. Lightly touching the surface of her kitchen table, she mourns the memories she shared with her girlfriend, right in this very same space.
Days before Cas was rushed to the hospital, Marls was entertaining her with various plans for trips they wanted to take once the pandemic was over. Cas would laugh as each of Marls plans as she spoke with such excitement that Cas adored so much. Marls wanted to have rubber duck photoshoots at each New York park in America or have an ice skating competition with a stranger in Canada. Their trips to Japan would test out every karaoke place in Tokyo and they’d take dance lessons in Spain.
A ping from her phone signals a warning for Marlene to head out that pulls her out of the memory and Marlene quickly sprays disinfectant around the living room, snatching her car keys off the rack, before fleeing out the door. Carrying the disinfectant spray, Marlene rubs her hands together as the engine heats up the car. Once it was heated enough, Marlene pulls out of her driveway and drives towards the airport.
On the highway, she gets caught up in traffic and her GPS reads that there had been an accident further up the road. Marlene glances at her left to see a completely empty lane, which angered her (“Why hasn’t anyone moved there?”) until she saw the sign that read “Carpool Only.” Very few cars passed her in that lane, and she realizes the circumstances. Most of the cars in this traffic were driving solo. She wonders if their situations were just like hers, a partner left behind on a hospital bed. Tears streamed down her face, Marlene remembers a similar drive to this one, where she rushed to the hospital at the doctor’s call.
Marlene was angry. The pandemic had impacted her girlfriend’s immunodeficiency and Cas was not strong enough to fight it. Marlene had a lot of what if‘s fill up her mind the night Cas died. What if she had quit her job? Marls didn’t need to work as a nurse, they had funds from Cas when her parents had passed. But both knew that Marlene would not sleep at night if she didn’t work, especially with the influx of patients at the hospital. What if they had quarantined apart? But that was money that neither wanted to spend. What if, what if, what if, Marlene let the questions haunt her. It drove her insane the weeks following Cas’ death, that her friends suggested she stopped living alone. The borders between the UK and France were still open and everyone suggested Marlene go back home to her mum.
That was how Marlene found herself booking a plane ticket, only weeks after Cas’ passing. Her mother warned against it, Marlene could catch it on her journey over, but she fought for it. They needed to be together, Marlene lost the love of her life, and she wasn’t about to let her own mother be without her daughter. Now, Marlene is mindlessly driving forward, as the traffic moves mere inches. She thanks the stars that she had decided to leave several hours earlier, Marls can’t afford to miss her flight.
About an hour later, Marls finally reaches the airport parking lot and shoots a text to Lily, noting which lot she was in and which airline to wait nearby. Lily replies back with a thumbs up and a pink heart, saying she got off her flight an hour ago. She works as a flight attendant and needs a space to quarantine away from her family, so Marlene thought it worked out in the end. Plus, with Marlene’s car, Lily wouldn’t need her husband to drive her to work each time.
Marlene rushes inside, passing by multiple screens playing the news. Each channel had their own opinions on the pandemic. She fights down her frustration as she passes by one that claims the pandemic was fake and made up for the government to control society. Marls couldn’t imagine (nor did she want to hear) the excuse they made for all the lives lost to the pandemic.
The pace of the others heading towards their own flights set Marlene to walk faster and find her airline quicker. A string of people waiting to check in squiggles in front of the airline Marlene needed to drop her suitcase off with. It takes about 25 minutes for Marlene to reach the front of the line and the attendant waves her over. Both of them squint their eyes in a way that can be interpreted that they’re smiling underneath their mask. Carefully showing the attendant all of her documents, it doesn't take that long for them to weigh her suitcase, label it, and send it away on the conveyor belt that will bring it to the plane.
The girls meet up once Marlene was done checking in, and Marls has to stop herself from running into Lily’s arms. They stop within what they felt was six feet apart and Lily wraps her arms around herself. Marlene does the same and they both laugh at how ridiculous it felt to be hugging their own body, rather than each other. It saddens them both as well, but Marls shrugs off the feeling, plopping the keys and the spray on the floor and backs up as Lily moves forward to pick it up. She watches Lily pick up the disinfectant first and sprays it on the keys before grabbing it.
All around them, people are running in between, back and forth, trying to reach their own destinations in the airport. Marlene knows this wouldn’t be a good time to catch up, but she’s been without another person for so long, she yearns for one touch. Her heart squeezes at the thought of Cas, for it’s her touch Marls misses the most. Minutes go by, and the two women stare at each other, taking in details that they will not see for a long time. France will close its borders and the friends will be apart for who knows how long.
“Take care of our home, Lils,” Marlene’s vision gets blurred with tears as she spoke.
Lily was in the same state and sobbed out, “I will, don’t worry.” She forms her hands into a heart as Marlene gives a sad laugh, copying Lily. “Be safe and be careful.”
Marlene nods and turns to head through airport security. She turns to give Lily one last sad smile and Lily smiles back, clutching Marls’ keys, as if they held any support. Waving as she turns around, Marlene takes a deep breath and heads in.
I love you. I know you’ll take care of me, the same way you did when you were alive. Keep Lily safe, yeah? I’ll keep Mum safe for us. Goodbye, my love.