Dead Gay Son
“Y’know what so just realized?” Peter pondered aloud at their slightly overcrowded cafeteria table one day. “Halloween is in a week and a half and we haven’t planned anything.”
Sirius gasped. “Holy shit, he’s right.“
“Oh, right,” James said. “I completely forgot it’s October.”
“How do you forget that?” Lily asked.
“You dated him, Evans. If anybody knows, it’s you.” Frank pointed out.
Lily raised her hands. “In my defence, he’s James Potter.”
Nods and agreed hums fluttered around the group. James looked at them all with furrowed eyebrows. “Should I be offended?”
Sirius slung an arm around his shoulder. “Nah. You’re just Prongs.”
James looked just as confused.
“Y’know what I’m thinking?” Marlene asked, leaning forward in her relaxed position.
“I can’t even begin to guess.” Remus said sarcastically.
“We need to throw a party.” Marlene finished, grinning wickedly.
“I like the way you’re thinking, McKinnon,” Peter agreed. “A party with not just us, but the whole cast.”
“And I can ask my Uni friends.” Frank suggested and James lit up.
“Would you? I haven’t seen Gid or Fab in ages.”
“Do we have to invite everyone from the cast?” Sirius whined.
“Yes.” Peter said firmly.
“Even Reggie?”
“Especially your brother,” Remus interjected. “Don’t you want to repair your relationship with him?”
Sirius crossed his arms, slouching down in his chair and pouting. “I’m not done being mad at him yet.”
“Pads, if you could, you’d wait the rest of your life not talking to him.” James said gently.
“Are we planning a party or not?” Sirius snapped.
“Yes. Right,” James said, looking away. “Sorry.”
The table was awkward for a moment and Peter shifted in his seat.
Thankfully, Mary broke the silence with a wonderful idea. “It needs to be a costume party.”
It’s been said once but Peter will say it again. God is a woman and her name is Mary.
“Mary, you are a fucking genius,” Marlene cried, ecstatic. “I’m going to be a fucking rockstar.”
“And I’m the rat king.” Peter announced.
“Moooooooooons? Can you do a couples costume with me?” Sirius pleaded.
“You won’t let me pass as a werewolf again?” Remus asked with a sigh.
“No.” said Mary.
“Nope.” agreed Lily.
“Nuh-uh.” said Peter.
“Absolutely not.” Frank concluded.
“Alright, fine.” Remus reluctantly relented, but Peter saw the small, amused smile pulling at his lips.
Sirius threw their hands in the air in victory.
“Mary, be a PowerPuff girl with me!” Lily said, grasping at Mary’s hands.
The girl in question immediately tensed, staring at where her’s and Lily’s hands met. She softened when she saw Lily’s anticipated expression. “Yeah, alright. But we need a third.”
Lily looked over at the remaining members of the groups. “James? Frank?”
James scratched at the back of his neck. “Sorry Lils but I think I might go as Apollo.”
“I’ll be your third.” Frank said.
Lily beamed at him.
“Wait, wait,” Remus said. “Do we even have a place to hold this party?”
“I already asked mom,” James announced. “And she said it’s fine.”
“Great!” Peter said, then whipped out his phone. “Now’s time for a group chat.”
Most of the table groaned but James tilted his head. “How do you have all their contacts?”
Peter smiled, borderline evil. “I have my ways.”
“Oo-kay.” James said suspiciously.
Gay Christmas 2024
Welcome, children.
Ronald Macdonald: never call me that again
Ring Around the Rosier: the fuck is this?
King of the Hill: Hello people I don’t know
Dora the Explorer: Hi!!!!!!
Dong: sup fuckers
Thing 1🦌: FABIAN!
Dong: BAMBI!
Ding: what, no love for me?
Thing 2🐾: don’t worry Gid, I still love you
Ding: thx Sirius 🥹
*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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The Little Mermaid: Pettigrew, let me fucking leave.
No <3
The Little Mermaid: Why the fuck am I here?
Willy Wonka: read the chat name
The Little Mermaid: Gay Christmas? The fuck does that mean?
Alice in Wonderland: *gasp* A STRAIGHT???
The Little Mermaid: I’m offended and hope you drown the next time you take a bath.
King of the Hill: Damn.
Thing 2🐾: REGGIE!
Alice in Wonderland: okay jeez sorry
Dork: don’t take it personally he does that to everyone
Alice in Wonderland: noted
Dong: quick question, who are half of you?
Xylophone: i was about to ask the same thing
*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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REGULUS STOP FUCKING LEAVING
The Little Mermaid: THEN TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP DRAGGING ME BACK HERE!
Ed Sheeran: Halloween
Trash Panda: FUCK YEAH I LOVE HALLOWEEN
Cake Wife: YWS BARRTY RJATS RHE WNERFY I LIVR TP SER
The Little Mermaid: Was that English?
King of the Hill: I did not miss that
Dork: jesus christ mckinnon learn how to spell
Ronald Macdonald: we’ve tried
Willy Wonka: she’s a lost cause. Better to accept it now
Ding: so, party?
Cake Wife: YEAAASASSAAAAAAGHHHH
Trash Panda: with a shit ton of booze I hope?
To Be Frank: You have a problem
The Little Mermaid: He has a lot more than one.
Ring Around the Rosier: that’s the problem we’ve given up on fixing.
Dora the Explorer: 😔
Thing 1🦌: a COSTUME party. Costumes are mandatory
Obviously
The Little Mermaid: Potter’s here?
*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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The Little Mermaid: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!
Thing 1🦌: good to hear from you two, reg ;)
The Little Mermaid: Take a bath in gasoline so I can dry you off with a flamethrower.
Ronald Macdonald: there’s no way you have a flamethrower
The Little Mermaid:You’re right.
Ronald Macdonald: I always am
The Little Mermaid: I’ll just borrow Barty’s.
Ed Sheeran: why does Barty have a flamethrower?
Trash Panda:hehehehehehehe 😈
Dong: oh I did not like that
Alice in Wonderland: mommy I’m scared
Ding: I’m telling a trusted adult
King of the Hill: Reminder: you are the adult
To Be Frank: but trusting Gid with anything is a recipe for disaster
Ding: HEY
Xylophone: I’m just accepting the fact I’m never getting an introduction
RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT SO FOR THOSE WHO DONT KNOW
King of the Hill is Kingsley Shacklebolt, Alice in Wonderland is Alice Forestcue, Ding I’d Gideon Prewett and Dong is Fabian Prewett(they’re twins). They’re Frank’s friends form his year, now in Uni
Dora the Explorer: HI 👋👋👋👋👋
Alice in Wonderland: HI! I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT I LOVE YOUR ENERGY
IM GETTING THERE
Dork is Dorcas Meadowes and Xylophone is Xenophilius Lovegood, both are in our year. Xeno is dating Pandora Rosier(Dora the Explorer) who is a year younger and the twin of Evan Rosier(Ring Around the Rosier). Evan is dating Barty Crouch Jr.(Trash Panda) and The Little Mermaid is Sirius’ younger brother, Regulus Black. They’re doing the musical with us.
King of the Hill: You have a brother?
Ding: I thought you had a sister?
Thing 2🐾: Are you two alright? I’ve always had a brother
The Little Mermaid: I’ve always been her brother.
Ding: huh. Weird. Why’d I think you had a sister?
Thing 2🐾: idk man it’s your brain
Willy Wonka: introductions out of the way, back to party planning.
The Little Mermaid: I’m not wearing a costume.
Thing 2🐾: yes you are
Ronald Macdonald: no costume, no entry
The Little Mermaid: Then I won’t go. Simple.
Regulus Black don’t you fucking dare
*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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STOP
*The Little Mermaid has left the chat*
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Dora the Explorer: ive stolen his phone so now he cant leave 😁
Regulus I can see you flipping me off you know
Thing 1🦌: Oop-
To Be Frank: Jesus Christ
Ed Sheeran: my god he’s fast
Ronald Macdonald: that has to be illegal
Willy Wonka:it is
Ding: UHHHHH WTF IS HAPPENING?
Alice in Wonderland: WE CANT SEE REMEMBER
Dong: AND IM IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
Trash Panda: FUCK YOU PETTIGREW!
King of the Hill: wtf-
Thing 1🦌: for those who can’t see, Regulus just beat up Crouch to take his phone, send three words and give it back
King of the Hill: …I’m scared to meet him
Dork: you should be
Cake Wife: …party?
We can’t even be sure Regulus will come
Dora the Explorer: he will 😊
Thing 1🦌: how can you be sure?
Dora the Explorer: he will 😊
Alice in Wonderland: that’s not terrifying at all
Ring Around the Rosier: you all forget we share genes. And Pandora is worse than me.
Ed Sheeran: that can’t be true, right?
Ed Sheeran: …RIGHT?!
Dork: you have no idea the powers Pandora Rosier possesses
Xylophone: hot.
Dora the Explorer: 🥰
Ring Around the Rosier: kill yourself, Lovegood
Thing 1🦌:OKAY MOVING ON
Trash Panda: Reg says to go fuck yourself Potter
Thing 1🦌: party will be at my house on the Halloween
King of the Hill: Partying on a Thursday?
Thing 1🦌: got a problem with that Shacklebolt?
King of the Hill: No. More worried about you lot. I don’t have lectures that Thursday or Friday
Alice in Wonderland: me neither
Ding: neither do I, surprisingly
Dong: I DO😭😭😭😭
Dong: AND IM IN AMERICA FFS
Damn maybe next time Fab
Willy Wonka: we have rehearsal the day after
Trash Panda: ooooooo hangovers will make it interesting
Willy Wonka: this is going to fucking kill me
Cake Wife: SO IRS SRT
Ed Sheeran: October 31st, mandatory costumes. All of us + the rest of the cast
King of the Hill: 👍
Alice in Wonderland: WAIT can I bring my gf?
YOU HAVE A GF?????
Ronald Macdonald: SINCE WHEN???
Thing 1🦌:WHAT THE FUCK
Ed Sheeran:WHAT?????!!!!!
To Be Frank:WHY DIDNT I KNOW?
Ding: ALICE??????
Dong: WHY DO I MISS THESE THINGS?
Thing 2🐾: JOIN THE BITCHES CLUB
Cake Wife:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHSHGGHGHGGHHHGGHGGHGGGGGGGGGFGHHGGGGG
Willy Wonka: ?????????
King of the Hill: I knew :)
Alice in Wonderland: start of term pretty much
To Be Frank:YOU BETTER FUCKING BRING HER
Then, the lunch bell rang and everyone was forced to end the conversation.
Peter was walking the halls during his spare, mindlessly ambling about while he stretched his legs before heading back to the library. He kept his head mostly down(how people walked looking directly in front of him, he’ll never know), so he didn’t see a certain asshole coming up behind him.
Mulciber yanked on the neckline of Peter’s crewneck, pulling him backwards as he choked, fingers trying to pry the fabric back from where it dug into his throat and blocked his airways. Mulciber threw him against the lockers, a bang echoing through the hallway. All the spectators who either had a hall pass or were skipping quickly cleared, though some hesitated, easily torn from trying to escape Mulciber’s line of sight lest they becomenext target and watching the drama before them unfold.
“Pettigrew.” Mulciber hissed in his ear, a cruel smile spread across his face.
“Mulciber,” Peter ground out. “Welcome back.”
“Yeah, yeah. Bet you’re really proud of yourself,” Mulciber said, chuckling without any humour. “I need something from you.”
Peter raised an eyebrow. “What do I have that you could possibly need?”
“Information,” Mulciber said simply. “Black, Potter and Lupin made a real fool out of me and you are their closest friend. The four of you have been like this,” Mulciber held up a hand with his fingers crossed. “Since Black moved here. You know everything about them, and I want to know. Anything I can use, tell me.”
Peter let out a shocked laugh. “And what makes you think I’ll tell you? Are you going to beat me up? Get yourself suspended again?”
“No,” Mulciber snarled. “I have a much better idea. See, you are much, much easier to figure out. I know about your deepest secret, Peter Pettigrew, and I will tell everyone if you do not tell me everything there is to know about Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and James Potter.”
Peter tensed on instinct but…there was no way Mulciber knew. No one knew. He hasn’t told anyone, not another living soul. There is no possible way Mulciber knew. So Peter relaxed, put a smirk on his face.
“No.”
“Fine. Have it your way,” Mulciber banged his hands against the lockers by Peter’s head and he flinched. Mulciber snickered as he walked away, calling over his shoulder. “Just remember, you caused this.”
The conversation haunted the darkest, deepest corners of Peter’s mind, circling his thoughts as he dressed for school the next day. His leg jumped as he ate breakfast. He picked at his lip as he walked and bit his cheek while he waiting under the forever dead tree for his friends.
He saw the stares. He felt the eyes of Hogwarts Secondary School’s students boring into him as he tried to distract himself by playing Chess on his phone. He lost continuously against AI he’s already beat a thousand times over because he just couldn’t focus.
He didn’t pitch into conversation as his friends began to join him. Instead, he blocked them out and strained his ears, desperately trying to catch snippets of conversation from those who stared at him, then whispered to their friends behind their hands.
Mulciber knew. Somehow, Mulciber had found out and did exactly as he warned him. And it was only a matter of time before his friends found out.
“You see him?” A girl maybe a year younger said just a smidge too loud, attracting the attention of Peter’s entire friend group. “Such a fucking freak.”
Peter flinched.
“Hey!” Sirius called, grabbing the girl’s arm as she and her friends tried to walk past.
“What the fuck- let go of me!” She cried, twisting her arm to try and free herself but Sirius’ grip held strong. “The fuck is your problem?”
“My problem?” He tightened his grip. “You’re the one going around acting like some stuck up rich kid on TV. Mind your own goddamn business and leave my friends alone.”
“I’m allowed to have my own opinion!”
“Doesn’t mean you should voice it.” James said, appearing behind Sirius and crossing his arms.
“I’m just saying the truth,” she huffed. “It’s ridiculous and he’s an attention seeking bitch. The fuck does ‘aroace’ even mean, anyways?”
Peter’s friends looked at him but he was already gone, ducking into the school with clear plans to avoid everyone and everything.
Mulciber truly did know after all. And now, so does everyone else.