Dead Guy Walking
“Woahhhhhh, Marley, slow down,” Marlene’s mother, Arabella, said from across the kitchen island, watching Marlene practically inhale a bowl of Fruit Loops(or, as she usually calls them outside of home, Gay Cheerios). “You’re going to choke!”
“Sorry Mom but my alarm didn’t go off this morning and I’m going to be late if SOMEONE DOESN’T GET THEIR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE!” She shouted that last bit pointedly up the stairs.
“Language, Marlene,” her father, Shane, scolded as he entered the kitchen, tie undone and blazer thrown over his shoulder.
“Is there something important today? You aren’t usually this bothered.” Arabella asked, sliding a piece of toast to her husband, who took it gratefully.
Marlene hummed around another bite. “Auditions are today.”
“Nice,” Shane said. “Which musical again?”
“Heathers.”
Arabella wrinkled her nose. “The one about murder and bombs?”
“That’s the one.”
Shane raised an eyebrow. “Why couldn’t they do something nicer? More appropriate? You could’ve done Annie again. You loved playing Miss Hannigan.”
Marlene cringed. She didn’t mind playing Miss Hannigan but she certainly didn’t love it. She most certainly didn’t love what happened in the aftermath.
Dorcas Meadowes was the definition of beauty. Soft, dark skin. Long, tight braids adorned with silver. Beautiful eyes a brown so dark they were almost black. An upturned nose, full lips that Marlene very much wanted to kiss. Mesmerizing, careful fingers covered with all those fucking rings.Dorcas Meadowes was the definition of beauty and Marlene had noted this late seventh grade. There wasn’t a part of her Marlene didn’t adore.
Except, maybe, the part where Dorcas Meadowes fucking despises Marlene McKinnon.
The reason was quite ridiculous, too, once you saw Marlene’s side. See, Marlene had absolutely zero interest in musical theatre. Well, minimal interest. She didn’t want to act, didn’t find herself obsessed with the costumes and rehearsals and opening night. She liked the music, liked the melody and the songs. She would be more suited to a spot in the orchestra then on the actual stage. Marlene didn’t like the acting, but she liked the music and she liked Dorcas Meadowes, who did like the acting.
So, in eighth grade, Marlene went out for the school musical to hopefully see more of her, get to know her better. And see, Marlene had no idea what role Dorcas was headed for. She only found out when Miss Hannigan went to her instead and Dorcas hated her for it.
How well that went.
“I don’t know, Dad,” Marlene sighed. “I’m not in charge.”
He hummed. “Got your eye on any particular role?”
Marlene smiled. See, while she hadn’t wanted to be in Annie, she was very fucking excited to be in Heathers. She loved the chaos, the theme, the characters. Heathers is one of her all-time favourites and she’s going to be absolutely fucking devastated if she doesn’t get the part she’s hoping for. “Heather McNamara.”
Arabella took out her phone - presumably searching the character up - and Marlene took the opportunity to shout again. “DANNY IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN HERE, I’LL DRIVE YOUR TRUCK MYSELF!”
Shane winced. Marlene was a terrible driver, always over the speed limit, riding curbs and skimming trash cans and mail boxes. Honestly, it was a miracle she passed at all.
Heavy feet stomped down the stairs and soon, Danny McKinnon(Marlene’s older brother by five years) stepped into the kitchen, dressed in sweats and visibly displeased. “Don’t you fucking dare, you little shit.”
“Daniel,” Shane warned into his coffee.
“Sorry Dad.” Danny mumbled. Marlene grinned at him and he stuck his tongue out.
“This person?” Arabella asked, showing Marlene her phone screen.
“That’s the one.”
Arabella pulled her phone back and Shane peeked at it over her shoulder. “Oh, that’s nice. It’ll be good to see you in a skirt for once.”
Marlene shifted uncomfortably. Her parents’ least favourite thing about her; her tomboyishness. Marlene had never been the ‘girly’ type- and not in a pick-me way, make no mistake - but she especially hated skirts. She just- didn’t like them. She didn’t like how it attracted unwanted attention. She didn’t like how restricting they felt, how she couldn’t do anything in them(and, yes, she was aware that there were athletic skirts but she still felt exposed in those, too). She didn’t understand what was so wrong with scuffed jeans and grass stains. If it was acceptable for James(who didn’t own a single pair of pants not stained or torn in some way or another), why wasn’t it acceptable for her? If Peter could wear fancy suits to important events, why couldn’t Marlene? Why couldn’t she be?
Marlene wasn’t about to say it, but she had plans to go to McGonagall if she got the part. If it was a genderbent musical, she had to be able to order altered costumes based on the gender of the character that the actor wished to play. So, why couldn’t McGonagall order a suit for a female Heather McNamara?
“Sure,” she said awkwardly instead.
Arabella beamed. Marlene ached, seeing how happy she was. Oh, how she longed to make her parents proud. But, if that meant being terribly uncomfortable for the rest of her life, Marlene was willing to sacrifice that desire. “Well, best of luck, dear.”
Danny frowned at their parents’ excitement before tugging gently on Marlene’s shoulder. “C’mon. You woke me up for this, don’t keep me waiting.”
Marlene scarfed down the last bite and set her bowl in the sink, ignoring Shane’s annoyed ‘put it in the dishwasher!’ by grabbing her bag, following Danny to the foyer, slipping on her shoes and practically sprinting out the door. By the time Danny had followed her out, she was slumped in the passenger seat, aux cord already plugged into her phone and a song ready to be played the moment Danny started the car, nevermind the drive to Hogwarts being only five minutes long.
Marlene and Danny didn't speak the entirety of the drive, Marlene only humming the words to Måneskin's MAMMAMIA under her breath. Danny tapped his fingers on the wheel, repeatedly looking over like he wanted to say something but deciding against it.
When they finally slowed to a stop just down the street from Hogwarts' main door, Marlene sighed. "Alright, spit it out."
Danny blinked. "Huh?"
Marlene gave him an unimpressed look. "Spit. It. Out."
"I'm sorry about them," he blurted and Marlene stilled, not at all having anticipated those words to leave his mouth. "You'll do great and I'll be proud, no matter what style of clothing your character wears. Don't change, Marley. Just be you."
Marlene felt, quite ridiculously, like crying. Danny wasn't unaware of their parents' views on Marlene's way of life but never once has he mentioned it. He hasn't agreed but hasn't outright proven he doesn't, not until now. He mostly just stood there awkwardly or changed the subject.
"Marley, please don't cry. If you cry, I'll cry and we'll look like two idiots, sobbing in a car outside a high school."
"Dickhead." Marlene said wetly, sniffling as she shoved his shoulder.
"Who knew pride would be a tear-trigger for you-"
"Fuck off, you cry at dog videos."
"I mean it though," Danny said, voice softening. "I am proud of you Marley."
Marlene was helpless as a tear raced down her cheek. Danny mirrored her instantly, even though she was quick to dash it away.
"Go," Danny said, voice cracking as he shoved her against the door. "Don't want to be late, do you? Punch Pete and James for me."
She swung the door open and threw her bag over her shoulder. "Will do."
"Bye, you little shit."
"Bye, asshole."
"McKinnon!" Sirius shouted happily as she made her way under their usual dying tree.
"Black!" Marlene replied, throwing her arms open just in time to catch Sirius as he launched himself at her.
"How in my McNamara doing on this fine morning?" They asked leaning back with a frown. "Have you been crying?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Black," Marlene warned. "We still have to make it through auditions and callbacks before we get the part."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That answers neither of my questions, McKinnon."
Marlene rolled her eyes. "I'm shitting my pants with nerves, your highness, but am otherwise fine. Danny was just being a sappy motherfucker."
Peter snorted. "Probably got himself all worked up, too."
Marlene pulled herself out of Sirius' grasp with a laugh. "That he did, Petey," she said as she walked between him and James before socking them both in the shoulder.
Peter was unfazed, as though he'd been expecting it, but James, who had been chatting with Mary and Lily, clearly was not. His head snapped over with a pout, rubbing at where a bruise was sure to form.
"What was that for?" He whined.
Marlene grinned. "Danny says hi."
Peter rolled his eyes. "Remind me to spit in his cereal the next time I see him."
James frowned. "Isn't he lactose intolerant?"
Marlene snorted. "That's never stopped him before."
"Hello, everyone," Frank greeted as he sidled up to the rest of the group. "Ready for today?"
"I've been rethinking this decision for the last week," Remus announced. "So, no."
Mary snorted. "Sucks to be you."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "What was that, Macdonald?"
"You heard me."
"I hope your ankle randomly stops working in the middle of your dance audition."
Lily scrunched up her nose. "I hadn't thought of that."
"Lucky." Remus said with a loud, wistful sigh.
Sirius rolled her eyes. "And I'm dramatic."
"There's no doubt about that, Black," Frank said. "You remember last year when Fab said he was moving to America? You almost threw yourself down the stairs in your tantrum."
The group burst into laughter at the memory and the tips of Sirius' ears turned red.
"Shut the fuck up, Longbottom." He grumbled.
James knocked shoulders with Remus. "Don't worry, Remu. You'll do great."
"You can't if we're late," Lily reminded, glancing at her phone. "The bell will ring any minute and I'd rather not be trampled half to death in the halls when it does."
"They wouldn't dare," Marlene said with a roll of her eyes. "Everyone adores Lily Evans. And if they did trample you, I'd beat them up for you."
"Aw, Marlene." Lily teased, placing a hand over her heart.
A whistle echoed over the yard and the group glanced over to where Peter stood at the front door, having managed to sneak away(the fucker was terribly good at that) during the conversation. A mischievous smirk crossed his face. "Race you there."
And, well, three simple words were enough to spur the entire overly competitive group into action.
Sirius threw the door open to the school theatre with a loud sigh. "It's good to be back."
Remus snorted but covered it up with a cough when Sirius glared at him over their shoulder.
Marlene rolled her eyes and knocked Sirius out of the way of the door frame with her shoulder. She ignored her surprised sputtering and stepped into the room, slipping into a row of seats near the back where they could wait for McGonagall and Flitwick(the music teacher) to get set up and call upon the first group of people for their dance audition. Everyone else trickled in, claiming the seats behind, beside and in front of her.
Peter shifted in his chair. "Y'know, now that we're in here, the whole thing feels a lot more real and I honestly might be sick."
"You'll do great Pete," James assured, leaning forward and ruffling the shorter boy's hair(much to Peter's dismay). "Just remember the days we did talent shows for our parents and channel that energy."
Marlene cackled as Peter giggled. "I remember that. My mother can't hear All the Single Ladies without making a face."
James gasped, placing a hand over his heart. "We were amazing, how dare she."
Sirius raised an eyebrow, tilting his head back until he could meet James' eyes upside down. "Why haven't I heard about this? When did this happen?"
Mary furrowed her brow. "Now that you mention it, I don't think I remember knowing this either."
Peter's cheeks tinted pink while Remus whipped out his phone, tapping his screen frantically. "You didn't hear anything. Are you okay, Mary?"
Mary narrowed her eyes. "Don't try and gaslight me, Peter Pettigrew."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mary Macdonald."
"She's talking about how we used to dance-" James broke off into a bunch of muffled yelling as Marlene clamped her hand over his mouth.
"Ignore him. He's delusional." Marlene said.
"Valid," said Frank. "Delulu is the solulu."
Lily snorted. "I'd drink to that, if we had drinks."
A mischievous smirk crossed Sirius' face.
Lily narrowed her eyes. "What's that look for, Black?"
Sirius glanced around, making sure McGonagall, Flitwick and the other students weren't looking their way before dipping their hand into their baggy sleeve(one of Remus' sweaters, of course). When their hand resurfaced again, a matte black flask covered in random stickers dangled between their fingers.
James blinked as Lily gasped. "Where did you get that?"
Sirius winked. "A magician never reveals their secrets, Prongs."
Peter eagerly snatched the flask from her grasp and took a sip. Instantly, his face scrunched up and he shook his head as he swallowed. "Padfoot. Why?"
"What?" Mary asked, brows furrowed. "What is it?"
Marlene coughed as she took her own sip, having stolen the flask from Peter. Her throat burned, entirely unprepared for something so strong even with Peter's reaction. "It's straight vodka."
Sirius grinned. "Just to take the edge off."
Lily quickly took the flask for herself and raised it slightly but not high enough to draw attention. "To being delulu. Thanks, Sirius."
"No problem, Red."
"Really?" A new, deadpan voice asked. All gazes turned to see Regulus Black standing just behind them, the rest of his friend group quickly filling some of the empty seats around them.
"Reggie." Sirius said stiffly, face slightly paler than it had been a few moments before as she turned in her seat so she could properly face Regulus. She snatched up her own flask and took a sip before handing it off to the next person(Mary).
"Regulus," the younger Black corrected sharply.
An tense silence thick as fog fell over the group and Marlene glanced away from the staring contest happening between the Black brothers. Unfortunately, this meant her gaze drifted to the newcomers and almost instantly got stuck on Dorcas. Distantly, she was aware that Pandora had taken a seat next to Peter while Barty and Evan had draped themselves between Frank and Remus but that was about it. She could think of nothing else besides dark skin, long braids, elegant fingers and silver jewelry.
For a fleeting moment, Dorcas' dark eyes met Marlene's without a hint of resentment but instead with something soft, something akin to fondness or admiration, something that was quickly locked behind a fierce glare. A glare that snapped Marlene out of her gaze and prompted her to steal the flask back from Mary.
Sirius broke from their brother's gaze to stare at her. "You've already had your sip, McKinnon."
"Suck my dick." She muttered.
"It's fine, Pads, she can have mine." James murmured and Regulus rolled his eyes.
"You guys up for sharing?" Barty asked, nodding at the flask. "I didn't think to bring one."
Dorcas snorted and Marlene wanted to bottle up the sound. "Surprising."
Sirius gritted her teeth. "Fine."
Barty grinned and if she didn't have context, Marlene might've thought that he was a pyromaniac who just committed arson. "Thanks, Black."
Sirius' jaw ticked.
"This is very awkward." Pandora announced.
Frank chuckled into the flask. "You could say that again."
Regulus rolled his shoulders and glanced over at Pandora, gaze softening a miniscule amount that Marlene thought she was imagining things.
"What do you want, Reggie?" Sirius asked suddenly.
"Reg-u-lus," Regulus pronounced slowly. "It isn't that hard, Sirius."
"Fine, Regulus, what do you want?" Sirius said with a long exhale, fingers flexing on the back of his chair. Remus placed his own hand over Sirius', interlacing their fingers.
Regulus crossed his arms and seemingly fought the words trying to force their way out of his throat. "Why did you do that?"
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You're going to have to be more specific than that, Reggie- Regulus. I do a lot of things."
"Why the fuck did you beat up Mulciber?"
Ah, yes. A question Marlene herself found asking often only to go without an answer each time. It was no secret that something had gone down between Mulciber and the Marauders. It was hard not to notice, with three out of four Marauders, Mulciber and Avery having been suspended for a week(minimum, as Mulciber was still not back). Honestly, it was a miracle that James, Remus and Sirius were still able to partake in the musical.
"Why did you slap him?" Sirius countered.
Marlene blinked. Now that, she hadn't heard of.
Regulus glared. "He was been an asshole."
"Then there's your answer." Sirius said.
Pandora leaned in close to Peter and whispered, quiet enough that Regulus and Sirius wouldn't be able to hear but James, Marlene and Peter could. "An asshole to them or an asshole to Reg?"
Peter blinked. "A bit of both but Regulus, mostly. How'd you know?"
Pandora's eyes twinkled. "I had a feeling."
"Define asshole." Regulus asked.
"A horrible, annoying person or the hole in your ass." Sirius said.
Regulus took a deep breath. "You know what I meant."
"Do I?" Sirius asked. "You'll have to specify."
Regulus closed his eyes, counting under his breath while Sirius smirked. His eyes snapped open and sharpened into a glare. "What was he doing to you that warranted a week suspension? Why did you break his fucking nose? Why does Lupin have a black eye? Why did he hurt you but let me go?"
"First off, Moony's injury happened at Avery's hand, not Mulciber's," Regulus rolled his eyes but Sirius continued. "Second, you didn't make him bleed and third, he wants to fuck you."
Marlene raised her eyebrows. Well. She didn't see that coming.
Regulus' face scrunched up, the first visible emotion he's shown that wasn't rage. "He told you that, did he?"
Sirius scowled. "Unfortunately."
"Is that why you smashed his face in? No one can touch your precious little brother, then? You lost the right to have an opinion a year ago."
Sirius' face hardened. "That wasn't my fault, Reggie."
"You left. Simple."
"I was fucking stabbed, Regulus! Surely you didn't expect me to stay?"
Lily let out a soft gasp and Marlene felt her mouth drop. She knew something terrible had happened the night Sirius left but he never talked about it, never mentioned it. It was an off-limits topic. Now she knew why.
Regulus rolled his eyes. "Of fucking course not, Sirius. They would've killed you if you stayed. You should have left that bloody house but you shouldn't have left me."
Sirius blinked but before she could say anything, Regulus swiftly moved on. "Nevermind. What else happened?"
"No, Reggie, you can't just blow this off-"
"I can and I will. We aren't talking about it right now. It happened, you left. Nothing we can do about it. What else did Mulciber do?"
"He was being transphobic. Both to you and me."
Regulus paused. "I don't need you to defend me anymore, Sirius. I can handle it myself. I thought I did."
"You don't need me to, sure, but that doesn't mean I don't want to."
Regulus stiffened. "What?"
Sirius softened, tension bleeding out of his shoulders. "I still care about you, Regulus."
Regulus took a rapid step back, the emotion swirling in his eyes vanishing under whatever walls he just slammed down around himself. "I'll be back." Then, he promptly turned on his heel and walked towards McGonagall.
Sirius watched him go over their shoulder, one stray tear falling from their eye and dripping down their cheek.
The silence lasted only a moment before Remus spoke up. "So, who wants to see a video I got from Effie of James, Peter and Marlene singing and doing the Single Ladies dance when they were five?"
The dance auditions went by quickly. Not long after Regulus went to help set up and Remus mortified both Marlene and Peter(James was unfazed, however, singing along under his breath and grinning while everyone else laughed), groups of eight to ten were called up to perform a short dance McGonagall and Flitwick taught them. Soon enough, every student who passed the little dance test was in the drama room next door, waiting to be called back into the theatre for their private singing audition.
Now, this one Marlene was more anxious for. It was easy to forget she was being judged when she was apart of a group. It was easy to pretend it was an everyday dance lesson(she did dance for a year when she was seven, another thing her parents wished for her to do to try and make her more 'girly' but seemingly forgot that dance was not just a 'girly' thing). But up on the stage, by herself, singing a song was most definitely more nerve-inducing. Marlene had half a mind to track down Sirius, wherever he was in this room as it was quite crowded, and ask if he had any vodka left.
A sigh sounded to her right as someone plopped down on the chair next to her. Marlene glanced over and nearly fell out of her seat at the sight of Dorcas. Dorcas raised an eyebrow as when Marlene had to clamp her hands down on the edge of the chair to keep her from tumbling to the floor.
"Hi." Marlene said awkwardly, cringing internally.
Dorcas' lip quirked up in a smile that Marlene had been expecting to be a sneer but oh, how she liked this one so much better. "Hello, McKinnon."
Marlene continued to stare without saying anything, eyes hungrily taking in the curve of Dorcas' nose, the rounded apple of her cheeks, the shimmering silver sword dangling from her ear, the shade of her incredibly soft looking lips, the dark of her eyes that reminded Marlene of coffee grounds- everything she could see and desperately wishing for more.
"Why are you staring? Should I find another seat?"
"No!" Marlene cried, hand snapping out and gripping Dorcas' wrist in her panic as she tried to stand. Dorcas smiled again, just as surprising and just as soft, before sinking back into her chair.
"Alright then."
Marlene quickly snatched her hand from Dorcas' arm, suddenly very aware that she had left it there several long moments after Dorcas sat down again. Marlene's leg bounced but now not even she was sure whether or not it was because of her upcoming audition or the goddess next to her.
Dorcas nodded to a guy with long blond hair braided like a crown, several more braids spread out sporadically throughout his hair. A strange symbol on a gold chain hung from his neck and flower-looking shapes in blue face paint traced just over his left eyebrow and under his right eye. "You see him?"
Marlene blinked. "What?"
"That guy. Xenophilius Lovegood, his name is. Do you see him?"
"He's kinda hard to miss."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
"Good way, I guess. I don't know the guy, I can't properly judge."
Dorcas hummed. "He's in my art class. A good person, a bit eccentric and it shows in his style. You should see some of the things he makes. Finds a way to put a supernatural spin on every project that's assigned. He comes up with little backgrounds and stories for everything too. Has a whole notebook full of it."
"Woah. Sounds interesting."
"Mhm. He's been making eyes at Pandora all night but she doesn't know he exists."
Marlene raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"
"Which part?"
"All of it."
"Evan's protective. All of us are to each other but Evan is especially protective of Pandora. He noticed it, didn't recognize Xeno and correctly assumed he was a year above or below. Asked me if I knew him, which I do. As for Pandora not knowing him...well, separate years, of course, and Pandora doesn't really talk to people outside our group. She's a social butterfly, don't get me wrong, but, well, she's Pandora. People don't want to talk to her and she respects that. Very mature about it, too."
Marlene frowned. "Pandora's lovely, though."
Dorcas sighed. "That's not the general opinion of her. Like Xeno, she's eccentric. People say she's weird, crazy, even, but never tell Evan that. Or Reg. Or Barty. There will be casualties."
"When she does notice him, do you think Pandora will go for it?"
"Absolutely," Dorcas said without hesitation. Her eyes snapped to Pandora, who seemed to be ranting to Regulus about something. "Pandora doesn't really have a...physical type, if you know what I mean. She doesn't care what people look like but who they are, that's very important to her. Xeno is someone who'll understand her struggles. He's nice, he listens, he cares. Pandora will go for it and if it doesn't work out, they'll be good friends."
"I'm sorry." Marlene blurted.
Dorcas glanced over and raised one immaculate eyebrow. "Whatever for?"
"For stealing Miss Hannigan from you."
Dorcas' gaze darkened and Marlene instantly regret bringing it up. "I'm not upset about the fact that you got the part instead of me. You were a great Miss Hannigan."
Marlene tilted her head, ignoring the flutters her heart gave at the compliment. "Then...why do you hate me?"
"I don't hate you, Marlene," And, well, Marlene was going to need Dorcas to say her name like that, like it was delicate and special, over and over and over again. "I was upset about the fact that you didn't really care about the production and yet played the part better than I would've been able to."
Marlene shook her head. "You would've been better."
"No, I wouldn't've."
"Yes, you would."
"I wouldn't," Dorcas said firmly. "Because I was too focused on proving that I could get the role of a main character that I wouldn't have had fun. I wouldn't felt the magic of being in a production and that would've impacted my passion of the role."
"But you said it yourself. I didn't care about the production."
"Correct, you didn't, but you cared about the peoplein the production. It is why you auditioned, yes? You didn't worry yourself with perfecting every miniscule part about your role but instead lost yourself to the atmosphere. You directed the emotion you felt for your friends and castmates into your role, let the love you felt spill out on stage. It was palpable. Maybe you weren't the cruelest Miss Hannigan in the history of Annie but there wasn't any doubt that you loved being up there. Or loved your friends enough to be up there. That is why you got the part and not me. That was why I was upset, because it isn't entirely about your abilities as an actor and I was too blind to see it."
Marlene felt like she was swimming through molasses, brain ages behind while she tried to process everything Dorcas had just said. "So- you- you don't hate me?"
Dorcas laughed, a beautiful sound that turned Marlene to mush. "I don't hate you, Marlene McKinnon. In fact, I hope we can be great friends, despite our history."
A fuzzy feeling flooded Marlene's brain, followed quickly by ice water. Friends. Oh. Right. Dorcas Meadowes may not hate Marlene McKinnon but she sure as hell didn't love her-
Oh.
Oh.
Oh no.
Marlene McKinnon was in love with Dorcas Meadowes. And Dorcas Meadowes wasn't in love with Marlene McKinnon.
Marlene smiled, despite the fact her heart had just been run over by a semi-truck. "I hope so, too."
Dorcas continued to point people out, telling Marlene who they were and what she knew about them, Marlene making up stories when they knew nothing. They chatted as names got called, calming each others nerves and drawing closer to the 'friendship' both girls desperately want but won't get for sometime yet.
When Dorcas was called for her audition and Marlene right after, neither were anxious, calmed by the memory of the other's voice.