Remus
I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that
Friday, August 30th 1989
Remus apparated back to shore as soon as he closed the cabin door behind him. James had told Roy they would be cutting the tour short, but he knew even the way back to the mainland would be a bit too unbearable for him. He’d apparate back as soon as the boat docked, pretending he’d been sick in the toilet all along, and all would go smoothly.
Except the odds of things going smoothly were very close to zero. Now that he had a clear head once more, he could see it very plainly: they were a ticking bomb about to explode. All of them reuniting after almost twelve years was synonymous with disaster, especially because there were good reasons as to why they had not kept contact. That morning had already been torturous — Remus could barely bring himself to look James or Harry in the eye, and he would not dare to even glance towards Sirius’ direction.
He finally saw their boat approach. It did, at least, all go smoothly with Roy: he hadn’t noticed Remus’ disappearance, and he recommended a good restaurant at the harbour after they tipped him extra.
"Can I pay you back in galleons, Remus?" Sirius asked once they had finished lunch, where Remus had taken care of the bill. "Or, if you’d like, I can get it exchanged at Gringotts."
They were making their way back to the inn, and Remus once more had taken the lead. It was the first time Sirius was directing word towards him, and he already felt his lunch crawling its way back up his throat.
"No worries", he managed to reply, not looking back.
"No, I insist." Remus could already hear the crinkling of coins behind him. "How much do you reckon it was worth, Prongs?"
"Really, it’s fine."
"Here, take all of it."
He felt something at his shoulder, so he finally turned. Sirius had a small bag of coins handed out to him, but Remus’s gaze went straight to his eyes. Sirius still had those same annoying, piercing eyes, and Remus felt the seasickness back in his guts.
It infuriated him.
"I don’t need charity from you, Sirius."
Shame rose in him as soon as he said, but it was too late. James widened his eyes, Sirius looked rattled, but, worse of all, Harry seemed almost disturbed.
What was he doing? He was a grown man, not fit for outbursts of pettiness, and yet he had acted like a hormonal teenager. He still wanted to blame Sirius for all of it, but he knew that would be just as immature. He couldn’t be the one to crack first, he couldn’t ruin the weekend celebration. So he took a deep breath and recollected himself.
"Forgive me", he muttered. "That was very rude of me. Can we settle this later, Sirius?"
He focused on Sirius’ hair as he nodded. He couldn’t look him in the eye again.
"Of course."
"So, Harry", James said, taking the lead. "Have you heard of quidditch?"
They carried on with the hike. This time, Remus followed last in line, allowing some distance between him and the trio, who were now gladly discussing quidditch. He tried to distract himself by listening to their conversation, and it worked well enough: before he realised it, they were already back at the inn.
As they approached it, the front door opened, and all of them seemed to hold their breaths simultaneously — only to release them when Marlene came out.
"Aunt Marlene!" Harry cheered, running towards her. She caught the boy just in time and spinned him around a couple of times.
"How are you doing, kid?"
"Fine", Harry answered impatiently. "Did mum show you what we bought at Diagon Alley?"
"Not yet. Aunt Mary and I were helping her get everything ready for tonight."
"Is Aunt Mary here?"
"Yeah, she’s inside. Why don’t you go and say hi?"
"Alright. But they promised me I could learn to play quidditch today", Harry said, pointing to James and Sirius, before running inside.
Marlene finally looked at them, opening up a big smile. "Hey, boys."
They all took their turns hugging her. Though Remus was not proud of how long it’d been since he had last seen her, at least it hadn’t been as long as James and Sirius, and embracing Marlene was as familiar as returning home after a long vacation. Not that he’d known much home in the past few years, but nonetheless.
"Not that I’m not happy to see all of your gorgeous faces", she started, "but what are you all doing here?"
James frowned. "What do you mean? We got the invites."
It was her turn to be confused. "Invites? What invites?"
"This", he answered, promptly taking a rolled parchment out of his pocket. Marlene took it and skimmed through it.
"How did you get this?"
"Owl post."
She bit her lip. "What the… Look", she said, shaking her head. "I don’t know who sent you this, but it wasn’t Lily."
They all exchanged confused looks.
"What do you mean, it wasn’t Lily?" Sirius asked.
"Well, Black, one would think you’d know her handwriting after seven years of school together", Marlene said. "And this definitely isn’t hers."
"Hey, it’s not my fault I don’t recall her penmanship; it’s not like we’ve been penpals these last ten years! Besides, for all I know, she could’ve gotten one of those self-writing quills, or someone could have written the invites…"
"So Lily didn’t invite us?" James cut in, impatient.
"No, James. I’m sorry."
"Does she know we’re here?"
Marlene didn’t answer immediately. "Yes", she finally said. "She does."
They all took it in silence. So Lily had not invited them, she had not reached out for them. And she did not even want to see them, now that they were here.
"Right", James finally said. "Right."
"Should we leave, then?" Remus asked.
Before Marlene com answer, Harry suddenly sprinted back out. "Mum’s asking for you", he announced to his aunt, and then turned to the boys. "Can we go?"
"Did you ask her if you could play?"
"Yeah, she said it’s fine. Let’s go, then!"
He didn’t wait for an answer; choosing instead to run towards the beach. Marlene still looked a bit dazed, but she shrugged apologetically. Sirius decided to take it as her blessing and ran after Harry.
Remus peeked inside the door Harry had left open. Lily was somewhere in there, only a few steps away. Though she might not have invited them, the longing to reunite with her was starting to feel unbearable, and Remus knew he had to at least try and see her. He’d already spent eleven years in regret.
"Can I see her, Marls?" Remus pleaded. "Just to talk."
She only sighed. "Well, I suppose you could try. She’s upstairs."
James stepped in. "What about me?"
Marlene grimaced. "James, I’m so sorry, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea… At least not right now…"
"Right, of course", he responded, perhaps too quickly, and smiled. "Uh… I’ll be at the beach, then."
He left hurriedly, leaving Remus alone with Marlene. She turned to him, smiling, and pulled him close once more.
"Missed you, tosser", she said.
He hugged her back. "Me too. I…"
"Wait, did those idiots cast a Disillusionment Charm?" She pulled away suddenly. Remus followed her stare and thought he saw a glimpse of something big flying among the clouds. "Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me… I’ll deal with them, Remus, you can go. Tell Mary I sent you!"
"Okay!" he shouted back, but she was already far away.
Remus stared at the white and blue construction, trying to gather his courage to go inside. He muffled a laugh, reminding himself he had once been sorted into a House that valued bravery above all else. His teenage self would surely be taunting him relentlessly, if he could see him now.
But it was that same teenage self that had caused all of this, in the first place. Who had forced him to isolate himself for the past decade from the people he loved most in the world — from the only people who had loved him properly, like family. The same people he had let down.
He gulped, stepping inside.
"Hello", he said. There was a mid-aged woman in the kitchen, tending to an enormous bowl of stretchy dough.
She barely looked up. "Yes?"
"I was looking for Lily? Miss Evans?"
"Upstairs, second door to your right", she replied promptly.
"Thanks."
She dismissed him with a quick nod, so Remus set off. He followed her directions to an unassuming wood door, which he knocked twice. There were muffled voices on the other side, then Mary came out.
"Remus!" she squeaked, almost choking him in her excitement. "Oh, it’s so good to see you!"
"Mary", he called back, trying to ease her grip on his neck. They at last separated, and Remus couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his friend. "It’s great to see you, too."
Her smile faded. "Did Marls…"
"Yeah, she caught us up", he said. "Quite a mess, huh?"
"That’s one way of putting it. You know, Lily had no idea… She was caught completely off guard this morning."
"Is she… better now?"
"Yes, she’s calmer. I’m still trying to convince her to talk to you lot, though."
"Right." He put his hands on his pockets awkwardly. "About that, actually… Marlene said I could try and see if she wants to talk to me."
"Oh! Sure! I mean, let me check with her, but I don’t see why not; it was James she was most nervous about anyway…"
Mary disappeared inside once more, and returned smiling a few seconds later.
"Right, you can go!" She squeezed his arm encouragingly. "Oh, and Remus… Come by any day, will you? You know where Marls and I are. Just drop by for dinner whenever."
He squeezed her back. "Thanks, Mary. Will do."
"Well, off you go, then!"
Before he could even try to prepare himself, Mary pushed him inside and closed the door behind. Remus rebalanced himself, taking in the new surroundings, and his eyes immediately fell on the redhead woman sitting on a children’s bed.
"Lily", he breathed.
Her hair was shorter and curlier than he remembered, and it framed her face in vivid red. She still looked very much like the Lily he’d known, though Remus couldn’t help but notice she seemed quite toned.
She gave him a nervous smile. "Remus", she replied, her voice a tone or two higher than what he remembered.
He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, trying to find anything at all to say. "Um", he said. "You look good."
It was true: she was as beautiful as she had always been, but she seemed more at ease with herself. Confident, in a way that was only fitting to a woman who owned and managed an inn and who had raised a son all on her own.
"You, too, Remus."
He chuckled. "You’ve never been good at lying, have you?"
Her smile widened as she looked away. "No, I suppose not."
"Can I sit?"
"Of course", she gestured to the spot on the bed next to her.
He obliged, noticing the star-themed bedding. "Is this Harry’s room?"
"Yeah", she admitted. "I had to give up my room for a guest, so I’ll be sleeping with him for the weekend. Not that I personally mind, though he might."
"I’m sure he won’t. I used to love sleeping with mum when I was little."
"Let’s hope he thinks the same way."
Remus smiled reassuringly. "He seems like a great kid, Lils."
She met his eye, still looking anxious.
"I’m so sorry to intrude", he blurted. "I really am. I would have never come if I hadn’t thought you wanted me here. We got these invites, thinking they were from you, but apparently they were not… But, Lil… I came because I was so happy to hear from you."
"Oh, Remus", she whimpered, taking his hand. "I’m really glad to see you. I really am. I’ve missed you. Terribly."
"Me too."
"I’m sorry for not reaching out."
"No, don’t be. Honestly, I understand. After the way we all treated you…"
"Well, I deserved it."
"No, you didn’t."
"I did", she insisted. "Remus, you were the only one who knew the whole story. What I did, it was… it was truly unforgivable. And I’m so sorry."
He squeezed her hand back. "You know James feels just as sorry. He was telling me earlier."
Her eyes watered up that same second. "Oh, James", she cried, covering her face. "You didn’t… you didn’t tell him, did you?"
"No", he admitted.
How could he? How could he look James in the eye and tell him he had once again been betrayed by his best friend? James, who trusted them blindly, who would never dream of thinking badly about a friend…
"I never told anyone", he said. "Not James, not… Sirius."
Lily’s face was red. "I’m so, so sorry. It was… God, it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. You were my best friend, Remus, and I was in love with someone else. I was so selfish. And I felt like I must have pushed you somehow… I mean, I knew you and Sirius were… Well… I guess that’s why I ran away. I was too much of a coward to face the consequences of what I had done."
"It was my fault, Lils. I was the one who used you. You were vulnerable, confiding in me after James had broken up with you. And I… I was only spiteful because I hadn’t known, until you told me, that you and Sirius had slept together. So I felt like I had to… to…"
"Hurt him back?" she suggested.
"Yeah", he scoffed. "Terrible teenager logic, wouldn’t you say?"
"Now that’s an understatement", she chuckled. "Perhaps we’re just both terrible people."
"Doesn’t that mean we’re even, then? Two negatives make a positive, isn’t that how it goes?"
Lily let out a loud laugh. "I don’t think so, no."
"Well, I suppose we can at least reach one agreement. Sleeping together was a terrible mistake and we should never have done it."
"Yes!" she agreed. "Though, I have to admit… You were quite lovely."
"Shit, Lily!" he shouted, and she fell on her back giggling. "Just because we’re good does not mean we have to talk about this!"
"I’m sorry, but it’s true!"
"Lily, please", he begged, already feeling the flush on his cheeks.
"Fine", she said, straightening up. "But we are good, right?"
"Yes."
"Good." She pulled him into a hug, and Remus could quite literally feel the tension leaving his body. Honestly, if he had known it would be this quick and painless to solve things with Lily, he would have gone after her years ago.
"Does that mean I’m reinvited to the celebration?" he asked, smirking.
She stroked his hair. "Of course, Remus, dear. In fact, there just so happens to be a vacant room at the inn. If you don’t mind a faulty lock, that is."
"It’ll be my honour."
She beamed. "Oh, I’m so excited! We’re having a bonfire night, did Marlene or Mary tell you?"
"Harry did, actually."
"Oh, right. He… he was with you." She blinked a couple of times. "Right."
"Yeah. He took us around the island. It’s great here, Lils. You did great."
"Is he…" she swallowed dryly. "He said he was going to play quidditch." It was almost a question.
"Yes", Remus answered. "James and Sirius promised they would teach him."
Lily was turning paler. "So they’re getting along?"
"I suppose so, yes."
She looked like she was going to be ill for a second, so Remus waited.
"Lils", he called. "I don’t know about you, but honestly… This has all been much more harmless than I dreaded it to be for the past eleven years. Maybe… maybe it won’t be that bad to sort things out with everyone."
She gave him a wry look. "Did you sort things with Sirius?"
Touché.
"Not yet", he said begrudgingly. "But… perhaps this was all a sign. I mean, what are the odds we’re all back together, after all this time?"
Her lips were still curved, but she shrugged. "Fine. I suppose I could invite them to the bonfire, at least. I mean, they’re already here. And Harry does seem fond of them, apparently."
"Yeah", he encouraged her. "Though you might not have to worry about them getting too attached. Harry just seems too enthusiastic about quidditch."
"He’s the type", she rolled her eyes. "Of course fate would give me a quidditch-obsessed child. You should’ve seen him the other day, at Diagon Alley, when we went shopping for his school supplies. He was completely mesmerised by some broomstick on display. Couldn’t get him to leave the store, not even when I promised him one of those Fortescue ice creams!"
She laughed, but Remus had frozen just then.
"School supplies?" he echoed quietly.
"Yes", she said, confused. "He’s off to Hogwarts this year. That’s what this whole celebration is for. Well, partly…"
"Lily", he cut her off. It couldn’t be, could it? He was never too good at maths, but the calculations he was frantically making in his head kept confirming the same result, over and over again. If Harry was going to Hogwarts, it meant he had just turned eleven. Which meant… Remus felt his intestines twist and turn inside him.
"Lily", he called again, not quite believing the words that would come out of his mouth. "Who is Harry’s father?"