God I'm an idiot
POV: Peter
I always thought it would be me and James forever. But then Sirius came along and he forgot about me. I stay up at night thinking about how he threw seven years of friendship out the window for some bloke.
Whenever we hang out in a group Sirius and James fool around while Remus reads and I watch. I mostly watch James with his perfect hair and perfect smile but sometimes I look at Sirius. I look at him and wonder what's so special about him. Why would James choose him over me? But I would even choose him over me.
I mean he's confident, exciting, good looking, skinny. Meanwhile, I'm so boring, ugly, fat, Stupid. He's just so much better and it fucking sucks because I can't blame James for liking Sirius more.
We’re in transfiguration, James and Sirius are fooling around behind me while I take notes on the upcoming essay we have. I know James is going to ask for my notes and I know I shouldn't give them to him but the way he looks at me when he asks and the smile he gives me. I would probably write his essay if he would just smile at me. I know I shouldn't. I know I should control myself better and set some boundaries but I can't and I hate that I can't. I hate how much control he has over me. How much I'm affected by his stupidly perfect smile.
When the class ends I start to put my books away when James comes over. I know he’s here to ask for notes. I tell myself that I'll say no. I repeat no in my head over and over again.
“Hey Pete, you gonna be in the courtyard today?”
I look up and say no before I realize what he asked. He looked confused and almost hurt.
“W-what did you ask sorry I was zoning out”
“It's fine i was wondering if you wanna hang out today in the courtyard”
“O-oh umm I would but I wanted to study in the library today” Seriously Peter the library why would you say that god I’m an idiot.
“Oh it's fine maybe we could hang out another time” James looked like a kicked puppy and it hurts to see him like this. But he had to push his feelings down and get over them and he can’t do that if he keeps hanging around James.
“Maybe” was all said before saying goodbye and heading to the library.