Own my mind

Regulus Black almost never got drunk. The key word being almost. Sometimes, once in a while, he did go out to get wasted. Most likely with Evan and Barty, and yesterday was an example of those nights. Regulus wasn’t even sure what the occasion was, but Barty could use anything as an excuse to get absolutely pissed. Regulus, who had been in an incredible bad mood, had just agreed to go because alcohol couldn't ever worsen the day. Well, it did not worsen the day yesterday; what it did worsen was the present day. Not only was Regulus head pounding like crazy, but Regulus also had some explanation to do.

James Potter had shown up to get him home safely, and while Regulus couldn’t really remember what had happened in detail, he had the drunk texts he had sent as proof that it hadn’t just been a dream. Also, considering the texts he had sent, Regulus was afraid of what he had said to James in person.

So, of course, Regulus was now hiding in his apartment, refusing to see anyone. He hadn’t even let Pandora in.

The TV was on, though Regulus wasn’t actually watching it. Mostly, he was just staring out the window.

There had been a few knocks on the door, most likely Barty or Pandora, but he hadn’t unlocked his door and just hoped that they would get the hint and stay away.

Apparently, someone indeed did not get the hint, because around 1 pm, the door creaked as someone opened it. Regulus pushed himself off the couch, ready to yell at whoever was breaking in.

The first curse was already about to fall, but then brown eyes met his, and as Regulus realized who was standing before him, the words dried in his throat.

“Oh, hi,” James said, a smile resting on his lips.

Regulus suddenly became very aware of the fact that he was still in his pajamas.

“I hope it’s okay that I showed up. Sirius gave me the key. Also, no one has heard anything from you all day, so I thought I’d do us all the favor of making you sure that you were still alive.” James pulled off his jacket and Regulus gulped at the insinuation that James was planning to stay for a while. “I brought lunch too.” James smiled and Regulus desperately wished he remembered what embarrassing things he had said yesterday. It would make everything so much easier if he knew what to apologize for.

“Uhm,” Regulus stammered. James was acting normal, so maybe he hadn’t said stupid things to James the night before. Maybe he was just imagining it, or maybe, and more likely, James was just good at hiding his feelings. If he was feeling awkward, it didn't show on his face. “I- yeah. Uhm, it’s okay.”

James smiled again, and Regulus searched his eyes for trails of…Well, he wasn’t sure what he was looking for: disgust, annoyance, embarrassment – any trail the night before could have left behind.

“Good,” James nodded, meeting Regulus’ gaze without any problems. For a second, neither of them moved, and Regulus was certain that James was waiting for him to mention yesterday. He wasn’t sure he could do it, though; he couldn’t embarrass himself like that, not in front of James.

James pressed his lips together and carefully nodded towards the kitchen, bringing Regulus back in the present.

“I- yeah, okay,” Regulus mumbled, stepping back so James could walk first. After a moment, James moved, still looking at Regulus, and he knew it was his opportunity to say something.

“Look,” he gritted out before he could change his mind. “About yesterday.” James nodded and Regulus hated that he still smiled carefully, as if he really wasn’t mad or annoyed at least. “I-” His throat felt dry, and the words felt wrong in his mouth. “I’m really sorry. About all of it.”

James didn’t say anything, which really didn’t help with the anxiety knot in Regulus’ stomach. Before he could say something else equally stupid, Regulus turned around and walked to the kitchen.

James followed.

“Please,” Regulus suddenly said, turning to face James, who instantly stopped. “Did I say something stupid yesterday?”

Did I do something stupid yesterday?

He wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to ask that question.

“Depends on the definition of stupid.”

“Oh, fuck, I did.” Regulus facepalmed. “What did I say?”

Regulus carefully looked up, preparing for the worst, but James just laughed to himself.

“It wasn’t that horrible. I thought it was cute.”

“Just tell me,” Regulus sighed.

“Let’s sit down, if I’m right you haven’t eaten anything today.” James was indeed right, and Regulus let himself be guided into one of the chairs. James sat down across from him and pushed the lunch sandwich he had brought along towards Regulus. Regulus took it gratefully.

“Well,” James said, and Regulus wished he could disappear between the tiles of the kitchen floor. “About what you said, it really wasn’t that bad. Of course, there was the kiss you kept on mentioning, but-”

“The kiss?” Regulus interrupted. He had known it was a possibility that he had been ranting about how much he wanted to kiss James, but he had really hoped that he had managed to shut up. it didn’t seem like he had, though.

“Yeah,” James said, a pitying smile on his lips. “But it’s all fine. I know how alcohol can affect you.”

He didn’t, though. Sirius had told Regulus how James almost never got drunk and especially not so drunk he lost control of himself.

“I’m really sorry, fuck.” Regulus hid his face in his hands.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. Honestly, I didn’t even come to talk about what you said yesterday. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And, well,” James gestured to him, “you seem to be okay, so I guess everything’s fine.”

Regulus searched his gaze for a lie, anything that could tell him James wasn’t okay with yesterday. However, all he could see was the sincere James Potter charm and it only made him slightly annoyed because, honestly, it was James own fault that Regulus had drunk-texted him about kisses and bottoming, when James smiled at him like that. It was simply not fair.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” James said. “Unless there’s something you want to talk about, of course.”

“We didn’t kiss, did we?”

James laughed, and Regulus hated himself for asking.

“No,” he grinned. “Though you did try to kiss me.” Regulus groaned internally. “I didn’t let you, though. Didn’t want our first kiss to be like that.”

Regulus nodded, hiding behind the sandwich as the words suddenly made sense.

“First kiss?”

James genuinely seemed to be amused by Regulus' surprise.

“Well, if we should ever happen to kiss one day, I want you to be able to remember it, love.”

The mere possibility that they could kiss one day, that it didn’t freak James out, made Regulus’ stomach twirl around itself. Regulus hoped his face wasn’t as red as he suspected it might be.

“Okay,” Regulus mumbled, taking a bite of the sandwich and using it as an excuse to shut up.

James watched him with a sweet smile for a few seconds before shaking his head and standing up.

“Well, I actually have places to be, so I hope it’s okay that I go now.”

Regulus nodded, his gaze still trained on the sandwich.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I’ll see you around.”

James smiled at him, and it really shouldn’t make Regulus feel so damn special. After all, James smiled at everyone, he reminded himself.

“Yeah, see you.” James turned around, walking out of the kitchen. Regulus listened to the sounds of James putting on his jacket and shoes. A part of him wanted to follow and say goodbye, but the other part told him that he had already embarrassed himself enough for now.

“Bye, Regulus,” James yelled.

“Bye, James.”

Only moments after the door clicked shut behind James, Regulus allowed himself to slide from the chair to the floor, the sandwich staying on the table. A silly smile was stuck on his lips and though there was no one to see it, Regulus covered his face. He felt far too warm, and he knew it was the James Potter effect. If he wasn’t careful, he would burn himself. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Regulus Black was cold as snow, but a single glance from James could make him melt from the inside. It was dangerous. It would kill him.

But Regulus would gladly burn for James.