One
James Potter had a horrible, heart-aching crush on Regulus Black. This wouldn't be a problem, besides the fact that he had been in a committed relationship with Lily Evans for over a year now. Why not just break up with her you may be asking? Well, that would be because of the fact he was also still horribly in love with Lily Evans. James was conflicted. He felt sickeningly guilty whenever he was around his dear girlfriend or Regulus. James's crush on Regulus hadn't been immediate. They had been friends since James 3rd year and for the longest time, they were just that, friends. The problem had arisen this year, James's 7th year and Regulus's 6th year. It started when James noticed the little tug on his heart whenever he was around the raven-haired boy.
He decided to ignore it, initially until it slowly got worse. The tug turned into an ache, he started dreaming about Regulus. Regulus and him cuddling, kissing, going on dates, stuff people who were just friends didn't do. It took him a while till he could finally admit to himself that he had a crush on Regulus Black. The most complicated part of it all wasn't that he had a crush, but that he still loved his girlfriend.
James tried his best to ignore the longing feeling, but he knew it was starting to affect his behavior. He was lucky, as the only person who had seemed to notice his uneasiness these days was his best friend, Sirius (who also happened to be, unfortunately, Regulus's older brother). Sirius had always been quite observant, always noticing the little changes in people's demeanor that others wouldn't pick up on. James always had the same excuse, blaming it on his schoolwork. James knew Sirius didn't believe him, but Sirius chose not to push it. James was persistent, and would only come around with time.
Lily Evans had a horrible, heart-aching crush on Regulus Black. This wouldn't be a problem, besides the fact that she had been in a committed relationship with James Potter for over a year now. Why not just break up with him you may be asking? Well, that would be because of the fact she was also still horribly in love with James Potter. It made her sick to her stomach to think about, let alone verbalize to anyone else.
That's exactly why she chose to keep it to herself, hoping her crush would fade away with time. Her crush on Regulus Black had not been instant. She had become friends with him in her 3rd year after he had started hanging out with Sirius more regularly. For a long time, she had thought him to be nothing more than a friend, until recently. Lily had caught herself staring at Regulus many of times, whether it was with a group of their friends or during class. Initially, she chalked it up to her just spacing off. Until her friend Mary asked why she had been starring so much at Regulus. Lily didn't have an answer at the time but it made her think. She spent that night in her bed, tossing and turning, unable to go to sleep with thoughts of Regulus Black clouding her mind.
She soon realized it was the same way she felt about James when she first started crushing on him. She tried her very best to shove it all down but it kept coming right back up. She had always thought of herself to be a very honest person, and keeping this secret from James was eating at her. It made her feel like she was cheating even though she was technically doing nothing wrong. Lily wore her heart on her sleeve and her change in demeanor was obvious. It made her friends and James worry. Every time she was asked if she was okay she would respond with "I'm fine." and leave it at that. James was the most worried, which made Lily feel even worse about the whole situation. She felt trapped.
Regulus Black was exceptionally good at shoving his feelings so far down that he almost forgot about them. The keyword being almost. Growing up in the Black household it was frowned upon to show any emotion, especially for the males in the family. They saw it as a form of weakness. Regulus's older brother, Sirius never bought into it. He was guided by their older cousin Andromeda, who was the black sheep of the family. Regulus on the other hand fell into line for a good chunk of his childhood. He was terrified of repercussions, he saw what happened to Sirius when he got in trouble (which was often). It took until Regulus was thirteen for him to finally take a step back and listen to Sirius.
While it was easier to process his emotions now, he still didn't enjoy doing it. As a kid, Regulus was extremely sheltered, homeschooled by the most expensive tutors money could hire. He spent most of his time with both his immediate and extended family. Because of this, Regulus never had the chance to have a crush on anyone until he was sent to Hogwarts. It was Regulus's fourth year when he developed feelings that confused him horribly. Those feelings pertained to no other than James Fleamot Potter, Regulus's newfound friend, and his older brother's best friend. He didn't want to confront his feeling so he did what he was best at and shoved them down.
To Regulus's dismay, as the years passed the feelings got much harder to contain. Especially when James announced he had finally gotten with Lily Evans. At first, Regulus was horribly jealous of her. But, as time passed that jealousy grew into a more complex emotion that Regulus couldn't quiet place. He'd watch as the couple would hold hands and whisper things in each other's ear to make the other laugh and ponder. He wanted that with James. More than anything he wanted James. But, as he continued to let his feelings ruminate he quickly came to the realization that he wanted that with Lily as well. This again, confused Regulus so much, that he had no choice but to do what he did best, and lock his feeling away.
James sat at his desk, absent-mindedly tapping his quill against it and staring off into space as he often found himself doing these days. "James," Remus said, trying to get the boy's attention. James didn't hear him. "James." He repeated. No response. "James!" He said again, louder this time. James jumped, quickly turning his attention to Remus.
"Sorry, need something?" He asked in return, disoriented. Remus pressed his lips together tightly, shaking his head.
"James, Mate, did you even hear what I asked you?" Remus returned, visibly annoyed.
"No sorry, spaced off. What was it?" James felt bad. He had promised Remus he'd study with him today, but if he was being honest he hadn't been paying attention whatsoever. It had become a bad habit of his lately but he couldn't exactly help it. His thoughts would sneak up on him and he was unable to rid his mind of them.
"Right then, we should just wrap up," Remus said as he stood up, pushing his chair in and gathering his books. "See you later, yeah?". James nodded in response, staying sat. Remus grabbed his cane with his free hand and walked away with a slight limp. It was a full moon a few days back, meaning Remus's hip was bothering him more than usual. James, Sirius, and Peter always helped Remus with his full moons. They would turn into their animagus forms and spend the night with the wolf. The group had been doing it since their fifth year. It took them three years to learn how to do but it was well worth it.
As of last year, Regulus had taken it upon himself to also learn to become an animagus so he could assist Remus as well. Regulus, being an incredibly talented wizard and top of his class since 1st year quickly learned. It took him just under a year. Initially, James had thought it was amazing that they'd have another person to help out and he admired how dedicated Regulus was to helping Remus. But as time went on and James's feelings towards Regulus grew more complicated it became more of a curse than a blessing. He couldn't avoid Regulus no matter how hard he tried. James sighed, gathering his things. He had a quidditch match this weekend, and he couldn't afford to be distracted. Even if the distraction seemed to be almost unavoidable.