Day 31!!!!!!!!! Midnight
Regulus wasn’t a very social person, he didn’t like interacting with others, he didn’t like the overwhelming chaos that came with trying to follow 15 people talking and he especially despises trying his hardest to fit in with the people around him and still feeling like a total outcast.
Despite this, he had foolishly allowed himself to be dragged to James Potter’s New Year's Eve party by his friends. This had been an awful, awful decision and he had regretted it the second he walked through the door.
The music was too loud, pounding around his head like it was beating his brain from the inside, the smell of alcohol was overwhelming and the crowds of people pushing on him from every side made him feel violently ill, he had wanted to turn around and walk right back out the front door, but Barty and Dorcas had taken an arm each and dragged him to a table overflowing with all sorts of drinks and handed him a concoction he wasn’t sure was safe to drink.
This was fine, okay, he could manage a couple of hours here as long as his friends stuck by him, the dull numbness of the alcohol making it bearable to be in this room. He was promptly abandoned by said friends and he was trying desperately hard not to be mad at them about it.
Dorcas was across the room talking animatedly to her girlfriend and a few mutual friends that Regulus could’ve gone over to but didn’t want to intrude, he would’ve felt out of place and he didn’t want to ruin their night. Pandora was dancing peculiarly with her boyfriend in the middle of an open area that had been turned into a makeshift dancefloor and Evan and Barty were making out on a sofa so intimately that Regulus wished they would just find a room already.
Regulus stood on his own, nursing the cup of a disgusting amount of mixed drinks and trying his hardest not to scream and punch the next person who stumbled into him in the face.
He spoke to a few people here and there, catching up with someone he hadn’t seen in a while, exchanging pleasantries and laughing about something from their time at school, it had only been a year and a half since they left Hogwarts but it felt like a decade had passed already.
This hadn’t even been a possibility for the past hour. 3 hours? Regulus had lost track of time, everything seemed to be dragging out, torturing him. He was beginning to wonder if he had died and if this was his personal hell. Anyway, the point is he hadn’t even had anyone to talk to because everyone had become so intoxicated it was a slurring, mumbling mess that Regulus couldn’t even try to have a conversation with because they were so out of it.
He had finally managed to escape, hiding in an annexe in the spacious library of Potter Manor. The room was Regulus’ favourite, he had come in here for the first time when he was 16 years old and first ran away from home, trying to find a place where he wouldn’t be bothered by his brother or James.
The library had been his safe haven. Tall shelves lined the walls and created aisles across the room, what must have been thousands of books towering over his head. The ceiling was a mural, delicate drawings that must have taken months to paint, angels stretching out above him reaching for the stars. There were large windows that went from the floor to the ceiling, looking out over the extensive grounds, a fountain with a statue in its centre lining up in the middle of the gravel directly outside
Inside there were several annexes, like the one Regulus was holed up in now, hidden in the shelves, a comfortable curved seat and a string of warm lights creating a little space to curl up with a book and disappear for a while. Regulus had used it to hide then and used it to hide now.
He had, however, never been very good at hiding from James Potter. James had a unique knack of finding Regulus no matter where he went or how hidden he seemed to be, it didn’t matter if he was in the darkest, most remote corner of the world, James would be able to find him.
So it wasn’t exactly a surprise to Regulus when he heard the heavy wooden doors to the library creak open and a set of footsteps start walking immediately to the annexe he was hidden in.
“Found you,” James whispered teasingly, ducking into the annexe, sitting on the other end of the deep green sofa, his body turned to face Regulus with his feet on the seat between them, knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting on top.
“I don’t think the host is supposed to disappear from the party,” Regulus looks up from his book momentarily, raising an eyebrow as he looks at James, trying to work out why he’s up here with him instead of down enjoying the night with people that are more fun. James shrugs and Regulus can see the cogs turning in his head as he tries to think of an excuse.
“It’s the host’s job to make sure everybody is having a good time,” Regulus closes his eyes at James’ response, ignoring the twinge in his chest as the words settle around his heart.
“I’m not your responsibility, go back to the party,” he doesn’t want to ruin this for James. Regulus doesn’t want to be a burden causing James to abandon his own party to come and sit with him in a quiet corner of the house when he hosted this party to enjoy himself.
“No, you’re not, but I prefer hanging out with you anyway,” James responds without a second thought, looking at Regulus with that stupid grin on his face.
“Yeah sure,” Regulus scoffs, turning the page on his book but trying to sneak a glance at James’ expression out of the corner of his eye. James frowns slightly, not liking the fact that Regulus doesn’t believe him and shuffles forward slightly.
“I do, why would I not?” James asks like it isn’t obvious, and it’s so oblivious and innocent that it makes Regulus laugh.
“You hosted this busy, loud party that I got dragged to and then ran away from to hide in your library and read a book, there’s a big difference in how we like to spend our time,”
“Well, yeah, the party’s fun and all and I like making it so people can have fun but I still prefer you over all of them,” James says like his words have no effect on those around him like he can say these things and people won’t be affected by the meaning behind his words.
“You don’t have to come up here and try to make me feel better, it only makes me feel worse.” Regulus really just wants James to go, he’s probably drunk and doesn’t really know what he’s saying and this is only going to hurt.
“Why won’t you believe me?” James exclaims, waving his arms out to the side in frustration and Regulus gulps harshly, he’s managed to piss James off already and it’s only been a few minutes. He doesn’t know why he’s like this, he can’t help it, there is just something fundamentally wrong with him that causes him to always say and do the wrong thing.
“Sorry,” James whispers into the now awkward silence between them, his arms tucked into his chest tightly as if he’s keeping them as far away as possible. “I’m not mad at you I just don’t understand,”
“It’s okay,” Regulus closes his book, feeling like the moment calls for it and places it on the side table. “I don’t understand either,”
“I want you to believe me, Reg, but I don’t know how to make that happen,” Regulus turns to face James, mirroring his position on the sofa, shrugging at James as he tries to find the words.
“I don’t think you can,” Regulus wonders if James can hear his heart shattering as he utters the words into the quiet, the noise seeming to echo in the open room, taunting him as it repeats back to him over and over.
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” James smiles, trying to lighten the mood, but his smile isn’t as bright as it usually is and Regulus is hit with another wave of guilt.
“You don’t have to do that,” Regulus goes to protest more but James cuts him off,
“I want to, and I’ll keep telling you I want to until you believe me, and even then I’ll still repeat it to make sure you never doubt it,” And the worst part is, Regulus wants to believe him, he really does but there's something that makes it impossible,
“You don’t know me, If you did you wouldn’t be saying any of this,” James scoffs and shoots Regulus an incredulous look,
“Reg, I know you,”
“You don’t-” Regulus is cut off again and he would be offended if the words coming out of James’ mouth weren’t so eye-opening
“Yes, I do,” James starts rambling, looking Regulus right in the eye, barely even blinking to try and show Regulus that he’s telling the truth. “I know you Regulus. I know you always read the last page of a book before you start it, I know you secretly love it when your friends throw their arms over your shoulders, I know your favourite chocolates are the same as Dorcas' so you pretend not to like them, so, she has them. I know you let Pandora think she's gotten away with stealing your jumpers without you noticing, I know you secretly want people to call you baby black because it makes you feel closer to Sirius. I know you love it when your book group wants to gossip instead of talk about the book. I know you Regulus, from how you take your coffee in the morning to your biggest hopes for the future, and I love you”
James takes a deep breath, letting his words hang between them, giving Regulus the chance to process and really take in what he said. Regulus blinks back the tears in his eyes and tries to keep his voice steady as he responds.
“Okay,” He breaths out shakily, failing to hide his tears from James, who leans forward and wipes them away by brushing his thumb gently over Regulus’ cheek, “Okay, I believe you,”
James beams and it's back to the bright, blinding smile Regulus is used to, the one that lights up a room and really shows just how happy James is. Regulus can’t help but smile back softly despite the tears still escaping his eyes.
“You believe me?” James checks and he laughs in a way that feels like liquid joy pouring over the two of them when Regulus nods to confirm.
“You love me?” Regulus questions, wanting to clarify if James meant it the way Regulus took it, being prepared to smile through the agony of James saying he loves him the same way he loves everyone he’s close to,
“I do,” James answers like they’re getting married like he’s telling the world he wants Regulus to be his forever. To James, he is telling his world that he wants to be with him forever. “Do you believe me?”
“I do,” Regulus responds, trying to express the same emotion but unable to force the words out, they stick in his throat like sickening syrup, clogging his airway and choking him. He loves James, but he can’t tell him that, he doesn’t know how to.
“Can I kiss you?” James asks, his gaze darting from Regulus’ eyes to his lips, his gaze lingering as he watches Regulus’ mouth move to respond,
“Please,” James kisses him the second he’s sure of the confirmation that that's what Regulus wants too, crashing their lips together as the windows light up in an array of colourful explosions.
Regulus has never really liked the saying ‘new year, new me’ but as the clock hits midnight, and the fireworks explode in an array of sparkling light, James Potter kisses him, and he finally understands what they mean and how much a person can change in the span on one kiss.