Think Before You Act|Harry's Confessions.
I,
Harry James Potter,
am not known as the boy who 'outwitted' the Darklord.
I am known as the boy who 'defeated' the Darklord.
For a very good reason, this is.
I was never a thinker for much of my...childhood.
I was never allowed to think. I was only to do as told.
Nothing more.
"Boy! Get the newspaper!"
"Boy! Fetch my slippers!"
"Harry! Where's my toy? Did you steal it!?-- Give it to me now!"
I'd love to blame these instances for my lack of thinking.
Maybe even after those instances, at Hogwarts.
Perhaps the more jeering than actual teaching from Snape,
the continuous action from death eater plans-
from Voldemort.
But truly, I can't.
I've had plenty of chance to think. Between the battles
and the adventure and child abuse. I've had many
times to think, so it feels shameful to use this as an excuse.
I,
Harry James Potter,
am known as the Boy Wonder, who gets all the girls.
I am not known as the Boy Wonder who wants
nothing to do with girls.
For a very shitty reason, this is.
From the moment I learned that my life meant something;
I quickly learned that it wasn't my own. At least-
identity wise. At least. Reporters like Rita were
unfortunately not few or even far between.
There w̶a̶s̶ is always a new headline of new aspects of my life.
"Harry Potter; Boy Wonder to Boy Lover!"
"Harry Potter's third love scandal this week!
Poor Granger girl can't keep up!"
"How likely are you to get a life
saving kiss from The Boy Who Lived?"
It was funny for the shortest of days,
but now it's one of the most unbearable things to deal with.
Everyone has more of an understanding of my life
than I do myself.
Everyone knows what I want, what I am, and what I have to be.
Should I blame this for what I lack? Is this the soap that erases
the stain? The soap that what?- for fucks sake.
I,
Harry James Potter,
am-
I am known as the Savior of the Wizarding World.
But with Draco, I've truly felt like just me,
and that's all I've ever wanted.
I don't want to say that Hermione or Ron didn't see me as me.
They did to some degree, but they've always seen me as "The Savior."
I cannot blame them for it. They've known me before I've known myself.
Or…Not myself? Perhaps I'm a terrible friend for putting
expectations on them. That's not very Savior-like.
"Potter."
But what pedestal do I have to balance how to be a good friend?
I'm allowed to do what I please, but I'm criticized if I do something
others don't expect of me. How could this be fair?
How come the only honesty I receive is from a twat who hates my guts
as much as he's in them-
"POTTER. HELLO."
I stopped writing.
.
.
I look up to the sneering pale face in front of me. So Ethereal. So Beguiling. Such a prat.
I stare into the grey-blue windows of his soul, and I feel lost. Lost in hate, lost in passion. Merlin-
"What is it, Malfoy?" I say with a bitter tone. I find my bitterness is as flimsy as the lens of my glasses. It's so unfair.
"Class is over, Orphan boy. Mr. Snape has given you detention for 'Taking such diligent unrelated notes.'"
Malfoy replied. Unfortunately, I was staring so intently at his lips that I could see the small smirk of satisfaction that
rested on his face so prettily as he told me my most common misfortune of having attended this school.
"Brilliant."
"Truly."
We stare at each other for about the same amount of time it takes to leave the classroom and walk halfway to our dorms.
Which is quite some time considering those ungodly moving stairs.
"I best get going then," was all I could manage to break the silence with to avoid pouncing onto him. Why am I such a mess?
Why Is he such a dick? Why am I still internally monologuing?- No wonder The Boy Who Lived isn't known for thinking.
Such a shitty world to live in when you're the person whos entitled to save the world, but can't even save his enemies
with benefits relationship. Relationship? Would Draco punch him if he said that out loud? But what else would he call this?
"Not yet."
I stopped thinking. Funny how that's not new.
"E-excuse me?" I say, quite confused.
"I said not yet, You dunce. What are you, blind and deaf?" Classic heir of the Malfoy family.
Can never say a complete sentence without an insult.
"No…I'm just confused as to why you're stopping me from getting to my favorite detention of the day?"
"Aren't you forgetting something?" A neatly trimmed eyebrow raises at me, and thin yet sturdy arms cross.
…I'm forgetting something? Great. Just perfect. I'm forgetting something. What did Boy Wonder mess up now?
Perhaps I was too short today, Or maybe I forgot about a mob of journalists at my dorm, oh, or better yet I forgot-
I,
Harry James Potter,
am being kissed to death right now.
Perhaps this is a bad thing. Perhaps this is a good thing.
I wouldn't know. The Boy Who Lived isn't known for his thinking.