Six weeks
Wynn takes Ana to her six-week checkup at the same time as Evie has hers. They’re in the same building, but they figure it’s best to knock it all out at once. Plus Ana is meant to get vaccines today, and Evie hadn’t been sure she could witness that without absolutely losing it.
“So,” her doctor smiles. “How are you feeling? How’s the first few weeks of parenthood been?”
Evie blows out a long breath, lips quirking up. “It’s been good. A lot, definitely. Tough. But I think we’re figuring it out.”
She nods sympathetically. “Anything you’re concerned about? With Ana or yourself or your partner?”
Evie hesitates. “Ana’s good, I think. She’s pretty easy overall, and Wynn’s taking her for her appointment right now, downstairs.”
She nods again. “And you and Wynn? How are you faring?”
Evie chews her lip. “We’re… okay,” she says slowly. The doctor’s face falls slightly, brow creasing in a mildly concerned frown. “Nothing’s wrong,” she says quickly. “It’s just – Wynn’s struggling. More than me, I guess.”
“How so?”
“She’s stressed. About not knowing how to be a mum. She’s always been very… protective. But it seems more intense now. Like she can’t let us out of her sight, not just that she doesn’t want to.”
The doctor frowns again. “And what does that look like? How does she act?”
Evie shrugs. “We don’t go out much. Besides to see my parents and her brother and his son. She’s on leave from work, so she’s not going out too much. I’m just… I’m worried.”
“How has she been behaving toward you? And toward baby Ana?”
Evie blinks. “No. No, Wynn’s not– she’s lovely, with us. She’s being very patient and helping as much as she can. She cooks and cleans and lets me rest and gets up at night to bring Ana to me to nurse. She would never– I’m more concerned that she’s running herself into the ground. Not that she’s any danger to us.”
“I see. Well, I’m glad you feel safe and supported at home. What is it that makes you concerned about her?”
“She’s just never been very good at talking about how she feels. She…” Evie hesitates, looking at the doctor warily. “I don’t want you to think Wynn’s a danger to us. She’s not. Not at all. Never has been,” she says firmly.
The doctor nods.
“There have been a few incidents. Where it all sort of boiled over,” Evie sighs. “Right after we brought Ana home, she sort of snapped at my foster mum for not holding Ana with both hands. And then she went and locked herself in the nursery and cried because she felt so bad about it,” Evie explains, intentionally omitting the bit about grabbing Sara’s wrist. “And the other day, I went to the library for a break. To read. And she called me. Ana was fussing, I guess, and she didn’t know what to do and was getting really overwhelmed with the screaming. She put her down and walked away when she got frustrated, so she was fine. But we sort of got into a fight about Wynn feeling like she’s… I don’t know. She said she feels like she’s disappearing. Like Ana only wants me and Sara only comes to see Ana and Hendrich only comes to see me, and no one is there for her,” Evie sighs.
“Mm,” she hums, nodding again. “It’s very common for new parents to feel a bit… lost in their new identities. Especially when they are trying to take care of everyone but themselves.”
Evie nods. “We were splitting up responsibilities too much, at first. We were hardly spending any time together, since one of us was always asleep while the other was watching Ana. Which was good, I guess, for… survival reasons. But Wynn and I… we’re very… I don’t know. We used to go on walks and cook together and I would read to her in the evenings. We were very cuddly, I guess. Affectionate,” Evie says, blushing. “Now it feels like we’re… coworkers, and our job is taking care of Ana.”
She hums knowingly again, bobbing her head. “That’s another very common thing. It’s a big adjustment. It’s hard to know how to balance taking care of the baby and yourself and your relationship. Have you found any solutions to that?”
“We have a cuddle, I guess. When I’m nursing. I just sit back against Wynn’s chest and she holds us, which is nice. And we don’t split up tasks so much, unless we need to. We do it together. And Wynn wears Ana in the wrap more, so she’s not just always with me. I think that’s helped with feeling like I’m her favorite.”
“What about with your parents? Or her brother?”
Evie frowns. “What do you mean?”
“Are you relying on them? Speaking to them about any of this?”
Evie shakes her head. “No… Brom, that’s Wynn’s brother, he helped her during my pregnancy. He’s a dad, so he helped her adjust to being the… nonpregnant parent. I don’t know that she’s spoken to him much since Ana’s been born. Not about the hard bits, at least. She might do, though. Or I could get him to get her to. He’s good at that,” she laughs softly. “Apparently he knows all the tricks for how to get her to talk, since they grew up together.”
The doctor smiles gently. “And your parents?”
Evie frowns again. “They never had any babies,” she says slowly. “I’m… it’s a sort of found-family situation,” she explains. “I’m not biologically theirs. They didn’t raise me. They try to help, and they’re great grandparents. They take care of Ana so well. But I’m not sure they know how hard this bit is, really. For me and Wynn. And Wynn’s still working on opening up to them. She might speak to my mum. But my dad…”
“Well, you might try that. Talking to your families, leaning on them. But I would also recommend spending some time, just the two of you. Have a date night. Make sure you’re taking care of your relationship. Happy parents, ones that feel loved and supported at home, are the best parents.”
Evie nods, thinking.
“Right. Let’s do this exam, then, shall we? See how you’re healing up?”
A couple days later, Wynn wakes up to a silent house. She’d gone to lay down in the afternoon, falling asleep quickly after being thoroughly exhausted by Ana’s multiple awakenings that night. She’s been fussy since her vaccines, and Wynn’s been insisting she wake up every time she fusses, worried she’s sick.
When Wynn wakes up this time, she calls out for Evie quietly, climbing out of bed. She pads around the house, barefeet chilled on the floors, only to find every room empty. Evie and Ana are nowhere to be found, and neither is Ana’s diaper bag or pram or car seat.
Wynn’s stomach clenches, and she searches desperately for a note, flicking through her phone and scanning the counter. Evie would never leave with Ana and not tell her where she was going. Something has to be wrong.
Wynn dials Brom’s number frantically, pacing with a hand in her hair. “Brom!” She shouts as soon as he picks up. “Brom - Ev and the baby are missing. They’re gone and all her stuff is gone and I don’t know where they’ve gone. Oh god. Something happened. Something happened to them or they left, or –”
“Fred,” Brom says firmly. “Take a deep breath. Evie and Ana are fine.”
“No. No, something’s wrong–”
“They’re fine, Wynn,” he says again. “Ev was just here. I’ve got Ana,” he explains, a bit of shuffling audible in the background of the call as he crosses the room. “Nate - say hi to your Auntie Fred, buddy. Tell her what you’re getting up to tonight.”
“Auntie Fred!” Nate squeals. “Me and daddy are babystitting! Auntie Evie said my baby Ana is sleeping here! With me and daddy!”
Wynn’s heart skitters to a stop and she takes a gasping breath. “What?”
“She’s here, Fred,” Brom says, bringing the phone back to his ear. “Listen.”
The soft sounds of Ana’s happy squeaking fill the air, as do the noises of Nate chattering to her loudly, clearly trying to explain something about his favorite animals to her.
“Wha– why is my baby at your house?” Wynn asks desperately.
“Evie asked me to watch her tonight,” he says easily. “So we’re having a sleepover.”
“But– she’s too little–”
“I’ve done this bit before, Wynn,” he answers patiently. “I know how to take care of a six-week old. And Evie’s brought me everything. Plus you live twenty minutes away. I can call you if I need something.”
“But… how are you going to feed her? Evie–”
“She’s brought bottles,” he cuts in. “Plenty. I’d have to feed her… every two hours to run out by the morning.”
“But she’s going to be up all night–”
“I can handle it, Wynn. And I don’t work tomorrow, so it doesn’t matter.”
“But– I don’t understand why–”
“I think Evie’s planning a special date night for you,” he says, somewhat awkwardly.
“Oh,” Wynn breathes. “But… why’d she bring Ana to you? And not Sara and Hendrich–”
“I think because I’ve done this before, and I’m far enough away that you won’t sneak off to check on her,” he jokes. “Plus I more reliably answer my phone than those two.”
Wynn nods. “Right. True.”
Brom sighs patiently. “Freddie, I’m not going to let anything happen to your baby. I’ve got her. I promise. And Nate’s very excited to help me take care of her. And we’ve already talked all about what’s safe and not safe for babies. So you don’t have to worry about that either. In fact, he’s giving her a lecture right now on how she’s not allowed to have blankets or stuffies in her bed yet, ‘cause she’s too little. We’ll be fine.”
Wynn looses a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. And he knows the rules,” he says, rustling. “Hey, Nate. Come here for a minute, bud,” he calls. Wynn hears the scampering of little feet, and then heavy breathing as Nate gets too close to the phone.
“Nate, can you tell Auntie Wynn the rules about watching baby Ana?”
Nate nods seriously, though Wynn doesn’t see it. “Mhm. Baby Ana’s only very little, so there’s lots of special rules to make sure she’s safe. But there’s lots of rules, and they’re hard to remember all by myself. So we always ask Daddy before I do anything with my baby Ana, ‘cause I don’t want to hurt her by accident,” he says seriously.
“Right,” Brom confirms. “And that means…?”
“That means no Nate-only choices. Only daddy-and-Nate choices for my baby Ana.”
“Or?” Brom prompts.
“Or just Daddy choices,” Nate says dutifully. “And I’ve got to listen to Daddy’s rules or I have to sleep in my room and not in Daddy’s room with baby Ana.”
Wynn sucks in a sharp breath. “Wait, he can’t–”
“He means that he’s sleeping in my bed with me, and Ana’s in her cot in the same room. Don’t worry. And I’m sure that’ll lose its charm the minute she gets fussy,” he jokes.
Wynn sighs. “Brom, are you sure–”
“I’ve got her, Wynn. And I’ll text you updates every hour, if you want. Just try to enjoy your night. And if you need me, just call me.”
Wynn stays quiet for a minute. “Okay,” she says finally. “But I do want picture updates. A lot of them.”
“I figured,” he teases. “No worries. I’ll send you a picture of every nappy I change. Just to make sure you’re not missing out.”
Evie comes in half an hour later, finding Wynn fidgeting anxiously on the sofa.
“Lieverd! I thought you’d still be asleep!”
Wynn shakes her head, chewing her lip. “No, I– I’ve been up for a while.”
Evie frowns. “Are you okay, love?”
Wynn hesitates, then frowns. “Uhm. No, not really. I really didn’t like waking up to you and Ana gone with no note and all her stuff missing. I didn’t know– I thought something had happened, or that you left–”
Evie’s brows shoot up and she steps forward, setting down the basket Wynn is only now noticing she’s carrying. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I thought you’d sleep through it and I could surprise you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I called Brom–”
“How’d you know I went to Brom’s?” Evie asks.
“I didn’t,” Wynn says, lip wobbling a little. “I called him because I was freaking out, and he–”
“Oh, love,” Evie says again, wrapping her arms around Wynn’s neck. “I’m sorry. I should have said. But he told you?”
Wynn nods, sniffling quietly. “She’s staying there tonight?”
Evie nods. “I thought we’d have a date night, just the two of us,” she says shyly. “The doctor sort of ordered it,” she jokes. “And I’ve missed you,” she grins, going up on her toes to give Wynn a little peck on the lips.
Wynn reciprocates briefly, but sighs through her nose, obviously trying to calm herself.
Evie drops to her heels, running her hands down Wynn’s chest. “Wynn? Do we need to go get her?” She asks gently. She doesn’t sound upset, but Wynn flinches anyway.
“I—“
“We can go get her right now, if you’re stressed. We can still have a nice night with her here.”
Wynn sighs, rubbing her hands over her face. “Did Brom seem prepared? Do you think—“
“I think she’ll be just fine. And I think Nate is really excited to have his baby Ana,” she smiles. “Nate’s a careful kid. He won’t do anything without asking Brom first. And that is because your brother is a very good dad. If he can take care of an infant as a ‘dumb Uni kid’, his words,” Evie laughs. “Then he’ll be just fine with our baby as a responsible adult.”
Wynn nods.
“Baby. We can go get her—“
“No. No, it’s fine. It’s just that I woke up and you were gone and there was no note—“
Evie frowns. “Love… why did you think something had happened? Just because there wasn’t a note? Why did that scare you so badly?”
Wynn shrugs anxiously. “You always tell me where you’re going.”
“Right, but… is there something that made you particularly worried I would leave you and take Ana? I would never do that, lief. And I think you know that. But if you don’t, then…”
Wynn swallows. “I didn’t get to leave Brom a note. When I got kicked out. I swore to him. Before. When I got back after being sent away to camp. I told him I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t leave but I did promise I would never leave him alone voluntarily… he said he understood. But he still thought I left him.”
Evie hums. “I see. I’m sorry, love. I really did think you would sleep til I got home. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Can you just… leave a note next time?”
Evie nods. “Of course I can, lieverd.”
“Thanks,” she murmurs.
Evie nods again, looking at her closely. “Well… I’ve got a picnic lunch. If you’re up for a walk. Or we could stay here, if you’d rather stay close to home.”
Wynn hesitates, glancing at her phone. “… we can walk. But if Brom calls—“
“We rush straight home,” Evie nods.
Wynn bobs her head, too. “Okay. Thank you. Sorry—“
“Don’t apologize, love. We’ll do whatever you need.”
Walking is nice. They’ve not done much wandering, just little trips to Sara and Hendrich’s everyday. Evie tucks herself into Wynn’s side, an arm around her waist as they walk. They move slowly, Wynn carrying the basket in her left hand with her right arm slung across Evie’s shoulders.
Evie leads her through the woods, enjoying the leaves and the smell of the woods and the grass. The coolness of the shade. She takes them to the hill where they’d once watched the sunset together, pulling a large blanket out of the bag on her shoulder, which she spreads out gently.
Wynn places the basket down, watching as Evie kneels down and tucks her legs up underneath her, leaning on one hand. She holds her other hand out for Wynn, who offers a tight smile and sits down next to her, resting her head on Evie’s.
“I remember this place,” she murmurs, turning to press a kiss to her head.
Evie laughs softly. “Mm. Me too,” she agrees. “Are you hungry?”
Wynn nods, and they spend a while snacking on the fruit and sandwiches Sara had packed them. There’s tea, too, and little bits of chocolate that Evie holds to Wynn’s lips while she smiles at her softly. After a while, Wynn’s gaze gets too intense, so Evie shifts, pulling a book out of her bag. “I thought I might make it a bit more familiar…”
Wynn’s eyebrows raise. “You want to read to me?”
Evie nods, blushing. “I know it’s silly, but—“
“It’s not silly. I like it. I liked it, before.”
“How come you haven’t asked me to read to you then?”
Wynn shrugs. “Didn’t want to pester you. Didn’t think you wanted to, either—“
“No, I did! I’ve been wanting to! You just always seem so tired and I don’t want to disturb you—“
“I mean… I fall right to sleep but that’s because your voice is nice. And the stories make me dream. I sleep better when I fall asleep to your voice.”
Evie blinks. “Baby, you should have said! I love reading to you.”
“Sorry,” Wynn smiles shyly. “Would you do it now?”
Evie grins. “Well, I don’t know. Will you fall asleep?”
“Definitely,” Wynn answers gravely.
“Good,” Evie smiles. “Love watching you sleep.”
Wynn chuckles softly. “You’re weird, you know that?”
“Mhm!” Evie hums happily. “Now lay down. In my lap. I’ll play with your hair while you listen.”
Evie reads for about an hour. Wynn is asleep in her lap after less than ten minutes, but she keep reading aloud regardless, just in case it keeps her asleep. When she gets tired enough, she falls quiet, looking down at her wife, studying Wynn’s face lovingly.
Her hair has gotten long, her roots grown out and much darker than her bleached strands. Her frown lines have smoothed out, and Evie traces a finger over them. Then she touches Wynn’s nose and her lips and strokes her cheek.
Blue eyes flutter open and latch onto Evie, blinking sleepily. Her lips curl into a smile and she shifts, pressing her forehead into Evie’s stomach.
“Morning,” she rasps. She spreads a hand across Evie’s back, fingers opening and closing against her spine.
“Morning,” she answers sweetly. She touches Wynn’s cheek a few more times, then untucks her legs, Wynn turning over to prop herself up on her elbows.
Evie stretches out on her back, squeaking the way she always does with a particularly good stretch. Wynn laughs softly and shifts to lay along her side.
“You sound like Ana,” she grins.
Evie laughs. “I do not!”
“You do,” she smiles. “You do happy squeaks. Just like she does.”
“If anything, she does happy squeaks like me,” Evie argues.
Wynn rolls her eyes playfully. “Mm. Right. My fault.”
“Well. I am her mother. She gets all her best qualities from me,” she jokes.
Wynn hums. “No arguments here.”
Evie pouts softly. “I think she gets them from you, actually.”
Wynn laughs in disbelief. “That baby is all you, love. Our tiny Evie.”
“She’s got some you in her, too!”
“Just that she’s a giant,” Wynn quips. “Personality wise she’s all you.”
Evie makes a face. “She's six weeks old! She hasn’t even got a personality yet!”
Wynn smiles. “She does too. She’s quiet, except when she’s unhappy, and then she’s very loud and opinionated.”
“She likes sleeping, like you. And when I read to her.”
“Sure, but everybody loves those things.”
“She’s cuddly,” Evie points out.
“She’s a baby,” Wynn argues. “And we’re both cuddly,” she says, gesturing at the way they’ve both tangled themselves up in the other.
“She likes to eat. A lot.”
“That’s still just a baby thing, love. You told me that.”
Evie laughs. “Okay but I still think she’s not got that much personality yet.”
“Not that much,” Wynn relents.
“She's still perfect, though,” Evie sighs dreamily.
Wynn laughs, putting a hand on Evie’s belly. “Mm. She is. You did a great job.”
“We did a great job.”
“You grew her,” Wynn points out. “You did the hard part.”
Evie huffs. “Ugh. Don’t remind me. I’ll never be the same,” she jokes.
Wynn smiles. “Maybe not,” she agrees. “But that’s ’cause you had our baby. That’s so amazing.”
Evie flushes. “Still. I’m not— I’m just a little different, now.”
Wynn frowns slightly. “How do you mean?”
Evie shrugs. “I dunno. I guess I’ve just noticed things don’t fit like they used to, so I’m just aware of it. Like my hips are wider and my belly—“
“Is perfect,” Wynn interrupts. “You’re perfect, Ev.”
Evie chuckles softly. “I’m not really upset about it, lieverd. I’m just… aware.”
Wynn hums, considering.
“You know…” Evie trails off. “You’re allowed to be more… aware, now, too,” she offers shyly.
Wynn frowns. “Huh?”
“Uhm…” Evie hesitates, biting her lip. “I got cleared. At my check up.”
“Cleared?” Wynn echoes.
Evie nods, feeling a flush creep up her neck, which she scolds herself for. This is totally normal! There’s no reason to be embarrassed about it. “For regular activities. I’m not— I’m all healed, is what I mean. I’m not… off limits anymore.”
Wynn studies her for a minute, then tosses her head back and laughs. “Ev, did you take our daughter to my brother’s house and plan a date because we’re allowed to have sex now??”
Evie flushes further. “No!” She protests. “Not completely, at least.”
Wynn laughs, rocking forward to tuck her face into Evie’s shoulder. “Ev!” She giggles.
“I did just want to do something nice!” Evie exclaims. “But you were saying how you felt disconnected from me, and I thought… well, the doctor sort of suggested, too, that we spend some time just us. Focusing on our relationship. She says a lot of people sort of lose that and it’s best you don’t. So…”
Wynn pulls back, looking much more serious. “Ev. If you’re— we don’t have to- just because I’m having a harder time—“
“Jesus, Wynn,” Evie scolds gently. “It’s not like it’s a punishment for me! I love you. I want to be with you. Physically and otherwise. I just thought putting a bit of effort into it would be nice, instead of just… I dunno. Having my way with you in the shower the way I’ve wanted to all week.”
Wynn laughs. “Okay, okay. Though I wouldn’t have objected to the shower thing. Just so you’re aware. Feel a bit robbed of it, actually—“
Evie smacks her shoulder lightly. “Hey!”
“Just saying. I love showering with you. Love having sex with you in the shower even more,” she murmurs, leaning down to kiss Evie’s shoulder.
“Mm,” Evie grunts. “Very romantic.”
“I think so,” she teases, grinning. She keeps up that goofy smile, one of the ones Evie loves, that lights up her whole face. One of the ones she feels she’s seen less of, recently. Evie can’t help but smile back, even if she’d been trying to fake annoyance. Wynn’s eyes flick across her face, pausing on her eyes and nose and freckles and her lips. Her own mouth curls in a tiny smile and she leans in, cupping Evie’s jaw as she presses their lips together.
Somehow, it feels like it’s been ages since they’ve kissed. To Evie, the feeling of Wynn’s mouth on hers is a distant memory. Realistically, they have kissed. Everyday probably. But it’s been short and chaste and hurried. She hasn’t been savoring it the way she is now.
Evie tilts her head back, stretching her neck to change the angle. She parts her lips, sighing as Wynn does the same.
Wynn presses her into the blanket, half covering her with her body, cradling Evie’s face between periods of tracing her fingertips down her arm to her waist, thumbing over her hip.
“You’re so perfect, Ev,” Wynn whispers. “So perfect.”
Evie nudges their noses together. “So are you.”
Wynn shakes her head. “Not as much as you. Can’t be,” she mutters.
Evie nudges her again. “Yes, you are.”
Wynn clearly doesn’t agree, but she doesn’t argue. Instead she kisses her again, long and slow. “I love you so much, Genevieve.”
“Love you more,” she smiles.
Wynn groans dramatically, flopping onto her back. “Quit one-upping me! I’m trying to be sweet!”
Evie laughs. “You are, Wynn,” she promises, rolling over against her wife’s side. She leans over, letting her eyes drift across Wynn’s form. Then she snuggles in closer, letting Wynn wrap her up tight. She shivers, more out of contentment than cold, and Wynn rubs her hands over her back quickly.
“Should we head home?” She whispers, pressing a kiss to Evie’s head.
Part of her wants to argue, to say they should stay and look at the stars. But she doesn’t. She just nods and pushes to her feet and holds a hand out to pull Wynn up. They pack their things and walk home, arm in arm, Evie leaning her head against Wynn’s shoulder.
As soon as they get inside, Wynn shuts the door firmly behind them and locks it, then lifts Evie onto the counter in one smooth motion. She takes one brief moment to check her phone for any messages from Brom, which are just sweet pictures of two cousins sleeping against his chest, and then puts it away, focusing on Evie.
She combs her fingers through Evie’s hair, pushing it back away from her face. She cups her cheeks and kisses her softly, seemingly completely unhurried. When she pulls back, she settles her hands on Evie’s hips, holding her gently, leaving enough space between them to be able to hold eye contact. She pulls Evie into her body, scooping her up off the stone easily. Evie assumes they’re headed for the bedroom, but Wynn takes them to the sofa. She lets Evie slide to the floor, then sits on the cushions herself, spreading her knees to pull Evie to stand between them. Like this, Wynn’s eyes are level with Evie’s shoulders.
Evie rests her hands on Wynn’s shoulders, and Wynn slides hers up Evie’s hips to her waist. She very slowly untucks Evie’s top, tugging at it where it slips beneath the fabric of her skirt. Evie’s stomach tightens as she feels the shirt come loose, and her pulse quickens as Wynn’s fingertips trail over her skin as she pushes it up and over her head.
When her view of Wynn isn’t blocked by her clothes anymore, Evie flushes. Wynn is looking at her, absorbing every detail of her body as she lets her eyes drift over her. Her fingers twitch against her waist, and she tugs Evie forward to press her lips to her skin. She lets her mouth wander, over Evie’s collarbones and the swell of her breasts at the top of her bra. The edges of her ribs, which flare as she sucks in a surprised breath. She focuses on Evie’s stomach last, even though it’s still half-obscured by her skirt. Wynn makes no move to take it off her, though. She just kisses the little soft area that wasn’t there before, left behind by her body having to accommodate the space their baby needed to grow.
Wynn shifts a little, coming to the edge of the sofa so she’s closer and sits up a little taller. She puts her lips to the highest part of Evie’s chest again, glancing up at her as she lets out a little gasp.
“Uhm,” Evie whispers. “I– Ana normally nurses around this time. It’s… it’s been a few hours since I fed her.”
Wynn nods, pulling back. “Do we need to pause?”
Evie hesitates, chewing at her lip, but eventually nods. “I think so. I just– it’s going to get uncomfortable if I don’t–”
“You don’t have to explain, Ev,” Wynn says gently. “We’ll do whatever you need to.”
“I think I need to pause for a minute and… you know,” she says awkwardly.
“Pump?” Wynn asks, quirking a brow.
Evie nods shyly.
“Ev… I’ve seen you do that before. There’s no reason to be embarrassed–”
“No, I know you have. It’s just… it feels strange. To go do that when we were just… you know. It feels very… unattractive. It didn’t bother me before because we weren’t– but I don’t really want to kill the mood by going and–”
“It won’t,” Wynn interrupts. “And it’s not unattractive.”
Evie makes a face. “You think it’s attractive?” She balks.
Wynn chuckles. “I always think you’re attractive.”
“But do you think it’s… when I’m breastfeeding?” Evie asks, her tone a bit strange.
Wynn considers for a minute. “Not necessarily,” she says hesitantly. “I mean, I think it’s amazing that you can do that for our baby. And I feel a lot of love for you, because of that. But it doesn’t like… I’m not hot about it.”
Evie laughs softly. “Okay, good. I was sort of worried there for a minute,” she jokes.
Wynn chuckles, shaking her head. “I do always find you attractive, for the record. But what I mean is that if you need a little while to take care of that, so you feel more comfortable, we’ll do that, and we’ll pick right back up where we left off, if that’s what you want. It’s not like I can’t wait fifteen minutes, or that I’m not going to want to touch you, after.”
Evie shifts. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, love,” Wynn promises. “But if you’d rather have privacy, that’s fine, too.”
She thinks for a minute. “I think I would. Just because of the mood shift, I guess. Feels a bit strange, I feel like I might overthink it.”
“Okay,” Wynn says gently, stroking her thumbs over Evie’s skin. “Do you want me to–”
“‘You stay here,” Evie says, taking a step back. “I’ll go– I’ll just pop into Ana’s nursery for a minute and… take care of things. And I’ll be back in a bit.”
Wynn laughs at her awkwardness. “Okay, love. I’ll be right here. Is there anything I can get you while you do that? Like tea or something?”
Evie shakes her head. “No, just… just wait here.”
“Okay,” Wynn agrees, nodding and offering a reassuring smile as Evie steps back and scurries into the nursery, closing the door behind her.
While she’s gone, Wynn closes her eyes and relives the last few hours. Of spending time with Evie, just the two of them. Of kissing her and focusing all her attention on her for the first time in what feels like ages. She thinks back to what it felt like to study Evie’s body, the little differences she hadn’t noticed before, since she hadn’t been paying attention. She finds she’d like to continue that little observation, just to commit them all to memory.
Wynn’s eyes flicker open when she hears the door open, but Evie doesn’t appear right away. She scurries down the hall to their room, opening and closing some drawers, then scurries back down the hall, slowing to a casual walk just as she reaches the opening to the den. She smiles shyly at Wynn, who grins back.
“Better?” She asks.
Evie nods. “Better.”
She’s still wearing a bit of a strange expression, something shy and nervous and… expectant about it, which Wynn can’t place. At least not until Evie’s standing in front of her. Then she notices that Evie’s changed out of her nursing bra into something a bit more… lacy.
Wynn swallows. “Is this new?” She rasps.
Evie nods. “Yeah, I– my old ones don’t exactly fit anymore,” she says softly.
Wynn grins. “Yeah, I noticed that,” she teases. “A touch too small, I imagine.”
Evie bites her lip, nodding again as she tries to smother a smile. “A bit.”
“Mm,” Wynn hums, winking. She pulls Evie forward again, sitting on the edge of the sofa to return to their prior position, trailing her fingers over the lace of the band at Evie’s back. She kisses her chest directly above the curve of the garment, noting how Evie’s skin isn’t quite so tight now, her body not quite as firm as it was before she had scuttled away into the nursery. She imagines it must have been at least a little uncomfortable, if not extremely, and yet again finds herself grateful and a little bit awe-struck.
She spends a little while dragging her lips over Evie’s shoulder and collarbones, slipping the strap of her new bra out of the way, letting it fall off one shoulder before she glances up, tracing the slightly red mark on Evie’s shoulder from where it had been digging into her skin. She reaches around, placing a hand at the clasp.
“Can I take this off?” She whispers, tracing her tongue over the edge of a muscle in Evie’s neck.
Evie’s hands fly to Wynn’s hair, holding her in place. She nods desperately, her chest heaving with her breaths.
Wynn unhooks it with one hand, then reaches up and slides it down off Evie’s arms. As she does, she draws back to look at her, not quite managing not to stare. Evie’s hands twitch against the back of Wynn’s neck, itching to cover herself. After an excruciatingly long few moments, Wynn looks up at her, eyes wide and dark.
“You,” she whispers, leaning forward to press her lips to the center of Evie’s sternum. “Are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Evie flushes pink, the color spreading from her cheeks down her neck and over her ribs. It burns with heat, which Wynn can feel beneath her mouth as she kisses her again.
“Jesus, Ev,” she murmurs, her hands sliding up Evie’s waist to the curve of her breasts.
Evie grabs her wrists, stopping her. Wynn looks up warily, staying completely still.
“Sorry,” Evie whispers, holding her gaze. “It’s just… really sensitive. So…”
“Would you rather I not touch?” Wynn asks.
“No,” Evie breathes. “No, I want you to. I just need you to be really, really gentle.”
Wynn nods. “Okay. I can do that. Just tell me if it’s uncomfortable at all, okay?”
Evie nods, biting her lip. She places her hands over Wynn’s and slides them up, guiding Wynn to cup her breasts, gasping as her palms make contact with her nipples. They stiffen under her touch and Evie feels a familiar tightening. She flinches, her nose wrinkling.
“Ev?” Wynn asks worriedly.
“Uhm. Sorry. I think– I think my body’s confused about what's happening.”
Wynn frowns. “What?”
“I think… I think my body thinks I’m nursing,” Evie whispers, still scrunching her face up. “Even though I just pumped, I think–”
Wynn glances at her hands, at the way she can tell Evie’s flesh is tightening under her hands, and her eyes widen as she realizes. “Oh. Well… that’s okay. I just– how do you want to handle this?” She asks diplomatically.
Evie still refuses to look at her. “I don’t know.”
“Ev. Look at me, baby,” she murmurs. “It’s just me. You don’t have to be stressed.”
Evie looks close to tears. “I know. I just– I didn’t think this would happen and I don’t know what to do–”
“Baby, it’s okay–”
“No, Wynn,” she says, voice tight with nervousness. She’s holding herself stiff as a board, refusing to move an inch. “It’s not, because we’re going to have a mess in a minute and it’s going to be mortifying–”
“Ev, you just pumped. There can’t be that much–”
“I know! But I sort of rushed so there’s probably more than you think, and–”
“Evie,” Wynn says gently. “It’s okay. We’ll take care of it. Whatever you need. We can get a towel or use my shirt or– whatever you want. We can also stop, if you’d rather–”
“No, I don’t want to stop,” Evie whines. “I just– I don’t want to–”
“It’s fine, Ev,” Wynn says gently. She slowly releases her hands, which are quickly replaced by Evie’s as she tries desperately to control the situation while Wynn tugs her shirt up and over her head and presses it into one of Evie’s hands. “Just use this if you’re worried about it. But really. I don’t mind. If there’s a mess, I’ll take care of it. It’s just me. Don’t be stressed. I think literally everything you do is perfect. I won’t think any less of you.”
Evie scrunches up her nose but nods, releasing her hands as Wynn tugs her forward again and runs her hands soothingly up and down Evie’s back. She starts kissing her neck again, then stretches up to meet Evie’s mouth when she ducks down and scratches at Wynn’s scalp as their tongues brush together. Then Wynn draws back slowly and leaves wet, open-mouth kisses down Evie’s front, over the curve of her breast to the edge of her nipple, peaked and stiff. She can smell the thick sweetness of milk, and glances up at her wife, watching her expression carefully as she places a featherlight kiss over the dusty pink bud.
Evie tenses. “Wynn–”
“May I?” She asks, cupping Evie’s opposite breast in one hand and holding Evie close with the other.
Evie takes a shuddering inhale, but nods, gasping softly as Wynn takes her nipple into her mouth and runs her tongue around it in the same motion she’s done hundreds of times. This time, though, Evie hisses.
“Lieverd,” she grinds out, voice strangled.
Wynn glances up, sucking lightly out of habit, trying to draw the same keening groans from Evie she’s so familiar with.
Instead, she’s rewarded with a burst of sweet heat in her mouth. She frowns, drawing back, but Evie clamps a hand around Wynn’s neck. “Don’t,” she whispers.
Wynn nods, gently drawing the nipple into her mouth and sucking at it for a few seconds as sweet liquid pools in her mouth, then stops. She draws back, swallowing, then hesitantly switches to the other side, watching Evie carefully as she moves.
It happens faster on that side, Evie hissing softly at the same time Wynn’s tongue is coated. A few circles around the peaked bud, and Evie scratches gently at Wynn’s scalp.
“Okay,” she whispers. “Enough.”
Wynn nods, drawing back enough to duck her head and kiss Evie’s stomach. She slides her hands down the length of her back, over her bum and across her hips before she slides them back to the elastic of her waistband. She dips her fingers beneath it, glancing up.
“Can–”
Evie nods, leaving her hands on Wynn’ shoulders for balance as she steps out of her skirt as Wynn pushes it down her legs. There’s a bit of staring, and a few squeezes of Wynn’s hands on her hips.
“Wynn. Can you–”
Evie’s sitting on the couch before she realizes what’s happened, Wynn kneeling on the floor at her feet. As she reaches for her underwear to slide them off, she double checks.
“You’re sure this is allowed? With my mouth, I mean? Hands too, I guess–”
Evie nods, blushing. “I asked. Specifically. We’re allowed.”
Wynn smiles at her and nods, kissing her way down Evie’s thigh just in front of the underwear she slides down her legs, leaving her completely bare.
There’s stretch marks, now. Across Evie’s hips and the lower part of her belly. There’s a softness to her stomach now that wasn’t as noticeable before, and there’s still the hint of a dark line running up the center of her belly through her navel. Wynn kisses that, too, for good measure, and helps Evie adjust herself so she’s comfortably perched on the edge of the sofa, leaned back against the cushions.
The touch of Wynn’s breath against her nearly sends her over the edge. Evie hadn’t realized how pent up she was, and having Wynn here, like this, on her knees at her feet, only focused on Evie and her comfort… it does things to her. It takes hardly a minute, maybe two, for Evie to be gasping and groaning and shifting against her tongue.
“Oh my god,” she gasps, arching her back. “Wynn.”
Wynn reaches up to bring Evie’s hands to her head, giving her something to cling to, and something to guide her with. Then she returns her full attention to her task, tilting Evie’s hips with her hands.
Evie whines as she moves, her breath loud in the otherwise quiet house. Her thighs start to tighten around Wynn’s head, and then clamp shut completely with a groan. She twitches a few times, then sits forward and drags Wynn up and onto the sofa, directing her to crawl over top of Evie as she lies on her back.
Wynn stares a bit at the red flush of Evie’s cheeks and the way her eyes are somehow darker than before. She figures some of her nervousness has gone away, now that she’s properly worked up.
She’s right about that. Evie roughly wipes Wynn’s face, then drags her into a kiss that has Wynn shivering. The noises Evie makes in her ear, the way she reacts to tasting herself on Wynn’s tongue…
Hands scrabble at Wynn’s trousers, and she laughs, pulling away to help.
“Ev, do you want me to–”
“Stand up,” she demands breathlessly, steering Wynn to stand directly in front of her. When she does, Evie leans in and kisses a line down Wynn’s stomach, down the line of her abs, over her navel to the edge of her trousers. She takes the fabric between her teeth and undoes it with a fair amount of ease, then drags the zipper down slowly as she draws back to look up at Wynn through her eyelashes. She tugs the fabric down, and Wynn steps out of it, standing only in her sports bra and boxers.
Evie presses her lips to Wynn’s hip, turning her head to look at her. She nips the skin and curls her fingers in the elastic of her underwear.
“Take that off,” Evie urges, glancing meaningfully at Wynn’s bra as she starts dragging the skin-tight shorts down.
Though Evie doesn't see, Wynn complies, and by the time she looks back up, Wynn’s completely naked before her, standing silently, waiting for Evie to tell her what to do. Annoyingly, she somehow still looks like she’s in charge, and is just willing to go along with what Evie wants to make her happy.
Evie pulls on Wynn’s hips, making her take a stumbling step toward the sofa. She lays down on her back, reaching a hand out to her.
“Come here, Wynn,” she beckons. “I want to feel you.”
Wynn stays rather stoic, watching Evie with a nearly unreadable expression as she climbs over top of her and hovers.
“All the way,” Evie demands, looping her arms around Wynn’s back to pull her flush with Evie’s body. She sighs when their skin meets. The last time this happened feels like months ago, and it probably was, since Ana in Evie’s belly was rather prohibitive to this position for quite a while. Evie smiles, combing Wynn’s hair back with her fingers.
“Hi,” she whispers.
“Hi,” Wynn echoes, adjusting so she can cup Evie’s cheek with one hand and still prop herself up on an elbow and not crush her.
“I’ve missed this,” Evie says quietly, drawing swirling lines over the skin of Wynn’s back.
“Me too,” Wynn murmurs. She kisses Evie’s cheek, then her temple and forehead and nose and finally, her lips.
Evie returns her soft smile and turns to kiss Wynn’s palm where it’s been pressed to her cheek. Then she brings Wynn’s lips to hers. It’s soft at first. Gentle. But as the want builds in Evie’s belly, and as she feels that familiar ache in her core, she opens her mouth and deepens it. Eventually, she reaches up to pull Wynn’s hand to her mouth again, placing two fingers on her tongue to wet them as Wynn watches her. She makes sure to suck them gently, her tongue sliding along the pads of Wynn’s fingertips. Then she pulls them free through pursed lips and guides Wynn’s hand down her body to reach between her parted thighs.
“Please.”
Wynn nods, shifting slightly to the side to give herself space. She pulls Evie into another kiss, slipping one finger inside her, and then the other when she has no signs of discomfort. She curls them slowly, brushing lightly against her as she presses them in and drags them out in small motions.
Evie groans, holding her tighter. She rolls her hips to meet Wynn’s hand, rubbing up against her as she does.
Wynn matches Evie’s pace, curling her fingers just a bit more as their desperation increases. She switches to sucking at the skin overlying her pulse as Evie tilts her head back and gasping for air.
“Go on,” Wynn encourages. “Come for me, love.”
Evie whines sharply, tightening around Wynn’s fingers.
“Come on, Ev. Wanna feel you.”
Evie’s breath goes still for a moment, and she breaks, fluttering around Wynn’s hand as she comes with a loud moan. Wynn gently removes her fingers, wiping them clean, then turns onto her side to tuck Evie in against her body.
“You okay?” She asks quietly.
Evie nods, still puffing against her collarbone. “Mm.”
Wynn chuckles. “You sure?”
“Tired,” Evie mumbles.
Wynn drops a kiss to her hair. “Sleep, then. I’ll keep you warm.”
Evie hums happily as Wynn wraps her up tighter and tucks a blanket around them, tickling her spine with the slight drag of fingertips over her skin. “Love you, lieverd.”
“Love you more,” Wynn answers, holding Evie against her like she might slip away if she doesn’t.