Emotional Landmines
Brom was right. About Wynn running away.
It takes until the middle of the second trimester, but Wynn and Evie get in a screaming match. Well - Evie's screaming, sobbing that Wynn doesn't love her or something equally ridiculous, and Wynn so thoroughly panics about it that she loses her patience and storms out. She gets halfway to the border of the next town before she pulls over and whips out her phone.
“I need help."
Brom freezes, listening intently to the tension in Wynn's voice through his phone. “Okay. What kind?”
“I - Fief and I had a fight and I ran. And I- you’re right, I’m panicking and-”
“Where are you?” He interrupts.
“I don’t know, like almost an hour away from home. I just started driving-”
“Do you want to turn around and come to me, or should I come to you?”
“Can I come to you?” She asks anxiously.
“Sure. Where do you want to meet me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you come to mine - we’ll have dinner, you could see your favorite nephew, and we’ll talk. And you could stay, if you want.”
“Ev's gonna be so scared-” She says, the tears audible in her voice.
“I’ll call her and explain, okay? It’ll be fine. Just turn around and come back. Actually, wait - before you do. Share your location with me. So I can come find you if you get… sidetracked.”
“Okay,” Wynn agrees, swallowing. She hang ups, shares it, and plugs in the address he texts her. She also sends Brom Evie's number, just in case he doesn't have it. And then she turns around and starts heading back.
Evie hangs up on him the first time he calls - just sends him straight to voicemail. He calls her straight back and she ignores that one too, but answers on his third try.
“Brom, it really isn't a good time-” she says, sniffling.
“Wynn's fine,” he says, voice calm. “She just called me. She's fine, she's coming to mine. She's on the way right now. I’m going to sort her out, alright? She's staying for dinner and then I’m ninety-percent sure she’ll be on her way to you. But if she's staying the night, I’ll let you know.”
“She- she what?”
“She's okay, Evie. She was freaked out about the fight but she's safe and I’ve got her.”
“But she- she isn't there yet, and she gets- she might want to-”
“I know," he reassures her. "I’ve got her location and I’m following it. She can't making any detours without me knowing about it.”
Evie blows out a long shaky breath.
“Evie? I know my sister. She was just having a minor freakout. She’ll be back in a few hours and I’m sure she’ll do more than a little groveling, but- she loves you. She isn't leaving you or anything like that.”
“How do you know?” Evie asks in a small voice.
“Because the first thing she said when I said she could come here for dinner and stay the night was that you were going to be scared. She never ever stops thinking about you, Evie. She's just… she panicked and she ran. Temporarily.”
“Will you tell her I’m sorry and that- god , our fight was so stupid I’m just so emotional and-”
“You’ll tell her yourself,” Brom says easily. “But yes. I’ll give her the message.”
“Okay. Okay," Evie sniffs, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I’m sorry you’re in the middle-”
“Don’t apologize. I told Wynn the day she told me you two were going to have a baby that at some point she was going to panic and run, and she was going to feel alone and awful and like she couldn’t tell anyone. And when that happened, she should call me, and I’d be there. No questions asked.”
“You said that?”
“I did. Wynn- Wynn's been through far too much in her life because of our fucked up family. I want to try making that up to her, at least a little. There was only so much I can help her with- only so much she’ll let me help her with. But this is one of them. I can help with this.”
“How?”
“I know what it feels like to be a Mazer. I know what it's like to have a baby coming and how scary it is when everything's out of your hands. And I know how we Mazer's like to run when we get scared, and how much we regret it afterwards.”
“You promise you’ve got her?”
“I’ve got her, Evie. I’m not going to let anything happen to her.”
Evie nods, then goes rigid. “Brom, you need to hide all of your medicines-”
“Already done. I’ve got her, Evie. Just trust me. I can do this.”
“Sorry. Sorry, I know I’m being awful-”
“You’re not. You’re just being scared and pregnant at the same time. It's a tough combination.”
Evie laughs wetly. “Yeah. It's horrible.”
“I know,” Brom says patiently. “But I’ll send your wife back to you in a few hours and everything will be just fine, you’ll see. But for now, you should go to your parents’. You’re not going to do well sitting by yourself waiting for her to come home.”
“Yeah,” Evie sniffs, wiping her eyes. “God I’m a mess.”
“Go take a shower, Evie. I’ll call Hendrich and tell him to come get you.”
“I can walk, I’m not that pregnant yet.”
“Then he can walk over and get you. But you’ll feel better if you’re not alone, so I’m sending him either way.”
“You’re bossy,” Evie mumbles.
“Yeah, well. I’m a dad.”
“You’re a good dad,” she says softly.
“And you and Wynn are going to be great mums. You’re just going to freak out sometimes. That's okay. Now go take a shower, and I’ll call Hendrich. I’d say you’ve probably got… ten minutes.”
“Okay, okay, I’m going. But Wynn's okay?”
“She's exactly where she should be, no detours.”
Evie takes a deep breath, nodding to herself.
“Go on, Evie,” Brom says patiently. “I’ll text you later, alright?”
“Okay. And Brom? Thank you.”
“Sure. What's family for?” He asks.
Hendrich's waiting in the lounge when Evie comes out of the bedroom, hair damp and dressed in Wynn's favorite sweater. She's still mostly wearing skirts, these days, but she's had to switch to wrapped ones that tie around her waist to accommodate the bump. Wynn's sweater is huge, so the baby bump is hardly visible at the moment, but it's there, the swell barely noticeable beneath the fabric.
“ Hi, sweetheart,” Hendrich says, smiling at her softly.
“ Hi,” she mumbles. Her eyes fill with tears immediately and she buries herself against him when he holds his arms wide.
"It's alright. It’ll be just fine,” he murmurs.
“ It was so stupid! I said so many stupid things, I didn’t mean any of it, it all just - it all just came tumbling out at once-”
“I know,” he interrupts, holding her tighter. “ It's alright. You’ll apologize and that’ll be the end of it, you’ll see. But for now, let's go see your mum. She was cooking dinner.”
“I’m sorry you had to come all the way here-”
“It was a ten minute walk through the woods, Evie. It was lovely. And now I get to take my baby and her baby back with me. I don’t mind. Not at all.”
Evie smiles when he mentioned the baby, glancing down and running a hand over her belly. He grins, too, and places his hand on top of Evie's, then steps to the door, pulling her coat down to hold it open for her. "Come on, then,” he says, shaking it a bit. He pulls it over her shoulders, then winds a scarf around her neck and kneels to help her shove her boots on. Then he pulls his hat off his own head and tugs it down low over her wet hair and does her hood up, too, for good measure.
“It's cold out there,” he warns, then glance around. He strides to the fire and shuts it behind the glass to make sure no ember escape, then comes back to the door. “Alright. Let's go,” he says firmly, offering his arm.
They only make it a few hundred meters into the forest before he has to help Evie pull her gloves out of her pockets and onto her hands, but they make it to the pub just fine, and into the back room by the kitchen. Sara immediately comes and fusses over Evie, batting her and Hendrich's hands away when they try to help her un-bundle Evie.
Wet hair, Genevieve? It's freezing outside! She sighs, tutting softly.
I just took a shower!
You should have dried it before you came! Hendrich - you should have made her dry it!
Sorry, dear.
You’ll freeze! I’ll get you some tea. Hendrich - light a fire, please. And get her a blanket! And my hairdryer!
This really isn’t necessary - I’m not cold!
Yes you are, Sara argues. You’re shaking!
Okay, fine. I’m chilly.
Here, she signs, sliding a mug of steaming tea in front of her. Drink that.
Thanks.
You’re welcome, she signs curtly. Hendrich! Fire, please! She says, pointing at the unlit fireplace.
It's hot in here with the cooking! He protests.
If you’re hot, you can go change. But I’ll be damned if she's cold, Sara fusses, gesturing to Evie, who's hunched up in the chair, curled around her drink.
Okay, okay! I’m on it .
Sara fusses some more, somehow managing to offer Evie a snack plate and cook at the same time, and intermittently stoke the fire. She hangs Evie's coat over the back of a chair and places her boots slightly in front of the hearth, apparently in an effort to warm them. It's usually what she does to dry things out, but neither of them are damp, so it's a bit confusing. Then she makes Evie go into the bathroom and dry her hair completely, sending her back when Evie comes out with still slightly damp tendrils.
All the way dry, Genevieve!
Evie just rolls her eyes, but goes back and then shoots Sara a look as she returns that asks- are you happy now?
She gets a nod in return, and then Sara drapes a thick woven blanket over Evie's shoulders, in addition to the one she already had pulled over her lap. Sara also makes Hendrich bring down her slippers for Evie to wear. Evie only wins the protest because her feet are far bigger than Sara's and she might lose a few toes if she tried to wear them. So Sara makes her take off her socks to hang in front of the fire, then gives her two new pairs to wear like stockings. It actually is warmer, though, so she fusses less than she wants to about it.
Dinner happens to be one of Evie's favorites - basically a stew of chicken pie filled with vegetables and a huge loaf of herbed bread and butter. Sara gives her a mug of hot cider as well, in addition to her tea. She eats a good amount, but her appetite isn’t normal on account of her stress, so Sara only tries to convince her three times instead of the usual ten to eat more.
When they're done, Sara covers everything, then ushers Evie and Hendrich out into the den, making her husband light that fire as well as she settles Evie on the sofa, curled up in the corner the way she loves to be. Sara sits at the opposite end by her feet, tugging Evie's legs into her lap as Hendrich sits in his huge chair next to them.
So? Are you going to tell us what happened?
Evie sighs, picking up her mug just for something to keep in her hands, even if it makes signing inconvenient. A stupid fight. Over nothing, really. I was awful and I upset her and she got freaked out and ran.
She did what -
I accused her of not loving me. Or the baby, she signs, interrupting what she's sure was about to be a tirade on Sara's part. And I wouldn’t listen to her.
And why not , Sara demands.
Because I’m an idiot, Evie sighs, shaking her head.
Why would you say that, Genevieve? I know you don’t believe it, Hendrich asks, frowning.
I don’t know. I don’t know, I've just been so emotional lately and I’ve been missing her so much when she's at work and at training, and then she got home today and I was so happy to see her but she was so tired… I took it personally, I guess. It felt like she wasn’t as happy to see me as I was her, and all of a sudden I felt like she just didn’t want to be around me and that was why she was always at work-
Is she at work more than she used to be?
No, Evie shakes her head. It was just… I don’t know. I’m so- I just want her around, all the time. And I wanted that before but I actually really got upset this time, when she wasn't. And I know that isn't fair, but-
Have you told her that?
Not really. Not in a way that made sense. I just yelled about her avoiding me or something and not wanting to be at home with me and didn’t listen when she tried to calm me down. I said she cared about everybody else’s kids more than ours.
Hendrich's and Sara's eyebrows both raise in shock. Genevieve!
I know! I know, it was horrible! And she just looked at me all upset and I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to have a fight or something because I yelled at her for not arguing with me and I said that- I said I might as well do it alone, if she didn't care. And that it felt like I already was.
Did you mean that?
At the time it felt that way! But now... no, of course not. And I feel so horrible for saying it, and I’m scared she's never going to forgive me-
She’ll forgive you, Sara says, waving her off. There’s nothing that girl couldn’t forgive you for.
I don’t know that she should , Evie signs, staring into the fire. I should never have said it.
No. You shouldn’t have. And you’ve got several apologies to make. Big ones. And you need to explain how the baby is making you feel. I know you want to act like it's no big deal and it isn't affecting you, but it is. Things are different now. You don’t feel the same way as you did before. You don’t react the same.
Evie nods at Sara's expression, all demand and seriousness.
Where is she now?
At Brom's, I suppose. I haven’t heard anything since he called me, but I left my phone in my coat-
I’ll get it, Hendrich offers immediately, pushing to his feet.
Evie looks at Sara slowly as he leaves them alone. She looks disappointed and Evie's chest crumples a bit more on itself. Do you hate me?
What?
Do you hate me? For what I said?
No, of course not. I could never hate you. But I am disappointed in you for saying those things. Wynn didn’t deserve that, and I think you should have had better control of your emotions.
I know, Evie signs. She stares at the blanket in her lap, picking at the loose threads until Sara taps her leg.
How's the baby?
Good, Evie smiles softly, running a hand over her belly. Sometimes I can feel little kicks, but Wynn said she can't feel them from the outside yet.
Sara scoots over a little, reaching her hand out tentatively. Evie nods and she places it flat over Evie's sweater. She rubs over the top a bit, then cocks her head as Evie grins.
That was one, just now, she says. A kick.
Sara frowns seriously. Can I- under the sweater? On your skin?
Evie nods, lifting it a bit and Sara slides her hand underneath, splaying her fingers wide. She holds her hand on one side for a moment, then the middle, then the other, then goes back to the area just to the right of Evie's belly button. She places her hand flat and waits, eyes closed. Evie just waits and breathes, watching Sara carefully. Eventually, after a while of no movement, Sara taps one finger on her belly where her hand is splayed, just twice. A gentle tap-tap , and Evie gets a particularly strong flutter in response. Sara's eyes fly open in surprise.
Did you feel that? Evie asks.
Sara nods.
You felt it? You felt the baby move? Evie asks, surprised, sitting up further in shock.
Sara nods again.
How come you can and Wynn couldn't?
Sara shrugs. Not as many distractions. Just feeling.
What does it feel like?
Sara frowns, thinking, then takes Evie's hand and places it on top of her own palm. Then she wiggles her fingers, softly tapping them against Evie's palm.
That' what it felt like to me, too. But in there , Evie says, pointing. She frowns then, putting her hand flat to her belly and waits for another flutter. She feels one inside, but can't feel it under her hand. You’ve got to teach Wynn. She’s been trying so hard-
I 'll try, Sara hedges. But-
Deaf superpower. I know.
Hendrich emerges through the door, handing Evie her phone. There's a message from Brom telling her Wynn's gotten there safe, which was about two and a half hours ago. And then there's a message from Wynn from nearly an hour ago asking where she is and requesting that Evie call her.
Evie's heart sinks with guilt at missing it, and she scrambles to press the call button. She waits, biting her lip as the dial tone rings and rings and rings. It finally goes to voicemail, so she hangs up and tries again with the same result. She looks up at Sara and Hendrich with wide eyes.
She asked me to call her almost an hour ago. Wanted to know where I am. Just called her twice and she isn't answering.
Call Brom. See if she's still there, Sara signs.
“Evie?”
“Brom? Is Wynn still there?” Evie asks anxiously.
“No, she went home to you," he says, puzzled. "Is she not there?”
“I’m at my parents’ still! Oh god. I called her twice, she’s not answering-”
“Breathe, Evie. She just left here half an hour ago. Maybe she’s just still driving.”
“How was she? When she left yours? Was she okay?”
“She was upset but she wanted to go talk to you. Hang on, let me look at where she is. Give me a second,” he said. There's rustling and tapping, and then his voice is back. “Evie? It says she's there. At the pub. Where you are.”
“What? For how long?”
“I don’t know. It doesn't tell me that bit.”
“She isn't here , Brom,” Evie frets, throwing the blanket off and getting up from the sofa to rush to the door. She tosses it open, stepping out into the cold to look for any sign of Wynn in the dark, only to jerk back when she nearly runs face-first into her.
“ Wynn?” She asks.
“She's there?” Brom clarifies. “Evie - she's there?”
“She's here,” she says distantly, staring at her. “I’ve got to go. Bye, Brom.” She flips the phone closed, staring at Wynn, who stares back at her. She reaches her hands out slowly. “Wynn? Lieverd?”
Wynn's eyes slip over her, noting how Evie's in her sweater and has what appears to be three pairs of socks on, and cracks a wry grin. “Hi. Nice sweater,” she says softly.
Evie bursts into tears, throwing herself at Wynn, who catches her easily. “I’m so sorry ,” Evie wails, burying her face in Wynn's neck. “I’m so sorry, I was horrible and I didn’t mean any of it, and-”
“It's alright, Ev. It's okay.”
“It isn't !” Evie sobs. “I said awful things, Wynn! So many awful things!”
“I know,” Wynn says quietly. “I was there.”
Evie sobs harder and Wynn tucks her head down onto Evie's.
"Come on, baby. Let's go in before we let all the cold air in and Sara yells at me for letting you catch a chill.” She moves forward blindly, feeling her way over the threshold as Evie dangles in her arms, and then steps fully inside and shuts the door behind her. “Go on, Evie - I’ve got to put you down so I can take all this off. It's blazing in here.”
“Sara's got two fires going because she was convinced Evie's going to freeze,” Hendrich calls from the kitchen.
Wynn shoots him a tight smile and a nod, feeling slightly out of place.
“I’ll get you a cider. Do you want any whisky in it?” He asks, and Wynn hesitates, glancing at Evie. Henrich notices, but nods to himself anyway, not waiting for a proper answer. “I’ll take that as a yes. Just a bit,” then wanders off back through the door to the den.
Wynn ushers Evie into the kitchen so she can pull all her layers off, draping them over the chair similar to Evie's and kicking off her boots. Then she rubs her hands together, which are red from the cold since she refuses to wear gloves, and hovers awkwardly.
“We were all in the den,” Evie says softly. “If you want to come.”
Wynn grimaces but nods and follows Evie in. She glances around, noting where Evie had apparently sat in the corner of the sofa that Sara's currently on, then the empty chair opposite Hendrich. She looks at it and the sofa awkwardly a few times, trying to decide where to go until Evie pulls her to sit where she had been and hesitantly moves to sit in her lap. Wynn gives her a nod of permission and tucks her into her chest, helping when Sara immediately starts arranging the blanket over Evie.
Well - I’m going to go start the pudding, Sara announces after a sufficiently awkward pause. Hendrich, come help me, please.
He sends her a confused glance, then seems to realize she's attempting to give Evie and Wynn privacy and lumbers after her, leaving them alone in the den.
“Are you okay?” Wynn asks, pressing her forehead against Evie's shoulder.
“I’m okay,” Evie answers softly. “I’m just- I’m so sorry, Wynn. I’m so, so sorry.”
Wynn nods, but Evie notes that she doesn't say it's okay, like she normally would.
“I didn’t mean it,” she says again.
“Then why’d you say it?” Wynn asks, and she sounds so heartbroken that Evie feels tears spring to her eyes.
“I-” Evie starts, pausing when her voice cracks. Wynn squeezes her a little tighter, letting her lean on her more heavily. “It felt like that, at the time. I was just so upset and- I don’t want to make excuses or anything but I’ve never had feelings like this! It was so overwhelming and even the littlest thing felt like the end of the world-”
“Ev,” Wynn says quietly. “I need you to explain why you said that. I need to know what you meant.”
Evie sighs, wiping at her face where a few tears have escaped. “I don’t know what changed or why, but in the last couple of weeks, I’ve just been missing you so much . I know you’re not gone any more than normal, and it isn't like I don’t do anything while you’re gone! It's just - I don’t know. I just miss you every second that you’re not home and lately for some reason I’ve sort of been taking it personally, that you’re going to work. Which is stupid because of course it isn't personal! But today, I just missed you so badly and I was already all upset and jealous that you spent all day with other people’s kids and not home with ours, which was also ridiculous because ours isn’t even born yet! But I was jealous and upset and all in my head about it and I was so excited for you to come home, and then you were tired . And for some reason, you wanting a nap felt like the worst rejection ever and I was just so hurt . It felt like you didn’t want to be around me or the baby and that you don’t miss us at all when you’re gone and then when you got home it wasn't important to you that you spend time with us- and I know that was unfair. I know none of that makes any sense but it just - it all built up at once and I lost it. And then I got it in my head that you weren’t screaming at me because you didn’t care and I just felt so lonely, and then I said that horrible thing about doing this on my own. It was awful of me - of course I’m not doing it on my own and I don’t know why I was taking everything so personally today but it was like death by a million scratches and I just lost it. And then you left and as soon as you walked away, I felt horrible. I felt like I’d ruined everything just because I’m a crazy person that lost their mind about their wife needing a sleep after working two jobs, and-”
Evie cuts off her rambling abruptly when Wynn jolts underneath her. At first she thinks it's a sob, but then she catches sight of Wynn pressing her lips together to conceal a smile and gapes at her.
“Are you laughing right now?”
Wynn bursts out in shrill peals of hysterical laughter, burying her face in Evie's shoulder.
“Wynn! What's funny? This isn’t funny! I thought you’d left me!”
“I’m sorry!” Wynn giggles, trying to calm herself. “I’m sorry. It isn't funny. It's really not, but- oh god, the baby is making you so bipolar.”
Evie gasps, feeling terribly offended.
“I just mean - oh, Fief . You’re always so calm and rational, and you’re always so in control of your emotions and so understanding. Even to your own detriment sometimes. But now you’ve got a baby the size of a lemon in you and you completely lose it! It was just - It was so odd and bizarre to have you screaming at me one minute and then hear you be angry with yourself because you were jealous that I needed a nap! It's the emotional rollercoaster you’re on. It's just- just completely absurd,” Wynn glances up at her, giving her a little squeeze. “I don’t mean that you’re being absurd. Just the situation is so all over the place and you go from being so irrational to so logical so quickly, it was just... It was a little funny, Just because it's such a stark difference.”
Evie nods, but still feels a little put out by Wynn's laughing.
“Oh come on , love," Wynn goads her "You were jealous of my students today! Because they're children that get to spend time with me. And our baby doesn't. But our baby’s this big and just swims around in there all day. I don’t know how I’m meant to spend time with a baby that's still inside you. Unless you want me to start like… talking to your bump? But I think that might make you a bit jealous, actually-”
“It would,” Evie interrupts. “Oh god, I’d actually be so horribly jealous of you talking to our baby and not to me. The idea of that just made me so angry at you that I wanted to cry. That isn't allowed.”
Wynn laughs, “Do you see what I mean? It's just… it's so absurd! How does something that little cause so much chaos?”
Evie giggles a little this time. “I don’t know. But it really does. I’m such an emotional disaster.”
“Oh, I know,” Wynn teases.
Evie smiles back for a moment, then sobers. “Wynn, lieverd- I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I said any of that. It wasn't true, not at all. I just- I temporarily lost my mind and all I could think about was how lonely and jealous I was.”
Wynn nods, growing more serious. “How do I help with that? How do we try to make it so this doesn't happen again?”
“I don’t know. Because it was all based on feelings that are just so wildly unreasonable… I don’t know what you’re meant to do to help with that.”
“I mean… my hours are my hours, at least through the spring term. We could discuss if we want that to be different in the fall. So I couldn't change that , not for then, at least. But I could… Call you? During lunch? Or you could come eat with me? You could come to training, as well, if you wanted. You don’t have to, obviously, I’m just thinking, if it’s time together you’re missing, you can just be there.”
“Yeah…” Evie sighs, but she doesn't sound too keen on the idea. “I’m just so tired . And that sounds like so much effort,” she whines."
“Oh, I see,” Wynn teases. “You’re allowed to be tired, but I’m not?”
Evie stiffens, scowling. “I’m growing a person!"
Wynn laughs. “I know. I’m teasing.”
“Right. Right, sorry," Evie sighs. " God , I’ve got such a short fuse-”
“Maybe I just need to accept that my normally sweet, sensitive, understanding wife had temporarily been brainwashed by a very tiny alien that's making her crazy. And that sometimes she's going to completely lose her mind on me, and I just shouldn’t take it personally," Wynn offers.
“Yeah,” Evie sighs. “Maybe. Sorry, I know that's unfair-”
“It's okay,” Wynn says, kissing her shoulder. “You’re carrying our baby. You’ve sort of got a free pass on everything for… pretty much forever.”
“Oo!" Evie jokes. "So I get whatever I want and I get away with whatever I want, too?”
Wynn sighs heavily. “Oh, I’m going to regret telling you that, aren’t I?”
“You already should, lieverd. You already should.”
Things do not go well when Wynn gets home.
Evie’s always been rather sensitive. She’s easily hurt, especially by people she loves. She feels so deeply for them that when she feels like that isn’t being returned, it’s a harsh rejection. And when Evie feels hurt, she lashes out, and then she withdraws.
It’s a slightly toxic cycle. She knows that. But she finds herself doing it anyway. Normally with Sara, occasionally with Hendrich, and almost never with Wynn. Until today.
Wynn’s been disagreeing with Evie’s plans about baby-raising. Evie, ever the planner, wants a very structured environment. It helps her feel prepared. Wynn, on the other hand, doesn’t mind just sort of winging it and seeing what happens. She’s been not-so-subtly ignoring Evie’s attempts to plan and discuss what they’ll do in favor of saying ‘I dunno, love. We’ll see how it goes and adjust from there’, which Evie does not find to be an adequate plan.
Eventually, she has enough, when Wynn chuckles at her suggestion of researching the best toys to get to stimulate their baby’s brain.
“Jesus, Ev,” she laughs. “Are we raising a baby genius or something? Can’t we just give him some blocks or something? Don’t babies love ceiling fans? I could put one of those in.”
Evie huffs. “Fine. We’ll just figure it out when she gets here, then,” she snaps, putting her catalog to the side. “Maybe we’ll take her to the store and walk her up and down the aisle like a puppy and see which ones she picks!”
“Whoa,” Wynn says, raising her eyebrows. “What’s with the attitude?”
“I don’t have an attitude,” Evie spits. “I’m frustrated that you shoot down every idea I have! And I’m allowed to be frustrated!”
“Never said you weren’t,” Wynn counters. “Just don’t know what about this has you so angry.”
“I’m not angry! I’m frustrated. But I’ll just leave it. We’ll do it your way and figure it out later and just be completely unprepared when she gets here.”
Wynn keeps looking at her like she’s grown three heads, standing in the kitchen. “Is there something you’d like to say?” She says mildly.
“No,” Evie says tightly. “Clearly it’s not something you want to discuss, which is fine. We’ll just leave it up to you and I’ll just never say anything about it again.”
Wynn rolls her eyes. “Why are you acting like this is a personal attack?”
“I’m not!” Evie snaps. “I’m just frustrated that you’re shooting us in the foot by refusing to research and use the tools available to you to make the best decision! But clearly that’s annoying you, so-”
“How is my saying we should figure it out when she gets here ‘shooting us in the foot’?” Wynn argues.
“Because! If we looked into it, we could make the best decision and be good parents! Instead of winging it and hoping things work out!”
“Why do you think we have to research to have things work out?” Wynn counters.
“We don’t! It might work out, but why leave it up to chance?!”
“Because I don’t think research knows what’s best for our baby. I think we’ll know that based on what we know about him once he gets here. And trial and error! And I’m not particularly interested in hearing what a bunch of strangers have to say about how to raise our baby! I trust us to figure it out and I don’t want some weird sense of guilt about not following what they say-”
“Oh so now I’m guilting you-”
“I didn’t say that,” Wynn huffs. “I just don’t agree that researching is best!”
“Fine,” Evie snaps, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll just leave it then. We’ll do it your way, like we do everything and we’ll just pray it works out.”
“What is your problem?” Wynn gapes. “Why are you acting like I’m saying you’re some awful person-”
“I’m not! I’m not saying that, and I don’t appreciate you acting like I’m making this personal!”
“How is that not what’s happening-”
“No, it’s fine, Wynn. We’ll just do it your way and when I disagree, I’ll be the bad guy that’s got an attitude-”
“This is exactly what I mean, Ev! How can you say that you’re not taking this a personal attack when you’re acting like my saying you seem upset is making you ‘the bad guy’? Tell me how those can happen at the same time?!” Wynn demands.
Evie glares at her. “Fine. You win,” she says, storming away into the nursery to sort through some things, slamming the door behind her.
Wynn groans, shaking her head. It’s so annoying when Evie gets like this. And it’s damn near impossible to argue with because any disagreement is a personal slight. And frankly, Wynn’s a bit tired of walking on eggshells not disagreeing with Evie for fear of her being hurt about it! They should be able to discuss these things! Like adults!
She leaves her be for a moment, then goes into the nursery, closing the door and leaning against it. She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest as Evie ignores her.
“Ev,” she says. “Come on. Can you really not see how you’re acting like my disagreeing with you is a personal attack?” She asks tiredly.
“No,” Evie says shortly, keeping her back to Wynn.
“Evie,” she says sharply. “Seriously. I get that you’re hurt but I’m trying to talk to you, and frankly, I’m getting tired of always having to worry about upsetting you. Why can’t we just disagree? Why can’t we discuss it? Why does it have to be your way or never speak about it again?”
Evie stays quiet, clenching her jaw.
“I really don’t understand why you’re hurt about this,” Wynn admits. “Genuinely. And I don’t want to hurt you. I just don’t understand-”
“Why is it that I’m always wrong, Wynn?” Evie snaps. “Why is it that you’ll listen to everyone else except me? Why is it that all my ideas are always terrible and stupid-”
“When have I ever said that?” Wynn interrupts.
Evie bristles. “It’s implied!”
“It’s not, Ev,” Wynn says, shaking her head.
“It feels like that’s what you’re saying whenever you-”
“Evie,” she sighs. “I understand that you feel attacked. I just don’t understand why.”
“Because you’re attacking me!” She snaps.
“Love,” she says patiently. “Just because we feel attacked doesn't mean someone is actually attacking us.”
Evie freezes. She’s got an indignant rage in her chest, but she finds she doesn’t have an answer for that.
“Can you tell me why you feel attacked?”
“Because! It feels like you’re saying my idea is stupid!”
“Why?” Wynn challenges. “Why is that what I’m saying? Why can’t I just disagree? We disagree about other things all the time!”
“Like what?” she scoffs.
“Tea. Food. Sleep times. Hobbies. Work-”
“Alright, fine-”
“Seriously, Ev. Why can we disagree about those but not this? Why do I have to agree with you?”
“Because! This is important to me and you’re not taking it seriously enough!”
“How am I not taking it seriously enough?” Wynn challenges her.
“You’re wanting to just figure it out,” she sneers. “That’s not taking it seriously!”
“It’s not that I’m saying we shouldn’t discuss it,” Wynn argues. “Or that I won’t consider it. I’m saying now isn’t the time to worry about it.”
“Well, I’m worried!”
“Right,” Wynn says. “I know. But- love, what’s the point of having all these toys he may never use right now, before he’s born? Why can’t we discuss this after we get to know him a bit? Once we have more information to base this decision off of?”
“Because! I’m worried if we don’t do it now, we won’t ever-”
“You think we’ll just… what? Never buy him anything if we don’t do it right now?”
“I don’t know, Wynn! I feel unprepared! I want to be prepared!”
“I know,” she says patiently. “But we are prepared. At least for the first few weeks. And it’s not like we can’t leave the house once he’s here, or send someone to the shops, or buy things online! It’s not now or never, baby.”
Evie huffs. “But I want to do it now!”
“Why? Why do you think now is the best time to make these decisions?”
“Because leaving them is stressing me out!”
“Do you think that has anything to do with the toys? Or are you just anxious about having a baby?”
“I don’t know!” She huffs.
“What if we went through a list? Of all the things we need for the first month at home. We can do research on that and make sure we have everything for that, and then we worry about the rest of it as we go?” Wynn suggests.
“We’ve already done that,”’ Evie pouts.
“So why don’t you think we’re prepared?”
“Because I need to do something or I’ll go insane!”
“Why don’t we do something else, then? Instead of fussing over a baby that’s not even going to be here for a few more months?”
“Because I’m anxious and this makes me feel better!” She snaps.
“Does it?” Wynn argues. “You don’t seem like you feel better.”
“Shut up,” Evie grumbles.
Wynn laughs softly. “Ev - seriously, love. I get that you’re stressed. I get that you want to be prepared. I want to help you with that. And I’m here. But I need you to try to get it through your head that disagreeing with you doesn’t mean I don’t care and doesn’t mean I don’t love you and doesn’t mean I think you’re a bad person. It just means I disagree.”
“Feels bad, though,” she whines.
“I know it does. But I’m on your side, Ev. Always. I’m never trying to make you the villain, alright? I’m just… disagreeing.”
Evie sighs. “I’ll try to remember that,” she says finally, sagging. “I just- I probably won’t be any good at it.”
Wynn snorts. “At least you’re honest,” she says, coming up behind her.
Evie glowers.
“Just teasing, love,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Don’t take it personally.”