It is another party in Gryffindor Tower and I am leaning up against the wall watching Sirius and James embarrass themselves. They are currently standing on a table, dancing and singing their hearts out. I know they will complain about how drunk they got and their hangovers in the morning. I admire Sirius as he dances without a care in the world. He is carefree in his tight black jeans and black mesh crop top. If you were to look closely, which I will deny ever doing, you can see Sirius’s nipples through his shirt.
I look down into the cup of water that I have told people is vodka. I am going to have to take care of cleaning up the party and making sure everyone gets home because I am pretty sure that no one else will. I am also going to have to take care of hungover Sirius, James, and Peter in the morning and that is a lot harder to do when also hungover. I briefly wish I could be the one being taken care of before brushing off that thought and finishing his glass of water. I push off the wall to fill my cup up again.
I ran into a buzzed Regulus on the way and said hi before moving to the bar area he had helped set up. I rub my eyes as I look at the mess. I’m not good at letting go and having fun. If I am not being the responsible one, who would be? I sighed and filled up my water before making my way back to my place on the wall.
I have just settled against the wall before I can hear someone jump off the table. I am a bit shocked as he sees Sirius making his way through the crowd toward me. “Moony, please come dance it is so funnnnn” Sirius drunkenly says. I look at him and he stares back at me dreamily. I almost cave just because he wants me to and I would do almost anything he asked but someone has to be sober and be the responsible one. Before I can answer, he drags me into his arms and puts my hands around his waist. And then we are slow dancing and I can barely control myself. I have loved Sirius for at least a year now but have kept my feelings hidden. Having the man I love in my arms makes it hard to not lean down and kiss him. But Sirius is drunk. I finally pry his hands off me and step away. He pouts before announcing that he is going to get another drink and he will be back. I shake my head trying to clear it and get back in the right mind. I am here to be responsible and take care of everyone and try not to kiss my best friend who is not in the right mind.
I sit down on a couch and watch everyone letting loose and having fun. At one of these parties, I will bribe and pay for someone else to be sober and clean up everything but for now, it has to be me. Sirius plops down beside me and all of a sudden he is pressed against my side. My arm automatically moves around his shoulders like it is the most natural position in the world. Everyone else is distracted by James and Peter putting on a concert with their horrible singing while jumping on the table. My focus is on the man pressed against my side and cuddling into my chest. He seems to have hit the sleepy stage of being drunk and is choosing me as his pillow. I look down at him and before I can realize it, he is surging up and kissing me hard. I am frozen in shock before I am eagerly kissing back. I quickly think ‘I am kissing the man I love’. That thought is followed immediately by ‘Oh shit he’s drunk’. I pull away from him and whisper “This is real sweet but I wish you were sober” He looks back at me dumbly before getting up to go rejoin James on the table and dance some more. I look down at my lap and the cup of water I am still holding onto. For the first time tonight, I wish it was vodka so I could attempt to drown my feelings. He won’t remember us kissing. He won’t remember me kissing him back. He won’t remember the moment we shared. I need to leave, I need to get out of here. I need to be somewhere he is not. On the way up to the dorm, I remind myself I did the right thing by stopping the kiss because he wasn’t in his right mind but as I climb into bed, I wish I was still downstairs, still kissing my love, my Padfoot. I am glad it happened because I got to kiss him but I wish it never happened because now I crave more and he won’t even remember it happened. No one has to know that as I fell asleep, a few tears escaped from my eyes.
I wake up about an hour later as the door to our dorm slams open and drunk Peter, James, and Sirius stumble in. James and Peter stumble into bed right away and Sirius makes a beeline for the bathroom. It is only a few seconds before I can hear him throwing up. I bolt out of bed and am there holding his hair back in less than 3 seconds. I comfort him as he throws up the massive amount of alcohol he consumed tonight. He collapses back against my chest and I lean against the wall and pull him into my lap. I comb through his hair with my fingers to detangle it while wiping his tears from throwing up. He looks up at me with a look I hope is love but I know is not. He is just a grateful friend. I help him get up, drink some water, and brush his teeth. “Thank you Moony” he whispers leaning on me. I help him out of the bathroom and he tries to walk toward my bed but I lead him toward his. “Why can’t I sleep with you Moonyyyyy” he whines. I look down at him with longing and I wish I could bring him to my bed. I just want to hold him in my arms and fall asleep knowing he is mine but that isn’t realistic.
I help him into bed and tuck him in. He is snoring before I can finish bringing the blankets up the bed. I look at his sleeping form before sighing and going to get water for the three of them. I place cups of water on each of their nightstands along with sober-up potions. I head downstairs to start cleaning up. It takes me a while but it is a good distraction from the hurt in my heart. I finally finish as the sun begins to peak over the clouds. I know that my roommates won’t be up for hours but I head down to the great hall to fetch them all some food so they have something to eat when they wake up. I finally make it back to the dorm, place their food on their nightstands next to the other supplies I left there, and place a stasis charm over it.
I climb into my bed mentally and physically exhausted. I like taking care of them but I wish someone would take care of me like this. As I am slipping into unconsciousness, the thought pops into my head. I hope he remembers.
And with that thought on my mind, I fall asleep.