ARTEMIS
"Good morning, anong almusal?" I asked Celeste, who was sitting on the table with a cup of coffee in her hand. She looks surprised with my question.
"Huh?"
"Kagabi 'di ba sabi mo ikaw na magluluto so I won't have to be up early?" Sambit ko naman.
"Ohh.. uhm.. I wasn't hungry when I woke up kaya nagkape na lang ako. Nakaligtaan ko na, sorry." She answered.
"What? Am I supposed to go to work with an empty stomach?" I asked.
"Kumain ka na lang sa labas? I can give you money for it."
"It's not about the money. It's about the effort and time to be wasted." I was frustrated. Hindi na ako nakakain kagabi sa pagod so I immediately slept. Ngayon tuloy I'm really hungry and had my routine scratched without a breakfast ready.
"Pasensya na nga, 'di ba? Nawala lang sa utak ko."
"Wala naman kasing problema sa akin to wake up and cook for us. Ang akin lang naman you should have told me prior!" Tumaas na ang boses ko dahil naiinis talaga ako. Was it the hunger or was it that I just woke up? I don't know.
"I was worried dahil pagod na pagod ka na kagabi. Gusto ko lang naman makapag pahinga ka. Now ako pa ang masama?!" Pasigaw nyang sagot.
"Hindi sa masama. Hindi mo ba ako maintindihan?"
"Sige na ako na 'di nakakaintindi! Bahala ka nga dyan!" She grabs her bag, leaving the house. And soon I heard the car engine running, and then she's gone. Ganun na lang. I was just staring at the open door she left when she walked out.
Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami nagsimulang magkaganito. We started from not sleeping or leaving each other whenever we had an argument to.. not caring at all. Was it the time? Na sa ilang taon naming pagsasama, everything just went.. cold? I sighed and took a moment to relax. I took a bath and got ready for work. Once I fully calmed down, I sent a message.
To: Minamahal.
I'm sorry na bigla akong nagalit kanina. I was just frustrated.
After sending the message, I headed to work and went on with my day. After a long day, I looked at my phone. Ni isang response, kahit nga dot eh. Wala. Maybe she was mad? I really have to make up for this. May flower shop pa kayang bukas? Sana meron pa dun sa malapit sa simbahan. As I drove, my phone rang. I saw her name appeared kaya I pulled over muna and answered the call.
"Hello love? I'm so sorry about—"
"Hello? Art?" I recognized her co worker's voice in the other line. Nagtaka ako because I was hearing sounds and music that will seemingly match a.. bar?
"Hello? Bakit ikaw may hawak ng phone ni Celeste? Nasaan kayo?"
"I'm so sorry. This is Gab. Bigla kasing nag aya ng inuman. Hindi namin alam dahil 'di naman umimik. Lumaklak lang ng lumaklak. Can you pick her up, please? I have to drive Mave and Jeya home pa. Mga bagsak kasi lahat." She explained.
"Sure, sure. Nasaan kayo?"
"Open loc ko na lang para masundan mo." Sagot naman nya.
"Okay, salamat." I turned the call off and quickly drove to the place as soon as I received Celeste's location. The noise was loud, the place was crowded. This is why I prefer to drink at home. Sino ba naman kasing gugusto sa lugar na 'to?
"Art! Art dito!" Narinig ko na din si Gab so I went to her. Celeste was wasted along with two other friends of her.
"You need help with them?" I asked.
"No need na. Kaya ko na 'to. Si Celeste lang talaga. Thank you for coming."
"Thank you for taking care of her." Inalalayan ko na si Celeste palabas ng bar. I went to my car and strapped her into her seat. I was about to close the door when she spoke.
"Artemis.." God I've already forgotten how it sounds like when she calls my name. It's always been mahal o pag galit sya, Art. But Artemis? She rarely calls me that. "Why am I feeling like this?" She asks.
"Feeling like what?" Tanong ko. She scoffs.
"Hindi ko din alam eh. Naguguluhan ako. Do you know how much resentment I have towards you? Or maybe.. it's towards your actions." Nagulat ako sa sinabi nya.
"Ha?"
"I hate it. Ang dami mong nakakalimutan. Birthday? Anniversary? Kahit dalawang taon na yun, alalang alala ko pa. Gusto kong magalit but when I heard your voice and saw you crying, kinain ako ng konsensya ko. Mahal kita eh.. di ko kayang nakikita kang ganun. So I endured. I ignored. Even the way you treat me whenever you're frustrated. May narinig ka ba sa akin, wala. I wanted you to stay so bad na hinayaan ko lang lahat yun. Sa takot kong mawala ka, nanahimik ako." Tears fell from her eyes, and my heart ached seeing her this way. "But you know what? Nawawalan na ako ng gana. I felt like.. I felt like I'm the only one trying. Sumusubok ka pa ba?"
"You.. you should have told me. Makikinig naman ako, eh. Bakit hindi mo sinabi?"
"Natakot ako. I don't want to cause you any inconvenience. Alam kong pagod ka. Alam kong frustrated ka. Inintindi ko naman eh.. pinili kong intindihin. Pero.. ganito pa rin eh. Anong magagawa ko kung ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Ang unfair.. but how can I complain when I can't see you listening? Nakakapagod umabot." Her words left me speechless. How come I didn't saw this? I soon saw that she closed her eyes. I held her hand and kissed it.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so so sorry."
-
I wasn't able to take a proper sleep after that. I spent the next morning trying to make up for it. Nagluto ako, I prepared everything she'll need for the day. I saw her descending from upstairs.
"Good morning, mahal." Bati ko sa kanya.
"Good morning." Umupo sya sa mesa. "Hindi ba masyadong madaming pagkain? Tayong dalawa lang naman kakain."
"Hayaan mo na. I was energetic so I cooked a lot." Pagdadahilan ko. She nods, then she started eating. I want to talk about last night. I sighed, not knowing how to start it.
"Lalim nun ah? Okay ka lang?" Celeste asked.
"Ano.. uhm.. about last night—"
"I-I'm sorry pala. Hindi ako nagsabi. Nagka ayaan lang kami uminom. Hindi na mauulit." She replied.
"That's all you remember?" Her forehead creased.
"May iba pa ba?" Suddenly, everything I wanted to say was caught up my throat. So I stayed silent for a minute. "Mahal?"
"Ano.. wala. Sige kain ka lang dyan." I said, trying my best to smile. Ayoko na din namang pag usapan kung ayaw naman nya o wala syang balak. I guess we're.. fine?
A few more days passes. Sobrang busy sa trabaho. Lagi akong nasa site halos, given that a big project was entrusted in my hands. Pagpasok ko sa unit, Celeste was on the living room doing something in her laptop.
"Good evening." Bati ko. She just spare me a quick glance and nods to acknowledge my presence. I was too tired to even talk about it. But before going to bed, it was part of my routine to get my things ready before going to bed. Specially yung isusuot. Tomorrow, I'll be in the office for a meeting. I opened the closet to look for my blazer as tomorrow is an important schedule. Hindi ko makita so I decided na pumunta sa baba, to check on the washing machine because it was supposed to be washed like days ago. Wala sa drying rack. So washing machine yung sunod kong chineck. Pagbukas ko, the washing machine was empty.
Edi nasaan yun?
I went to the living room para tanungin si Celeste. We have a schedule to wash our clothes and she was the one scheduled for this week.
"Mahal, saan mo nilagay yung mga nilabhan?" I asked. She looks surprised, then looks disappointed.
"I forgot. Sorry. Nakalimutan kong maglaba."
"You just have to put it on the washer. Paanong nakalimutan mo?" I was sleepy, not even hungry and wanted to rest. I was short tempered and easily frustrated.
"Damit lang yan bakit ba nagagalit ka?"
"Hindi ako galit. I'm frustrated. I needed my blazer tomorrow. God. Hindi pa yun matutuyo agad." I told her.
"I'm sorry. Akin na lalabhan ko na." She stands up.
"Wag na. You know, just do what you're doing. I'll do this on my own."
"You made a fuss about it tapos bigla mo na lang sasabihin na okay na?" Tanong nya.
"I was just frustrated." Sambit ko.
"Lagi namang ganyan eh. Nakakapagod na." I heard her whisper.
"Ano?"
"Uulitin ko pa ba? I'm tired of this." She says again. "Those words that you've heard last time? I mean every bit of it."
So she does remember.
"Bakit hindi mo binanggit?" I asked.
"What's the point? You won't listen anyways." Sagot nya naman.
"How can you say that? Kilala mo ako, hindi ako ganung tao."
"Kilala pa nga ba kita?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You changed. You changed a lot. Pakiramdam ko wala na ako. You're chasing your dreams so much that you've forgotten about me. Naiwan na ako. So tell me, kilala pa ba kita?" She says.
"Ako pa rin 'to. Ano ba yang sinasabi mo?"
"Art, you're far from the woman I fell in love with. Ang tagal kong kinimkim.. ang dami kong gustong sabihin. Mahal na mahal kita noon eh. Sobra pa sa sobra." Celeste said, her eyes teary.
"Noon?"
"Mahal pa rin naman kita. But it wasn't the same as before. I would willingly move the heavens and the earth for you but now.. I'm simply contented loving you like this. Nakakainis kasi.. hindi ako ganito eh. I wasn't like this. Mahal na mahal kita. I didn't know when or why it changed but all of a sudden, it doesn't feel the same anymore." Paliwanag nya. Tears fell from my eyes, something I couldn't stop. Ang sakit sakit, eh. We love each other but are we on the same page?
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"Can't you see? Lagi na lang tayo nag aaway even in the smallest things. Now we're fighting over a stupid stupid laundry. Sige nga, Art. Can you still see us?" Tanong nya.
Truth is I don't. Ang layo na namin. This is not how we use to be. Pero anong nangyari? Anong nagbago? I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to fix it. I feel so.. lost.
"See? Hindi mo din masagot, 'di ba?" Celeste said. "We lost it. I don't know what is it, pero matagal na tayong nagbago. We felt more like strangers than lovers. Hindi ka ba nagsasawa sa ganito?"
"A.. Anong pinaparating mo? Anong gusto mong mangyari?" I asked. "Do you need we need space? We can.. we can do that." But she shook her head.
"We are beyond recognition anymore. Tanggapin na lang natin, wala na talaga." We were both crying already. Alam naming mahal namin ang isa't isa. But love itself is not enough for us to stay. She held my hand and wiped my tears with her thumb. She then hugged me. "I'm sorry we have to end this way. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Celeste. Kasalanan ko 'to." I whispered. She looked at me. For the first time in a long time, I saw the glimpse of love in her eyes.
"This is the best for us, okay? Wala na tayong magagawa. Good bye, Artemis." After walking out of that door, I never saw her again.