Dorcas Meadowes never questioned her sexuality before laying eyes on Marlene McKinnon and she seriously asks herself why. She’s nineteen and has been at uni since two years, plus, basically all of her friends are queer, so how come she never thought she could be queer too?
It’s not that she rejected the possibility or was in denial, she just never really thought of that.
But now, as she lays eyes on the girl Regulus just pointed at, introducing her as ‘Marlene McKinnon, my brother’s best friend, same kind of brat’ the only thing she can think about it women.
Oh, and also something along with fuck me fuck mefuckme.
Yeah, definitely queer.
“I think I’m in love.” She says, turning to Regulus only to gaze at Marlene again.
“Of who? McKinnon?” Regulus frowns a little disgustingly.
“Yes. Present her to me. Come on Reg, introduce us!”
“What– I mean, she’s a prick.”
“No, she’s just friend with your brother, you’re biased, she’s extremely attractive.” Dorcas rolls her eyes.
“She literally bullies me. Calls me nicknames. Mocks me. She’s the worst!” Regulus says, eyes growing.
“You’re so easy to picked at, you always get on the defensive, that’s funny.” Dorcas bumps their shoulders together. “Now introduce me to her.”
And just like that– not without a little more bickering– Dorcas is walking in Marlene’s direction. She swallows the rest of her drink in the idea of calming her nerves and giving her courage. She feels like backing up but she fought so hard for Regulus to agree to introduce them (she would have go anyway but it was fun to annoy him).
Marlene is dancing and the closer Dorcas gets, the more hypnotised by the way Marlene moves her hips she begins.
Fuck.
Women.
When they come within reach, Regulus pushes her on the shoulder and she turns, her confused expression turning into a shit-eating grin the second she lays eyes on Regulus, Dorcas’ heart skips a beat.
“Well, if it isn’t baby Black.” She tilts her head.
“McKinnon.” Regulus greets.
“Didn’t know you’ll be here. That’s a mostly second years party.”
“Well, I’ve got friends.” Regulus says, pointing at Dorcas with his head.
“Do you?” She asks, slowly turning her gaze on Dorcas. Fuckfuck women. “Oh, hi.” Marlene says with a smile.
How can someone have such beautiful eyes? How come Dorcas never saw this woman before on campus? Is love at first sight real? At the moment, Dorcas would vote yes. A hundred times yes.
“That’s Dorcas Meadowes for you.” Regulus rolls his eyes. “She claims to have fallen for your charms. Don’t really see why.” He shrugs. “Alright, leave you to it.” And then he turns heels and leaves Dorcas alone with Marlene.
“Regulus!” Dorcas hisses before turning back to Marlene with an awkward smile. “Hi.”
“We can’t really hear each other here. Want to go over there?” Marlene asks, pointing at the stairs, something hypnotic in her eyes.
“Yeah– yeah okay. Let’s do that.”
Marlene chuckles a little then starts to make her way through the crowd of students dancing, glancing back at Dorcas here and there to check if she’s following.
“So,” she says, sitting down on the stairs, Dorcas stays standing, “like that you’ve fallen for my charms?” She smirks.
“I quite literally told Regulus that I think I’m in love two seconds after he pointed you and introduced you as Sirius’ annoying friend.” Dorcas blurts and maybe that’s alcohol speaking because she would be mortified otherwise. She’s not pissed, but she drank enough for it to relax nerves and make her feel invincible.
Marlene’s eyes grow larger and Dorcas is quite sure that she sees her blush on sight. Oh, she’s so, so beautiful. It should be illegal to be that attractive. Someone send her to jail right now.
Marlene stands up rather smoothly and comes closer to Dorcas, “How come I never saw you on campus?” She asks, low.
“Maybe you did but never noticed.” Dorcas shrugs, feeling her heart beat faster at the proximity.
“Oh believe me Dorcas Meadowes, I would have noticed.” She says, leaning a little closer again. Dorcas is going to lose her mind.
“How come I never saw you on campus?” Dorcas asks in turn.
Marlene shrugs, “I don’t know, but you would have noticed me.”
“That I would have.” Dorcas breathes out, gaze darting to Marlene’s red lips. Blood red. Dorcas wants to bite it. Dorcas wants to taste it.
She looks away, fighting the urge, and when she glances back, Marlene is smiling, bottom lip caught between her teeth.
“Regulus says you’re the worst.” Dorcas murmurs, out of words.
“Does he?” Marlene tilts her head, smile growing. Dorcas nods. “What if I am? The worst.”
Dorcas shrugs, “I say I like to play with the devil.”
Marlene leans in and right when they’re about to kiss, music cuts off and everyone starts running around yelling ‘cops’. Dorcas doesn’t really get it at first, they could just turn down the music and continue but then she realises that they are in a squat and that weed and other small drugs are passing around.
Dorcas finds herself exiting the place rather quickly too, losing Marlene in the crowd.
***
“Guys, I’m in love.” Marlene announces the next afternoon when they’re all gathered in the flat she shares with James, Sirius and Mary (Lily, Remus and Peter live right across the hall.)
“Marlene, you only just met the girl.” Lily smiles fondly but not without a real warning.
“Sirius, I’m in love!” Marlene repeats, making Sirius look up at her from the game he is playing at with Peter.
“Hell yeah!” Sirius blurts. “Go for it Marls!”
“Thanks!” Marlene points at him and he blows her a kiss. Most of the time, he’s the only one who gets her dramatics.
“Marlene, I support you with everything I have, but you don’t know anything about her.” Lily says from the floor.
“I know enough to know I’m in love.” Marlene counters.
She sees Mary roll her eyes in the corner but doesn’t take it into consideration. She knows what she feels. Maybe she’s not in love in love, but damn, Dorcas bewitched her.
She goes to Sirius and crouches down beside him, looking up at him with a childlike smile, “Sirius, my love, prettiest man on the planet–”
“Oi, I thought I was the prettiest man on the planet!” James interrupts from where he is braiding Lily’s hair under Mary’s supervision.
“Shut it, you’re not of any use at the moment Potter.” Marlene throws him a look before focusing back on Sirius and blinking. “But you are.”
“What do you want?” Sirius asks, an amused glint in his eyes.
“Here we go again.” Remus rolls his eyes and, yes, here they go.
***
Dorcas has been looking quite desperately at Marlene around the campus and she cannot seem to find her. There’s quite a lot of different major and she feels like she did the turn of every single one. Is she not studying here? Fucking hell!
“You really don’t know what she’s studying for?” She asks Regulus at some point.
“No, I don’t.” Regulus sighs, turning a page of his book.
She fights the urge to strangle him and she’s still fighting it when the door knocks. She looks over at Regulus who stays focused on his book, leaving her to open the door.
She opens it and comes face to face with the not infamous Sirius Black.
“Sirius!” She yelps and she can almost feel Regulus looking up behind her.
“You must be Dorcas.” Sirius smiles.
“That’s right.”
“Sirius.” Regulus says from behind her. “What are you doing here?”
“Actually, I was coming for informations about her.” He says pointing at Dorcas. “But since she’s here I can just ask her directly. Oh, and I also, I thought we could go for a drink.” He shrugs.
“Is it about Marlene?” Dorcas asks, a little desperate.
“Okay for a drink.” Regulus says, turning away to go back to his book. “Tomorrow night.”
“Fine by me!” Sirius calls after him before focusing on Dorcas. “It is, indeed, about Marlene.”
“She told you about me?” Dorcas asks, a little baffled.
“She told me only about you for the past two days. That’s cute but also kind of depressing since she can’t seem to find you on campus. Are you a ghost Dorcas Meadowes?”
“Fuck, I have been looking for her on campus too! She’s nowhere to be found.” Dorcas yelps.
“Y’all are so cute.” Sirius coos. “Alright, now let’s get into motion. Do you want to see her again?”
“Hell yeah!” Dorcas blurts.
“I like you.” Sirius grins. “Alright, that’s her number.” He gives her a piece of paper. “Feel free to call her.”
And that’s how Dorcas Meadowes gets Marlene Mckinnon’s number.
***
Marlene has been staring at her phone since Sirius came back from Regulus’ flat, pacing in the room, Sirius staring at her with a small smirk from the sofa. She asked him at least ten times if he was sure he gave the right number (‘you’re the one who wrote on the paper, I just delivered’) and she’s starting to ask herself if maybe Dorcas isn’t interested. Maybe Marlene saw it wrong and Dorcas just wanted to get laid for the night, which would have been okay but quite embarrassing for Marlene.
Because really, she’s been thinking about the other girl non stop. The way her braids fell over her shoulder, the way her lips curled, her eyes, her fucking perfume, her voice. God damn, Marlene feels gone.
There was a time when she got involved quite rapidly with every girl that happened to give her attention but really, it’s been a while since it last happened, and it’s been a while since she last felt that for someone. Maybe she never felt that way for someone she knew so little of.
It’s just something about Dorcas that is so… magnetic? Chemical? It’s something emanating out of her. Marlene feels attracted to her essence.
“Marlene, it’s ringing.” Sirius calls her off her mind.
“What?” Marlene looks up, then back down at her phone ringing unknown number. “Fuck. Okay, leave the room.”
“Fuck no.” Sirius grins. “Answer.”
“I hate you.” Marlene says, picking up. “Hi?”
“You hate me?” Comes the voice at the other side of the line, she hears a smile in it. “I didn’t even give you more than my name, you cannot hate me already McKinnon.”
“I– no! It’s Sirius I hate. Just to be sure… it’s Dorcas, right?”
The other girl laughs and Marlene feels like sinking to the ground, so she does, “Yeah, it’s Dorcas. And why would you hate Sirius?”
“He’s a pain in the arse.” She says, flipping off Sirius who acts like he’s badly injured.
“If he’s anything like his brother, I’m sure you’re right.” Dorcas says.
“They’re both pain in the arse. Trust me, I unfortunately know both.”
“Regulus was right then. You are mean to him.” Dorcas laughs and, can she stop doing that? Or maybe never stop at all.
“I’m mean to everyone. That’s how I show affection.” Marlene shrugs, feeling Sirius eyes on her.
“I hope you’ll be mean to me then.” Dorcas says a little bashful.
Marlene can swear her heart stops for a second or two. She turns her mike on mute and screams in her arm, kicking her feet in the air. She unmutes the call.
“That I think I can do.” She says as calmly as she can.
“What about tomorrow night? I know a bar in town, very nice, cosy.” Dorcas proposes.
“Tomorrow night?” Marlene repeats.
“Meet me at the fountain? You know, the big one. We’ll go together.”
“Yeah– right, right. Okay. It’s– yeah. I’m in. See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow. At eight.” Dorcas says, a smile in her voice.
She hangs up and Marlene stays on the floor, phone still at her ear. Bloody fucking hell.
“Sirius.”
“Yup?” He smirks a little mockingly.
“I have a date.”
***
Dorcas is not panicking right now. Not at all. She’s all fine. She’s ready and Marlene is just late. That’s all.
Except Marlene has her number and didn’t tell her she would be late.
So, alright, it’s only ten minutes, soon to be fifteen, but what if she doesn’t come? What if she just lets Dorcas waiting here. What if she changed her mind?
She could go back to her flat, Pandora is alone since Regulus went out with Sirius, but Pandora seemed so happy for her and she doesn’t want her to be disappointed.
“Fuck, fuck!” Marlene is suddenly in front of her, breathing heavily. “I– fuck, sorry I’m late. I– I didn’t see the hour and then I didn’t estimate correctly how long it would take me to come here. Well, the other way around but, you know.” She blurts.
Dorcas chuckles and shakes her head, taking in the sight of Marlene. Her hair is all over her face, obviously from the running she has done. She’s wearing black eye liner and the same blood red lipstick she had the other day. She’s wearing a low rise washed-blue jean, a white top and a leather jacket way too big for her.
Fuck.
Women.
“Hi.” Marlene breathes out. “Really sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Dorcas smiles. “Shall we go?”
“Yes. Yes, we shall.” Marlene grins, trying to fix her hair.
They do small talk on the way to the bar, but not awkward small talk. Dorcas learns that Marlene is studying drama, which explains why they never encountered since Dorcas studies biology and the two are at opposite ends of the campus. She learns that she is only three months older than Marlene. Marlene asks her how she met Regulus, explaining that she met him through Sirius in school, and Dorcas tells her that he was taking a class with her the year prior while he was still in high school and Marlene calls him a pretentious prat. Marlene tells her that she met Sirius when they were both eleven and that the first thing they did was fight over a bagel, Marlene has a scar from where he bit her on her hand but she assures Dorcas that Sirius still has proofs of this fight on his body too.
“I only met him once.” Dorcas says, thinking about the day before. “But he seems… passionate.”
“That he is.” Marlene laughs.
They talk about their other friends, Marlene talks about Lily and Mary with who she shared a dorm and then about James, Remus and Peter who came along with Sirius but who she loves dearly. Dorcas talks about Pandora who is the human embodiment of the word ‘ethereal’ and about Barty and Evan who live together because they don’t know how to shag silently when people are in the flat and Regulus couldn’t support any more years of it. Marlene tells her that’s the reason Sirius and Remus don’t live in the same flat.
“They couldn’t live just the two of them but it was unfair to the people who lived with just the two of them. Like that they alternate and traumatise everyone.” She explains when Dorcas arches an eyebrow.
“Oh my god, that’s so mean.” She laughs.
“They do try though, to not annoy anyone or to only shag when they’re alone. But they’re horny mess so we don’t trust them.”
Dorcas chuckles just as they arrive in front of the bar. Dorcas opens the door to Marlene who enters with a smile and a little bow. They find a table in a corner where they can see people but not be seen right away. They order something to drink and a few tapas.
“Do you smoke?” Marlene asks after a time.
“Not really.” Dorcas says. “Do you?”
“On occasion.” Marlene waves her hand, all slim fingers, rings and red nail polish. “I find quite a lot of occasions recently but, hey, that’s student life isn’t it?”
Dorcas smiles and nods, forcing her gaze away from Marlene’s hand. She never thought she liked hands before.
They talk some more until their command arrives. Silly things, really. They talk about music and books and movies. Marlene tells Dorcas that she’d love to play an instrument but that her parents never put her to it and that she never asked. Dorcas tells her she plays violin and Marlene insists to hear it someday. They talk and talk and learn to know each other.
At the end of the night, Dorcas really thinks she’s in love, or could be really soon. Everything Marlene says, everything Marlene does, it mesmerises her. She listens to her talk and is always focused. She notices every single one of her movements and maybe she overthinks it, but she feels like Marlene does the same.
“It really was great.” Dorcas says when they payed the check, they are outside the building, Dorcas smoking a fag Marlene proposed her.
“Yeah.” Marlene nods. “I had an amazing night. I hope we’ll do it again sometime.”
“I hope so too.” Dorcas says, turning to her and leaning again the wall.
Marlene mirrors her and pulls a drag from her cigarette, “When?”
“Whenever you want.” Dorcas shrugs.
“Now.” Marlene says, pulling away from the wall. “Let’s not end it here.”
“What do you want to do?” Dorcas smiles. “It’s getting cold.”
Marlene blushes and Dorcas can almost hear the filthy joke she’s restraining herself to say, “Whatever. We can do anything. You found this place, let me find the next.”
“Okay.” Dorcas breathes out. “Yeah, okay.”
Marlene smiles and tells her to wait here before throwing away her fag in the ashtray and stepping back with her phone in hand.
***
Marlene hangs up from her call with Sirius– who made at least ten sexual jokes in the span of three minutes– knowing exactly what to do. She can’t believe she didn’t think about it earlier.
She goes back to Dorcas and grabs her hand with a smile.
“So, where are we going?” Dorcas asks as they start walking.
“It’s a surprise.” Marlene smiles.
“I do like a good surprise.” Dorcas smiles back.
They walk side by side, fingers intertwined, bodies close. Marlene feels out of herself, she’s like gazing at the scene from above, but every time Dorcas speaks, she comes right back to her body. Dorcas would point at places– sometimes with her free hand, sometimes with both their hands– and tell a story about it. Tell her about the time she had to fetch for her credit card in this bin because Evan threw it away by mistake. Tell her about the time Barty fell over and provoked a dozen of strangers to laugh from the ridiculousness of the scene. Dorcas talks and tells stories and Marlene gets lost in it. She laughs when it’s funny and hums when she agrees, but she doesn’t really say much. It’s unusual, because Marlene loves to talk, she loves to give her opinion on whatever subject is being brought, but right now, she just listens to Dorcas talks. She likes to listen to her talking.
Truly, her voice is a melody and that might be cliché but it’s true.
“Do you sing?” She asks at some point.
“Hum? No I don’t. Well, I sing in my bathroom like everyone, except Regulus, that man is a robot, but I don’t really sing.”
“Too bad. You sound like you would sound great.” Marlene pouts a little. She turns her head to Dorcas who looks flustered and it makes her smile. “I’d like to listen to you sing in the bathroom, though.”
“No, you’d like to come in the bathroom with me.” Dorcas says.
It’s Marlene’s turn to be flustered and she’s pretty sure she turns bright red. She coughs on her own saliva and turns her head. Fuck her and her mind. Did Dorcas really had to turn it that way?
“Come on,” she says with a hand on her mouth. “We’re almost there.”
Dorcas smiles and follows her as she turns a corner.
“No way. You’re taking me to the observatory?” Dorcas asks, turning to Marlene who nods, feeling a little self conscious, maybe it isn’t a bad idea. “Isn’t it closed that late?”
“Not this week, it’s like, a special anniversary thing. Not many know about it.”
“And of course Sirius does.” Dorcas smiles. “Come on then, let’s go!” She says, tugging a little on Marlene’s hand.
Marlene follows her without complain, she feels like following her anywhere. Fuck, it’s only the second time they meet!
The building isn’t too crowded and Marlene knows the tour can be made fairly quickly. They take their time. Marlene tells Dorcas everything she learned from Sirius and Dorcas tells her when she already knew and when she didn’t. They sit on a bench in front of a mural of the phases of the moon and stare at it for minutes.
“You know, we call Remus Moony.” Marlene says, still looking at the mural.
Dorcas glances at her then back at the mural, “You do? Why?”
Marlene shrugs, “I think it comes from Sirius. I think he wanted Remus to be a part of the sky with him.”
“That’s beautifully said.”
“Is it?” Marlene asks, turning to look at Dorcas only to find her already doing so.
“Yeah.” She breathes out. “Beautiful.”
Marlene sees Dorcas looking down at her lips and it makes her smile a little.
“Do you remember where we stopped last time?” Marlene asks.
“Vaguely.” Dorcas tilts her head. “Mind to recall it to me?”
“You told me about Regulus thinking I’m the worst.” Marlene leans closer.
“That he does.” Dorcas murmurs.
“And when I told you I am, you said you don’t have anything against playing with the devil.” Marlene says equally low.
“Sounds like something I’d say.” Dorcas smiles a little, eyes darting to Marlene’s lips again. “Are you the devil, Marlene? Because I’d like to play with you.”
Marlene has to kiss her, she just has. It sends shivers through her whole body. They are alone in this room and Marlene presses closer, sliding her hands down to Dorcas’ waist. She makes a smooth motion and Dorcas is on her tight, they never break the kiss. Dorcas’ hands are everywhere, in her hair, her jaw, her neck, her shoulders. Marlene is getting a bit dizzy.
“I– I never did that.” Dorcas confesses, pulling away.
“That?” Marlene asks, looking up at her.
“With a girl.”
“You mean?”
“You made me realise I am queer Marlene McKinnon.” Dorcas says, leaning down for a small, soft kiss. “I just– never thought about it before.”
“Oh so… you’re like, figuring yourself out? Please Dorcas, tell me I’m not an experimentation.” Marlene sighs. She can’t do the straight girl who just wants to try with a girl and who happens to find Marlene pretty. Been there, done that, never again.
“What? No, not at all. I’m clearly not here to experience, I’m quite certain of myself.”
“So you’re…”
“Do I have to be anything?” Dorcas genuinely asks.
“No.” Marlene shakes her head. “No, you don’t.”
And they’re kissing again, as passionately as the first time, hands moving. Marlene looses track of time, she feels like it’s been days and mere seconds at the same time.
“Just to be clear, I’m a lesbian.” Marlene breaks the kiss again. “You know, so you’re sure I’m not experiencing neither.”
“Great.” Dorcas says. “Great, cool. Perfect.”
They kiss some more but end up finishing the visit of the observatory, hand in hand. Marlene accompanies Dorcas at her flat but she doesn’t stay, although she kisses her goodnight and Dorcas smiles the most beautiful smile ever.
***
Dorcas doesn’t start dating Marlene right away, mostly because they both want to take it slow. Dorcas believes in love at first sight but she also knows that a relationship needs good foundations and for the moment, they don’t really have foundations. Dorcas wants it to work out.
So they talk all the time and see each other when they can. They go to cafés and bars. They meet with friends and they visit places. Dorcas is having the time of her life.
“You’re glowing.” Pandora tells her one day when they’re both seated in their living room.
Dorcas looks up from where she was texting Marlene with a smile, “Am I?”
Pandora nods, “When are you two making it official?” She asks gently.
And really, that’s the question Dorcas has been asking herself for the last few months. Sometimes, late at night, she asks herself if Marlene really wants something to do with her, and then Marlene texts her to wish her a good night after finishing yet another reading for her classes.
It’s just that Dorcas doesn’t really know how to bring it on the table. Everything is going so great, what if she fucks everything up by wanting to get involved in a relationship. What if once together, they don’t work out? Dorcas certainly doesn’t think that, but she’s scared to risk it.
Marlene and her built a real friendship over the months. They got to know each other and to appreciate the other as a person before a potential lover, and that’s what was really important for Dorcas. They are rarely intimate, mostly because they are not getting involved just yet, and when they are, it is mostly kissing and soft touches.
But a part of Dorcas– the bigger part, really– wants to take it to the next step.
That’s what she’s thinking about instead of studying while at the university library. She pushes her glasses, the ones she only wears when studying– on her forehead and passes both hands on her face, trying not to ruin her makeup but too tired to really care. Exams are coming and Dorcas is naturally anxious.
“How come I never knew you have glasses?” Marlene says, suddenly here and stumbling in the free chair next to Dorcas, dropping a few books on the table and looking almost choked from the new information.
“We never studied together.” Dorcas frowns, taking off the glasses to look at them. “I only wear them when I do.”
Marlene grabs her hands– and the glasses through it– and brings them up to Dorcas’ face, “Well, we sure have to study together more often.” She says.
“You like my glasses.” Dorcas notes, smiling a little.
“You’re kidding me?” Marlene blurts, a little too loud for the place. “Damn it Cas, I didn’t thought you could look hotter.”
Dorcas heart skips a beat like it always does and she leans in, “ That’s because you haven’t yet see me in lingerie.”
Marlene’s face turns a lovely shade of pink and Dorcas smiles, she loves to get Marlene flustered.
“Well,” Marlene says, voice shaking a little. “That’s only up to you to show me, you know.”
“Do you want me to keep the glasses?” Dorcas teases.
“Fuck, is that an option?” Marlene leans forward, half of her torso on the table. “I’m full in.”
“Yeah, I think I got that one.” Dorcas laughs.
“What do you want?” Marlene shrugs, leaning back in her chair. “I’m a weak, weak woman.”
They don’t do much studying at all that day.
***
It takes Dorcas and Marlene yet another month to figure their things out. It happens after a night out, when Marlene is taking Dorcas back to her place after they spent the evening with their combined groups of friends in a bar. They’re walking hand in hand and they look up at the few stars visible from here.
“You know Marlene McKinnon,” Dorcas starts, not looking away from the sky. “I’m quite in love with you.” She confesses to the night.
“Are you?” Marlene says, the idea of a grin on her lips, cheeks flushed.
“Most definitely.” Dorcas nods.
“Well that’s your lucky day, Dorcas Meadowes,” Marlene says, turning Dorcas’ head to make her look at her. “Because I’m quite desperately in love with you too.” She finishes before leaning in for a kiss. One that feels like a first.
And maybe they don’t need to say the exact words to know when their relationship shifts, maybe it just needed a love confession under the stars.