Freeze and fear filled my heart. My sight started getting fuzzy and the window froze. It was coming closer. I knew what awaited me.
Everytime I blinked I could see him, lieing beneath me, flying on his broomstick, staring into my eyes, winking at me from across the classroom, fighting on my side and eventually getting involved in his final fight. I could still feel the fear filling me up, seeing his bitter struggle with Alastor Moody.
I closed my eyes and watched him fall to the ground, after being hit by a bombarda maxima. I watched him being teared into hundreds of pieces, his soul being ripped out of his body. It had been the moment I knew my sanity was gone.
And now I was tied to a chair, not able to move, feeling the dementor come closer and closer. After barely a second the creature entered. A glacial wave washed over me. What would happen now? What would its maw look like? Would I finally be with Evan and Regulus again?
I heard Fudge muttering something. He had to be instructing the dementor. It slowly leaned closer. It felt horrible. More terrifying than the worst nightmare. Some memories flashed threw my head as all my emotions, all that made me me, was being sucked out of me.
"Hi, I'm Evan, Evan Rosier." His ocean blue eyes looked into mine. The most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I would make that boy my friend, I knew I would.
The dementor slowly began to rise his rotted hand towards its head.
The third boy in my and Evan's dorm didn't say a word to us. He had simply hided in his bed and some repressed sobbing noises were to be heard. "You okay?", I asked.
"I'm fine, I don't need to be pitied.", an arrogant voice came back. This boy would most definitely not be my friend.
In what felt like slow motion the dementor pulled back its cowl to reveal a frightening face, lacking eyes and nose. It had a deep, ugly maw.
Blue ocean eyes stared into mine. Our lips were only centimetres apart. "Evan, I...", I mumbled, but I couldn't finish because he interrupted me with a soft kiss. "Sorry", he sobbed, tears running down his cheeks. "I couldn't resist. I know you hate me, I know I'm disgusting but I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry, Barty..." My own eyes burnt. This was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. But why would something wrong feel so good?
I wasn't able do open my mouth. Before I could move a finger, Evan had stormed out of the room. In agony, I cried until I fell asleep, dreaming of blue eyes, soft lips and pain.
It leaned down towards my face. I wanted to scream at it, I wanted to push it away, but it made me weak, so, so weak. I couldn't even do something if I wasn't tied down.
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN! FUCK YOU!", I screamed and screamed, tears welling down my cheeks. I couldn't see my red and swollen eyes but I felt the betrayal consuming my soul. With every blink I could see Evan.
Evan, Evan, Evan. It had always been Evan. Evan, with his ocean blue eyes. Evan, with his wonderful hair, the color of sand. Evan, who had betrayed me like nobody else ever had. I was so sure my heart was broken. How could such a pure heart do this to me?
"Barty, please, let me explain." "SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP, I AIN'T NEED NO EXPLANATION!" "No, you shut up! I didn't even do anything! I swear, it wasn't me. I don't know who told Skeeter. Maybe it was that Jorkins girl, I don't know. But I would never do something like that! Barty please, I swear."
How could I ever have been mad at Evan? Evan, the most charming person ever. But now Evan was dead and my soul was being sucked out of me.
"HA! Gotcha! You better prepare next time!" I giggled, despite my face being full of snow. "You just wait", I called and grabbed a handful of snow. I loved to see Evan smile. Oh, he grinned so wide. His beautiful eyes were shining in the winter sun. I barely noticed Regulus' snow ball hitting my face, staring at Evan shamelessly. "You're beautiful.", I whispered to him that night. "You remind me of the ocean." Warmth filled my heart when looking at him. Evan, Evan, Evan.
I hated him. I despised him. Oh, but I loved him so much. "He just ignored me! All evening! He acted as if I didn't exist!", I complained to Regulus. Why didn't he see what Evan had done to me? Why was everyone acting as if I was the one overreacting? Without any further explanation I jumped up and ran, looking for Evan. Of course I found him outside on the grounds.
"I'm sorry, okay?" "Oh, now you're sorry? It's always the same, Barty, I'm tired of you. You fuck up, you scream at me, you hate me and then you come crawling back to me as if nothing ever happened. I'm tired of your sorries."
Why had we spent so much time fighting? So much lost time. Lost moments. I got colder than I thought possible. All warmth seeped out of me. The flashbacks were getting more blurry, faster. Less detailed.
"I love you. So much. I promise, I'll always stay with you."
"I'm so tired of you, Barty. It's always the same."
"I feel so tainted, loving you as if we could ever exist as something like that. You know it's wrong."
"Barty? Barty! I can't fing Regulus, he's gone, I can't find him!"
"Regulus Arcturus, the heir of the House of Black, has been presumed dead after having been missing for two months."
"Crucio!"
"Barty, I love you. So much."
"I HATE YOU! How could you not hold him back! It's all your fault he died!"
"Dorcas, no!" "Avada Kedavra!" "NO!"
"Barty, don't do this to me. What have you been thinking, eye fucking me during the meeting. Everyone could've noticed! The Dark Lord could've noticed!" "I know, but now we're alone, aren't we?"
"I'm not crazy!" "Then fucking act like it! I know Regulus' death impacted you more than you let on!" "Shut up, Evan, I'm not fucking crazy!"
Slowly the ocean blue eyes got blurrier and faded away. I couldn't think anymore, couldn't feel the pain anymore, it all slipped away. I heard Evan's scream, the explosion. I heard Moody's yelling of victory. A last tear ran down my face as the dementor gave me it's deadly kiss. Never would my soul be with Evan's again. It was lost for eternity.