By the time Remus awakes, lunch has been over for a while. On a normal post full moon day, he would be up and about by now, sipping chamomile tea in the squashy armchair his friends dragged up from the common room and placed in the corner of their shared dormitory. They knew that sitting propped up with all the pillows in his and Sirius’s bed made him feel even more pathetic. And although the chair at his bedside made him feel like a Victorian invalid, the gesture was sweet enough to suppress these thoughts.
Clarity struck him like a mallet on a gong. All the pain of the night seemed to hit him all at once, causing Remus to let out a small huff of air. It felt like all his nerves were firing at once, sending panicked signals through every neuron at lightning speed. Remus prided himself on his high pain tolerance so the minuscule amount of air that left his mouth was a gigantic submission.
He wrongly assumed that he was alone, when in fact his long-term lover was anxiously staring from his perch on one of the infirmary chairs. Sirius rushed up, somehow sending the chair backwards, flying to caress Remus’s furrowed brow.
“Love?”
Remus slowly twisted to face him; eyes still closed but mouth curling into a soft smile.
“Hello.” He replied quietly.
“Pain level?” Sirius asked, trying to hide his worried apprehension.
Scoffing, Remus raised seven fingers. Arms shaking slightly, heavy yet thin enough to see the tendons straining. This scale was a normal routine in the lovers’ morning routine, but the infirmary setting added a sadder twang, prompting a few tears to form on the edges of Sirius’s tired eyes. The best he could do to help his boyfriend was learn forward and gently kiss the tips of each raised finger, cocooning them in his grasp and lowering them to Remus’s side.
“I am gonna make a guess and say that you, my slightly crazed love, have not slept a wink” Remus opened his eyes to make direct contact with Sirius purpled under eyes. “One point to moony.” A sad grin overtaking his face.
Directing Sirius’s face back up with a finger under the chin, “you don’t have to sit here and watch me sleep you know.”
“But you’re just too pretty to take my eyes off.” He laughed.
“creep” Remus muttered dragging him closer for a peck on the lips.
“Nu huh huh” Sirius wagged his finger.
“I” a kiss was placed on Remus’s cheek.
“think” another on his brow.
“you” this time the center of his clammy forehead.
“mean” other brow.
“your” his right cheek.
“creep” pressing his lips onto his lover’s chapped mouth, desperate like a wanderer to an oasis. To stop his silly Remus from stretching into their kiss, he clambered onto the bed, snuggling into the warmth of their joint affection. He could feel the exhaustion weighing down his eyelids, but the heaven that was Moony’s lips was a greater pleasure than the rest he so greatly needed. Suddenly the peaceful suction was broken, Remus brought a hand up to slowly caress his hair, fingers flowing between the inky locks, toying with a strand of two before quietly saying.
“My love you’re an idiot, go to sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up.” Brushing his fingertips over Sirius’s lids, forcing them closed. Guiding his face into the gap between his shoulder and neck, Sirius’s best pillow. He could feel padfoot mouth something, but the sound was lost to the starchy sheets.
“Hmmm?”
Sirius raised his head, “sleep too? You’re warmer then.” Nestling back into the heat. He couldn’t help but giggle, but his audience was already sleeping.
“Alright then” he thought, slipping into the unconscious.
Remus’s second awakening of the day was far more pleasant. His pain had dipped to a level five, not great but better than before; he was cuddled up with the love of his life and he could smell dinner on the way.
Sirius hadn’t noticed the silent bubble that encapsulated the pair until it was broken by Madame Pomfrey pushing the dinner trolley in. Cutlery rattled on the second layer, whilst bowls of what looked to be butternut squash soup steamed on top. The jug on the side table refilled with icy water, and trays settled in the laps of her patients. Bustling down the middle aisle of the infirmary, she carefully floated soup bowls paired with a spoon and a slice of bread and butter to the students, making loving eye contact with each, silently assessing their wellness, and mentally noting who could be released to their dormitories for the night.
When she came to the foot of Remus’s bed, Madame Pomfrey placed her hands on her hips and sighed.
“Mr. black, if I am not in fact mistaken, you seem to be in an infirmary bed despite the fact that you are indeed perfectly healthy, albite tired. And I am not even going to mention the fact that you are in bed with a patient. But what use would it be telling you all this, I find you here every month, don’t I?”
“Maybe….” Grinning into Remus’s neck, before moving to sit up, dragging Remus with him. He slid the tray into his lap, dipped the bread and stuffed it in his mouth. Madame Pomfrey huffed, a puzzled look forming on her face.
“Moony hates soggy bread.” Sirius said with a loving look towards him. Smiling down at the bowl, Remus picked up the spoon and slowly ladle the soup into his mouth, wincing at the heat.
“Well Remus, I think you can head up to your own bed after your soup. I’ll send you away with some of that lavender ointment for that cut on your arm.” Shuffling back to her office.
One thing about living in Hogwarts was that the floor was always so fucking cold, all the time. And although his friends called him an old man, Remus wore slippers to traverse the subpolar corridors. Usually, his tatty slippers would be brought to the infirmary by his boyfriend while he slept but in Sirius’s exhaustion the job slipped his mind.
With warm soup filling his belly, Remus began to relax. Sirius on the other hand, began to flit around preparing for the journey out of the infirmary, gathering the ointment and his book into the satchel resting on the floor.
“Shit. SHIT.” Sirius slumped onto the floor, the drama being second nature. Remus turned his head to look at his boyfriend staring under the hospital bed.
“Hmmm?”
“I am sorry, I am so so sorry” Sirius guiltily gasped. Confusion hung on Remus’s face, tilting his head in question.
“I forgot your slippers.” Sobbed out his lover, apology clear in his eyes. Pushing the tray to the end of the bed, Remus opened his arms in invitation. Who could resist but leap into his arms? Nestling into each over, two halves of the same soul, linked irrevocably.
“you’re just gonna carry me then.” Remus laughed. Sirius lifted his head to find his love’s eyes, pouring all the devotion a person can muster into this look.
“I would carry you up Everest if you asked.” He said with all sincerity, fingers stroking down Remus’s back.
“I know” was all Remus said before kissing Sirius, hoping to show the devotion he shared.
“I take it back.” Sirius panted “You are heavier than you look” earning him a soft thwack on the head.
“Oi, it’s all the muscle I need to pin you against a wall, mate.” Remus was sat on Sirius’s back, legs wrapped around his waist, arms hugging his neck, half in fear half in the joy of being so close to the man that held his heart.
“MOONY! How scandalous. I never took you for such a top.” Quipped padfoot sarcastically. “All the jumpers and tea, had me thinking you were an eternal bottom, but there is rugged lusting man under all that wool.” Another thwack.
“Weirdo.” Came the sleepy response.
“Alright bedtime for moony.” And he placed a kiss to the hand under his chin.
The dorm was empty and warm, the others had lit the fire in the middle to heat grandad Remus post-full. The lovers entered, heading straight for their bed. After placing Remus on the bed, Sirius moved to the chest of drawers, selecting a pair of soft pajama trousers and a jumper that may have originally been his boyfriends. Changing quickly, he reentered the room to find Remus searching through his bedside drawer, before finding a sliver lighter, playing with the spark a tad. He was dressed in his red tartan, button up pajamas, cardigan slung over his shoulders, pack of cigarettes tucked in his top pocket.
“I love you.” Sirius reached for him, pulling him into an embrace. “And your bad habits” stealing the pack and marching to the balcony.
To say it was a balcony was an exaggeration. It was a window ledge with a railing and no proper door. But it was the perfect escape for angsty teenagers who hate the smell of smoke. Sirius had his knees curled into him, cig placed between his lips waiting for a light, when Remus climbed through the open window, feet now clad in his tatty slippers.
Wordlessly Remus flicked the lighter, raising the flame to tip of the cig. They both stared out at the distance, watching birds flock towards their nests in Hogwarts eaves. After taking a deep drag, Sirius passed it to his boyfriend, breathing out rings of black smoke.
“Ever wish you were a bird; you know up in birdland?” he wondered.
Releasing the smoke from his lungs, Remus replied: “the sky?” Sirius only nodded, taking the cigarette back.
“One could be jealous of the freedom birds have. Flying around, not a care in the world. Expect where’s my next worm coming from and how high can I build my nest?”
With a flick of his wand, Sirius transformed the smoke into a small finch looking bird. Blurring at the edges, fading into the air, black wings spread and sored off into `birdland’.
Taking a moment to ponder, Sirius said:
“we’d be good birds, you and I, moony. Love birds sitting on a branch singing obnoxiously loudly annoying the James bird and the Wormtail bird with all our love and what not.” Waving his hands around in an excited manner.
While Remus just leaned back against the stone wall of the castle thinking. `this is the rest of my life, isn't it?’ A smile grew on his face, he couldn’t be happier with this destiny.