Chapter 10
Dear Mother,
I know you will never read this, but I don’t care. Who knows, maybe you are just by my side, looking over my shoulder and rooting for me. I would love that.
I want you to know that I am not going to go down without a fight. The Death Eaters are looking for me, but if they kill me, it won’t be their victory. It will be mine. I promise you that.
I know you would not want me to die for you or take revenge, and I probably won’t. At least I am trying. But I cannot make any promises. I hope you understand. You were the most important piece in my life and I feel so empty without you. I should have showed my love more, that is one thing I regret dearly. You were always there for me, but I failed to pay you the same respect. I know it was difficult sometimes, being around father all the time, but I could not give you what you needed. And in the end, you died for me.
I cannot express my sorrow, mother. I am sorry.
Draco put the quill down. He wasn’t crying, not even close. He felt strong. Sad and strong. He needed this.
The paper was folded with utmost care and put in one of his pockets. He patted it and leaned back in his chair.
He hadn’t slept last night. Fear and anxiety kept him awake. Every noise seemed suspicious; every sound could mean his cover was blown. The house was old, it squeaked and groaned. And he wasn’t alone.
Since dawn he sat at his desk, with his head buried in his arms or on the wooden board. Eventually, he took the quill in his hands, dipped it into ink and began writing.
Now that his hands couldn’t busy themselves with directing a quill, they drummed nervously on the desk.
He tried to breathe in deeply, but the air was too thick. It probably stank in here. With fast steps he was at the window. He had to shake the handle until it finally opened. Finally he could breathe properly.
The sun was up and blazing, the sky devoid of any clouds. The warm air entered the dark room, replenishing it. Draco could feel it on his skin. The Slytherin decorations shone in a venerable green.
He rubbed his tired eyes. They burned like he kept them open for a week. It had only been one night.
Suddenly, the door groaned and opened slowly. Draco turned around quickly. His hands grabbed tightly onto the windowsill behind his back. His shoulders curl inwards, his eyes blown wide.
Who was... Please let it be Bill. Please, please-
It was indeed Bill who entered. While relief rolled over his body, he couldn’t quite take a breath. He clocked immediately that Bill was angry, based on his sullen facial expression.
Bill closed the door quietly. He didn’t say anything, just strolled around, looking at Draco’s books and his unmade bed.
That scared him more than anything. Wordlessly, his eyes followed Bill’s figure.
Finally, Bill came to a stop in the middle of the room, put his hands in his pockets and looked him in the eyes.
“Close the window.” He told him. Draco blinked and did as he was told before turning back around, straightening up properly with his hands folded behind his back. His shoulders stayed up at his ears.
“Listen... You know why I’m here. I’m aware you have sneaked out several times.”
Draco couldn’t keep eye contact. Bill’s stare was pretty intense.
“This must stop, Draco. I can’t make up any more excuses! The kids have seen you, they know you’re here. Are you aware how dangerous this is for the both of us? You’re not the only one affected by the oath!”
“I’m sorry.” Draco muttered. He wasn’t actually very sorry because he knew he would have died of boredom, but he also knew he shouldn’t have gone against Bill’s orders. That was wrong of him.
“Are you taking this seriously?” Bill snapped. “It doesn’t seem like it. We agreed on rules, Draco!”
The air seemed restricted, suddenly. His chest hurt.
“I’m sorry, okay? It was stupid and I apologize, it won’t happen again.” He’d have to stay locked inside this room forever. One deep breath felt like he would suffocate any second.
“Good. I’m just laying down the facts, you must stay hidden. You know that. I’m not doing this to-”
The door opened again and into the room fell two boys Draco was painfully familiar with.
-----
„Don‘t start with that bullshit again, Harry“ groaned Ron as flopped on his bed.
“No, you‘re not listening-“
“You aren’t listening. Bill has nothing to do with your whole Malfoy-hallucinations, okay? Leave him out of it.”
“Yeah, Harry. You’re taking it too far.” Piped up Hermione. She was sitting in an armchair, flicking through a book.
Harry gasped audibly and glared at her from where he sat on the floor, leaning against his bed frame. “You agreed with me yesterday!”
“Just because you were so obsessed with it.” She rolled her eyes. “I said ‘Bill doesn’t care about such stuff’, I didn’t mean that I, too, believe Bill has something to do with Malfoy. Believe it or not, people are weird, generally.” Her eyebrows were pinched together. “Bill is Ron’s brother; he knows him best. Just relax for once, please. I promise that we’re safe here.”
“I know,” said Harry irritably. “But you have to admit that it’s strange how he goes completely silent whenever the Malfoy’s are mentioned.”
“Coincidence.” Ron threw a chess piece into the air and caught it again.
“And when Bill disappears for half an hour, looking back to check that nobody’s following, you don’t find that suspicious at all?”
“He is allowed to have private time, Harry, by Merlin’s beard. Cut him some slack. You know how he’s been ever since the Death Eater attack.” Ron sighed and turned to Hermione. “I’m hungry, wanna get some food?”
“Sure.” She closed her book shut, put it to the side and stood up. “It should be almost lunch time, anyways.”
Harry wasn’t hungry. He just couldn’t get Malfoy out of his head, his barely lighted figure with books under his arm. The way he was taunting him. The only reason he got away was because Harry was too flabbergasted to react in time. Running into Malfoy in the headquarters of the order was one thing he didn’t expect at all. And nobody else believed him, that’s how absurd it was.
“Are you coming?” Hermione came to a stop right before Harry, frowning at him.
“Leave him be.” Muttered Ron and pulled her along. She looked back at him and shrugged her shoulders apologetically. “See you later, Harry.”
“See you.” He looked after them until they were gone from his view. They left the door open. He stared into the long, dark hallway before him. Should he... go looking for Malfoy? Or Bill?
No matter what the two said, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he was up to something.
He threw his head back in annoyance.
“Is everything alright, man?” Neville appeared at the doorway. Harry’s head swivelled around. “Sorry if I scared you.”
“It’s quite alright.”
“Okay, um... I ran into Hermione and Ron on the stairs. They said they were going to eat. Didn’t you want to join them?”
“No, not particularly.” Harry groaned.
“Are you moping?” Neville blurted out and looked taken aback by himself the next second. It got a chuckle out of Harry.
“No, I’m not moping. We just had a disagreement.” Harry pulled himself up from the floor.
Neville looked twisted. “Can I do something for you?”
“What?”
“Can I do something-“
“No, no, I heard you, sorry. My brain just hasn’t- whatever. Point is, you can.”
Neville’s face lit up and he now fully stepped into the room until he stood a foot apart from Harry. His fingers played with his shirt.
“We will trail Bill, right now.”
His face went white as a sheet. “Are you insane?” he whispered. “Why would you do that?”
“Not me, us.” Harry corrected. His eyes sparked. “I need to prove something to the others.”
“And what would that be?” Neville looked so concerned Harry considered telling him everything, but that wouldn’t ease his worries in the slightest. It’d be for the best if Neville just joined him without question.
“You’ll see. Do you know where Bill currently is?”
“I- I have no idea.” Stuttered Neville. Harry nodded and peeked out the door with Neville right behind him. “Are you sure this is a good idea, Harry? I don’t want to get on Bill’s bad side and this is definitely a violation to his privacy-“
“It’s not that bad, don’t worry. Besides, isn’t this a bit exciting?” Harry looked back at Neville and grinned.
“No, no it’s not.” He murmured to himself.
Harry acted like he didn’t hear him. “Kreacher!” he said. Neville jumped when the house elf apparated right next to them.
“Master.” He said and bowed deeply. His dark eyes mustered him and Neville with revulsion. Kreacher was difficult to deal with and Harry didn’t enjoy owning a houses elf as much as he thought he would. Sometimes it was downright sad to watch him. But that only lasted a couple minutes, maximum, before he was reminded of Kreachers hateful behaviour.
“Tell us where Bill is.” He ordered.
“Kreacher doesn’t know where Bill is, Master.”
“Then go look for him and report back to me.”
With a pang Kreacher left.
“And now we wait.” Harry told Neville, who just eyed him like he has lost his mind. Maybe he has.
He did feel bad. Bill always seemed so cool and admirable, but if his suspicions were right… Harry swallowed. Ron would never speak to him again.
Neville and him shared an awkward silence. He fiddled with his hands. Harry bit on his lip.
Why did he pull Neville into this?
Before he could contemplate that question further or start a conversation with Neville, Kreacher reappeared.
„Bill is on his way to the fourth floor, Master,“ he told them with a bow.
Harry and Neville exchanged glances. On the fourth floor was only Sirius room. What could he want in there?
He thanked Kreacher before motioning Neville to follow him.
„Are we seriously…“ Neville‘s voice died out.
„Going into Sirius‘ room? Yes.“ answered Harry grimly. They sneaked up the stairs, careful to avoid the creaking floorboards.
Neville cleared his throat. „Can you handle that?“
Harry bit on the inside of his cheek while setting a foot before the other, not daring to look Neville in the eyes.
Truth was, he didn’t know. The wound was too fresh.
Nightmares of the night in the ministry plagued him. Losing Sirius ripped a hole into his heart.
„It‘s fine“ he lied through his teeth. Neville didn’t reply.
After climbing two staircases, they finally reached their destination. The hallway stretched out in front of them, gloomy and suffocating.
It led to two doors. Sirius only showed him his room and proceeded to resolutely ignore the other. Harry hadn‘t dared to ask, but figured it couldn’t be of big importance.
A shudder ran down his spine.
„Do you hear that?“ whispered Neville in alarm and latched onto Harry.
He strained his ears. Indeed, dull voices carried through the walls as far as them, yet only the silence made them noticeable.
„That must be Bill“ he whispered back. And Draco, he thought. If his theory was correct. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but neither had the basilisk in the pipes, from a realistic standpoint. Sometimes Harry didn’t get how these things made sense to others, but over the time he‘d learned to trust his gut.
He held an ear to the wooden door of Sirius‘s room. His heart pounded, but everything was quiet behind the door.
He caught Neville‘s eyes and shook his head.
Neville motioned with his head to check the other door.
Harry got the jitters as they moved to the other door on this floor. He‘d never gotten close to it, always made sure to stay clear. Sirius clearly had a bad memory of it.
A sign was hung above the threshold which read: 'Do Not Enter Without the Express Permission of Regulus Arcturus Black'.
Sirius brother. He never mentioned him, but Harry knew their relationship was frayed.
„You really think…”
Harry pressed his ear against the door. Neville joined him after a second and positioned himself right before Harry. He could breathe on his neck.
“Give me some space!” he hissed at him.
“Sorry, man.” Neville put some distance between them and rested his hand on the door handle.
Together they listened to the events behind the door. Two voices came through the wood, sounding outraged. They weren’t even trying to be quiet.
Harry recognized Bill’s voice easily. It carried through the wall like a hoover. Not that Bill sounded like a hoover, it was just as loud as one. Aunt Petunia always woke him up when she hoovered at six o’clock in the morning because she rammed his cupboard with full intent.
Bill was usually cool and laid back, never this infuriated.
Suddenly, the door gave away. Harry only caught one glance of Neville’s shocked face before they stumbled into Regulus room.
Did he seriously press down on the handle like a fool?
Harry bit back a remark as he saw what scenario unfolded before him. Beside him gaped Neville like a fish who had seen a human for the first the time.
His ears never betrayed him. Bill stood in the middle of the room, shooting them a glare that could kill before pinching the bridge of his nose.
In front of the window stood Malfoy, his hands clasped before his body, his jaw tense. He didn’t look at them, but seemed like he would rather be anywhere else.
His platin blonde hair was tangled. Harry didn‘t think he‘d ever seen it that long. Usually Malfoy took great care of his hair, looking sleek.
“You’re not real my ass,” Harry snorted once he recovered his poise, “You sneaky lying bastard!”
“Harry…” Bill tried to placate him.
“No,” he said. “If Ron knew about this- or the order-“
“You can’t tell them!” Bill’s voice was almost pleading.
“Malfoy is hiding in our headquarters like a fucking rat, sneaking around stealing shit like he owns the place, and you don’t want me to tell the others? Never mind that his parents are Death Eaters!”
Bill sighed deeply instead of answering. He exuded exhaustion from every pore.
“Then make sense of this, Bill! I know you. You would not betray us like that. So why is he here?”
Tense silence was the answer. Bill and Malfoy exchanged glances, none of them seemed keen on coughing up.
“WHY IS HE HE HERE!?”
“It’s complicated.”
Harry looked from one to the other incredulously and finally at Neville, who backed up until his back hit the wall. His eyes quietly asked him to leave him out of it.
First, he fucked it up and then he didn’t want to take any responsibility. Great.
“This was supposed to be safe. You know which side he’s on.“
“I promise you that I have good reason for what I’ve done.”
“No reason is good enough to bring a Malfoy here!” shouted Harry. “Ron trusted you!” Harry breathed out and added quietly “and I did, too.”
A shimmer of hurt flickered over Bill’s face. “You don’t understand.”
Harry scoffed and took a step towards him. “You say I don’t understand? Me? Who spent his entire life suffering the consequences of actions a crazy madman committed? I think I can understand just fine.”
“No, you don’t; this isn’t about you, Harry.”
“Oh, because I make everything about myself?” Harry heard himself yell. He was tired of everybody treating him like a child. He was the one who had to face death every single year. Whose godfather died just a few months prior. Whose parents were long gone. Who knew what was at stake.
“That I brought Draco here has nothing to do with you and you should have kept out of my business.” Bill snapped.
“Oh, you’re on first name basis? When did that happen?” Harry laughed incredulously.
Malfoy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
“You know we’ll report this to the order, right?” Harry asked. It never felt so good to threaten to snitch on someone.
He looked back at Neville in hope for help, who just shrugged apathetically. His shoulders were up by his ears.
“I can call Kreacher any time.”
Malfoy laughed quietly. “That won’t work so well.” His voice was raspy and he set his eyes upon him. Just then he realized they were bloodshot. The huge bags under his eyes didn’t do him much of a favour either.
Malfoy’s appearance threw him off so much it took him a couple seconds to press his answer out of his mouth.
“And why is that?”
“I’m a half Black. He listens to me.”
“But I’m his master.”
“Yes, and how does that feel?” Malfoy tilted his head. “Did you know that Regulus was against house elf slavery?”
Harry blinked. What did that have to do with anything? Besides, that sounded like bullshit. According to Sirius, his little brother was a dedicated Death Eater.
He looked around the room.
“You went through his stuff,” he realized. The desk looked about as chaotic as it could get. Papers and ink were scattered all over it. Then, his gaze went to the unmade and clearly slept in bed. “And you lived here? For how long?”
Malfoy merely shrugged with his shoulders. He didn‘t even look at him.
Harry decided to pull out the big guns. “Are you here because your mother is now a murderer?”
He remembered it clear as day when he first read the news. It didn‘t surprise him, if only to read about Mrs Malfoy and not the Mister for once, but the fury about the death of yet another innocent person almost ripped him apart that morning. Ron and Hermione had to hold him down so he didn‘t smash the old dinner service.
His provocation definitely got a reaction out of Malfoy. A flinch made him hit his elbow on the window ledge and his face hardened. Yet his mouth stayed closed, and he remained silent.
Snapping with his fingers, Harry flung another assumption at him. “Are you on the run because you were involved?”
“Okay, enough is enough, Harry.” Bill interfered, face stony, hands positioned to pull Harry back if he had to. “I can tell you my side of the story if you promise to leave the order members out of it.”
Malfoy regarded Bill with a desperate frown. Apparently, he hadn’t expected this betrayal.
Looking from Bill’s sharp gaze face to Malfoy’s utterly anguished figure, Harry felt conflicted. He turned around to ask Neville for his opinion, only to meet emptiness. There was no one leaning against the desk.
“He left a second ago.” Spoke up Malfoy.
“What?”
“Shit.” Uttered Bill. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Malfoy stayed still for a second before replying “I don’t know.” He stared at the floor.
Even Harry felt nervous suddenly, although he knew that nothing would happen to him. But if it came out that Bill helped Malfoy break in here? Would he be kicked out of the order? Would his family demand he leaves?
“Well, we have nowhere to go. This is the end. I’m sorry, Draco.” Murmured Bill.
“If he even gets the others,” piped up Harry.
“He will. Why else would he have left?”
Loud cracks of apparition hindered him from replying.
All around them appeared order member after order member. Professor Moody, Kingsley, the Weasleys, Tonks and Remus. Professor Snape. Worried gazes roamed over the room; tense looks were exchanged as they assessed the situation. Mr Weasley‘s face fell when he saw Bill.
It was dead silent.
Professor Moody limped through the little crowd to the very front. With gratification Harry watched Draco fall back before him. Apparently Moody (or rather Barty Crouch Jr.) left a lasting impression on him in fourth year.
“Harry, move back.” Moody grunted, so he took a few steps backwards until he stood in between his friends. Mr Weasley pulled him even further back.
Harry gulped. Neville did tell them. He would have liked to get some answers out of Malfoy before they were found, though.
With a flick of his wand, Moody cuffed Malfoy with thick rope that wrapped around his wrists by itself. Gagged him, too. Harry watched his sour expression turn to panic.
“Moody, let’s talk first!” pleaded Bill.
“Be glad I’m not handcuffing you as well,” was the answer. Bill looked like he wanted to retort but bit his tongue.
Moody grabbed Malfoy who struggled against the grip to no avail and pushed him forwards. “Let’s continue this in the kitchen.” He announced and strode the crowd with Malfoy stumbling next to him.
The door opened. In the doorframe stood Neville who looked to be out of breath. Apparently he ran all the way back up again. Moody used the opportunity to leave the room with Malfoy in tow.