Lost Friends Sometimes Need Breaks

Harry woke up in a cold sweat in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place. This house was leaking negativity, making Harry unsure as to how Sirius lived here without going insane. He dreamed something but was unsure what, and this wasn’t the first time this happened. This has been going on for a week since he came here after visiting Arthur at St. Mungo’s. Surprisingly, the thing that he missed the most wasn’t Hogwarts or the occasional meals that he would miss when Molly was out. The thing he missed was his old professor, Remus. Sirius was adamant that Remus was busy trying to convince a pack of werewolves that they should join the light side, or at least not side with Voldermort.

Harry understood but still made a point to ask Sirius every morning where Remus was. At this point, the older man was patient with him, answering him with the same information again and again. This has improved his relationship with Sirius. Or that’s what Harry thought anyway. But no matter what, he still felt the gap that was missing without Remus there. He missed asking questions after questions about defence against the dark arts. And the banter that would happen between the group at dinner. He saw how different Sirius was with Remus there and how he was happier. Better.

Begrudgingly, Harry got up from the bed. He didn’t want to deal with the painting of Walburga Black as he went down, but her cries were more silent as they were muted by screaming coming from the dining room. He jumped down the last few steps as he rushed into the room, facing Remus and Sirius. The happiness he felt as he saw Remus was replaced with fear as he saw the taller man behind him. The man radiated feralness to him. He had overgrown hair and a beard that was totally unkempt. What he knew immediately was that the man was definitely a werewolf from the glowing red eyes and his yellowed fang on full display as he was snarling towards Sirius. Remus was keeping Sirius and the stranger from killing each other.

“Why did you bring him here?! Remus, are you crazy?!” Sirius shouted as he pointed his wand at the two. Harry didn’t need to say anything, as Sirius saw him and panicked. “Harry, get behind me now! You are not safe!” He continued as he tried to usher Harry behind him. Instead of following Sirius's lead, he gave a confused look to Remus, who just signed.

The uninvited guest’s face relaxed as he looked towards Harry before looking back at Remus with a look that Harry could only call concerned.

"Harry, get behind me!” Sirius demanded with urgency in his voice, and this time Harry listened. He moved around the table until he was behind Sirius.

“What’s going on?” The youngest boy asks, looking confused between Remus and Sirius again.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” Sirius shouts, pointing his wand in the direction of the stranger. “Remus brought a dark creature into the safe house that is a potential threat to you!"

At that comment, Remus’ face turned dark into a scorn. He stared at Sirius, who in turn lowered his wand at realising what he said. “Remus… I didn't…"

"I know what you meant, Sirius. You don’t trust me or my morals because I am a “dark creature” that is a threat to your godson.” Remus still kept his stern look, but the man behind him looked more sad or uncomfortable; Harry couldn’t really tell because of all the hair. Sirius, on the other hand, kept stuttering, unsure of what to say. Harry knew he needed to do something.

“Who’s hungry?” Harry attempted to say, but instead it sounded like an incoherent question. It made Sirius look back at him.

“What?” The older man asked, looking down at Harry, now facing him.

“Who’s…hungry?” Harry asked again, this time slower and more coherently. He saw his godfather smile for the first time since he stepped into the dining room that morning. Instead of Sirius, the stranger answers.

*Oh, I am famished; Lupin didn’t let me have any breakfast before coming here.” The man said it with a huge grin on his face. Harry couldn’t help but smile back before nodding.

“I know the perfect recipe for pancakes!” And with that, Harry hopped to the kitchen, trying to find what ingredients Molly must have left when she stocked up. He found what he needed and started throwing the ingredients into a bowl. He did feel like he shouldn’t just leave the three men alone, but he thought food would maybe ease the situation.

As he was about to turn on the fire for the stove (as the stove was old, it was powered by a fireplace underneath), he paused. Would the trace on his wand work here? Before he could think further, he saw Remus walk in. Harry beamed up and ran into the open hands of the older man. They stayed there for a few seconds before he pulled back and shot a concerned look at Remus.

“Wouldn’t Sirius try to kill your guest?” He asked seriously, but was met with a low laugh.

“No, I told both of them off. They won't try anything until we are back. Let me help you cook, pup.” So Lupin lit the fire and started helping Harry cook the pancakes. Harry also put a kettle on and got some tea going until they finished the pancakes. Remus also made some coffee when he wasn’t looking after the pancakes. The two kept a comfortable silence while they both worked. When they were done, they had four plates full of pancakes and four cups, two with coffee and two with tea. Lupin took two of the plates, while Harry took the other two. He let Remus levitate the cups behind them as they headed back to the dining room.

The dining room was quiet. Sirius was sitting down at one end of the table while he was staring at the stranger. While the stranger sat on the opposite end, his red eyes were now a light blue. The stranger wasn’t even looking at Sirius; instead, he was looking around the deserted dining room. Remus walked in first, which got the attention of both of the men. He walked to Sirius and settled a plate of pancakes before waking to the other man and settling the other plate on the table. Then he walked back to Harry, grabbed a plate for himself, and settled in the middle of the dining table, keeping a good few places between Sirius and the stranger. The cups levitated in and settled down. One cup of coffee for Sirius, one for the stranger. The tea went to Lupin, and the other settled on the table in the seat opposite Remus.

Harry took that as a sign and took the seat with his own plate. As soon as he sat down, the strange man, ignoring all the utensils on the table, started inhaling a few of the pancakes. The rest, including Remus, were staring in shock as the man ate about four of the pancakes in ten seconds. When he noticed the stares, he shrugged, and when he munched and swallowed, he spoke up.

“What? They good pancakes.” And with no more words, he shoved a few more pancakes in his mouth. Harry started to eat away at his pancakes and saw Remus and Sirius follow after him. The breakfast followed in silence—not the good kind; it was awkward. Harry needed to break the silence.

“So you haven't introduced me to... your friend Remus?" Harry said, looking up across the table.
Remus looked back with a smile on his face.

"Ah, I didn't. I must have been occupied... this is-"

“Fenrir Greyback at your service.” The man answered, his plate empty. He was now sipping on the coffee. Damn, he was fast!

“And why are you here? I do trust Professor Lupin, but I don't think you are a good guy; you reek of blood.” He stated, eating away at his pancakes slowly and calmly. The man remained calm, put his drink down, and lifted his arm, taking a deep sniff of his armpit.

"Oh, sorry about that kid; it seems I forgot to bathe again.” He gave Harry a toothy grin.

And they were back to silence. Harry decided that since he tried once to break the silence, he wouldn’t try again. So he focused on his food. By doing so, he didn’t notice the staring contest between his godfather and their new companion. That led to Harry getting startled and falling backwards with his chair when his godfather slammed both of his fists into the table as loudly as possible. He let out a loud groan as he tried to get up from the chair that impaled his back as he fell. Before he could, two strong hands pulled him up on his feet. He is face-to-face with Fenrir, who looks at Harry concerned. The man sniffs the air as if to sniff for injuries, and when he finds nothing, he steps back.

“Harry!” Serius runs to his side, looking him over. “I’m sorry! Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

“I’m fine. You just startled me, and the chairs are pretty old.” He looked to his godfather before looking to Remus, who was standing next to the feral man with a hand on his shoulder. Serius saw and just glared at the two.

“Thank you.” Harry said to Grayback, a small smile on his face. The man grinned back with his sharp teeth.
As soon as Sirius made sure Harry was fine, he rushed past, grabbed Lupin by the shoulder, and dragged him to a corner of the dining room away from Harry and the other man. He didn’t want them to hear anything, so as an extra precaution, he cast a silencing barrier around the two.

Harry was left alone with Grayback. The man did smell. Blood and rotten eggs. He was being ignored as the older man was staring at his professor.

“Why do you look guilty?” He asked out loud what he was thinking. Every time he saw him look at Remus, he had this look. At first, he thought of concern or sadness, but now he knew. It was guilt. Grayback’s face softened.

“I was a wild one, kid. When I was younger, I saw everyone as a threat that showed a bit of hate towards me. Well towards dark creatures. I don’t regret what I did, but I still feel guilt, kid.”

“Everyone feels guilty. It's what makes us different. But if you hate others for hating you, why do you hate yourself?” Harry responded. Grayback looked confused, an eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean,pup?” He asked the younger boy.

"Well, there are people who are unable to take care of themselves, like those who need others to take care of them. But I don’t think you need others to take care of you. Then there are those who hate themselves or are depressed. Or both. You don’t seem depressed, which, of course, could be wrong. But if I’m right, you just hate yourself. So you don’t care for your appearance, like when you told me, “I forgot to bathe again." Am I wrong? Do you not hate yourself?"

Fenrir started at the younger boy. The boy had the confidence to say things people usually wouldn’t dare say to him. Not his pack. Not even Lupin dared. Which was much to say, as Lupin was the one who contradicted him the most. From what he did to what he thought, Lupin was the one who brought more order to his pack. He created a voice for those he wasn’t bothered to listen to.
As the years went on, he only cared for the wolf in him, to the point where he became the wolf. When he saw a new wolf who asked to be in his pack, he knew that smell. Because that new wolf smelled like his wolf—like a lot of his pack. He created him.

However, the new addition was different; he separated his wolf and himself. As if there were two. Of course, he didn’t like it at first. To see the man struggle every full moon. To see him hate himself when no one else was listening. There is one thing—one thing he realised both he and Remus were the same at. They both hated one part of themselves. He hated the human in him, and Remus hated the wolf in him. When Remus started advocating for his pack, their well-being, and their needs, he knew he liked him. He liked Lupin. It was like he found the other half of himself, his human self.

And this kid. Harry Potter, though he was a mare human child, stood next to him with no fear. So right then and there, he decided he liked the kid. He wouldn’t mind caring for him like his pack. A new pup was added to his estranged family. His family, which struggled as a family but is now stronger than most families because of Remus. Then, if he liked this kid, who was human, he should try to stop hating his human side. He should try. Like how Lupin is trying to not hate his wolf.

“You know what, pup?” He started looking down at the little human. “How about you help me? Show me how to take care of myself.” He smiled, and his smile was rewarded with a big smile from the boy and a fast nod.

____________________________

Sirius roughly grabbed Remus by the shoulder, and when there was distance between them and the other two, Serius spoke.

“Why are you doing this?” Sirius asked. Still roughly grabbing his shoulder. This was stupid. He knew Grayback would do nothing to Harry, but it was stupid on Serius’ part. He was still the same as back then. Only full of Gryffindor confidence and stupidity. He used to be the same, but he knew he couldn’t live with such expectations in real life. Sure, the confidence helped, but he still needed to think rationally; he needed to plot; he couldn’t just act without thinking.

Just how Sirus was doing right now. He didn’t trust Fenrir but still left Harry alone with him because he needed to talk to Remus and didn’t think about anything else that could happen. So Remus decided that he had enough. Enough of the stupidity of Sirius Black. He grabbed the hand that was squeezing his shoulder and squeezed back, staring into the eyes of his best friend. Pained Sirius, let go. He was no match for his growing werewolf power.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Sirius.” He spat with anger. The other man started in shock, as if he were staring at a stranger, not the man he grew up with. “I brought him here for a reason, and I told you before you started to threaten him. He is joining tonight’s meeting. That is that.” He crossed his arms. He wasn’t about to give in to every whim his friend had, just like at Hogwarts.

“Moony! What do you mean!? You said he isn’t here to join the order, which makes him a threat! I can’t believe you didn’t think about it at all! You just... you just... let him come here! This isn’t like you! What dark magic did he use on you?!"

“Dark magic! DARK MAGIC!? Do you not hear yourself? Sirius, you are the one not thinking. You never think! You only act. What do you expect me to do? Stay quiet and do nothing?! Why can’t you do something for me? Once! Everything was always about you. How shit your family was! How shit your life is! What about others? You cannot, for the life of you, listen to others!"

Sirius looked in shock. This wasn’t his friend. His quiet yet supportive friend. His best friend, who listened to all his trouble. When he cried, Moony was there to lend a shoulder. But this. This was not him. This Moony was more of a wolf than a human. Wild.

“You…this isn’t like you.” He said it quietly. Staring at what was supposed to be his best friend. His hair was longer. His beard wasn’t trimmed like he usually did. “This isn’t the Moony that I…that I love."

Tears started to weld in his eyes. His Moony changed. Because time went on. He knew that this would happen. But he didn’t like it. And he didn’t like that the reason Remus changed was that man. Fenrir Greyback, or whatever his name was. He changed because of a bad man. A dark creature. He hated the man and himself. He hated the man for being there, and he hated himself for not being there enough. Because his friend was now more of a dark creature than ever.

“You what?” Remus gazed on. It’s like he wasn’t even looking at his friend, but beyond him. He sighed. "Padfoot, you have to understand what I went through. I can’t imagine what you went through because that’s what you experienced, but I just suffered as well. I mentally tortured myself. Over James and Lily and over you and what I believed to be your betrayal. I kept myself away from Harry because I knew I couldn’t be good enough. It’s changed. I lived in the past, but I cannot anymore. I accepted my wolf, and it's not bad. I feel free.”

Sirius let out the breath he was holding. Moony, his Moony would never say that. “It’s not bad,” he said, and it echoed in his head. It’s not bad to be a bloodthirsty killer? It’s not bad to be an evil, dark creature. He took another step back to assess his friend. Hoping it was his friend and not an imposter. However, the more he looked, the less he looked like Remus and more like someone else. Something else. The wolf. The monster inside him. With another step, the barrier around them was broken, and his wand slipped into his hand.

As if he sensed danger, Grayback rushed in front of Remus before anything could be said or done. Sirius trembled. The wand he had to steal buzzed, unhappy in his hand. This wasn’t right. Moony wasn’t right, and it was the fault of this man. Grayback.

“What have you done?” He asked the man. He looked like an animal, and in his mind, Remus would look similar soon. “What did you do to my Moony!?"

His voice filled the dining room. Grayback answered back with a growl, his eyes once again red and his yellowed teeth on display. Then he looked behind him at Remus. To his friend. To his calm and peaceful friend, and his heart shattered. Remus looked sad—his eyes at least—but they too shone like a beast, and his mouth, open in shock, revealed his sharpened fangs. A beast, Sirius, though. A beast.

“I changed him.” Fenrir growled. “I changed him.” He repeated it for the definitely insane man to hear. Sirius could hear his heart in his ear. Beating. His wand was raised. Beasts. Beasts. Beasts were repeating in his head. Monsters.

“SECTUMSEPT-“

"EXPELLIARMUS" Sirius's wand hit the floor with a clutter. He stared down at it before facing the caster. Harry. His godson was breathing heavily and had this look on his face. This look of pure terror. Not towards Remus or the dark creature that was Grayback. No. Towards him.

“What have I done?” Was all he could mutter.