Regulus was a certified hater. But for many good reasons, in his beliefs.
He hated the sun, and burned his skin in a very uncomfortable way.
Hated beer, made his stomach feel awkward and his mind too fuzzy.
Couldn’t stand the smell of candy shops. The worst kind of establishment someone could have, why would you even open such a place?
Autumn became the worst time of the year too, nothing good could happen in such a time of the year. The pumpkin in everything was also terrible.
Regulus hated pubs, rock bands, cake frosting, hot chocolate in the morning and also hated mornings.
He also couldn’t believe he was hating christmas a few weeks before it happened. Usually, both of them got extremely invested in it, bought and made gifts to each other and spent every moment of the preparations together. So, Regulus had been even more heartbroken to the fact that he was christmas and James deprived, a terrible and evil combination, if you ask him.
Because the very core of his hater personality was his ex boyfriend, James Potter. Of course he wanted to burn everything to the ground and tear the entire world into pieces. But he wouldn’t deny he bought some caramels last week because he missed the ones James made him, or that he bought a small version of his cologne that had a ridiculous name and both of them made jokes about not so long ago.
The faint smell of cedarwood was a constant presence in Regulus flat. Now it felt just artificial, the skin that made the smell linger was not around anymore.
He also tried to bake, got into the most various kinds of classes to learn to bake cakes, donuts, cupcakes and similars, but they always tasted too salty, like his brain was unable to understand the right measure of sugar. James was the one that did the sweets, while Regulus did the salty food, they just had a silent agreement about that. He wondered from time to time, if James learned to make spaghetti on his own, maybe he learned to make a good soup for the winter? He was one to catch a cold easily, Regulus was the one to cook for him when those moments happened.
But he would never know.
and if I bleed, you'll be the last to know.
Nothing ever helped him to heal his own mind and body from James. Regulus often compared it with catching a fever, to which Sirius said: “The medicine is a simple conversation”
Deep down, Regulus knew that he was well aware that getting back together with James would only take a simple and easy conversation, so they could put on the table everything they needed to sort out. He hated that James was so simple and easy to deal with. It was almost infuriating how they dealt with their problems with such ease before. But not now.
Now the problem has been Regulus. And that was a burden he hated to live with.
Evan tried to put sense into his head, convincing him to approach James like a normal person, but he seemed to be against it.
“You just don’t understand”
“That you’re an idiot?” Barty jumped in, completely worn out by the situation “Believe me when I say that we know that very well”
“It’s not that” Regulus grumbled, he felt like an idiot, it was so stupid and all he wanted was some validation from his friends.
“Reggie” Pandora started calmly, and a small part of Regulus had hope that it would be what he was seeking “You know I’m the first one to support you on things. Like, when we were in school and you wanted to break into the library and steal the only copy of Don Quixote to compare with your notes from the original text I was the one to help you get in there and faced detention for it later”
“Forever grateful” he stated, getting ready for the punchline.
“But you’re being an ass and James is like…”
“Wilting” Evan said
“That’s a perfect way to describe it” Barty said “Seriously, Reg, the man is three days from his last sunday on earth, could die anytime and all he wants is you”
“No, that’s not all” Regulus pointed out, ready to start an argument. Like he had been doing the past month.
“Please god give me the patience” Pandora said, but humored him anyway “What else does James want?”
“For me to come to him first”
“Bloody hell, Reggie, you messed up, isn’t it like the basic rule of living in society? If you make a mistake you fix it?”
“That’s not the issue, you see? It’s been a month I’m trying to explain but no one listens!” Regulus rolled his eyes “I don’t want to come to him without the words he needs, I need to fix the situation I’m aware of that, but I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do it”
“Seriously”
“You’re too dumb sometimes, love” Pandora said “Remember when James hang out with his ex and you wanted to have him killed?”
“Like it was yesterday” the venom on Regulus’ tongue made it perfectly clear he could still be annoyed about that day. James had been helping his ex of all people to look for furniture, what kind of stupid pickup line is that?
“So… He took his sweet time to talk to you, remember? First because he didn’t want to fight with you, so he waited for you to cool out. Then, even without using the right words, he came to you with an apology, he was sorry and I know you’re sorry too. You should just see him and the right words will come”
“If they don’t? He will hate me forever”
“That’s not even possible” Evan said “Go and talk to him, christmas is in a week and you can’t spend christmas without him”
Before Regulus could argue anymore to that, Barty shoved him into an uber and told the driver “Leave only when this dumbass enters the place, I’ll give you the fucking tip of the year for that”, to which the driver followed blindly. He waited for Regulus to enter the building to leave.
James shared a flat with Remus and Sirius, it was a sweet little building that looked straight out of a disney movie. Regulus always joked about how when they were to move in together, he would just kick Sirius and Remus out and make himself at home at the place. It was cozy and warm, just like one of James’ hugs.
Another thing Regulus remembered he hates now. Hugs.
He avoids physical contact like it is the plague and he could catch it. It was bad for Sirius, mostly, since he was the second more physical person he had met.
The mere thought of hugging James made Regulus’ eyes tear up a bit. His insides craved him, the feeling and the smell that he could sense when James held him. It was something so specific and around christmas time, Regulus could swear that James’ hugs smelt like gingerbread cookies and tea. No one agreed, but he would fight them all, because James was christmas to him, so it made sense his hugs smelt like that.
He slowly climbed up the stairs, for the first time not taking the elevator, and rehearsed a few parts of his speech in his mind. He tried to create a powerpoint presentation inside his mind so he could tell him specifically what he meant and not have him mistake it for something else.
As he softly knocked on the door, he was surprised by Sirius – almost naked – answering the door.
“Jesus fucking christ” he covered his eyes quickly “Did humanity invent clothes just for you to traumatize me?”
“Shut up, you menace” Sirius complained “If I’m being honest, you’re the last person I expected on the other side of this door”
“Barty shoved me into an uber”
“And?”
“Made the guy wait for me to get in here to leave”
“Now I have to say, I admire his line of work” Remus giggled “Come on in, Regulus, your brother lacks social cues when it comes to receive people in his home”
“He lacks it in many events, not just at the door”
“If I was James I would’ve-”
“What would you do?” James said and Regulus' heart broke when he heard the tired voice James had “Oh, Regulus is here” he said like he just thought that and didn’t mean to say out loud. What made Regulus cry was that he never used his name, only nicknames or the sweet pet names he came up with just to annoy Regulus “How are you?”
“We’re leaving, for some ice cream” Remus pointed out and dragged Sirius out who complained about how it was too cold to have ice cream.
“Hello…?” Regulus tried and felt like he could punch himself on the face.
“How are you feeling? Hope the drive here was not too forced out of you”
Strike one: outch.
“It wasn’t like that” Regulus fidgeted in his place, trying to find the words, to not upset James even more than he already had. “James, I-, this sucks I don’t know how to apologize or how can I start fixing it”
“I don’t want you to fix anything, Regulus”
“But I broke your trust, you should expect me to try fixing things”
“Never did” he had a sad smile and Regulus once again wanted to die. James was never harsh on his words, but with his actions, he could never punch Regulus with a phrase, but that little sad smile was enough to make Regulus want to jump out of a cliff. “Just speak your mind”
“My mind wants to say that I am a coward” he looked down on his hands “You gave me a simple task to help with christmas and I ruined it. I ran and ignored you, when you tried to talk to me I shut you out and sometimes I wake up sweating in the middle of the night thinking you desperately want to break up with me, I’m so sorry I broke your family christmas ornament and lost the pie recipe to your legendary pie, feels so stupid saying that out loud. But I’m really sorry”
“You ran because of that?” James asked sincerely and Regulus shamefully nodded “I thought you had an affair or something”
“You WHAT”
“I don’t know, Reg” he laughed and it all felt so absurd now “You thought I’d leave you for a broken ornament and a recipe?”
“You spent months telling me about them, how excited you were about it, to cook for christmas and I messed up two family traditions that you really loved”
“Love…” James’ smile was warmer now and he took a step towards him “Can’t believe you ghosted me over this”
“I really thought you and your mum would hate me now and kick me out of christmas, which would be quite sad because I had already bought the gifts”
“Oh Regulus” James took him violently fast into his arms, afraid he might just run away before he could approach slowly “I’ll love you till the end of time, if it never ends, then I’ll never stop”
“I love you too” he shyly bumped their noses and rested his forehead on James’, it felt nice to be close to the sun again “I have to throw away my hate list now”
“Your what now?”
“I was too upset with myself about it, so I convinced my brain that if I hated you, I wouldn’t miss you this much so I could think about a way to fix things”
“Think I got way too lucky with you” he kissed Regulus, and after a month without contact, it was the most refreshing thing they felt in a while.
Regulus made James promise that he would never in a million years tell a soul why they fought, but James cried when Regulus told him that he had bought a small bottle of his perfume to spread out on his flat. “You’re so dramatic, sometimes it’s concerning”
“I just missed your smell around me” Regulus pouted “But now we should go back to my flat so you can naturally spread your scent around the place”
“We have to talk about this obsession of yours later”