Once again, Madoka's Soul Gem turned a hollow grey, and the pink-haired girl closed her eyes, her blood-stained hand still holding onto Homura's.
Another failure, another failure to save her.
The sky became clear, with only pale pink haze and few wisps of light gray mist, sunlight seeping through the thick clouds. The rain dampened her clothes and the ground, as if washing away the stains and despair of the place.
In the ruins, the dark-haired girl's hand clutched her gun, her knuckles white from gripping it too tightly, and there was blood on her fingertips, her own, Madoka's. No strength left, no, just no desire to wipe it away. How long had it been, how many times had it been, how many times had she seen Madoka's lifeless face smiling back at her, how many times she had failed. Maybe it was the gods were messing with her, unwilling to give her a happy ending.
Just as well, it was time to move on. She lowered her head, the sight in front of her numbing her, she had expected this irreparable situation even before the fighting started. She closed her eyes and tried to pictures Madoka's smiling face.
“Can you go and save the stupid me that hasn't been deceived by Kyubey yet?”
But the voice always lingered in her head, she remembered every word, remembered the tears on Madoka's face as she spoke the words to her.
It had always been Madoka, she was convinced that it would all be okay, always hopeful, naive and a little ignorant, praying for a better world. Every time she saw Madoka's face in the classroom, it was her presence that sustained her, and she was still so kind, the fool that would treat Kyubey as a pet.
Foolish Madoka.
She opened her eyes, reality was always so cruel, dreams were always hard to come true. Madoka was just a normal middle school student to everyone else, an ordinary girl, nothing more than a victim in this tragedy. And the root of all this is her unchangeable past.
There were no tears in her eyes, tears had always been unable to solve anything, she had always thought so, but now it was different, she no longer want to cry for the things that already happened. What is done is done, nothing can change it, only the future is important. There was only despair ...... that deep, endless pain and longing in Homura's soul. She always fantasized that if she could have been fully prepared earlier, she could have saved Madoka.
But that was all unreal.
Madoka was indeed a fool, inexperienced and unsuspecting, and she didn't understand Kyubey's true purpose. Homura had long since stopped caring about physical pain, being able to get up and keep fighting despite her wounds was a habit she had picked up from the reincarnation, so she wasn't afraid of that pain. Mental pain is a completely different feeling, from the heart, to the brain, scattered to the whole body, like being torn by thousands of wild dogs, poisonous, sharp blades cutting at her skin. The emptiness in the eyes and the constant defensiveness in the mind are the aftermath of this pain.
Each reincarnation was a failure, having to watch as Madoka was pushed step by step off the cliff and into despair. What caused all of this, obviously, was still Kyubey, and the thought of the white creature telling Madoka about the benefits of the pact sickened her, disgusted her.
How many times had Homura tried to stop it ......
She took a deep breath, “I still can't change you, Madoka.” She raised her eyes to the sky, a small smile hanging at the corner of her lips, “But I can change the course of this story, even a little, even if you can die a little later. I'll continue to live until I'm not the only one standing under the sun.”
For the sake of Madoka, for the sake of the girl who once believed in hope, carrying all the pain and regret down to the end of time.
Just wait, Madoka, she thought, I'll save you this time.
The 201st reincarnation, beginning now.