Regulus sat on his friend's bed, the unwilling victim to Barty’s awful story. He was retelling his ‘adventures’ from the night before.
When Barty told him he had a story Reg would want to hear, he hadn’t expected a graphic description of his time with some random girl.
Barty spoke as if this stuff was the most enjoyable thing ever, but it sounded putrid. The thought of somebody else touching his body, being inside him, was repulsive. Regulus sat utterly disgusted but listening to appease Barty.
Evan seemed to notice his discomfort. “What’s the matter with you?” he asked Regulus.
“Nothing, it's just-” he wasn't exactly sure how to say it, “it feels weird to hear about this stuff.”
“What, sex?” Barty asked. He looked as if he couldn't believe anyone wouldn't want to hear about sex.
“Yeah, it's kind of, well, gross,” Regulus admitted.
“Okay, prude.” Barty laughed.
Evan made a pouty face at him as if he had said something cute.
Now Regulus was grossed out and confused.
“Why is sex so great anyway?” he asked.
Barty clapped a hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “Let me tell you, mate,” he started.
Evan interrupted him, “It feels good Reg, you just haven't done it yet. That's why you don't get it.”
Regulus shrugged. “Alright, I guess that makes sense.” It didn't really, but how would he know? He hadn't ever done it.
***
Regulus found Pandora sitting in the courtyard. She was braiding some string into a bracelet. He plopped down next to her.
She was the only friend he felt comfortable talking to about this. And his only friend who wasn't dumber than a rock.
“Hey, Dora, have you ever had sex?”
She looked up at him with a quizzical look.
“Yes, once,” she answered simply, “Why?”
“Well, Barty and Evan talk about it like it's so fantastic, but it sounds kind of gross, honestly,” he admitted.
Pandora gave him another look. “I didn't think it sounded all that exciting either,” she said, “I think it's normal, and once you try it you'll feel different.”
“That's what Evan said.” Regulus frowned. He didn't have any reason to believe they were wrong.
“Well, then, I know what we have to do,” Pandora stated. “We need to get you laid.”
“Pardon me?”
“I don't think it's weird if you don't want to do it yet. That's perfectly normal, I'm sure,” she assured him. “But if you wanna know what all the hype is.”
Regulus considered her suggestion. He was curious to know this secret everyone seemed to understand but him.
“But who would I have sex with?”
“You’re pretty. I'm sure someone would love to,” Pandora said as if having sex with just anyone was totally normal.
“I guess so,” Regulus shrugged. He had one idea. But he wasn't sure how to go about it.
“Thanks, Dory,” he nudged her with his foot before getting up.
“And don't call me pretty.”
She smiled and waved him off as he walked away.
***
Regulus wanted to have sex with James Potter.
He had made this decision after his talk with Pandora. He thought James was good-looking. He didn't know him very well personally, but everyone knew James Potter. And they played Quidditch together. Well, against each other. And he’d gone to the winter ball with him earlier that year.
He had waited all day to catch James alone. It felt like ages before it happened, but he finally managed.
Regulus glanced around to make sure his brother and his stupid friends weren't in sight. Thankfully they weren't, so he approached James.
“Hello, James,” he greeted him coolly.
“Uh, hello, Regulus,” James responded, a look of surprise on his face.
“You look good today,” Regulus stated.
“Oh, thank you,” James said, unsure of what was happening. Not that he minded Regulus talking to him. He certainly didn't mind the compliments.
“You look good, too,” he said.
Regulus thought he was only saying that to be polite because Reg had said it. James probably didn't think he looked good.
“Would you like to have sex with me?” Regulus asked. He held his breath, waiting for a response.
James looked too stunned to speak. “I- do I want- wha-” he stuttered.
Of course, he didn't. Now Regulus just felt stupid. His cheeks burned a hot pink. He turned away so James couldn't see his clear humiliation.
“I’ll just go.” He began to walk away, but a hand caught his arm.
James turned him back around, hand resting on his arm.
“I would like to, uh, have sex with you,” he said. “I was just a bit surprised at the forward ask. But that's okay. I like forward.” He winked at Regulus.
“Oh, okay,” Regulus replied, unsure what to do next.
He started toward the dorms, James following close behind.
“Where are we going?” James asked.
“To my dorm,” Regulus replied.
“What if someone sees us?”
“Barty has snuck in girls before, I'm sure it's not that hard.”
That seemed to be enough convincing for James.
Sneaking into the Slytherin dorms proved to be quite easy. It seemed hardly anyone was around. Regulus's own dorm room was empty.
“Where are your roommates?” James asked.
Regulus shrugged, not much caring about what weird stuff his friends were probably up to. He sat down on Barty’s bed, gesturing for James to come over.
James sat down beside him. He looked a bit lost. Regulus felt very lost.
James reached over, slipping a finger under Regulus’s tie. He looked at him as if to ask for permission. Regulus nodded.
James undid his tie and then proceeded to unbutton his shirt. Regulus felt his cheeks grow hot. He was starting to rethink this.
James pulled off Regulus’s shirt, eliciting a rush of embarrassment. He put his arms in front of his chest in an attempt to cover himself.
James took Regulus’s hands in his own. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
Regulus nodded, but it wasn't very convincing.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” James asked.
“Yes,” Regulus said resolutely. He did want to do this. He wanted to know what it was like.
As he watched James undress, he felt confused again. He didn't feel the excitement Barty seemed to have when he talked about topless people. Instead of feeling attractive, it felt more like watching someone change.
Regulus did find James attractive, he just didn't feel any excitement about it. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to be feeling.
Regulus slipped off his own trousers and sat awkwardly waiting for James.
James was now fully naked in front of him. Regulus glanced up and down his body, waiting to feel some sort of rush. Maybe once they've started.
James looked at Regulus curiously, glancing him over. Regulus had a feeling he knew what James was noticing.
“Okay, here’s the thing,” Reg started. He knew he had to say this. He had imagined telling James before, but he never thought it'd be an such an awkward situation. “I’m transgender.”
James stared at him blankly.
Regulus sighed, “Do you know what that means?” He asked.
“Um, kind of, maybe.”
Regulus took a breath and began his explanation, “Well, when I arrived in this world, I came in the wrong package, so everybody thought that I was a girl. And I had to be like, no, I’m actually a boy let me fix that up. Do you understand?”
James nodded slowly. “That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard, but it makes perfect sense.”
“Is that okay with you?” Regulus asked.
James shrugged. “Yeah, is it okay with you?”
Regulus nodded. Okay, that was easy.
James slipped his hands around the waistband of Regulus’s pants. He looked at him for permission before tugging them off.
Luckily James got the sense Regulus didn't really know what he was doing. He didn’t say anything, only asking if he was okay, sparing a bit of Regulus’s dignity. Although Regulus didn’t know how much he had left after this whole endeavor.
The actual act was incredibly uncomfortable. Feeling James move inside him, touching his bare body, he felt nothing except a strong dislike for this activity. It didn’t even feel good. The only time he felt something was when he tried to stifle a laugh at James grabbing his bum. Not exactly sexy.
When it was finally over, James asked, “Was it good?”
Regulus hesitated. He didn’t want to make James feel bad. It was Regulus’s fault anyway.
Instead, he asked, “What was it supposed to feel like?”
James gave him another weird look. He's been getting those a lot. “I don't know, good, I guess.”
“It didn’t really feel like anything,” Reg admitted.
James looked as embarrassed as Regulus felt. “I’m sorry, um, sorry,” James apologized awkwardly.
Regulus could tell he felt really bad about it. “It's not your fault,” he told him, “I’m the one with the problem.”
“What's your problem?” James asked.
“I don't know. For some reason, everyone seems to think this stuff is amazing, but I don't get it. Maybe I’m just a weirdo.” Regulus wondered if maybe he had messed up his body. What if he had some kind of hormone imbalance or something? Could that happen?
“You’re not a weirdo,” James assured him. “Maybe you just don’t like sex.”
Regulus perked up at this suggestion. “Is that a thing? Can people not like sex?”
“Yeah, just the other day Sirius was telling me about something called asexual, I think. I don’t really know. You should ask him about it.”
Oh great. Of course, the only person who could help was the dumbest person alive. Who also probably didn’t want to talk to him. Regulus did not look forward to this conversation.
But since he did want to know more about this asexual thing, he wasn’t left with much choice.
So, the next day he went to find Sirius. He approached him after his last class of the day.
“Hey, twat, I need to talk to you.”
Sirius gave him an annoyed look. “Why?”
“It's important. Sort of.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Right. Well, go on, tell me this sort of important thing.”
Regulus looked around at the other students passing by. “Not here.” He said.
“Ooh, a secret,” Sirius smirked, earning himself a jab in the ribs.
Regulus took him to an unoccupied hall, hiding them in a corner. Sirius leaned against the wall waiting for Reg to start talking.
Regulus took a deep breath before beginning. “What do you know about being asexual?” he asked.
Sirius stared at him, not speaking. Regulus felt a knot twisting in his stomach. He stood under his brother's gaze contemplating whether or not he should just run.
Finally, Sirius said, “Well, I read an article in my magazine, Queer Weekly.” Regulus didn’t know what that meant. Sirius told Reg all about this article he’d read about people who feel little to no sexual attraction. It was perfectly healthy and normal.
His information was somewhat limited, but Regulus thought he understood enough. He listened as Sirius explained all he knew.
“Are you asexual, Reggie?” he asked sincerely.
“I don’t know, I think so.”
“How do you know? Did you ever even have sex?” Sirius asked.
“I knew before that, but yes, actually, I have.”
Sirius gaped at this response. “What? When! 𝘞𝘩𝘰?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“You have to be careful, Reggie. Especially cause right now you’re extra sensitive down there. You-“
“Oh my god!” Regulus groaned. “Please never speak.”
Sirius twisted his mouth in disapproval. “Did they, er, take care of you?”
Regulus hid his face in his hands. “It doesn’t even matter. I’m never doing that again.”
“Right. Asexual, yeah? Cool,” Sirius said.
Cool. Sirius thought it was cool. So it couldn’t be that bad.
They stood there in silence for a moment. Sirius regarded Regulus with an unreadable expression.
“Well, uh, thanks, I guess,” Regulus said, turning to go.
“Thanks for telling me, Reggie,” Sirius said quietly, brushing against Regulus’s shoulder as he walked away.
Regulus smiled to himself, watching his brother leave. Cool.
***
Regulus wanted his friends to know about his newfound discovery. But what if they didn’t think it was cool? They had always been pretty accepting of Regulus, but this was different. Would Barty think he was weird for being asexual?
Regulus had told Pandora first. She was surprised but she said it explained a lot.
Regulus entered the Slytherin common room, seeing his friends sitting together. He sat down next to Dorcas on the floor.
“Hey, mate, what’s up?” Evan asked.
“I need to tell you guys something.”
They sat silently, waiting for Regulus to speak.
“I’m asexual,” he blurt out.
When he received three confused looks, he continued. “It means I feel no sexual attraction. It's a real word I didn’t even make it up,” he said proudly.
“Okay?”
“Wait, what?”
“That’s nice.”
He answered his friend’s questions, explaining things the best he could. They only asked questions to understand, not to judge. A wave of fondness washed over him and he stared down at his hands so his friends wouldn’t see. Cool.