“I want to kiss you on new years.” Sirius whispered, looking at Remus from where his head was laid on the pillows, and Remus had propped himself up on his elbow, looking back at him. He looked a little puzzled, but Sirius just smiled softly, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Remus' ear, though it only barely stayed there. “At midnight, watching the fireworks.”
“There's going to be people. Everyone who's spending Christmas here.” He said, but Sirius' smile didn't falter like it usually did when he was reminded about all the secrets, denied from doing things he desperately wanted, but couldn't. “People are going to find out.”
“Fuck the people.” He whispered with a grin, though it quickly turned back to the soft, sleepy smile he had been wearing for the past half an hour. “I don't care re. Not anymore. You're my boyfriend, and I want to spend new years with you, kiss you and be with you, and I should be allowed to do that without caring what other people think.” Remus blushed, ducking his head down for a moment, hiding it to Sirius' chest, making both of them laugh, though they tried to be quiet as James and Peter were sleeping.
“Are you sure?” Remus asked, turning serious again as he lifted his head up, looking at Sirius , trying to search his expression for any lie or nervousness, discomfort, unsureness, anything he could. But there was nothing he could detect, his smile looked sleepy, and soft, but confident at the same time. His eyes were clear, and happy looking, nothing was saying that something was wrong, everything seemed okay, so maybe it was.
“Yes. Remus, I'm sure.” He said, Remus smiled now, leaning down to give him a kiss. “Only if you want to, of course. If you're comfortable.”
“Anything you want, I want too.” He whispered, against his lips, pressing them down for another soft kiss before leaning back up, to look at Sirius. But he didn't understand why now, why did he want people to know now, why didn't he mind anymore. For so long he had been scared of his parents finding out, or the school, of something happening if people found out. “But… why now?” He asked after a moment, Sirius looked away momentarily, and he couldn't really tell what the expression meant that flashed on his face.
“It's not-.” He started, but trailed off as he looked back at Remus, the smile coming back once again. “I just don't care anymore. I don't care if people know, or my parents, I want them to. I want to be able to talk about you, to hold hands with you outside of our dorm or the empty common room. I don't want to lie anymore, it doesn't feel right.”
“Okay.” He whispered, nodding slightly. “Why on new years.”
“I wanna see James' face when he sees, or realizes, y'know, putting the pieces together.” He laughed, making Remus laugh quietly as well. “No, well, I do, but-” he said, pausing to lean up to give Remus a kiss. “It's new years, moony. I wanna kiss you at midnight, what's so bad about that?”
“Nothing.”
“Okay.” He whispered with that stupid dopey grin that made Remus' heart flutter, so he just smiled back. “It's Christmas tomorrow.” He said after a while, watching Remus' amber eyes, that looked so bright and soft in the candle lighting, it felt like he could look at them forever, get lost in them.
“Technically, it's Christmas now.” He said, glancing at the clock, it was almost two in the morning now, they should've been sleeping a long time ago.
“Smartass.” Sirius said, shoving him playfully, making him laugh and fall to the pillows next to Sirius, hoping they hadn't woken up their friends, though he didn't really care.
——
They slept in the next morning, though Sirius sneaked back into his bed before James and Peter got up. They had gone to the quidditch pitch to play for fun, he, James and Peter, and some other Gryffindors. They had done that for the past few years, going to play for fun on Christmas. Remus has stayed behind, it would be really cold to just sit in the stands and watch them. He didn't like being on a broom that much to actually play with them.
He glanced at the door when he heard it open, seeing Sirius walk in, and close the door behind himself. Remus focused back on writing, though smiling slightly to himself, he had just finished the sentence as he felt Sirius lean against him from the behind, wrapping his arms around Remus, head on his shoulder. “Watcha doing?”
“Writing a letter to mum.” He said, turning slightly to look at Sirius, giving him a chaste kiss before Sirius leaned back up, rounding the chair and hopping up on the desk. Remus smiled as he took a look at his boyfriend, he seemed to be in a good mood, he was smiling, and there was a small blush coating his cheeks that Remus was sure was from the shower he had just taken. His hair was still wet, and it was soaking the jumper he was wearing at the shoulders. “Have you ever thought about drying your hair?”
Sirius shook his head, as if on purpose getting rid of the water by shaking his head fast, quite like a dog would after a swim or a bath, Remus just smiled, quickly signing the letter and folding it up. “Wait there moons.” He said, getting down, and quickly walking over to his trunk, pulling something out and walking back over, hopping back on the desk. He handed Remus a gift that was wrapped in dark green wrapping paper, with way too much tape, it honestly looked like a child had wrapped it. But Remus liked it, at least he had tried.
“Did you wrap it yourself?” He asked with a small laugh, and Sirius just nodded. “Or did you hire a five-year-old to do it for you.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, though he smiled. “Open it.”
“Okay, okay.” He said, shaking his head, as he started to unwrap the gift, smiling as he saw what was inside. There was a bracelet, laying on top of a book. The bracelet had black and sage green beads on it, with a round charm on it, when he turned it over and looked closer, he saw that a constellation was carved on it. It was Sirius' constellation, he smiled at it.
“You don't actually have to wear it, I know you don't really wear jewelry, but-” he said a little nervously, running a hand through his hair, studying Remus' expression carefully. “But, I just thought you might like it. I found the charm from Hogsmeade one day, without the carving, did it with charms anyway, then I made that. I found the book there too, I hope you like it, or don't like have it yet.” He rambled on as Remus didn't answer, but kept studying the bracelet.
“You made this yourself?” He asked, amused as he looked up at Sirius. He smiled shyly, as he nodded.
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do, love it.” He whispered, glancing at the book, reading the cover. “Thank you, baby. And no, I don't have it yet, the book I mean.”
“Oh, good.” He sighed. “Can I put it on you?” He asked, again a little shyly, and Remus nodded, looking at him. Sirius smiled brightly, as Remus handed the bracelet to him before holding out his hand. Sirius opened it, carefully wrapping it around his wrist, closing it, and letting it fall in place.
“I'm never taking it off.” Sirius just grinned, leaning in to give him a kiss. “Close your eyes.” Remus said then. “I have a gift for you too.” He supplied when Sirius looked confused at his request, but then he nodded, closing his eyes, holding out his hands.
He reached for something in the drawer of the desk, placing it in Sirius' outstretched hands. He opened them as he felt weight there, smiling at the teddy bear he was now holding, it was holding a light pink heart, and Remus had slipped a bar of chocolate into its arms.
“Thank you, moons.” He whispered quietly, still looking at the teddy bear. “I love it.”
“I'm glad.” Remus smiled, happy that he hadn't gone utterly wrong with his gift. “I'm gonna take it away if you name it something stupid, though.” Sirius laughed, looking at him.
“It's moony.” He smiled after a moment of thinking, hopping down to go place it on his bed, Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled at him anyway. He tucked the chocolate bar in his pocket, picking up the pouch that held his chess pieces. “C'mon let's go, James wants to play chess, and you have to come see when he loses.” Remus nodded, getting up from the chair and following Sirius down to the common room. “His team lost in quidditch by the way, again. I don't think he should be captain anymore, I think I've proved myself so many Christmases in a row now that-”
“Remus, please don't tell me you actually believe that bullshit.” James asked, cutting Sirius off as they reached the common room, Remus just laughed, shaking his head as he took a seat on one of the sofas next to peter, starting to watch as Sirius and James started to set up a game of chess.
“I'm telling the truth.” Sirius grinned after a while, glancing at Remus as he put his pieces into place. “James is just too afraid to admit that I'd make a better captain than he does” James threw one of his chess pieces at Sirius, who set it on the side of the board, as if he had already won one from James.
——
It was a nice day. Remus liked spending Christmas with his friends, though they didn't even do anything special. He had watched Sirius and James play chess, but ended up reading a book, they had gone down to the great hall for Christmas dinner, then they had sneaked to the kitchens, settling by the fireplace with hot chocolate and marshmallows to roast.
“Can we do something tomorrow?” James asked, shuffling the deck of cards they had picked up to play some games before going to bed.
“Like what?” He asked, taking the cards he was dealt by James. “Don't look, you cheat.” He said, shoving Sirius out of the way when he leaned in to peek at his cards, he just laughed, taking his own cards as well.
“I don't know.” James said, nudging his glasses up as he looked down at his cards. “We could do something Christmassy.”
“Christmassy.”
“Shut up.” He said. “We could make snowballs chase everyone or maybe mistletoes, I don't know, I wanna do something fun.”
“It's not Christmas tomorrow, though, aren't you kinda late on this?” Peter said. “Maybe we do something on new years, let's give them a break.”
Sirius glanced at Remus, both starting to smile like they knew something the two didn't. “What?” James asked.
“Just thought about something funny.” Sirius said. “I'll tell you if you win.”
“Not fair. You always cheat.”
“I don't.”
—
After a few more rounds of games, Peter and James made their way up to bed, they stayed behind on the excuse of wanting to play more, and that they'd gather all their stuff before going to bed. Sirius gathered the cards, twisting the rubber band around that kept the deck together and set it down on the table, then he leaned against Remus' shoulder, looking into the slowly dying fire.
“I’ve never really liked Christmas.” Sirius whispered after a moment of silence. “It was never- fun y'know.”
“I know.” He said, rubbing Sirius' side for a moment, pulling him a little closer by his waist. “But, did you have fun today?”
“I did.”
“That's good, love.” He whispered, smiling slightly to himself as he leaned his head against Sirius'. “I did too.”
“You barely did anything.” Sirius laughed quietly. “You didn't even come to play with us.”
“You know that I don't play quidditch.”
“Well neither does lily, and she still came with us.” he said, turning to look at Remus. “And Frank, and peter and you know he's shit at playing, but he still came.”
“I'm pretty sure Lily came because of James.” he said, making Sirius roll his eyes. “And if Frank was playing, Alice must've been watching, no?”
“Well- yeah but it has nothing to do with you coming to play with us.”
“Have you considered that I can't stay on my broom for the life of me.” He said with a laugh, and Sirius laughed too, his head hitting Remus’ chest. “I'll come next year.” he whispered after a moment, playing with Sirius' hair before he looked back up.
“You said that last year.”
“Mm, maybe. But it was like freezing cold today. I'm not gonna freeze myself just to watch you guys play.”
“You said that last year too.” he said with a grin, and Remus just smiled. “If you'd play with us, you'd be warm.”
“I'm not playing, Sirius.”
“Fine.” he said, rolling his eyes, resting his head back on Remus' shoulder after a moment, it was quiet for a while.
“Should we go to bed?” Remus asked, and
Sirius nodded slightly, getting up from the floor, helping Remus up as well. “Are you going to your bed?”
“Yeah, I don't wanna wake up at seven just to sneak back into my bed.” Remus nodded, gathering their things from the table, watching as Sirius blew out the candle and offered his hand for Remus. He smiled, taking it and following Sirius up to their dorm. “Goodnight.” He whispered, taking both of Remus' hands into his when he had set the things down. “I love you.” He smiled, standing on his tiptoes to give him a kiss.
“Love you too.” He whispered with a soft smile. “Sleep well.” He said, kissing Sirius’ forehead before slipping into his bed, Sirius did the same, both getting under the covers and closing the curtains around their bed, though both let a small crack open, just so they could look at each other.
Remus fell asleep after a moment, feeling really tired even though he hadn't done much. Though he couldn't sleep that long before he was woken up, it was one of the curtains opening from his bed. He slowly opened his eyes, looking up at Sirius, who was standing next to his bed with a sheepish smile.
“What's up, love?” He asked quietly, propping himself up on his elbow before looking back at him.
“Couldn't sleep.” He whispered, playing with his fingers. “Can we cuddle?” Remus just nodded, laying back down and moving, so there would be space on the bed for Sirius as well. He climbed in next to him, closing the curtain before he laid down. He rested his head on Remus' chest, curling up to him, closing his eyes with a content sigh.
“Why couldn't you sleep?” he asked after a moment, starting to play with Sirius' hair.
“Couldn't sleep without you.”
“Okay.” He smiled, kissing his head. “What about tomorrow?”
“Don't care. Wanna be with you.” He mumbled, and Remus nodded again, pulling the blanket better over them both.
“I love you, baby. Sleep well.” He whispered, kissing his head again before laying back down against the pillows, closing his eyes.
“Love you too, moons.”