Chapter 22
19 August 1991 Monday
I got up early this morning to write a long letter to Mrs. Figg cos I felt like I hadn't seen her in forever. And then I had a brilliant idea, so I also sent a letter to Lady Bones. I've got the beginnings of a great list of birthdays, and Lady Bones took all those pictures, maybe we could get a calendar printed up. Wizards have printed calendars with pictures, right?
I want to invite Mrs. Figg to our party. She should meet my friends.
When Remus came to pick me up, he said that Ernie has dragon pox, and while he'll be all right in time for school, he won't be able to join the dance group. I wrote him a get well letter and said I was sorry he'd have to miss out, but I looked forward to meeting him on the train. And I told Remus that I was meeting Draco today, maybe he'd like to come. He probably knows all about dancing, from what I've read about the Malfoys, but it should still be fun. Remus said he wasn't sure Lady Longbottom would let any Malfoys into her house, but I said with Lucius sworn to me, they couldn't be evil anymore, and either way, Draco was a baby back then, just like Neville and I were, and it wasn't fair to blame him. Remus said "We'll see." He said inviting Mrs. Figg was fine, though, and he was sorry he hadn't thought of it. I said once I got to Hogwarts, I wanted Mrs. Figg to be at anything the school had that calls for parents, and Remus said he'd look into it.
In the morning we worked on penmanship, calligraphy, and rune writing. Remus is concerned about me bringing my silver pen to school because for one, someone might nick it (It's school, it happens), and for two, parts of it are plastic and he's heard that plastic degrades in a strong magical field. I decided I'd experiment with that by bringing a plastic toothbrush, and leave my pen at home.
Anyway, he had gone to an art store and bought me an old-fashioned artist's calligraphy pen, with a handle made of wood and a bunch of different metal nibs that I could swap in and out. He bought one for himself too, so he could try it, and we spent the morning experimenting with the various nibs. It was a lot of fun, and he said if he had known about these when he was in school, it would have made life so much easier.
After that, we had lunch. Kreacher is experimenting with learning to make Indian takeaway, so we had chicken vindaloo and basmati rice and naan and mulligatawny soup. It was excellent and we made sure to tell Kreacher so. I asked Remus if it's legal to use house elves in running restaurants, cos I think I could make the family another mint if I opened up a wizard Indian takeaway restaurant with Kreacher and helpers cooking. Remus said he'd look into it, and he honestly couldn't think of any place that did that, but if it was legal, I'd probably have bored elves lining up to work there. Kreacher said he wasn't sure he wanted to cook for strangers, and I said that was OK, I could live with keeping his cooking to myself.
Then I changed into respectable but not too fancy robes and trousers and we flooed to Malfoy manor. I had been expecting over the top opulence, and it didn't disappoint, marble and crystal and gilt everywhere. Mrs. Malfoy met us at the floo herself, with Draco, and we all did our bows and I sked everyone to please call me Harry. Draco replied with a request that I call him Draco, and Mrs. Malfoy asked me to call her Cousin Narcissa. Where AC is the High Priestess in the Tarot deck, Cousin Narcissa is the Empress. It is a pity they didn't have daughters.
Anyway, Cousin Narcissa shooed us both outside to get acquainted for a while and told us to be careful and not get too grubby. I followed Draco, since I wouldn't have a clue how to get around Malfoy Manor and as we were heading out, Draco said that his mother was joking, he never gets grubby. I nodded and said that he and Percy would probably get along; he's careful too. He asked me, Percy who, so I told him. He said he doesn't associate with Weasleys, with almost the same sneer that AP uses when talking to my father, or the way PSS says "Tuney." I probably looked at him funny, since I really wasn't expecting that, and said that was too bad. I'd only met two of them so far, and Ginny was so shy I couldn't really claim to know her at all, but Percy's a good sort and really smart. Draco said that here are Purebloods and Purebloods, and I obviously wasn't meeting the right sort. I sighed and told him that I had dancing lessons with Neville Longbottom and Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones, and that next week Millicent Bulstrode and Luna Lovegood would be joining us, and Adam Shacklebolt, and I was friends with Cedric Diggory too, and that we had been going to ask Ernie Macmillan, but he's sick and can't come, so I asked Remus if I could invite Draco instead.
Draco looked like he was trying to decide he was surprised and happy to be invited or insulted at being a replacement, and I said that Remus was the one making the guest list up until now, and he just didn't happen to think of Draco, but since Draco was the first person I saw on my family tree that I knew I wanted to meet (and I looked him straight in the eye as I said that), I did.
He had to stop and think about that, and he allowed as how the Boneses and Longbottoms and Abbots and Shacklebolts were quite respectable, and he knows Cedric's father works for the ministry (and Cedric's the Lestrange heir), but he didn't recognize the name Bulstrode. I said there was a Bulstrode on the Black family tree, so I looked at the Bulstrode family tree and noticed that Millicent was our age and on one of the side branches, so I told Remus I wanted to meet her too. Why her first? Because we were down one girl for a party. Oh, well that's all right then.
Then I talked him into climbing a tree, because he said he never had, and I said it's fun and you can get away from people that way, cos nobody ever thinks to look up and anyway I bet him I could get higher faster than he could. There were some marvelous old beeches with thick branches just begging to be climbed, so we did. He won, and he figured out that I let him win and yelled at me and I told him I was impressed, he was the first person who ever noticed. Then he said this time didn't count, it was just practice, and we had to try again with a different tree. So we did, and I won, and he grinned at me and said that now when he beats me, he'll know he's won. Otherwise, what's the point, and actually, considering, I could just order him to lose, and he'd have to.
So then we sat down and talked about Lords and clients and stuff, and I reminded him that I promised Gra... Erm, Lord Black that we'd be equals and Draco said that was just for school and he certainly didn't mean that I should be taking orders from Uncle Severus all my life. Professor Snape's his godfather. Huh. And he said it was fine that I call Lord Black Grandfather. Draco still has two living great-grandparents on his father's mother's side over in Iceland that his family visits at Midsummer. He also told me that they don't really have a statute of secrecy in Iceland. Doing noticeable magic in front of muggles Just Isn't Done, but everybody there believes in magic and magical creatures and the den Gamle Tro, the Old Ways, anyway, and muggles leave out offerings for the tomten and stuff. I asked what tomten were, and he said they were kind of like free wild house elves. They still do work for people, even muggles, but you have to leave them offerings and be polite to them and work hard yourself. They look a bit more human than house elves, but he thinks they're probably related anyway.
And while we were sitting and talking, Cousin Narcissa and Remus came out, and she said, "Draco, look at you, you have bark in your hair," and the way she smiled at him, it was obvious she was proud of him, but he blushed, and he blushes even better than Percy does, and stammered and started to apologize, and she just laughed and called him a silly boy and told him it was good for him to get out and get moving and put some roses in his cheeks.
Draco asked his mother, if I was any good at flying, could we fly down to Oxneycaster so he could show me the village center, and she said, if Mr. Goyle says I'm good enough, yes, and Remus said if we did, he would come and keep an eye on us as well, and she said thank you and we went to the practice field.
Flying is brilliant! It's the best thing in the world, even better than mushrooms or chocolate mousse. Draco and I had a couple of races and played catch with a rubber ball and I think we nearly gave the adults heart attacks, cos they told us to stop doing that right now if we still wanted to go to the village.
The village was really nice, like something out of an old postcard, and I could see men plowing with heavy horses. Draco pointed out one farm and said that was Livingood Farm, and they're muggles and squibs, in fact other than farming, that's what the Livingoods do, adopt squibs from the Malfoys and any of the Malfoys' client families. I said I thought muggles were supposed to be filthy and inferior, and Draco said don't be ridiculous, these are our muggles, it's not the same thing at all.
It was interesting exploring a village that, while it wasn't all magical, all the muggles there knew all about magic, they just keep the secret, and everybody celebrates the holidays together and stuff. I asked him, did he know about chthonic, and he said of course, that's what den Gamle Tro is. Light is important, but dark is too. Things are born from the dark. If you put seeds in too much light, they die, but if you don't give them any at the right time they die too. It's all about balance and the turning of the wheel and he said I should come celebrate Yule with them, since the Blacks don't have their big Yule celebration anymore. I said when I grow up and get married, I want to start it up again and he said that would be great.
Jammy bugger has an understanding with a girl already. I said that's so not fair, the only girls I know are off the list. He asked what I meant, and I told him that Grandfather told me I couldn't marry anyone whose name showed up on my family tree, or Susan Bones, Honoria Macmillan, or Luna Lovegood. He nodded and said he could introduce me to a couple of girls, like Daphne and Astoria Greengrass and Tracy Davis and Morag MacDougal and he didn't think the Potters connected with any of those. He told me to stay far away from Belinda Yaxley, though, because she's crazy, and not the fun kind, the someday she's going to rip out your heart and eat it kind. I said, deal, no Yaxleys.
Then Remus and Mr. Goyle came and said it was really time to be heading back, so we did. Mr. Malfoy was just coming in by the floo as we were getting ready to leave, so we all did our bows and bade each other a good evening and I could hear Draco starting to tell his father about his day as we flooed out.
Dinner was corned beef and cabbage and mash and blackberry fool for pud, and I had return letters from both Mrs. Figg and Lady Bones when I got upstairs. Lady Bones says that sounds like a wonderful idea, and she will send copies of all the pictures for me, either by owl or in Susan's trunk.
And now I have brushed Tango and told him and Hedwig all about my day and I've showered and I'm ready to sleep. Tomorrow I am going to sit down and discuss a bit of business with UV. Now that I have things he wants, he's much easier to deal with.
20 August 1991 Tuesday
This morning instead of lessons, Remus sat me down to talk. He says I really have to stop obsessing about getting married. I'd find the right person at the right time, but at this time, I'm far too young. He also asked if I knew where babies come from. I said, duh, pregnant women. He asked me, true enough. So how do women get pregnant.
I'd always been meaning to look that up, really, just there were always more interesting questions. I know it takes a man and a woman, and they're supposed to get married but hey don't have to be, and I think it involves sleeping, but maybe the man doesn't have to actually be there? Because I've heard AP sneer about young women who didn't know who the father was, and if the man had some active part in the process, wouldn't they know about it?
So Remus explained it to me. And then what it has to do with that bleeding stuff (literal bleeding, not swearing), and how you can not know who the father is. So is that what I saw those cats doing that time? Yes. Does that mean that AP and UV had to...? Yes. NAKED? Probably. That's the usual way. Yuck! And if I want children I have do do that, with a naked girl? Well, it has to be a woman. Girls can't have babies. What's the difference? That bleeding stuff. So to make babies, I have to get naked with a grownup. YUCK!!!!!
And that, Remus said, is why I should drop the idea for now. Sooner or later the thought of getting naked with a grownup won't be completely disgusting, and then it will be time to revisit the idea. Bother. I thought getting used to the idea of kissing was bad enough, and it would have been so nice to get the decision taken care of now, while I'm still young and sensible.
I said some of that to Remus and he asked what I meant exactly. I said that Mrs. Figg says that young girls can be very foolish in who they fancy, so I just wanted to get it taken care of now before I get foolish too (because she said that young men can be just as bad). Remus said he understood completely now and set me to doing penmanship exercises while he went to the loo. He was gone an awful long time. I hope he's not coming down with something.
So we spent the day discussing political alliances, mostly what families were associated with whom, and that most people who live in Oxneycaster, for instance, are clients of the Malfoys, but not necessarily all of them. Some of them are just people who like Oxneycaster (they're quite famous in the wizarding world for their Beltane celebration and for their mead) and want to live there, so they rent a place from Mr. Malfoy. He says he's heard that Mr. Malfoy actually charges very reasonable rent, so long as you're a pureblood. But there are muggles living there too. Yes, but you heard Draco, that's different, those are our muggles. Strictly homegrown halfbloods would be considered shameful, but no worse than bastardry. (Then he explained what that means when you're using it literally.) And with the squib population the village has, no one born in the village who has magic would be considered a muggleborn, although sometimes there might be suspicions about the wife and one of the Malfoy men. And socially, no one raised in Oxneycaster can be considered a muggleborn, because they are raised in wizarding culture. I have to think about this some more.
And I helped AP with dinner and I made the chocolate mousse from memory! And everyone said it was wonderful!
After dinner, UV and I sat down and talked, mainly about the fact that I seem to own a number of grand houses and I wouldn't mind living in one, and I thought maybe UV might too, or would it be too weird living in a house that I own? Totally leaving the question of magic out of it, as not all of the houses are in magical areas. He said, that's a very interesting question, boy. A man's home is his castle and all that, and one does like to be the master of one's home. But you do own the places. And he shook his head and actually admitted he was torn between greed and pride. I said I was hoping we could work out a deal, and also, even with the freaky magic stuff, was it possible that the benefits of being able to say "My nephew, the earl" might help to make me a little more likable?
I didn't cry or look pathetic or anything, but he looked pretty uncomfortable anyway. I don't think he likes talking about or dealing with feelings any more than I do. And he cleared his throat and said that he had enjoyed taking me golfing and that I had the makings of a pretty good golfer, and if sometime when Dudley's busy, I wanted to go just the two of us, so he could see what I was really capable of... Gobsmacked. Definitely. I think my jaw hit my knees. He laughed at me and said he'd been playing golf for over thirty years, he could tell when someone was dogging it by now. And I thought I was being so slick. But I said that I wasn't going to go all mushy on him or anything, but I'd love to go golfing again, and it's such a beautiful course.
So then we spent the evening talking about the merits of the course, and UV told a bunch of golf stories, and now that I've had lessons and played, I could mostly follow them, and I found that if what I'm trying to do is understand a story that UV is telling, he actually loves questions.
So life feels even more upside down than it did, and I think I'm going to need some time to think again soon and I feel good but kind of like crying at the same time, so I'm going to sleep now.
21 August Wednesday
Field trip day again. This time we braved Godric's Hollow, saw the horrid statue, and put flowers on my parents' grave, and Remus walked a bit away so I could talk to them. Mostly I talked to Dad, yelled at him for being such a sodding bully and didn't he realize other people were people? And I talked about what I'd heard about him from PSS, otherwise known as his victim, and from Mrs. Figg, and from PMM, who was his own head of house, and I asked mom why did she marry him? Did he grow up? Did he start seeing other people as people and stop being so mean? Was he nice to us?
And I just ran out of things to say at that point and Remus came over and hugged me and I cried all over him, and he gave me his handkerchief when I was done and held me and said that, yes, Dad did grow up finally. He'd been a horribly spoiled child, although honestly less snotty about it than Draco, well most of the time. He and Severus just struck sparks off each other. But anyway, it took him a bit longer to grow up than some, but he got there and my mom grew to honestly like him, which is how they got together in the first place.
And Remus sat there on the ground with me in his lap and told me all the stories he could think of of good things my father had done and of what he was like when Lily was pregnant, and how thrilled he was when I was born, and how he bought me my first broom for my first birthday and Lily threatened to skin him (scary temper, your mother had!). And he told me silly stories about my parents and snowball fights and Autumn leaves and silly jokes on each other and I think maybe the biggest reason I was angry with my father was that he wasn't God, he wasn't perfect, and he wasn't here. I still have no desire to be just like him, but I can forgive him, at least as far as it's my place to, for being just like him. I can't forgive him for how he treated Severus back when he was Severus and not Professor Snape because that's not mine to forgive, but I can appreciate that at least he didn't want him to die. It's a small thing, but important.
So in the last two days I've made peace with my father and my uncle. I feel a bit wrung out, but I think I shall sleep well tonight.