Chapter 19
6 August 1991 Tuesday at a reasonable hour in the morning
I need to think. I really need to think. I am really glad I have off from classes today (I already owled Remus asking if I could just have the whole day off and he said OK, and my being a bit overwhelmed was perfectly understandable and he'd see me tomorrow, and tomorrow's outing is going to be more recreational than educational, he promises). I've shut myself in my cupboard with a couple of bottles of water, a bowl of hardboiled eggs, a box of raisins, and my books on etiquette and politics and I'm not coming out until it all makes sense.
Or dinnertime, I guess.
Tango is out subduing the neighborhood. I'd say "surveying", but I've already seen numerous creatures fleeing in terror. I think he'll be Alpha predator by dinnertime, if he isn't already.
Argh. It's all so much. Who am I? Am I still even Harry Potter? Do I recognize this the Most Honorable, the Earl of Black and Viscount of Potter person at all?
Meditation is dead useful.
OK, so those were silly questions. Who am I? I'm the person who is asking the question. Which one is the real me? All of them. Or, like the end of Witches Abroad, where Granny Weatherwax's sister is faced with the hall of mirrors and when asked which one is the real her, wanders off alone and sad, but Granny Weatherwax just points at herself. I am I, I'm just a richer and better fed "me" lately.
So, new information. I think AP and UV are good examples of the Slytherin mindset, of two types. UV is the dumb kind of Slytherin and a wonderful example of an opportunist. AP is at least somewhat smart. I know I can't figure her out. How much of what I think I am getting away with does she actually know all about? Has she actually spent my entire childhood teaching me to live by the Eleventh Commandment on purpose?
Grandfather is, I think, an example of the very smart kind of Slytherin indeed. He wants me to care about him, and my extension the county (earldom?) and the family, and I do. I can see how scary he is to other people, though, and I have no idea how many people he has at his beck and call and how many plates he's juggling, even from his sickbed. And forcing all those Deatheaters to swear to me. Wow. With Professor Dumbledore of a zillion titles watching them, even. And saying to Mr. Malfoy, remember your oath, and then binding him as tightly as he did, that's got to mean something. I think reading up on the Malfoys is one of my top priorities.
Professor McGonnagle (PMM) is a hardass, pure and simple. Not an evil hardass, more like the naked sword of justice. She asks a lot of everyone, and I bet she demands even more of herself. I respect her a lot already, and I know I trust her. I think I like her too, but that's harder to tell. I wonder what she's like when she's drunk?
Mr. Hagrid I only met the once, but I could tell that he's a kind and compassionate sort and a wonderful friend to have. He might be smarter and less obvlivous than he appears, though. I will have to get to know him better. Even if he is sneakier than he looks, I know he's the sort to bandage hurt puppies and pull thorns out of the paws of lions.
Professor Snape (PSS) is another Slytherin and I don't think he hates me anymore. I have no idea what his connection to the house of Black is, and I'm not sure he'd tell me. I think even when I am Lord Black it would behoove me to be very polite to him. Of course, I don't plan on being rude to anyone, but I don't think assuming that since I'm Lord Black, he'll do what I ask and answer all my questions would be very healthy for me. I do want to get to know him better, though. He was my mothers best friend once, and I can see where he must have been a fascinating person to talk to.
Speaking of fascinating to talk to, I would love to attend an Ambrose family reunion. Mrs. Figg knows so much, and she's not even the researcher in her family... Or is she? I don't actually know what she does with her days. She hasn't really changed since I found out about magic, though, just I know more about her now. She's still my pretend grandmother.
Professor Dumbledore (PD) is another complicated person. He has some authority over Mrs. Figg, so he was probably in that secret organization too, and Grandfather said his views of darkness aren't terribly nuanced, but he knows about chthonic, so he can't be completely unreasonable. The question is, how much do I believe of what Grandfather said? I think Grandfather is at least as likely to massage the truth a bit to make it look better as I am.
Anyway, PD is the headmaster of Hogwarts and the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot as well as leading the International Council of Wizards. Not surprising he forgot all about me, really, he must be horribly busy. I wonder how much he delegates? Once school starts, I probably won't see too much of him, though, so I probably don't need to spend a lot of time trying to figure him out.
Remus Lupin. Very nice guy, lots of empathy, really smart, not a leader. Apparently once all his best friends were dead or in prison and I disappeared from the magical world, he took off for the continent and hadn't been back at all until now. I gather he was in France or Germany. I think I trust him to be kind to me and do what his boss tells him. Hmm, if I become Lord Black, would that be me? I'll have to ask him. If I can keep him on the payroll and therefore around, I'd definitely like to. And he is the only person I can ask why I had no medical records and nobody took me to the hospital that night. And besides, I like him. He's warm and he has a great sense of humor and we have a lot of fun together. Everybody can't be the take charge type.
I think the various retainers hanging around Grandfather's coach weren't all coachmen, considering some of the questions they answered. I am very nervous about inheriting the well-oiled machine that is Lord Black's ... erm, retinue? Network? Vast all-encompassing web? I've got Mr. Malfoy as my regent and Aunt Cassiopeia (AC) as my proxy. Hopefully I can learn from them. I wonder if Mrs. Malfoy is going to be like AC when she's older?
And I already wrote everything I know or surmise about AC and Mr. Doge - who is another person I can learn from, come to think of it. I wonder if he has any good stories about what it was like back when he and PD were in school?
AC is definitely going to stay AC. Cassiopeia is hard to spell.
Grandfather is going to die before I finish school. Probably even... No, I'm not going to write that. But that means in school my friends will call me "Harry" and everyone else will call me "Black". That'll be different. I wonder what the professors will call me? They're hardly going to call me Lord Black, that would ruin the idea that all school kids are equal, and under the authority of he professors. Mr. Black wouldn't be right, though. Maybe I'll be Harry, Black, and Mr. Potter? Much less confusing with people like Nott, whose name matches his title.
Hmm. Who else. Neville, Susan and Hannah. I think they're my first friends. And I remembered that I can't date Hannah either, as she's an Abbott and so was my great grandmother. I know Grandfather only specified names on the Black family tree, but taking the Potter family tree into account makes sense, and besides, there are so few names on it. Great great grandmother was a Prewitt, and there aren't any of them anywhere near my age. Great great great grandmother was a Selwyn, and there aren't any of those, period. Great great great great grandmother was a Flamel, and I really don't think it's worth looking back any farther than that.
But I trust Neville, Susan and Hannah to be exactly who they seemed to be last week. It will be nice to know someone on the train, and I ought to be able to recognize Draco too. I can't draw any conclusions at all about him, though. That wasn't a place to get to know people, although, come to think of it, Cedric is probably much like he was last night all the time. He's what I imagined an ooftytoof to be like.
Am I forgetting anyone? I didn't get to know Mr. Tate or Lady Longbottom at all, although I imagine I will know them better by the end of summer. Prefect Jones I only saw from across the room. (Her, I know I'm not related to, but I imagine she'll have someone picked out already before I'm old enough to think about dating. Pity Draco doesn't have a little sister. No, wait, his mother's a Black, so that doesn't work either.) Ditto for the Patil twins, except them I could date... Well, not both at once. That's more like something from a bad porno. Am I forgetting anyone?
Sirius Black. He's a bit of a mystery. He was a Gryffindor and my father's best friend, he was burned off the tapestry for being a blood traitor, but he wasn't disinherited until Grandfather found me, and he wasn't disowned like Bellatrix. Why did he betray my parents? His younger brother was a Deatheater and it's assumed that Voldemort killed him. Maybe they said, talk, or your brother gets it? If that's not it, what happened? I don't believe he faked being friends for seven years, so something must have. But from what everyone tells me, he didn't look like he'd been captured and tortured when he was arrested later that night, so that idea's out too. Maybe on one of our outings I can look at his trial transcript. And I should look at Mr. Malfoy's too, while I'm at it, see who I'm dealing with.
I think the biggest change is that, other than "off to Hogwarts" I don't know where I'm going now. No, wait, I know I am going to be Lord Black. Last night made that very clear. That's where I'm going. So what I need to do now is learn what I need to to be good at it. (Why does that sentence sound perfectly good in my head and so awkward on paper?) If the Blacks as as rich as all that, I need to go back to trying to make sense of LIBOR and PIBOR and all that economic stuff that I'd written off before. Better get back to my newspaper reading... Hey, is there a wizard newspaper? I'm effectively an MP as soon as I grow up, so it would be good to follow the political situation, as well as seeing if there's a wizard financial world that I need to know about. And if I really am going to wield all the influence Grandfather said, maybe I can do something to make the magical world less likely to produce Deatheaters.
So, I guess I have a plan, then. Learn everything I need to know to be a good Lord Black. And get married and have a ton of kids so the line doesn't die out after me. It's sad, so very many Blacks, and now the only men left are very sick or imprisoned for life. But then the Selwyns are down to the hope that Luna has children, so that family's definitely even worse off. And Cedric Diggory is the heir of the Lestranges, so all three counties, earldoms, whatever, are passing out of the hands of the families who started them. And Draco is heir to the Rosiers, so there's one barony passing to a new family as well.
And that's not even taking into account how many of the Ancient houses have or are going to die out. And all because Voldemort wanted to take over Britain and make the world safe for purebloodcracy. Hmm. Was Voldemort a blithering idiot, or were his real goals different from his stated ones? He never posed any real threat to muggleborns or halfbloods in general, even if he was very bad for specific ones. Non-purebloods can disappear into muggle society or say sod this and emigrate. Purebloods are the ones who are stuck, and the war was wholesale pureblood slaughter. But then, he was winning when my mother took him out. He might have just thought it was a make omelette, break eggs thing.
Anyway, I need to use the loo and then start reading up on the Malfoys.
Oh. Shite. Mr. Malfoy must hate me.