NEBULA
NEBULA
Regulus is getting fucked up tonight.
That's the first thought that popped into his head after he broke up with Tom, leaving the Alpha's house with tears streaming down his face. So many emotions bubbling up in his chest and coming out as tears and hiccups.
He keeps his head down as he walks on the wet pavement, trying to hide his face from passersby; he doesn't want to get stopped by people asking if he's alright. Londoners typically don't give a fuck, but a crying, hysterical omega, they just might.
Tom's voice is still ringing in his ear; every time he blinks, he sees the anger on Tom's face, so hateful and frightening. Regulus sighs and sniffs, patting his cheeks with his sleeves, ignoring the shakiness of his hands.
Yeah, he's getting fucked up tonight.
What was he thinking? He's 21. He shouldn't be dealing with this; he should be partying and getting drunk and not fighting his thirty-eight-year-old Alpha to pay attention to him, to care, to stop ignoring him.
What did he think would happen? He's so fucking stupid, an idiot, that's what he is, Narcissa told him nothing good would come out of the relationship when he started dating Tom at 18, but he's not about to call Narcissa and tell her she's right. No, tonight he's getting fucked up, and he knows who he needs to call.
"Hello?" Barty answers immediately.
"Hello," his voice doesn't break, but it's close. Bending his head backwards, he closes his eyes and is greeted by the vision of Tom yelling behind his eyelids.
"Well, if it isn't Reggie Black," Barty says.
"Bartemius," Regulus replies, opening his eyes and shaking his head, trying to shake off the image and failing.
"Kill yourself."
"Listen." Regulus places a hand to his lips, trying to calm himself down.
"I'm listening, pretty boy ow—Evan," Barty hisses through the line. Evan's voice coming through the phone was distant and annoyed.
"Where are you?" Regulus says, looking left and right before crossing the street that leads to his flat.
"Wherever you want me to be."
"No, seriously, what are you doing tonight?" Regulus huffs.
"Staying in? Reggie, are you alright? You sound like you have been crying." Barty is finally catching the mood he's in.
"You're not staying in; we're going clubbing. Tell Evan." Regulus states before hanging up, not waiting for Barty's reply.
Regulus looks down at his phone, hoping someone else will call him. The phone remains silent.
He starts speed walking to his apartment. He's still trying to figure out why he thought Tom would call. He didn't care; he never did. Regulus starts wiping his eyes aggressively when he notices people looking his way. To avoid any interaction, he breaks into a jog when he sees his apartment complex.
The key to his apartment jiggles and shakes as he tries to open the door, his vision blurring again as his thoughts wander; he rubs his face against his shoulder, desperately trying to calm himself down.
"Fuck,” Regulus whimpers when he opens the door and closes it. He heads toward the sofa in the living room and throws himself at it, shoving his face on the pillow before letting out a big sob. He drops to the ground on his knees, clutching the pillow while trying to lessen whatever is happening in his chest.
"You're fine. You're fine." Regulus whispers to himself, rocking back and forth slightly.
'Words of affirmation' are what he needs. The self-help book Regulus read told him he's amazing, wonderful, and smart and to repeat that when he feels exposed and vulnerable.
"I am amazing, smart, and wonderful."
Regulus has been telling himself that for 4 months, building up courage that he never seems to have to break up with Tom.
"I'm smart, I'm beautiful, and I'm wonderful," Regulus whispers to lessen the heartbreak coursing through him the words Regulus whispers to reduce the heartbreak coursing through him. The words calm him down, making him feel less insane, less like he’s on the verge of a mental breakdown.
After what Regulus thinks is 5 minutes of him talking to himself and looking crazy, he stands up sluggishly and walks to the kitchen. With a trembling hand, he takes the room-temperature coffee he left on the table and places it in the freezer.
He starts removing his clothes from the kitchen to the bathroom. Throwing them around mindlessly, not caring where they end up, he reaches the bathroom naked, turning on the faucet, not waiting for the water to turn hot. Maybe the cold will help with the puffiness he knows has developed on his face.
Ten minutes under the shower, while cleaning his armpits, he has another breakdown.
"Shit, shit," Regulus screams, throwing his shampoo across the bathroom, a bomb-like sound echoing in the bathroom
"Dick fucking head, I fucking hate you," Regulus screams at the wall.
Is it wrong that he wanted to have Tom's attention? To be kissed when Tom was home? To be given a gift? To be able to kiss him in front of his friends and coworkers and not feel like an embarrassment? He already had to deal with this kind of isolation from his family and didn’t want to deal with it from his Alpha.
He deserved to be loved, to be appreciated. That's all he ever wanted from anyone: his father, mother, and brother.
He never seems to be able to get it from anyone, not even his Alpha.
He knows he's beautiful. From how people look at him, he knows he's more beautiful than when he was 18. He lost his childish features. He's more mature now.
So, he doesn't understand where all the love Tom had for him has gone. Was it even there?
He wills himself to calm down and continue washing his body from top to bottom, trying to erase Tom from his body and failing.
He leaves the bathroom naked and wet and goes to the fridge. Pulling the coffee he left in the freezer, he immediately puts it under his eyes to reduce the puffiness around his eyes.
It's a trick he learned after Tom made him cry too many times. He subconsciously started leaving coffee out just in case he needed it; he wonders how he never noticed how fucked up that is or why he didn't just buy an eye cream. Maybe admitting why he needed it would have been too much.
He waits 10 minutes before heading to the bathroom again and washing the coffee off his face, he looks at the mirror and sees some reduction around his eyes. If he doesn't cry again, it won't be noticeable, he sniffs and starts doing his skincare.
He does a sign of the cross and prays to Mary and the saints to reduce the puffiness around his eyes and to help him find an Alpha who won't fuck him up completely.
He stares at the rosary on his left and wonders if he should get on his knees and do a proper prayer to God to reduce the crushing pain he's feeling. He laughs humorlessly at the thought, no one will answer him; no one ever does.
There is no God.
There is no one.
He feels the emotions swelling up. Guilt and anger building up, threatening to suffocate him.
He hears his doorbell ring before he can compost and break.
"Coming!" Regulus yells. Quickly putting on shorts and a hoodie, he sighs, relaxing his muscles.
Regulus opens the door to find Barty and Evan dressed and ready. Evan's face is painted with worry.
"Baby!" Barty says, closing in and pulling him in a hug, Evan smiles tightly from behind. Regulus gives him a tired smile before pulling away from the hug, only to be attacked by Barty, who leans down and kisses his lips.
"Ummmmm ugh" "Regulus groans into the kiss, pulling away, "Yuck!"
"Don't yuck me," Barty laughs, Evan follows Barty inside, ruffling Regulus' wet curls as he passes.
"So," Evan says, both of them walking toward Regulus' bedroom without being asked. Regulus speed walks, trying to match their long legs.
Regulus isn't short, but giants always surround him.
"What?" Regulus sighs. They reach his bedroom, and the Omega walks to the vanity and sits down, grabbing his hair mask and running it through his hair.
"What? What?" Barty whistles, sitting on Regulus' bed and spreading his legs.
"So, what's going on?" Evan says, leaning against the vanity table, eyes intense on Regulus
Regulus quickly runs his hands through his hair before placing them on his face. He leans down and groans.
"What was that?" Barty sits up, his eyes wide.
"How the fuck did you understand that," Evan says, staring at Barty.
"Shut the fuck up, babe" Barty gets up and kneels to where Regulus is bending over. "Reggie, oi! Reggie!"
More groaning.
"No fucking way." Barty stands up, his fits in the air. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"Okay, Regulus, I'm going to need more than groaning to understand," Evan says, exasperated, ignoring the weird dancing in the background.
"Tom and I broke up," Regulus whispers, his eyes welling up again, staring at Evan.
"Wow," Evan says, his eyes widening like Barty's, "Are you serious?"
"Yes," it comes out broken up and depressing, but that doesn't deteriorate the smile creeping on Evan's face.
"I really want to dance with Barty now," Evan says, pointing at Barty.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah," Barty sings, moving to his left and right, his hands up and clasped together.
"Stop," Regulus groans.
"Nope," Barty says, popping the ‘p’ before coming towards Regulus and grabbing his face. "Don't be sad, Regulus. Tonight, you will be meeting the stars you were named after."
Barty removes his hands from his face and pulls something out of his back pocket; Regulus looks down and sees pills in Barty's hands, heart, smiley face, and a skull carved into them.
"Ecstasy?" Regulus asks, eyeing them. Mary would be so angry with him.
"Ecstasy, Molly, MDMA, love drugs, who cares! You in?" Barty shakes his hand, the drugs moving.
"I'm not sure." Regulus bites his nails, looking down at the drugs; Tom would never have approved.
"You need to have fun. Forget about that guy," Barty says, smiling maniacally at Regulus.
"Regulus," Regulus' eyes move to Evan, who stands beside Barty's, arms crossed. "You don't have to. You're upset. You're going through a breakup. It's okay to cry it out."
"Babe," Barty whines. "Who cares if Regulus broke up with that old cunt faced dickhead? It was bound to happen."
"It was?" Regulus doesn't want to cry again, but that's just sad.
"Yup," Barty shrugs.
"Go fuck yourself," Regulus glares at Barty before picking the skull. He can't have the heart because his heart has been taken out of his chest, chewed on and spat out, and the smiley face was just pissing him off.
"Cheers," Barty says, his smile still stretched on his face before shoving the two pills in his mouth, grabbing Evan by the neck, and pulling him in for an open mouth kiss.
Regulus looks at them, playing with the pills in their mouths while making out on his bed, and sighs.
Why can't he have that?
Regulus places the skull on the vanity before getting ready. He once made the mistake of taking drugs before getting ready, and he's not doing that again.
He's not about to spend his high in his room wondering where it all went wrong because Tom didn't call him.
Regulus brushes his eyebrows with eyebrow gel before putting on concealer, and oh, would you look at that, concealer blends very nicely with tears,
Looking at himself in the mirror and listening to Barty and Evan going at it, he doesn't understand. He doesn't know why he gets forsaken by everybody he wanted to love him.
Why?
Why?
Why?
If it's not his looks, maybe it's his words, maybe whatever shit he says repulses everybody around him.
He just wanted to be loved; he wanted Tom to love him so severely that he changed everything about himself for Tom. Why couldn't that be enough? Regulus wanted to live with him, but he said no. He wanted to stay the night after getting fucked. More often than not, he got rejected.
They have been together for three years, and he doesn't understand why Tom doesn't want him around.
He wanted, dear God, he just wanted to be wanted by anyone. By his mother, who pushed him when he came crying to her.
By his father, who didn't even look at him when he was crying his heart out in the living room.
By his brother, who yelled at him to get out of his room when he wanted to play with him.
By Tom, who ignored, yelled, and pushed.
Why is it so fucking hard for people to want to be around him? Why couldn't he be enough?
Why?
Why?
Why?
"Are you done, star?" Evan asks, snapping Regulus out of his thoughts.
"Yeah, sorry," Regulus whispers, getting up and taking off his shirt. "Let me change."
Barty whistles while Regulus changes. He doesn't pay him any mind, removing his shirt and picking something from the closet.
"I would let you continue, but the pills are about to kick in, and I don't want us to be too fucked up before we even get to the club," Evan says with an apologetic tone that Regulus dismisses with a hand gesture.
"No, I'm done. Call an Uber." Regulus picks out dark blue jeans and holds them up to the couple.
"Boo!" Barty yells, holding two thumbs down.
Regulus huffs and holds another pair of pants that also earns a 'boo' from Evan.
"Seriously?"
"Yup, move," Evan says, moving Regulus aside before going through his clothes. "I know just the thing for tonight."
"Oh?" Regulus says, raising an eyebrow, sitting on his bed.
"Wait, babe, I'm coming," Barty says, throwing himself on the floor and crawling towards Evan, who doesn't seem fazed by the crawler heading toward him.
"Is it the one we rated a ten of ten we would fuck Regulus in?" Barty says, standing up next to Evan, pulling clothes out of Regulus' closet and throwing them on the floor
"No."
"The one thousand?"
"This is it," Evan pulls out flared pants that are incredibly tight around his ass.
"There she is," Barty says, pulling out a backless shirt he got him for his 21st birthday.
"No," Regulus says, shaking his head. The outfit would make Tom so angry
"Why not?" Barty objects, his face contorts, "that dickhead can't tell you what to wear anymore."
"I know, but," Regulus looks around and then over at the fit. "I'm not sure if I will feel comfortable."
"Eh? You will feel comfortable when you're high, stupid." Barty says, standing up, forcing Regulus to stand up. Barty proceeds to shove Regulus' head through the opening of the shirt.
"Come on," Barty grunts, pulling the shirt down.
"Alright, alright! I can dress myself,” Regulus screams, his voice muffled by the fabric. He grabs the back of the shirt and forces it down; he feels the air on his back and shudders.
"Alright, now this," Evan says, holding up black flared pants.
"Give it here," Regulus says, taking the pants before Evan gets any idea of dressing him. "Turn around."
"Alright, but change the underwear you're wearing," Evan says, turning around and grabbing Barty with him.
Regulus sighs loudly so they can hear how displeased he is by the whole thing. He walks to his drawer, pulling out the black lace underwear that Tom never got to see. He puts on the pants and fixes the backless shirt. He turns to get a good look at his back, gratified with the sight of his back and bum.
"You need to stop hiding your body under those ugly grandmother clothes," Barty remarks offhandedly.
"If I want to be modest, I will be." Regulus scoffs.
"But why? Look at how the pants are hugging your ass. Why hide what god gifted you?" Barty laments.
Regulus hums under his breath as he cranks his head to get a good look; he turns to face the mirror, mumbling 'sorry' under his breath.
He feels pleased with himself as he faces the mirror. Slowly, his image begins to disintegrate, and his reflection starts screaming his name.
Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom.
The more he looks in the mirror, the more he hates himself, the more he remembers; it feels like his heart is ripping from his chest, he can't breathe.
He's soft, he's weak, that's why he's not going to survive life, he just wants to survive. He doesn't want anything else. Fuck being loved. Fuck everything else. He wants to survive.
"Regulus…" Evan says his name, grabbing the sponge off the table, he grabs his chin and turns it towards him, dabbing the tears away. Regulus doesn't know why more keeps coming out.
"Come on," Barty whispers, bending down and pressing his lips on Regulus’, he tongues at the bottom of his lips, encouraging the Omega to open his mouth. The moment he does, the pill he placed on the table is pushed into his mouth. Regulus whimpers and swallows before turning to Evan and kissing him.
Evan's lips are so much softer and gentler than Barty's; Evan wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him towards the bed, ensuring Regulus is on top of him.
He gets surrounded by Evan's Omega scent mixed in with Barty's. He sits on Evan's lap and kisses him even more, opening his lips to let in Evan's tongue.
He feels a hand on his neck pushing his hair back. Regulus moans loudly into Evan's mouth when he feels Barty's hot tongue on his scent gland, licking the delicate gland.
"Pretty Regulus," Evan whispers as he peppers kisses on Regulus' face.
"Pretty, pretty, pretty," Barty whispers in his ears, spreading his Alpha scent on his gland, making him smell like dark chocolate more than his peach scent.
"Fuck,” Regulus whispers when Barty gets off him, his head cloudy. He soaks up the praise like a sponge. He feels content somehow by the praise, four words, yet it's the most anyone has said to him in weeks.
The last time he was praised was when he last saw Barty and Evan. He doesn't see them often since Tom doesn't like them.
Regulus feels his fingertips tingle, his body becoming less dense and heavy; he giggles and throws his head back, the high taking over, making him feel less trapped in his skin.
"You need a dark red colour on your lips," Evan says, pulling a lipstick from his pocket. Regulus is certain Evan waited for him to get high to ask, but he doesn't care.
"Yeah," he whispers, sitting up on Evan's lap and looking into Evan's blue eyes and blond lashes; Evan isn't even looking at him, his eyes lowered as he applies lipstick on Regulus' lips.
Regulus is basically vibrating on Evan's lap. By the time he's done, Regulus is still burning a hole into Evan's eyes. He feels so good,
Evan looks up and smiles before covering Regulus' eyes with his palm, making the world turn black.
"Stop it," Evan laughs.
"Ah!" Regulus cries as he gets pulled off Evan's lap by Barty's strong arms.
"Come on," Barty says, sticking a gland patch on Regulus' scent gland. "There, no unwanted attention."
"Tom never wanted to get near it. It doesn't get any attention."
"Who fucking cares? Let's fucking go!" Barty yells, clutching Regulus' hand and reaching for Evan.
"Fuck Stupid old Alphas!" Evan screams.
"We're getting fucked up tonight!" Regulus joins the screaming match; who cares about anything else? He feels good and looks good.