Deceiving Magic's Child

They don't pause for a second before they start the second chapter. Harry shrinks in on himself. He hated to think what everyone would think about him blowing up Aunt Marge. Personally, he thought she deserved it. And it wasn't like he'd done it intentionally. But still, for a brief moment, he'd really thought they'd send him to Azkaban or at the very least take his wand. And it wasn't an unreasonable thought given how the ministry had reacted to Dobby and the dementor attack. Would everyone judge him for what he did? To a seemingly defenseless muggle?

Probably, he thought to himself. Wizards and Witches tended to underestimate muggles.

Harry went down to breakfast... the long walk between the fridge and the television in the living room.

The mothers in the chamber all tutted even though they didn't really know what a television was. If any child needed exercise, it was Dudley Dursley.

Dudley had spent most of the summer... he ate continually.

"How is that child alive?" Madam Pomfrey asked, horrified. Her younger self shaking her head in disgust. The Dursleys should not be allowed to raise either boy. They were abusing both boys, just in very different ways.

Harry sat down between Dudley and Uncle Vernon... but Harry was far too used to this to care.

Sirius pulled both Harrys closer. He'd make sure Harry enjoyed all his birthdays in the future.

He helped himself to a piece of toast... Black is armed and extremely dangerous.

"Oh, look! It's me!" Sirius grinned.

A special hot line... "Look at the state of him, the filthy layabout! Look at his hair!"

"Hey! What's wrong with my hair?" Sirius complained.

"Well..." Harry grinned. "Other than the fact you were seriously dirty, it was long. Uncle Vernon doesn't believe men should have long hair."

"But wizards grow their hair out as soon as they come of age," Sirius said. "It's tradition."

"Like you've ever followed tradition," laughed Snape.

"Well, I liked that one." Sirius retorted.

"Why?" Young Harry asked.

"The length of your hair is said to reflect your core capacity," Sirius explained. "The longer the hair, the more powerful the wizard."

"That and it's also a physical sign of worship to the deities," Lucius added. "Wearing your hair long is a sign to everyone you meet that you practice the Old Ways."

Harry frowned for a moment. If that was true then why had Mrs Weasley always been trying to force Bill to cut his?

"Of course, there are also those that just do it for a fashion statement," Lucius added, "so it doesn't always mean that. At least not any more."

He shot a nasty look sideways at Harry... Harry felt very well groomed indeed.

This got a laugh from a handful of people.

The reporter had reappeared... Lunatic could be coming up the street right now!"

"Could you imagine if they announced that on the muggle news?" Ron laughed. "Mass Murdering Wizard Escapes Magical Prison."

"They'd wonder if it was April Fools," young Harry said.

"What's April Fools?" several purebloods asked and Hermione quickly cut in with an explanation.

Aunt Petunia, who was bony and horse-faced... spent most of her life spying on the boring, law-abiding neighbors.

"She must live a very boring life," Albus said glumly.

"When will they learn,"... "that hanging's the only way to deal with these people?"

"Hanging?" Blaise asked.

"They used to hang people," Harry explained quickly. "They stopped doing that ages ago though."

"The death penalty has not been given in the UK since 1964," Hermione said, clearly reciting from memory. "Capital punishment for murder was suspended in 1965 and eventually abolished for murder in 1969. They were planning to abolish capital punishment for treason and piracy with violence too this year, but I don't know if the law actually passed." She paused. "I'm not even sure it's been voted on yet."

"Wait," George said with a mischievous smirk. "Does that mean I can be a pirate?"

"Well, you'll still go to prison in the muggle world for piracy but yeah, you won't face the death penalty." Hermione answered seriously.

"Very true,"... "Sh-she's not coming here, is she?"

"I'm guessing we don't like Aunt Marge," Sirius said and both Harrys nodded their heads.

Aunt Marge was Uncle Vernon's sister... stop him from beating Dudley at musical statues.

Remus growled, his eyes turning flashing amber. She hit his cub with a walking stick when he was five years old. How dare she?

A few years later... a box of dog biscuits for Harry.

Harry hated how everyone was looking at him, their eyes full of pity.

On her last visit... Aunt Marge had refused to call him off until past midnight.

"It's looking like it might be a quadruple homicide after all," Sirius growled angrily. His grandfather's eyebrow was raised and he looked like he'd eaten something that tasted foul.

"We'll be pressing charges," Arcturus said in a low and quite terrifying voice.

The memory of this incident still brought tears of laughter to Dudley's eyes.

"Bastard," George muttered, only for his mother to screech at him. George glared at her. "I'm of age, mum. If I wan't to call him a bastard, I'm going to bloody well call him a bastard."

"Marge'll be here for a week,"... Dudley's favorite form of entertainment.

George nodded his head. Yup. Dudley was a bastard. In fact, in the grand scheme of things he thought he could call him far worse.

"Firstly,"... "if she does when she's talking to me. "

Why are you talking back?Young Harry asked in parsel.

I'd been away at school, Harry said with a shrug. I wasn't quite as scared anymore.

"Secondly,"... You behave yourself, got me?"

"Potter behave himself? Yeah, I can see that happening," Draco said with a smirk.

"I will if she does,"... St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys. "

"WHAT?" Sirius screeched, his voice almost as high pitched as Mrs Weasley's.

"What?"... it was the worst birthday present the Dursleys had ever given him, including that pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.

Probably invited her just to ruin your birthday, young Harry said.

"Well, Petunia,"... "Mummy's bought him a lovely new bow-tie. "

Fred and George made gagging noises.

Uncle Vernon clapped Dudley on his porky shoulder... had a sudden idea.

"Oh dear," Hermione and Ron said together. This was guaranteed to go wrong.

Abandoning his toast... "Third years at Hog -- at my school are allowed to visit the village sometimes," said Harry.

"Definitely should have been in Slytherin," Blaise said to his younger self.

"So?"... "it'll be hard work, pretending to Aunt Marge I go to that St. Whatsits. . . . "

"Nicely done," Sirius laughed.

He'll never sign it,young Harry said. He didn't especially like talking in the chamber with everyone there. But it was okay talking parseltongue with his older self. Even if it did seem to terrify everyone else a little.

"St. Brutus's Secure Center... "You'll get the stuffing knocked out of you, won't you?" roared Uncle Vernon, advancing on Harry with his fist raised.

"I'll kill him," Sirius muttered. Harry was surprised that several other people looked murderous too. Remus. Tonks. Mrs Weasley. And perhaps most surprising of all Lucius Malfoy and Snape. Snape looked like he was actually listing off poisons in his head.

But Harry stood his ground... won't make Aunt Marge forget what I could tell her," he said grimly.

"Nice," Fred said with a smirk.

Uncle Vernon stopped... like I'm normal and everything. "

"Like you could ever be normal, Potter," Malfoy said but his tone lacked malice.

Harry could tell that Uncle Vernon was thinking it over... slammed it so hard that one of the little panes of glass at the top fell out.

"His temper is awful," Galenius Everleigh said. "He could definitely benefit from seeing a Mind Healer."

Harry didn't return to the kitchen... It's the only way I'll be allowed to visit Hogsmeade with Ron and Hermione."

"Poor Hedwig," Luna said with a sigh.

Ten minutes later... put the empty cage away inside the wardrobe.

"Now you were really alone," Luna said softly. "That must have been horrible, Harry."

Harry frowned. Luna always knew. He shrugged, trying to pretend that it wasn't a big deal.

But Harry didn't have long to brood... so the untidier he looked, the happier she would be.

Several people chuckled at that. But it wasn't happy laughter. It was dark and threatening.

All too soon, there was a crunch of gravel... "Get the door!" Aunt Petunia hissed at Harry.

"What are you, her slave?" Hermione huffed.

"Yup," Harry muttered.

A feeling of great gloom in his stomach... "Where's my neffy poo?"

The twins smirked at that. "Neffy poo!"

Dudley came waddling down the hall... knocking the wind out of him,

"Bitch," Sirius gritted out. He completely ignored Mrs Weasley's tut of disapproval.

seized Dudley in a tight one-armed hug... Dudley had a crisp twenty-pound note clutched in his fat fist.

The parents in the chamber all bristled at that. "Imagine having to pay your children to show affection," Augusta complained.

"Petunia!"... "Ripper can have some tea out of my saucer," said Aunt Marge

"She isn't serious, is she?" Narcissa asked, looking revolted.

as they all proceeded into the kitchen... Aunt Petunia hated animals.

Snape huffed. There wasn't much Tuney did like.

"Who's looking after the other dogs, Marge?"... "Still here, are you?"

Harry grimaced. He really wished he could just leave the chamber for this chapter. But he knew he shouldn't. Aunt Marge had nothing on old Moldy Shorts.

"Yes," said Harry... if you'd been dumped on my doorstep. "

Sirius and Remus shared a look. If the ministry didn't do something about this woman, they would. They were fed up of hearing how people treated their pup.

Harry was bursting to say that he'd rather live in an orphanage... "Do they use the cane at St. Brutus's, boy?" she barked across the table.

The adults all looked disgusted and Harry couldn't help but wonder where this anger was when he had actually been thirteen and dealing with Aunt Marge. He didn't need their pity or even their righteous anger now. They were all five years too late. That said, at least young Harry wouldn't have to deal with her any longer.

"Er... A good thrashing is what's needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.

The mothers all tutted. The woman was advocating child abuse. How were these the people that the Boy-Who-Lived, Mother Magic's chosen child had lived with?

Have you been beaten often?"... approve the use of extreme force in this boy's case."

Everyone glared at the book and Harry was almost surprised it hadn't burst into flames.

Perhaps Uncle Vernon was worried... What about that escaped prisoner, eh?"

"That's the second time I've been mentioned," Sirius grinned.

"Are we going to have to count through the entire book?" Snape asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Didn't you hear the title?" Sirius asked with a grin, happily diffusing the tension and adverting attention away from his godsons. "This book is all about me."

As Aunt Marge started to make herself at home... wanted Harry under her eye at all times,

"She sounds like my mother," Sirius muttered. "Vile woman."

so that she could boom out suggestions... daring him to ask why he hadn't got a present too.

"My old mum did that too. She was always trying to pit me and Regulus against each other." Sirius's eyes watered slightly at the thought of his dead younger brother.

She also kept throwing out dark hints... "If there's something rotten on the inside, there's nothing anyone can do about it."

"Imagine saying that about a child!" Narcissa said tersely. "You are not rotten, Heir Potter. If anyone is rotten, it's that horrible woman."

Harry tried to concentrate on his food... Don't rise -

"I don't see this ending well," Remus said, remembering both Lily and James and their tempers. If Harry was anything like his parents at that age, he was going to blow eventually and when he did, it would be catastrophic.

Aunt Marge reached for her glass of wine... If there's something wrong with the bitch, there'll be something wrong with the pup -"

Snape jumped to his feet. "There was nothing wrong with Lily!"

Everyone was shocked into silence at the potions master's outburst. But he quickly hid his anger behind impressive occlumency shields, pretending nothing had happened at all.

At that moment, the wineglass Aunt Marge was holding exploded in her hand.

"Oh, no. Harry, you need to control your temper," Hermione said, shaking her head.

"Easy for you to say," Harry muttered. "She wasn't talking about your dead mum."

Shards of glass flew in every direction... her great ruddy face dripping.

All the children laughed.

"Marge!"... I have a very firm grip..."

"Yeah, that's what did it," Fred smirked.

But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both looking at Harry suspiciously... escape from the table as soon as he could.

"Good decision," Sirius said, patting him on the back.

Outside in the hall, he leaned against the wall... if he carried on like that, he'd be in trouble with the Ministry of Magic.

"That was accidental magic," Tonks said. "You won't get in trouble for that. At least not until you're of age."

Harry thought that Tonks really didn't know much about the ministry, even if she did work there. Never mind, she'd learn.

Harry was still an underage wizard... His record wasn't exactly clean either.

"But that wasn't you," Amelia said. "And the ministry should have looked into it properly."

Only last summer he'd gotten an official warning... Harry would face expulsion from Hogwarts.

"Not for accidental magic," the younger Augusta Longbottom said.

Harry laughed. He couldn't believe how naive these adults were.

He heard the Dursleys leaving the table... he was mentally subnormal.

Arcturus pulled out his wand and conjured a quill, ink and parchment. He was going to make a list of all the people he would be suing once they left this place. People didn't know it but the Blacks had a law wizard on retainer that specialised in muggle law. He'd get the woman imprisoned for something, mark his words.

At last, at long last, the final evening of Marge's stay arrived.

"You survived two weeks?" George asked, amazed.

Aunt Petunia cooked a fancy dinner... Her huge face was very red.

The purebloods sneered. Were all muggles like this?

"Just a small one, then,"... Dudley was eating his fourth slice of pie.

Young Madam Pomfrey huffed, mentally calculating how long she thought Dudley would live before suffering a heart attack.

Aunt Petunia was sipping coffee... But I do like to see a healthy-sized boy," she went on, winking at Dudley.

"Healthy sized?" several people gaped.

"You'll be a proper-sized man, Dudders... "This one's got a mean, runty look about him.

The chamber was silent. No one spoke. But you could almost taste their magic in the air. Everyone was glaring at the book, looking ready to curse the muggle woman.

You get that with dogs... Weak. Underbred."

"She drowned it?" young Luna asked, her eyes wet.

Harry was trying to remember page twelve of his book: A Charm to Cure Reluctant Reversers.

"Good tactics, Potter," Moody said.

"Shame it didn't work," Harry muttered.

"It all comes down to blood... Bad blood will out.

Harry glanced at the blood purists in the room. They were all looking a little awkward at hearing words they'd spoken coming from the mouth of a muggle.

Now, I'm saying nothing against your family, Petunia"... Dudley had even looked up from his pie to gape at his parents.

Harry stared at his hands. He hated this. He wished he didn't have to hear this all over again. And more than that, he didn't want anyone else to hear it either.

"He - didn't work," said Uncle Vernon, with half a glance at Harry. "Unemployed. "

"Only because we were fighting a war!" Sirius shouted angrily. "Plus, he was a Lord. He sat on the Wizagmot. It didn't leave a lot of time for a regular day job. Especially with everything he did for the Order."

"As I expected!"... "A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who -"

"No one would ever call James Potter lazy," Snape said with a hollow laugh. "He was arrogant, narcissistic and - well, he was a lot of things. But not lazy."

Harry was taken aback to hear Snape of all people defending his father.

"He was not,"... He had never felt so angry in his life.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione frowned. She knew what was going to happen but it didn't make it any easier to hear.

"MORE BRANDY!"... you nasty little liar,

Harry glared at the book too now. He hated it when people called him a liar.

and left you to be a burden... "You are an insolent, ungrateful little -"

"I'll kill her," Sirius muttered, tightening his grip on his godsons even more.

But Aunt Marge suddenly stopped speaking... several buttons had just burst from her tweed jacket and pinged off the walls

The children were laughing again and young Harry's eyes had widened in horror. How would his older self get out of this one? He glanced at him as if to check that he was in fact still alive.

she was inflating like a monstrous balloon... rise off her chair toward the ceiling.

"Got to say," Moody grinned, "this is some exceptional accidental magic."

She was entirely round... Ripper came skidding into the room, barking madly.

Even the adults looked to be on the verge of laughter. The woman certainly deserved it.

"NOOOOOOO!"... sank his teeth into Uncle Vernon's leg.

More laughter rang through the chamber.

Harry tore from the dining room... The cupboard door burst magically open as he reached it.

"I don't think that was accidental," Tonks muttered with a smirk. "Powerful though."

"And to think he had a bind on his core," whistled Lucius.

Arcturus's eyebrow shot up at that. Why did his great-grandson have a bind on his magic? He looked to Sirius, expecting explanation but Sirius was focused on Harry, an intense look of concern on his face. As if he expected Arcturus's question, he thrust a sheet of parchment under the man's nose without looking up. He glanced at it. An Inheritance test. Harry's test. He skimmed through it until he reached the end. A horcrux? Merlin! His heart raced. They hadn't said anything about a horcrux. Snape, noticing his rising panic, passed him a calming draught and said in a low voice. "It's already been removed. The goblins did it."

That was a relief. Arcturus swigged the potion and focused on his breathing, working hard to calm his emotions, employing his occlumency shields to help.

In seconds, he had heaved his trunk to the front door... "COME BACK AND PUT HER RIGHT!"

"He wouldn't even know where to start," Amelia said. "He's just a child. It was accidental magic. These muggles really know nothing about our world. They should have been properly informed about our world. They should have been taught how to deal with Harry's accidental magic. As awful as they are, this isn't all their fault. They should have known to contact the ministry. There's a special telephone number for parents of muggleborn children to use in cases of extreme accidental magic."

But a reckless rage had come over Harry... You keep away from me."

"I thought I was probably expelled," Harry said quietly.

He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door... Hedwig's cage under his arm.

"Can't say I blame you, kid," Moody said gruffly.

The entire chamber erupted with noise as everyone spoke over each other. They couldn't believe what they'd just read. It could only have happened to Harry Potter.

"You actually blew up your aunt," Theo Nott said. "I always thought that was just a rumour."

"That was insane!" young George said.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Forge?" Fred said.

"Do you know Gred, I think I might be," George answered.

"New prank idea!" they chimed in together.

Older George was right there with them, already wondering how he could add a line of new sweets that would blow a person up like a balloon.