Preperations
Sunday 29th August, 1971
Remus’ body was being crushed between three limp bodies, one was his father and the other were men he didn’t know, their terrified green eyes staring into his as if he could help him. As if they were desperate for him. His Dad’s eyes were closed. This made sense to Remus in a way he couldn’t explain, as if this had happened before.
A sharp pain in his back grabs his attention, it felt as if someone had kicked him how they would have kicked a football. That’s why he was here, football. He remembered ribbons of blue and green together in a haze, cheers and screams became indistinguishable. His heartbeat was beating in his chest, or was he being hit repeatedly. He couldn’t tell.
Everything was distorting around him, melting away into a mix of pain and colour. Waiting until Remus came to the realisation that-
He woke up to tangled covers around his ankles and covered in sweat. Remus had experienced the same exact same dream every day for the past few days, always ending at the exact same point.
He fidgeted around a bit until he gave in, he wasn’t getting any more sleep tonight. So he wandered out of the door to climb up to the roof and went out into the darkness. He sat, berating himself over how stupid he was being. His Mum would have a fit if she knew he was leaving like this. Mum would understand if she knew, he reasoned with himself.
Remus let the cold air consume his thoughts, making it almost impossible to think of anything else except the nipping of his fingers and the sting of the cold air in his nose. It was relaxing, but it also reminded him that he was alive, this was really happening.
He didn’t even know what time it was. He could have just fallen asleep twenty minutes ago and he wouldn’t be able to tell. He didn’t own an alarm clock, he had thrown it across the room in a fit of rage. He cringed when thinking of the memory
So he didn’t wonder about the time. He just sat and took in his surroundings. Enjoying the moment of peace he was feeling, the cooling down of his body and the stiffness of his fingers.
“Remus?”
He screamed as he heard the voice, his shrieking echoed against the emptiness of the night. He turned to run and realised, embarrassed, that it was him Mum.
“Mum you scared the shit out of me!” His mum tutted as she came to sit down next to him. Remus selfishly wished that he could just have a moment to himself, to think about everything that had happened and was about to happen.
He also wanted to spend time with her before he left. He wanted to talk to her, properly. No more prolonged silences where she just looked at him as if he was his Dad or like was about to break at any moment. It unsettled him being looked at as if an outburst was due, he was fine and nothing was wrong.
He was fine.
“You know, your Dad used to be full of life.” Him Mum had a distant look on her face, staring into the darkness. “And magic, of course, but you never really got to see him like that. At least not that you could remember.”
He couldn’t, Remus only remembered the empty person that his Dad had been.
“Was that my fault?”
His Mum turned from the darkness to face him “No, it wasn’t.’
He doubted that. She was lying, Remus knew it.
“It wasn’t.’ She repeated “I hope you know that.”
Liar.
“I know.” He was just as bad as her.
Another silence. God, he wished that they would stop those.
“I don’t know if you do, Remus.” She sighed as she got to her feet and turned to go back inside. She stopped mid-step and turned to face Remus again.. “And next time you do stupid shit like sneaking up here, leave a note at least. I thought…” She didn’t need to finish the sentence for Remus to know what she thought. Guilt crashed over him like a wave onto the beach. Before he could say anything back she was gone, leaving Remus with his thoughts again.
||
Monday 30th August, 1971
He was starting to worry, how was he going to get his stuff for school? He didn’t own robes or books or anything else on that stupid list. Was he going to be the only one without stuff at Hogwarts? No, surely his Mum had it all sorted out. Remus would’ve asked but she was refusing to talk to him since the night before. Just more silence. She’d been locked in her room the whole day, refusing to come out for food or even water no matter how much Remus had begged. No matter how much he guilted her with the fact that he was leaving tomorrow night. The door remained locked.
So he gave up, taking himself through the hall and into his own room to look out the window. When he reached the door of his room he got the fright of his life, there was owls, owls, taking up all the space of the windowsill. He was always leaving the window open, a bird was bound to get in eventually. He stopped in his tracks when he realised, the owls had bloody books attached to their legs.
What the fuck?
He squinted to try read the title of the books while also keeping a safe distance from the birds. The room wasn’t that big so it wasn’t much of a challenge. He could make out the larger words. Hogwarts: A History. Of course that was the explanation, he would’ve face palmed himself for being so stupid if he didn’t have a lot on his mind at the moment.
By the time Remus had worked up the courage to actually walk across the room, more owls had arrived holding books, a cauldron, folded black pieces of clothing which he could only assume were robes, and everything else on his list.
As he was organising the items into a neat pile in the corner, a final group of three owls approached with a massive brown trunk with the Hogwarts logo plastered on the face of it and R.J..L on the side. The owls dropped it to the floor and flew away instantly. The excitement was over.
So he packed the wizard stuff and whatever clothes he could find, which he realised wasn’t actually that much, until all was left was his outfit for tomorrow and a few stray socks that didn’t have a partner.
He went over the stuff in his letter and suddenly he panicked. He didn’t have a wand.
Shit, shit, shit, sh-
“Remus…?”
His Mum’s voice distracted him from the spiralling of his thoughts.
“What?” He snapped at her. Now she decided to come out after everything he'd been trying until just an hour ago. What was she trying to do?
“I…” She sighed, looking as if he was causing her pain “I’ve got your Dad’s wand, for you. To have.”
Oh.
Remus hadn’t known that the wand was in the flat that whole time. His Mum had kept it, for him. He silently took it off her and put it in the trunk. Saying nothing to her as she had done to him. She looked down and walked out leaving her misery behind, infecting Remus with it.
They avoided each other for the rest of the day, not even making eye contact when they passed the other in the cramped hall. Remus, for once, was fine with the silence. It gave him space to think.
Maybe Remus would regret it, maybe he wouldn’t. It was a gamble he was willing to take.
He made his own meals, he was used to that. He cleaned, that was expected of him anyway and he especially daydreamed about Hogwarts. He went to bed, still not a single word was spoken.
Oh well, he thought as he drifted to sleep, hopefully she’ll try tomorrow.
||
Tuesday 31st August, 1971
13:52
“Have you packed yet?” His Mum asked, tapping the arm of the couch with her nails.
“Aye, done it yesterday. Put my clothes from yesterday in that trunk this morning. I’ll wash them when I’m there.” Or he’d maybe have someone to do it for him. How amazing that would be.
"Okay, remember to make sure you have everything."
“I will.”
||
16:01
Remus had been sat counting out the money for the train for half an hour now and he kept getting slightly different totals every time. He still hadn’t quite gotten used to the decimal pounds, he found himself counting up to two hundred and forty before making a pile instead of one hundred then having to start again.
He counted again, 410 pence. Again, 415 pence. For a final time, 390 pence.
He lay back onto his bed and closed his eyes, either way he had enough. The ticket was £3.90 when he’d last checked and none of the totals had went below that. Now he just needed to make sure he didn’t lose any of the money.
“Where did you get the rest of the money from Remus? Don’t lie.” He opened his eyes and sat up, his Mum’’s expression looked concerned and enraged at the same time.
Well thank God Remus was an exceptional liar because if she found out about the four wallets and purses stuffed in his pillow, he could kiss Hogwarts goodbye.
“Oh, I went out with Leon one day and helped him paint his fence, his Dad payed me two pound and sixty pence. The rest I either found on the floor while I was out or was loose change my pals give me.”
Her expression softened, seeming satisfied with the answer he gave. Her expression suddenly changed from satisfied to suspicious.
“That’s a lot of money for him to give, and why didn’t you tell me? You know we’re struggling a lot with money now Rem-“
“Then get a job Mum! Also, how would I have got to London if you spent all of my money? What do you want me to do, stay home so that I can help pay your bills?”
“You do not get to speak to me that way. I’ve put a roof over your head. Got meals onto the table. I’ve taken care of you.”
He scoffed at the last one. She hadn’t taken care of him for months. She hadn’t even gotten out of her bed for more than an hour a day until June.
“Yeah if ‘taking care of me’ is pretty much leaving me alone for months and making it so that I can fend for myself. Sure, whatever makes you feel better.” He’d lost control now, he was looking to hurt her. He had to stop himself.
But Remus didn’t need to stop himself, his Mum had already left the room in a hurry.
He lay back down with tears pooling in his eyes. Stinging them with a pain that was nothing but deserved.
|
16:27
He’d sat and regretted for twenty five minutes, it was time to apologise to his Mum. He’d came up with three likely ways that this would go. He would either:
a) Apologise and everything would be fine until he left
b) Lose control of himself before he could even apologise and blow up on her, saying something he regrets
Or
c) She was going to act as if nothing had happened
Having thought ahead calmed him a bit, he could at least prepare for what was about to happen.
So he shoved the money into one of the wallets in his pillow, deciding that it was the one he would most likely buy if he had the money. None of them had anything in them except the money so it made him feel less guilty about stealing. He had actually taken a wallet with a drivers license inside and just told the man that he’d dropped it. It had felt too personal with that inside.
He’d had to ask the well known pick pockets, Jackson and Alec Brown, how to steal them. It wasn’t his proudest moment.
He went into the kitchen first, freezing when he seen the wand. His wand. Right there on the kitchen counter. On one end there was a perfect sphere and the rest was simple, the wood looked sturdy but he couldn’t rely on himself to know the difference. He’d need to see if he could find out more about it somewhere, maybe find out where it was made or bought.
Remus walked to his Mum’s room next, knocking on the door before a quiet shuffling could be heard coming towards the door. It creaked open and before he could say anything he heard a rushed, “I’m sorry.”
That wasn’t on his list.
What was she sorry for? He’d been the one going off at her. He opened his mouth to ask but she interrupted.
“Don’t say anything Remus. I’m just sorry for putting all that pressure on you.” She stared at him for a moment before whispering. “Just go get the train, please.”
What? He wanted to ask so many questions but her gaze left him silenced. He slowly walked away, grabbing the trunk from his room. He shoved the wallet into his jean pockets and left. Not stopping to say goodbye or looking back. Straight to the train station.
|
Wednesday 1st September, 1971
Getting to St Pancras station was hellish, not because of anything to do with the trains or the ticket or even how long he’d had to wait for the train. “You’ve just missed one pal,” a stranger had said when he was asked about the train “Next ones at 21:50!” It was the boredom that had made it so bad, sure he could’ve read one of his schoolbooks but there was the statute of secrecy and he didn’t want to break a wizard law.
What’s the point of going down just to go back up? The question had repeatedly popped up into his mind every hour or so. More if he was feeling extremely bored.
The important thing was that he’d made it after what had felt like a thousand stops with twenty-five minutes until the next train. Remus could only hope that no one was sick on this one.
He only had to walk for a few minutes and he’d be there. Ready to finally go to Hogwarts.
His Mum had told him how to get on the platform at the start of Summer, just run through the pillar between platforms 9 and 10 then he’d be at 9 and 3\4.
It sounded really stupid now, she must’ve been joking.
He found out a few minutes later that she wasn’t. He had closed his eyes, ready for impact and was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t bash his skull against a wall but met with a bustling crown of people and sign that read:
9 3\4, Hogwarts Express.