The Great Change
Prophecy is a fickle thing and what may be true one day can change another with just one decision. In this case Severus Snapes decision.
Severus did not believe that even Dumbledore could stop the dark lord when his mind was made up. And he was going to kill her. He was going to kill his Lily. No matter how much time passed, her kindness radiated through him like a warm fire on a snowy day. He would do whatever he had to stop him, even if it meant turning his back on all he believed in.
He did believe it too, all of it. He thought that everyone should be free to choose whatever magic suit their fancy and if that causes death that wasn’t his problem. Life was already so precarious that he was sure there was no way to stop what would happen. Therefore, life and death must have always been meant to be. But on this night his nihilistic ideals were shaken.
Harry Lilys son was prophesied to be the one to end the Dark lord. So was Nevile Longbottom who was next on the dark lords list. Severus knew intimately all that Voldemort planned. As his right hand he executed the Dark Lord will effortlessly as if it was his own killing indiscriminately. All for the greater good Severus was what the death eaters called a true believer. Though all served as if their life depended on it, not everyone drank the kool-Aid as they say.
Severus was ruthless, however he believed order was a higher priority than anyone’s life. So, he killed all who stood in his master’s way, hoping to make sense of the cruel world he thought he knew all too well. Little did he know he had felt but a pinprick of what pain was possible.
Severus walked onto the front yard of Lily's home in Godric’s Hollow in a crack of dark smoke and listened for any movement. Nothing.
“Must be here in time,” He thought. But as he looked at the door, he noticed it was just slightly open. His heart sank. "No, no, no" he repeated in his head. Every memory of Lily laughing and smiling rushed through his mind as he flew into the door of the war torn home. "She can’t be gone, she was just here, she would never leave the ones she loved, she can’t!" His head swam with her young face from when they were kids, in a stubborn frown telling him he was pessimistic and to proud but that she loved him anyway.
He saw the useless James Potter splayed out in the living room. The lights flickered, as Severus took in the defiant face who tormented him all through his adolescence. For just a moment Severus felt vindicated, but then he felt desperate, because if James was dead that must mean he had failed to protect her as well.
Severus left him there and ran up the stairs. He smelled smoke and the sort of burning flesh smell he knew all too well.
When he got to the door at the top of the stairs, he saw her. Her twisted broken body stretched out, on the floor of the pretty nursery eyes fixed. Her brilliant crown of auburn hair tossed to the side, one arm over her chest and the other reaching out. Severus stifled a sob. They could still be here. He could not risk being caught.
"But what did it matter," he realized. Nothing would ever matter again. He fell to her and held her lifeless body to him and sobbed like he never had before. She was still warm, and the smell of her was like always, roses. This was his Lily, his best friend, the woman who had taught him all that was beautiful about the world and now she was gone, taken from him.
He cried until his resolve was found, and he knew this night would be the last he was to live. He would find Voldemort; he would destroy him. Not because he was wrong but because for the first time in his life Severus felt something other than complete apathy. The world may not matter, but she did.
Everything she did mattered. Her empathy and kindness were beyond this world. They did not deserve her and now the master he served took her away for no greater reason than fear. He would show him true fear. Voldemort was afraid of a child, when he should have been afraid of hurting the only person his right hand had ever truly loved.
Then he looked at lily’s face. She had a look of profound determination. She was such a fighter, a Gryffindor to the end.
“I should have been braver Lily; I was afraid, that you like everyone else would leave. So, I left first… forgive me…” Her eyes were transfixed looking past him. He looked to see what she must have been looking at moments before her death and saw Harry. Standing at the edge of his crib looking at Severus, with her eyes. A hole blown out in the wall behind his crib.
He looked at the boy, and Harry smiled at him. And at that moment something clicked into place that had never existed in Severus before. It felt warm and radiated from his center until his whole body was warm. Not the way Lily made him feel. This was different, it was coming from within rather than without.
He saw images in his mind of all the time he had spent with Lily. If he had found a way to believe as she believed perhaps Harry would have been his son. Severus couldn’t believe it though; his mind was made long before he ever met Lily and love was weakness. Lily believed though; Lily always believed. She believed in love and him. He gently laid Lily down, and said to her ghost, "Of course Lily, always." He picked the boy up, gave him a warm embrace and spoke softly, "Do not be afraid Harry. I’m an old friend of your moms, and I may be late but I’m here now.”