Light in the Shadows

Silently, Draco sits in a dimly lit classroom with his only company being a soft hum of a radio that he found in the Room of Requirement. A strange machine that emits sound at his command for the news or music—a fascination he would’ve never admitted years ago. Muggle inventions held him no interest until his late nights with Potter. He fidgets with the radio until giving up to an older music station. Surprisingly talented, those muggles.

The days start blurring past Draco as he follows his daily routine of isolating himself and meticulously working on the Vanishing Cabinet. Grudgingly, he takes a break from his task. Now staring at the cold, harsh floor of this empty classroom during lunchtime. He’s been skipping his meals more often than not, finding the noise unbearable in the Great Hall. The muggle music in the background becomes the solace, the light in the darkness like Dumbledore constantly reminds. He shudders at the reminder of his headmaster, someone he is to betray. He could see the war brewing on the horizon and his regrets of blindly following his father’s teachings race through his mind.

He sinks into a cushioned chair, closing his eyes, letting the music cast its spell. Unbeknownst to him, the footsteps approaching are drowned within the music. As the door creaks open, Draco turns and instinctively prepares a curse but lowers his wand at the sight of the familiar emerald green eyes—Harry’s eyes. If his piercing gaze could kill, Draco Malfoy would have to attend his own funeral. Though, Harry softens upon approaching Draco.

At last

My love has come along

A song that he fancies, Draco absentmindedly turns up the volume. Harry smiles at the small action.

My lonely days are over

And life is like a song

Oh, yeah, yeah

“Harry?” Draco immediately questions how he found him. Remaining silent, Harry closes the distance and takes Draco’s hands. Draco freezes, allowing the silent boy to guide him; which, only then realizing they are dancing. He leans into the touch, closing his eyes, and murmuring, “I missed you.”

The music continues filling the heavy air.

At last

The skies above are blue

Harry breaks the silence with a hum but with concern evident in his eyes, “Darling, have you been getting enough sleep or even eating?” Draco stays silent wondering if he should truly answer. Harry sighs and puts a hand against his lover’s hollow, pale cheeks and Draco leans into his palms. Their dance continues, the quietness and the song easing the anxieties in Draco’s mind.

My heart was wrapped up in clover

The night I looked at you

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Harry states abruptly, attempting to break down his walls—again. Draco looks away, avoiding the same piercing gaze from earlier. With a tinge of sadness, he gestures to the both of them, “I thought you didn’t want this anymore,” he mutters, “What’s wrong, love?”

I found a dream that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill that I've never known, oh, yeah, yeah

You smiled, you smiled

Draco recalls the Astronomy tower, the place where Harry Potter found him. They shared stories with one another under the bright stars, a routine that started in their third year. He remembered jumping at the jarring sound the door made as it collided with the wall. His arm ached as he whipped his wand out too fast, which was no longer in a cast. He first growled an insult but ignored him to admire the stars once more.

Potter retorted with an insult involving his arm and mentioned his lies about Buckbeak. Admittedly, Draco felt guilty for being the reason the poor animal was getting executed, but he couldn’t help but feel anger—or rather jealousy—when Potter had no issues with the animal that everyone seemed frightened of.

Draco acknowledged the insult with a “tch.” He never understood why, even now, why his rival sat down next to him. Though he had not spoken anything, only stared at the stars. Not much was said until Draco sliced through the thin veil of quietness, “I didn’t mean to take it this far. With Buckbeak, I mean.”

In shock, Harry could only come out with, “What?”

Treading carefully, he replied, “You heard what I said. I wish I hadn’t done what I did.” For the first time, Draco did not understand the look in the emerald green eyes he tried to steal glances of before. It made him feel warm and his eyes appeared more gorgeous than the stars he was adoring over moments ago. Truthfully, his father warned him to not show malice towards the boy. Draco simply grew to learn that perhaps, he should try to not be a bully for once.

Oh, and then the spell was cast

“I-” Draco pauses, struggling to find the right words, “I can’t tell you.” His knees buckle, and Harry catches him, worry etched all over his face as Draco’s voice falters, “I wish I could, Harry.”

And here we are in Heaven

For you are mine at last

As the song comes to an end, Draco whispers an apology—the words, heavy with guilt and the burden of secrets. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Harry the truth, the punishment he received because his father failed his mission, it would destroy him if he hears what he may think. Regret sears through his head of the path he’s chosen to follow as he tears away from Harry’s arms, leaving him concerned and confused.

…

“I don’t want your help! Don’t you understand? I have to do this. I have to kill you,” Draco trembles, continuing weakly, “or he’s gonna kill me.” He lowers his wand until the Death Eaters catch up to him. He then quickly moves back into position, threatening Dumbledore. Harry helplessly watches, betrayed, as Draco points his wand at their headmaster.

Fueled by fear and desperation, Harry aims his wand at Bellatrix; but, Snape interrupts, preventing Harry from intervening. Terrified, Draco struggles with his realization being on the brink of becoming a murderer. He cannot bring himself to end his headmaster’s life, but as his protector, Snape with cold determination, swiftly delivers Albus Dumbledore to death’s door. Nothing goes through his head as his godfather drags him along.

The Astronomy Tower, the place he ran away to, now lies a haunting memory. He watches in fear as the place he grew up in, the Great Hall, succumbs to his ruthless aunt’s destruction. Even the mere thought of her petrifies Draco.

Aware that Harry witnessed his entire confrontation with Dumbledore, Draco is unsure of what he thought about him now. But Draco knows he must obey the Dark Lord’s orders, possibly never seeing Harry again. Fear has a hold on him—fear of his aunt’s curses, his screams echoing through the flashbacks of his occlumency lessons. Fear of the looming vision of his mother and father’s lifeless bodies. Fear of not living long enough to tell Harry those three words. Fear of the unsettling feeling that his last image before death might be the Dark Lord himself.

Harry reaches them and shouts at Snape. His voice, along with Bellatrix’s shrill laughter as she burns Hagrid’s hut, pierces Draco’s ears. Torn and afraid, he offers a remorseful look, mouthing a silent goodbye to Harry before reluctantly following the other Death Eaters. Harry returns a grim expression, a haunting memory that follows him.

…

Months pass since Draco last saw Harry. As punishment, his family houses these meetings where oftentimes a wizard is tortured and killed in front of him. Every night he struggles with the sounds and eventually becomes numb in his own home. All he wants now—is to leave—run away and never come back. Draco stays the least bit sane to avoid the Dark Lord getting into his mind, he thinks about the memories of his secret late night outings and conversations with Harry. Each decision he made against Harry agonizes his conscience, the weight of his choices becoming unbearable on his shoulders.

Summoned by his father, anxiety courses through Draco as he hopes this is not a meeting with the Dark Lord. However, he unexpectedly stands before a perfectly intact (except for the fact that the effects of a stinging jinx is severely distorting his face) Harry Potter. He was less recognizable to the other Death Eaters, while Weasley and Granger remain the same since the last time he saw them. His father urges him to identify the familiar face, the ‘stuffy’ faced boy, as Harry Potter. He desperately pleads that the Dark Lord would forgive the Malfoys. Unfortunately for his father, Draco cannot send his lover to his death for power. Yet he isn’t positive why he would rather betray his parents than the boy who lived—someone he hated as a kid.

He grapples with the choice of saving the boy he loves or protecting the Malfoy name. Despite his deep love for his parents, he cannot bring himself to betray his first love, Harry Potter. As he studies the boy in front of him, Draco ultimately chooses and exhales quietly, “I don’t know.” His uncertainty lingers, but his heart flutters with somewhat of a newfound pride.

His father takes his unsureness poorly and banishes them to the dungeons; however, Draco is too absorbed to notice the Sword of Gryffindor in their possession as his aunt commits another horrific act. At the sound of Granger’s screams, he flinches. Helplessly watching, he feels more remorseful and thinks about his past actions. Surviving this war is a distant hope for him, yet Draco desires to apologize to Granger, knowing that she may never forgive him.

His mother gives him a knowing glance that guides him to the cellar. With gratitude, he nods and slips away, feeling his unspoken words weigh heavier.

Against the cold bars, Draco frantically whispers, “Potter!”

“Malfoy?” Weasley spits as he notices the whisper, “Come to rub it in our faces, huh?”

Draco senses the venom in his voice, but maintains his focus on Harry. “Shut it Ron. What are you doing here, Malfoy?” Harry gasps, and Draco nearly flinches at the sharpness with his last name.

“We don’t have much time. Call Dobby; he’ll save you. I’ll make sure you guys get out of here,” Draco hastily says, then eyes the surroundings behind him, and locks eyes with Harry again. He whispers his apologies and leaves. As he runs up the stairs, Harry shouts for him to join them, though doubt shrouds Draco’s ears. 

Granger lies on the floor, lifeless eyes. Draco’s stomach churns. Suddenly, the boys barge in to save her. Amid the chaos, Harry wrestles Draco for their wands. Relinquishing his wand to Harry, Draco allows the magic of his wand to pledge loyalty to him. This, for now, is all he can offer to help. He can’t follow his light, he’s still afraid of the outcome.