The space in-between

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“I am fire — if you want something salty and sweet, with no opinion, I am not the woman for you. I spit flames, often.”
—Jenne Robinson

—

As I was walking back to the common room I passed by a group of gryffindor girls sitting on a bench in the hallway. One of the made a fake cough before saying, “slytherin whore.” I turned towards them.

“Excuse me?” I responded with a stiff posture.

“We didn’t say anything.” One of them responded while another laughed.

“This my be hard for you seeing as your so good at it but don’t play fucking dumb with me.” I responded, my anger level rising.

“Oh you don’t have to be a bitch all the time.” She replied.

“Oh says the one who started this by calling me a slytherin whore.” I said sarcastically. I had about enough today. I shot a jelly leg jinx at her. Her friends caught a hold of her.

“What the fuck.” One cried.

“I would have done worse.” Ginny Weasley's voice spooked all of us. She stood by herself in the hallway with her wand out. One of the girls glared at her before turning to me.

“Oh so now you're a Weasley pet now? Slytherin and ravenclaw not enough?”

I felt violent. I raised my wand again and took a few steps forward. Ginny grabbed me by my robe and pulled me away.

“Bitches every single one of them.” Ginny was muttering as she dragged me into the common room. Without letting me go she dragged me to a far corner and sat me on a couch.

“Stay.” She ordered before heading off for god knows what. I realized it was my first time sitting in the common room. The couch was more comfortable than I thought it would be. Well I always knew that they would be comfortable. It's how I would feel that always deterred me. I didn’t want to be on the couch and that made the biggest difference. Ginny came back with some tea. I took a cup gratefully.

“I thought you might need a cup after the day you’ve had.” She said into her cup.

“Yes I did thank you.” I held the cup in between both hands letting the warmth seeped into my skin.

“Why do you hate gryffindor?” She asked, “like I kinda get it after today but you’ve always hated gryffindor.”

I sighed. “I grew up thinking I was going to be in another house. So it was very difficult to grasp that I wasn’t. By the time I would have accepted it everyone in the house hated me.”

She nodded her head. “Yeah I can get that. My whole family was in Gryffindor and even our home feels like gryffindor. If I had been placed in another house I could see myself feeling the same way.”
I closed my eyes and leaned back.

“It’s all just so tiring.” I said.

“Have you ever thought about why you were placed here?” I opened my eyes and looked at her. Unlike her brothers she had brown eyes. I think they suited her better. They almost matched mine in color; hers were just slightly darker.

“No, I guess I haven’t.”

“I can. You are bold, daring, and determined always. You always stand up for what you believe in. Those are gryffindor traits.” I looked at her. What was it about the Weasleys to see right into my soul? I had to look away.

“Why do I feel so wrong in these shoes then?” I responded. I saw Fred across the room watching us. He had a weird expression on his face. I looked back at Ginny she was also looking in the direction of Fred.

“That I don’t know. I think it’s because you don’t want to wear them.” She looked back at me and smiled sadly. I stood up, placing my cup on the table next to me.

“Thank you for talking to me. I gotta go.” I walked across the room and up the stairs without looking back.

I changed quickly and closed my curtains. I tried to go to sleep but I kept thinking about everything that happened. Especially about how freds chest felt on my back.

—

November came and went. The first task of the triwizard tournament made everyone lose their minds. But the thought of the upcoming Yule ball is what had everyone talking. As soon as it was announced Lucian asked me to be his date. I said I would as long as he knew we were just going as friends. He agreed. Tensions in Gryffindor didn’t get easier for me. I felt like that had gotten worse. I spent as little time even in the area of gryffindor. I would leave early and enter late. I made myself busy with school work then did extra. It helped my grades which were already pretty good. I had also figured out how I was going to get back at the weasleys for their park at the beginning of the year but that would have to wait.

—

I was leaving my house in hogsmeade as a set of redheads were leaving zonkos. I was having lunch with my parents. I made eye contact with Fred before starting to walk away. Out of the corner of my eye I saw George nudge him. I saw a flash of red as he ran up and started walking next to me.

“Are you here alone?” He asked.

“No,” his steps faltered. “I was with my parents for lunch so I guess I’m technically alone now.”
His energy came back.

“Would you like to have butterbeer with me?”
I gave him a sideways glance.

“Sure.” I said with some uncertainty. He just smiled at me. It took my breath away a little. He really did have the most beautiful smile.

“Great.” He said. His scarf swung as he walked. He had on a cream colored sweater on and I could see his white button up peeking out the bottom. We walked into the three broomsticks and the warmth hit me hard. I brushed the snow out of my hair.

“Go ahead and find seats, I'll get the drinks.” He made his way to the bar as I went and sat in a random booth. I watched him as he got the drinks. People gravitated towards him. He talked easily with everyone. Also seemed to come alive in the presence of people. He was laughing and talking with the crowd. It made me feel even more like an outsider. The warmth of the building couldn’t help the cold that seeped into my bones. I thought about leaving before he even had a chance to realize I was gone. I probably should have.

He had a look of pure concentration as he walked the drinks over. I accepted my drink and took a drink. We watched each other without saying anything. I wasn’t a short girl being 5’7 I was taller than most but I always felt small next to him. When I wasn’t angry at him I never knew what to say. So we sat in silence staring at each other. He was all sharp angles. His hair was short on the sides and longer on the top. It just barely fell into his eyes. He had a big nose and mouth. But they worked really well together. His lips were full and looked so soft. Even his freckles weren’t overwhelming. And his eyes, god, they were so blue. It was like looking at the sky on a summer day. I was just as confused about him as I was after that first encounter. His lips parted as he stared back at me. Both of our breathing was slow and heavy. His hand tightened on the handle of his drink. I had to cut this tension somehow. Come on, think. I looked down and took a drink.

“What brings you to hogsmeade?” Did I seriously just ask that? I looked back up at him.

“George and I needed to pick up a few things.” His lips curled up a little.

I took another sip. We were back to the silence. I couldn’t handle it.

“Fred?” My voice was quiet. Something flickered in his eyes.

“Yes?” His voice sounded hoarse.

“Why did you ask me here?”

“Just wanted to spend some time in your company.” He said back. I leaned back in my chair realizing how close we had gotten. We sat in silence for a while just sipping our drinks.

“Then the least you can do is actually hold a conversation with me.” He started laughing.

“Yeah that’s fair. I haven’t seen you in a while. How is the dark side?” I cocked his head to the side. I rolled my eyes but a small smile played on my lips.

“It's not dark at all actually. All rainbows and kittens.”

He lifted his eyebrows at my remark, “I’m not so sure about that. I’ve never even seen so much as a ray of sun on the Slytherin table.”

“There is, on the ravenclaw table which I also sit at.” Pointed out. He burst out laughing.

“Oh yeah, you got me there. No evil schemes then?” He ran his finger over the rim of his glass. It was distracting.

“Always a few evil schemes up my sleeves. One in particular actually,” I smiled to myself,” In all honesty I haven’t been doing anything but school work and hanging out with the “dark side.” So you tell me what you’ve been doing on team good.” I leaned back, placing my hand under my legs.

“Ah yes team good.” He stared down at his finger as it made lazy circles. “Good as it gets I suppose.”

Then another awkward silence. The air around us even felt weird. I couldn’t handle it anymore. If he didn’t want to talk to me he shouldn’t have invited me.

I finished my drink and stood up. His head shot up. And watched with an open mouth as I started walking away. I heard a cup crash to the floor. I looked behind me. He dropped the butterbeer trying to scramble out of his seat. I turned and headed out. I started walking to the castle. I was about halfway there when I heard him call out for me to stop. He caught up to me easily. Turning me towards him.

“Audrey what the hell?” He was out of breath and his face was slightly red.

“You invited me to the three broomsticks then acted like you didn’t even want to talk to me.” Looked at the trees next to me.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind.” He ran his fingers through his hair. For some reason his words just made me angry.

“Maybe sort all that out before inviting someone out.” I crossed my arms. His eyes shot to mine and he looked pissed.

“Can you for once not be a bitch about everything?” He tugged the hair he was just running his fingers through.

I let out a laugh in anger, “sorry no can do. I’m a bitch take it or leave it.’ I said taking a step closer. ‘Which you don’t have to take at all but you just won’t leave me alone.’ I put my finger to his chest. ‘You can’t leave anything alone. Your so fucking bipolar Fred Weasley.” I had had enough.

He let out a similar laugh, “I’m bipolar? Right. Your the one who goes from insulting me to flirting with me then being so sweet back to insulting me. Haven’t I made it clear I want to be friends with you?” He was almost yelling at me but I didn’t back down.

“No fred you haven’t made that clear. I have asked you several times what you want from me and all I get is cryptic comments. You make comments about my friends. Almost every conversation we have we are fighting. Why would I think you want to be my friend?” I yelled back, we were breathing hard and my hands were shaking.

“For one, if you stopped believing that everything I say is a lie, they wouldn’t feel so cryptic. Second, your friends are assholes so my bad. Third, you start every single fight we have ever had.” He listed on his fingers before pointing at me in the last sentence.

I let out a scream in my mouth while tugging on my hair. “You are so unbelievably frustrating. What are you doing to me?”

We stared at each other. The clouds from our breath mixed together. I don’t know who moved first but his mouth was on mine. I grabbed the front of his shirt pulling him closer. His hands wrapped around my waist. It wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was rough and desperate. He walked me backwards until I hit a tree. I put my hands into his hair tugging on it, hard. I didn’t want to think about how soft it was.
He groaned before biting my bottom lip making me gasp. His tongue slipped into my mouth. We were still fighting just with tongues and teeth now. Little whimpers left my throat. The weight of him pressed into me. One of his hands slipped under my sweater. His cold hand was pulling me back to reality. I shoved him away.

We stared at each other. I somehow felt more angry after that kiss.
“Sort your shit out Weasley.” I sneered before walking away. I didn’t look back and he didn’t call after me.

I immediately took a cold shower upon getting back to the castle. I was staring at myself after getting out. My lips were swollen and bruising. It really was an attack on each other. The color stood out on my pale skin. I was mostly pale. My hair was nearly white, same with my skin. This made any color I changed to so noticeable. I was so thankful for my brown eyes I always felt like if they were another color I would fade into the background. I wasn’t athletic, obviously I wasn’t on the quidditch team. All the exercise I got was walking around the castle. I had curves and was well off in shape. My personality was what deterred boys. I hated to agree with Weasley but I was a bitch. I couldn’t help it. I was just too angry at the world. I don't know if I can turn it off at this point. I sighed. I pulled out my wand and uttered a healing spell. The bruises vanished into my skin.

I made it to dinner late. I was hoping to avoid Fred but I also didn’t really want questions from my friends. Unfortunately I got both, damn my petty nature. My own hubris would get me killed one day.

Fred’s eyes were on me the second I walked in. The gryffindor table sat directly in the middle of the great hall. I walked to the end with my eyes on him before turning, chin up, making it obvious that I wasn’t sitting at that table. I walked straight to the Slytherin table and sat down. I looked back over to him. He looked pissed. I smirked in satisfaction.

“Did something happen between you two again?” Lucian asked, looking between Fred and I. His eyes darkened.

“Nothing to worry about, I was on my best bitch behavior.” I smiled looking at Lucian.

“Hell yeah that’s our girl.” He pulled me into a side hug kissing my cheek.

There was a crash across the hall. I looked up and saw Fred storming out of the hall. George got up scrambling after him. He looked ten times madder than this afternoon. I shook my head.
“What are we eating tonight?” I asked Lucian before he could ask. Unfortunately the the whole school seemed to be watching.

“What’d you do to the weasel twins Audrey?” Adrian Pucey asked from down the table.

“They like to dish out jokes but can’t take them I suppose.” I shrugged. No way was I gonna explain what was really happening to them. Maddie gave me a knowing look. I shook my head at her. I would give her the full scoop later.

“Some of their jokes are pretty funny, sometimes I think they are the only gryffindors I can stand.” Daphne Greengrass said.

“Well nobody asked you Daphne.” Draco sneered. “I have actually found them very unfunny lately.” He looked at me, then quickly looked away.

“Who cares, they are still gryffindor so they will always be insufferable.” Graham Montague said.

“Well aside from Audrey of course.” Maddie said.

Graham shot me an apologetic smile. “Right, of course! Sometimes I forget she’s in gryffindor.” He said.

“It’s alright montague. I’ll forgive you, This time.” I pointed my fork at him. He held his hands up in mock defeat.

—

When I stepped into the common room late that night I thought I had escaped interacting with anyone. The room appeared empty. The fire was down to embers. I let out a sigh of relief when someone stepped out of the shadows. I immediately knew this wouldn’t be a fun conversation.

“George.” His name came out as a hiss. I know many people had trouble distinguishing between the twins but I never really did. I made a point to act like I did. That it didn't really matter to me to even care to know the differences. I knew it was a lie.

They looked the same. That was true but there were clear differences. Fred had a scar on his chin and George’s upper lip wasn’t as full. George's eyes were a couple shades darker than his brother. Fred was slightly taller and he stood slightly straighter. I hated the idea that I had watched them too closely to notice the differences.

“Audrey, I think it’s about time we had a little chat.” His voice was clipped. I crossed my arms.

“I’d really rather not actually.” I stated. He openly glared at me.

“Well too bad. Let’s be clear I don’t like you. I think you're a bitter bitch. You clearly know that so I’m gonna just come out and say it. Stay the fuck away from Fred.”

I glared back at him. “Maybe I’ve been speaking French. so Let me get this through your thick skull and maybe you can pass it on to your brother. I’ve been trying to stay away from him and everyone in this god forsaken house.” I spat back.

“I’ll make it simpler then. If he talks to you, don’t talk back. Got it now Cromwell?”

I rolled my eyes, pushed past him and went up the stairs. I stopped halfway up.

“It’s him who can’t leave me alone. so no need for the threats Georgie! I can’t wait to be left alone.” I turned Without letting him respond, leaving him staring after me. Maybe it was some bitchy part of me but I loved having the last word.

—

With George’s words still fresh in my mind I was shocked when Fred grabbed my arm that next morning in the great hall.

“Audrey, I’m sorry about yesterday.” I looked up at him. His eyes were pleading.

“About what exactly are you sorry for?” I asked.

“You were right, I was being a dickhead in the three broomsticks. It’s really not an excuse but I have had a lot on…” he got cut off by Lucian pulling me back.

“You really can’t take a hint, Can you Weasley?”

Fred drew up to his full height glaring down at Lucian. I looked behind me and Noah was standing right behind him this time.

“Fuck off Bole.” It was as if he turned off his emotions. He was completely cold.

“I will once you learn some respect.” Lucian said. He was pissing me off a little bit. I could handle myself.

“How would you like another elbow to the face, Bole? This time though it won’t be George. I might actually break your fucking nose this time.” He looked completely relaxed like he was having a conversation about tea. I could feel the tension radiating off of them. George moved to stand next to his brother. He was giving me a look as if to say, this is your fault. I put my hands up.

“Alright enough. Both of you.” I moved to stand between them. “Fred thank you for the apology, I acted like a dickhead also I’m sorry. Lucian I can handle my own battles. I don’t need a mediator.” I pushed on Lucian’s chest trying to get him to move.

I saw Snape making his way over and that was the last thing I wanted. He would side with the Slytherins and the gryffindors would blame me. The others realized Snape was on his way because the crowd quickly dispersed. Leaving me standing with Lucian and Noah by the door. I saw Maddie staring at us with a look of concern.

Snape was upon us before I could get us away.
“Care to explain the commotion?” He said in his usual tone. Before I could speak Lucian was talking.

“Just the usual idiotic gryffindors making a scene no need to worry professor I’ve got it handled.” He said it loudly so the gryffindors could hear him. I rolled my eyes. Snape must have seen because he turned his head towards me.

“You seemed to be in the middle of this, Miss Cromwell what happened?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“It was my fault, professor, it won't happen again.” I replied back.

“Very well, get back to your breakfast.” He turned swiftly. All the students that had been watching turned back to their tables avoiding Snape's gaze. I elbowed Lucian in the stomach.

“Ow! What was that for?” He said. I pushed him towards the slytherin table while also pushing Noah. Lucian’s arms had come up around me as I pushed them. I saw his head move before I saw him smirking. I knew which direction he was looking.

“Knock it off.” I said. I motioned them to sit on the side facing away from the gryffindors. I sat on the other side next to Maddie. I laid my head down on the table. She ran her hand down my back.

“What were you even talking to him for?” Noah asked but I felt the question radiating off of luican.

“I wasn't, he started talking to me. I feel like I keep ending up at the wrong place at the wrong time.” I didn’t even lift my head up.

“What happened yesterday?” Lucian asked coldly.

“Nothing happened. After I left visiting with my mom I ran into him. We then proceeded to yell at each other. Mostly about how he pisses me off.” I looked up at him this time. They didn’t need to know what else happened, just that we fought. Lucian seemed satisfied that we only fought and started eating.

I made my way through classes with my head down. I swear everywhere I looked someone was staring at me. By the time dinner rolled around I was mentally exhausted. I ate as quickly as I could and then headed to my room.

It went on like this for a couple of days. I even felt the stares from the portraits. Maybe it was my imagination and paranoia, but it was true that every time I looked up I met with a pair of eyes.

It wasn’t just the stares though it was the whispers. Constantly asking where my loyalties lie. I had to fight from snapping at everyone. Fred watched me the most. A few times he even tried to come talk to me but George stopped him. He seemed to get progressively more and more irritated with George throughout the week.

We passed each other in the hall and our hands brushed. His head turned towards me but I was already turning the corner.