New Friends
I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be heroes, just for one day
Summer 1978
Mary tries to be perfectly polite with Dorcas.
She really makes an effort and it does takes a while before Dorcas lets her guard down in return. It also takes a little while for Mary to let hers down too because she tries her hardest not to see the girl who hurt her best friend back during their seventh year and to see the girl who's trying to mend the broken pieces.
The girl who's trying to be brave even when every instinct in her is screaming that it's easier to run the other way. Or maybe that's just the way Mary feels sometimes.
Maybe she's seeing a bit of her in Dorcas or maybe it's the way she knows they both love Marlene, or at least she hopes the other girl genuinely does. She just hopes Dorcas isn't going to disappear again when things get hard and hurt Marlene in the process. So maybe being friends with Dorcas is Mary's way of trying to tell her that it's okay to stay sometimes. That it's okay not to run.
Anyway, Mary does start making an effort and then it starts to feel less of an effort than it feels like she's making a new friend.
Marlene sleeps in most days when she doesn't have to work and even when she does because she's woken up at ungodly hours for Order stuff. It's the elephant In the room they don't talk about, when Marlene drags herself out of bed at three in the morning and stumbles back in the flat at seven when the sun's risen. Dorcas doesn't mention it, and neither does Mary.
So on the mornings Marlene's still sound asleep, Mary puts the kettle on and Dorcas takes the sound of it as an invitation to come out to the kitchen. Mary makes tea for the both of them and they talk until Mary realises she's really not the cold-hearted bitch she's made herself out to be. Or at least the cold-hearted bitch Marlene's made her out to be, back during their junior years at Hogwarts.
It's funny how far they've come, considering how Marlene's despised Dorcas for the better part of their seven years at Hogwarts. Maybe love presents itself as hate sometimes when it comes to those two. Maybe it was never hate at all. Mary doesn't think Marlene's capable of hate, to be honest.
Still, if someone told fifteen-year-old Mary that she was going to spend her mornings after Hogwarts drinking tea with Dorcas Meadowes in her and Marlene's flat, she would have laughed at the sheer absurdity of it.
These are the mornings where Mary gets to know Dorcas and she actually starts to like her. She's pretty sure she's never seen Dorcas Meadowes smile throughout their seven years at Hogwarts, but then again, it's not like they ever were friends. It's subtle, the way Dorcas opens up. From forced smiles to polite conversation to cracking jokes and a smile here and there. It's also swift, the way things changes between them, and the awkwardness seems to have dissipated within the first few conversations.
Mary thinks they would have been great friends at school, if she were a Gryffindor. But then again, she tries not to think about all the what-ifs, the alternative realities not lived.
They make conversation easily, and Dorcas is quick to return Mary's witty banter. Still, it's all small talk, conversations over breakfast.
One day, Dorcas casually mentions that she's an apprentice at her father's office in the Ministry - something to do with deciphering runes - and it makes Mary curious. It doesn't seem like that the Order would need spies in that part of the Ministry. She knows Marlene's training to be a curse-breaker even though technically she's not supposed to know that it's for the Order. She knows they probably have people training to be Aurors and she supposes that's what James is doing.
What she doesn't get is what the Order needs with knowledge of ancient runes and hieroglyphic translation spells. It's not like the death-eaters are killing people with runes or relying on deciphering runes and prophecies to do the same.
They finally talk about it one Saturday morning in August when Marlene's not around. Mary glances at the open door to Marlene's bedroom and the empty bed inside. Dorcas explains that she got called away somewhere at five in the morning and hasn't been back since. Dorcas picked up some scones from the local bakery downstairs for the three of them after Marlene inevitably woke her when she left for her "mission". Mary secretly thinks that it's sweet, that Dorcas stayed, even though there's a chance Marlene'll be gone most of the day.
There's an odd expression on Dorcas' face as she explains the other girl's absence that Mary can't quite decipher and she thinks that there's more to it. She then realises it's her own version of discontent, the same way Mary felt and still feels when she first learned that her friends have all decided to join the Order, even though her feelings are more subdued now.
"You're not part of it."
Mary stares at the other girl, asking in a tone feigning indifference. It's an observation more than a question and it's answered when Dorcas holds her gaze and speaks.
"You're not either."
There's a flash of understanding between the two. The thing with the fact that the two of them aren't supposed to know that the Order exists, aside from not knowing who's part of it, is that you can never be sure who's not either. So she bites her tongue when she wants to make a remark about how Dumbledore's recruited barely legal wizards to fight a war. About how unfair it is that any time Marlene walks out that door, there's more than a slight possibility than she doesn't walk back in. About how she loves and hates James Potter for being the reason Lily's part of it too. About how she wishes they could use anyone besides Remus to infiltrate the werewolves Voldemort's supposedly recruiting.
But Dorcas is different from the rest of them and she thinks the other girl understands what she's feeling, at least in part.
"I thought you'd have joined by now. I thought that's why you came back. Because of Marlene. I guess I just assumed."
Dorcas lets out a laugh, like it's the most absurd thing she's ever heard.
"It's one of the reasons I left. We got into a huge fight over it during seventh year."
It takes one look and Mary knows that Dorcas understands. After all, Mary's tried a multitude of approaches. She's tried yelling at Marls and Lily. She's tried giving them the cold shoulder for weeks. She's tried crying and begging them to think it through. She's tried making snide remarks at Lily, saying that the two of them wouldn't have even joined if it weren't for James bloody Potter and his gang of marauders. Lily says she'd like to think that she would have joined even if she hadn't met Potter. She's tried everything and they've told her time and time again that nothing is going to change their minds so she's given up. She still hates all of it but she's knows that her objections falls on deaf ears so she stops protesting.
"I asked her to choose. She chose the war."
It's heavy, the way she says the words.
Marlene's insisted repeatedly that she doesn't have a choice, that they're in it whether they like it or not. Mary thinks she does. There's always a choice. There's a difference in choosing to be brave and being stupid and she thinks they're just more inclined to choose the latter. There's only so much they can do and it's not like they were trained by Hogwarts to be soldiers. She thinks that there are plenty of more qualified wizards that are much more well-suited to fight and she just thinks...she knows she's going to lose at least one of them when the whole thing's over. That the lot of them aren't getting out of this unscathed.
So she gets it, the bitterness in Dorcas' voice when she says Marlene chose the war instead of choosing to live. To love. It also makes her wish that she had something stronger than tea to drink but it's eight in the morning so she settles for the steaming cup of liquid in front of her.
Friday, 11th August 1978
Mary makes it a point to invite Dorcas to her birthday party.
She's grown to like the girl from their early morning conversations and dinners with her and Marlene. She knows that the rest of the gang are still wary of her. Lily's dragged her into conversations again and again about how she thinks Marlene's making a mistake by taking Dorcas back and that they have to come up with a plan before it's too late and Marlene gets hurt again.
Mary's still not sure where she stands in that debate.
Sure, there's no telling where they'll end up in a couple of years. But she thinks that's no reason not to try and right now, she's the only who's seen how much of an effort Dorcas is making. She's not particularly inclined to intervene in her friend's relationship unless they're something fundamentally wrong about it.
She convinces Lily that they don't need to stage an intervention, nor do they need to threaten Dorcas with physical violence for her to stay away from Marlene. She tries but Lily doesn't seem like she's going to let up any time soon.
She supposes Dorcas will just have to win the other girl over.
Whenever Marlene tries to bring up Dorcas in conversation, there's a shift in the atmosphere. James tries to be perfectly polite and asks just the right amount of questions. Mary secretly thinks it's sweet when James refers to Dorcas as "Marlene's girlfriend".
Sirius, on the other hand, makes it clear on multiple occasions that he really doesn't like Meadowes, boiling it down to her being a Slytherin and that the whole lot of them simply aren't trustworthy. Mary thinks it's a childish way of thinking, that it shouldn't matter by the time they're out of Hogwarts, that people don't "go bad" in Slytherin, that they make the choices because of who they are, not because of a snake motif on the tapestry.
But everyone has their own reasons and she thinks Black projects some of his dislike towards Slytherin and his family on Dorcas. Maybe it's not fair to the other girl, but she knows he's entitled to his opinion. After all, the cruelty of the Black family is something Mary's only managed to get a glimpse of. Remus wears an indifferent expression on his face whenever they broach the topic, yet it's still better than the way Lily reacts, rolling her eyes and making snide comments. Peter's openly uncomfortable with it too, like he'd rather talk about literally anything else but as usual, he doesn't dare say anything unless James says it first.
In spite of all that, Mary makes it clear that Dorcas is invited to her birthday party because it's her fucking party and she'll invite Dorcas if she wants to. Marlene exchanges a glance with her telling her that she's grateful she doesn't have to be the one to convince the rest of them. Mary's the type of person who gets what she wants and they all reluctantly oblige.
On the night of the party, Dorcas is hiding out in Marlene's room when the rest of them arrive. There's the tell of a silencing charm and Mary heads to the living room to greet their guests.
When Potter yells out for Marlene, he's taken aback when Dorcas and Marlene appear from her room, together. He quickly composes himself from his initial shock and puts on a huge smile, but Lily's stoic expression doesn't help things. Sirius ignores them and heads to the kitchen to help with the food and drinks.
Mary tries to lighten the mood and joins the conversation.
"Marlene! Dorcas!" She exclaims. "So nice of you to finally join us." Mary says with a smirk on her face, trying to sound casual.
"Meadowes was helping McKinnon pick an outfit." Potter grins and it's easy banter between the two.
"Oh yes, they're a very fashion-forward couple, if you catch my drift."
Mary's grateful that Potter's the only one treating Dorcas and Marlene like they've been friends for years. That's what friends do, don't they?
Mary laughs along with the rest of them as Dorcas looks completely mortified, whispering something to Marlene that the rest of them can probably guess.
Meanwhile, Marlene's more than skilled at retaliating from the years of practice.
"Enough of that, or I'll start talking about all the things Lily has told us about your adventures in fashion, shall I?" Marlene casts a knowing look at James and a round of laughter explodes in the room. Even Remus is trying to hide a smile.
"What? What does that mean? Lily? What have you told them?"
The look on James' face is hilarious and his eyes widen at the suggestion. Lily convinces her boyfriend to let it go as Peter makes a comment about needing more alcohol for this conversation. Mary tries to resist the urge to slap him for being a grouch.
"Cheers, Pete. To being single! You and me, mate." There's only so much she can do when Peter gets like this and she's genuinely unsure whether his problem is with Dorcas and Marlene or the fact that he's single.
Dorcas finds out soon enough that Lupin and Black aren't just friends and Mary hopes it's enough to convince the other girl that they genuinely don't care about the fact that Marlene's dating a girl, when Black is sticking his tongue down Lupin's throat. Sure, like any other couple, they're weary of their friend being with someone they don't know well enough to trust. But Mary thinks Dorcas can win them all over. After all, she's won her over.
Dorcas disappears into the kitchen and Lily follows. Lily comes out with James and Remus goes in. He doesn't come out for a while and Mary hopes she's getting to know Remus.
Later that night, in her drunken state, Mary tries to levitate an vinyl onto the record player after Marlene bets her she can't. Sirius interrupts her and declares he has a monopoly on choosing the music, even though it's her birthday. Sirius gifted them a record player when they first moved in, citing the simple reason that they needed one to host parties and Marlene had threatened Sirius with physical violence if he ever tried to host a party in Liam's flat without her permission. But Mary knew secretly that she was just as grateful as she was - it's not like they could never afford one anyway. These days, he simply claims monopoly on the record player whenever he wants to blast yet another Bowie record.
Maybe it's the alcohol in her, or maybe it's just the laughter of her friends, but Mary's happy and she hasn't been able to feel that in a while.
Part of her always thought that they'd go their separate ways after Hogwarts and if it weren't for the lot joining the Order, she thinks they might have. But maybe it's the fact that they're not used to not seeing each other every day so they meet up frequently enough that it feels like they're still at school when they do. They try not to talk about Order stuff whenever Mary's around and she pretends it doesn't get to her.
At the party, Sirius puts Heroes on the record player and when it reaches the titular track, they all stand up and shout it at the top of their lungs. Mary thinks she's never been happier and she hopes things always stay the same.