Fish and Chips
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
July 1978
They're a week fresh out of Hogwarts when Mary moves in with Marlene into Liam's old flat in London.
It’s a cosy two-bedroom flat, and Marlene calls bagsy on the larger bedroom, like it’s not her own brother’s flat. Liam bought it back when he was still in the league and making an outrageous amount of money playing quidditch. Marlene's convinced Mary back during their seventh year that they should live together after Hogwarts since the flat's not going to any good use anyway and Liam doesn’t really need to sell the place. Mary doesn't exactly have a lot of options, nor the means to turn down a flat where she doesn’t have to pay rent It’s in Central London of all places and it's close to St Mungo's, where she's due to start her apprenticeship at the end of the month.
Liam hasn't lived here in a while so the flat's dusty and worn down, but it's nothing a little magic can’t fix. They bicker over whether they need a toaster – Mary doesn’t really know how to make toast on the stove like Marlene does but then she supposes Marlene doesn’t know either, considering the smell that emanates from the kitchen every time she “makes toast”. They bicker over what colour the sofa should be so they can cast colour-changing charms on it and whether or not they actually need a muggle television.
They don’t talk about the elephant in the room, the fact that the rest of them’s officially gotten their invitation to join the Order of the Phoenix. Mary's not sure what she's supposed to say these days as the day of their initiation looms closer. There's no going back, she thinks, the second they show up at those supposedly secret headquarters. She's held out hope, that they could change their minds at any second, even if it’s just any one of them. Even if it's just Marlene, or just Lily. She thinks that they might decide eventually that they'd wanna live their lives instead of throwing it away for the slimmest chance at a better future. For a fucking war. Even the word itself doesn’t feel real. But the day comes and none of them have any plans to dial it back.
When Marlene leaves the flat the first time on the 9th to go to her first Order meeting, Mary's restless as she waits for her to return. When Marlene does come home eventually, late in the evening, she's stingy with the details of her enrolment into the secret organisation but Mary supposes that's to be expected. After all, it's her choice not to join the Order and she supposes she doesn't have the right to ask what happened at the meeting. So instead they make feeble attempts at conversation over the dinner Mary’s prepared and they try to pretend that doesn’t know what Marlene’s doing for a living now.
Mary spends the next few days busying herself at the apartment. She unpacks everything even though she hasn’t brought a lot. Most of what she owns is still back at her parents’ anyway and she's only brought most of what she usually brings to Hogwarts in Septembers. She lays out a few things to make the place feel more like home and she patches a few of Liam's things up. When it's evident that Marlene won't be returning any time soon, that these Order meetings are going to take up most of her day and nights, Mary takes the time to explore London alone. They've never really had many opportunities to head south and her parents could never afford to bring all three of them down. So Mary explores the city like a tourist and it's worlds away from life at Hogwarts. Most nights, she returns home and Marlene's not there until late.
Still, it's not enough of a distraction when she considers that her apprenticeship doesn't start until the 31st.
Mary heads home to Manchester early for Georgie's birthday party on the 14th and doesn't return to London until a few days before her apprenticeship is due to start. While she's wanted to get settled in London earlier, she quickly learns that it's been a mistake when she realises she should have cherished the month she does have after leaving Hogwarts and before she starts work to spend with her family.
Mary leaves Marlene a note at the flat saying that she's going to head back early for Georgie's party and she apparates to Leicester then Manchester so she doesn't splinch herself. She takes a moment to get over the overwhelming nausea - she still hasn't completely gotten the hang of that yet - and shows up at her parents’ doorstep, pretending that she just took a four-hour train ride to get there.
She unlocks the door with a quiet Alohomora and hides her wand. She calls out and Georgie practically attacks her before she's stepped through the door. She heads into the living room holding Georgie's hand and they find Eli on the sofa watching television. It's something so simple but she's missed it because it's...well, she doesn't really know how to describe it except that it's muggle.
"Hey sis." Eli stands up for a hug and when he releases her, Georgie practically tackles her down onto the sofa. Mary chuckles as she lifts herself back up to head over to the kitchen to say hi to her mom, before she's dragged away by her little sister once again. Georgie catches her up on everything that's going in her life, words spilling out of her like a waterfall even though it's only been a week since Mary left for London. Still, Georgie's more than talkative and Mary smiles as she sits on the sofa with Eli to listen to her stories. She's invited thirteen friends to her birthday party that her parents have graciously agreed to host in their house. While Mary thinks that their home's not small by any means, she imagines thirteen twelve-year-olds roaming about – a recipe for disaster.
Mary smells her mother’s cooking in the kitchen and she thinks she could probably do without any of the bullshit that goes on in the wizarding world. One day, when she's had enough of it, she'll probably retire to a simple, muggle life. There are times when she thinks that the only reason she's training to be a healer is because she doesn't actually have any real-life muggle skills that's worth its salt in the muggle world. Little Georgie probably knows more than she does as this point, about mathematics and science and all that muggle stuff. It's not like she could actually accomplish anything in the muggle world with her knowledge of potions and charms. So she supposes that it's a choice that's been made for her long ago, back when she got that letter to go to Hogwarts at eleven.
When her dad gets home and she hears that familiar jingle of the keys in the lock, she thinks that there's nothing she's missed more than family dinners at seven.
She spends a little over a week back at her parents' home pretending that nothing's changed. Georgie's party goes by in a bit of a blur because she's running left and right to make sure that the guests are content. She avoids a few unwanted comments from the prepubescent boys that Georgie's supposedly friends with, and she thinks that boys in the wizarding world and the muggle world are the same at that age. She goes play-camping with Georgie in their backyard, grocery shopping with her mom and takes her dad out to dinner after work. It's the little things that she's missed.
She pretends that she doesn't know what magic is and does things the muggle way, resisting the urge to just levitate things instead of actually lifting them. She locks her wand away at home and pretends that she's ten again. She pretends that she's still unaware of the magic coursing through her veins and in every fiber of her being, and thinks of a life where she's never known Hogwarts and everything she's capable of. Except she's not, and she feels the nostalgia hit her stronger every time she returns home. She wonders whether she's simply better suited as a muggle than as a witch, and though that feeling's brief and goes away the second she leaves her parents' home, she can't help but feel like she loses a part of herself every time she goes to and from these two worlds. There’s only so much déjà vu someone can take.
When Mary eventually does go back to London, to Liam's flat – hers and Marlene's flat - on the 27th, she comes back to a bit of a surprise.
She enters the flat and sees that the living room's a lot messier than she’s left it. There's two of everything on the dining table and it irks her that Marlene doesn't bother to wash up when she's not around. She then hears noises from Marlene's room - hushed voices and frantic shuffling - the sound of someone gathering their clothes off of the floor. She can’t resist rolling her eyes because she's familiar with that sound. So Marlene’s made a friend. Mary stands there and waits impatiently.
She keeps a deadpan expression on her face when she sees Marlene walks out with Dorcas Meadowes. Dorcas fucking Meadowes. She waits for Marlene to speak first.
"I didn't realise you were coming back today."
Marlene's eyes are accusing, her tone just as and Meadowes is looking at anything but the two of them. Mary thinks she has no right to talk to her like that, not when the other girl's obviously taken advantage of her absence. She's been gone a little over a week and she thinks that's the same amount of time Dorcas Meadowes has been lounging about in the flat like she owns the place. She also wishes it’s anyone but Meadowes.
"I owled you and told you I was going to be staying a couple more days."
Mary tries not to take the bait. She really does.
"Well, you did so I guess it's okay, isn't it?" Marlene flashes a sarcastic smile. Dorcas is still refusing to meet Mary's eyes.
Mary studies the look on Marlene's face. Mary thinks Marlene looks miffed and angry and hurt all at the same time. But she also thinks that she has no reason to be. Since when did moving in together require a commitment to be there every damn day. If Mary decides she wants to go back to Manchester for a week or so, she has every damn right to do so. Plus, it's not like she's the one that's run off to go join a war they have no business being in. Mary bites her tongue but the expression on Marlene's face makes it damn near impossible not to react. Marlene's good at that, getting a rise out of her. If Marlene wants to pick a fight, then so be it.
"I didn't know you needed to know my schedule because you needed the place for...company." She glances at Meadowes and makes sure to hold Marlene's gaze when she takes the bait and bites back. "Tell me next time you need the flat to shag someone and I'll gladly get out of your hair. It's your brother's bloody flat anyway."
That shuts Marlene up. Mary feels a sense of triumph when she sees Marlene hesitate to speak. She knows she’s won when Marlene’s at a lost for words, even if it’s a petty fight like this. Dorcas shifts from where she's standing and steps forward. "This isn't, um..." Her gaze shifts between the two girls. "Just for the record, we're not just, um…shagging." Her voice fades with every word and it almost feels like a whisper when she says the last word.
Mary studies the taller girl for a bit. It's been barely a month since they left Hogwarts but she looks like she's tired beyond measure. She also looks like she's been crying and she doesn't actually know Meadowes all that well but she thinks that the look on her face doesn't suit her all too well. Her heart softens a little bit and she thinks that maybe she didn't just come here to fuck Marlene. But she's still mad at Marls for acting like she's not welcome in her own home - like she needs to stick to a schedule when to come and go. So she knows she's not being the bigger person when she adds one more punch, just for good measure.
"Just for the record, I really don't care what the two of you are."
Mary slams the door as she heads back to her room, casting Muffliato to drown out the noises. Meadowes doesn't stay the night.
Sunday, 30th July 1978
They don't make up until a few days later.
Marlene tells Mary that they're going out for an early dinner on Sunday and that it's on her. Marlene doesn't really give Mary a choice and to be honest, Mary's tired of avoiding Marlene for the past four days. She'd have been the bigger person if Marlene hasn't been looking at her with that look in her eyes like she's actually hurt her. She stares at Mary when she exits the bathroom in the mornings and she stands outside the kitchen watching Mary prepare meals. Still, Mary would leave a portion of the food on the kitchen counter and they eat their meals separately, like an old divorced couple and Marlene does the same when she gets takeaway for the both of them after she comes home from work on Friday.
Mary thinks it's the longest they've gone without speaking since they were eleven. Maybe second longest. She’s not sure how long she stopped speaking to Marlene and Lily when she first found out that they were joining the Order. But she supposes there’s also the summers when she's back in Manchester and Marlene's in either Belfast or London, though they owl regularly. They’re barely a month into their new living arrangements and they’re already in a proper fight. It’s stupid, she knows, the way she holds on to the anger like it's a weapon, and she doesn't like the person she's turning into. Still, she refuses to make the first move and waits for Marlene to apologise for being a prick.
By Sunday, Mary's tired and Marlene's given up on tiptoeing around the other girl. It's also the last day of freedom Mary has before she starts her apprenticeship at St Mungo’s.
They're at a local pub where Marlene explains the circumstances in which Dorcas showed up at their doorstep. They talk over fish and chips which Marlene’s always thought was a travesty, the fact that they don’t serve it at Hogwarts. Mary's argued that it's probably because of the nutritional value of it, or the lack of it, but Marlene insists that it's fish and chips so it's a perfectly balanced combination. Marlene indulges herself every time they’re at the Three Broomsticks but she still insists it’s different, when it’s prepared by muggles. Mary thinks it’s just greasier but who is she to deny Marlene of her one true love.
Marlene talks with her mouth full and Mary sees gaps in her version of events when she explains why Dorcas came back but she supposes that there are some things that's not her story to tell. The gist of it was that Dorcas had plans to leave because of a promise she made to her sister and she came back because she's missed Marlene. Mary's not sure how much of it she actually believes in regards to the latter. She's just not sure whether she can trust Meadowes after the first time she broke Marlene's heart, but it's not a concern she voices out loud.
"So she's actually serious about wanting to be in a relationship with you." Mary asks in between stuffing fries in her mouth with a disgusting amount of ketchup. Marlene takes another sip of her beer before she answers thoughtfully.
"She says she is. She's given me the all-clear to tell my friends and family. I'm not sure if she's telling people yet though."
Mary thinks back on Hogwarts and what she does know is that Dorcas Meadowes has always been a bit of a loner. She doesn't seem to hang out with a lot of people aside from Regulus Black, and they're together enough that rumours were spread about the two of them. But she realises that that's probably not true given that it would mean she was cheating on Marlene since she knows Marlene's the monogamous type. So she guesses that Meadowes probably doesn't have a lot of people to come out to, aside from her family, she supposes.
"And that's enough to convince you?"
Mary asks softly and she tries to not let it come off as pity. It's just, Mary remembers so vividly how much pain Marlene was in when Meadowes first broke her heart. She remembers watching Marlene cry and drink until she's numb and she remembers Marlene curse Meadowes' name (figuratively, that is) until she has no tears left. So Mary's cautious when it comes to watching her best friend let Meadowes in with open arms. She doesn't know the full story of what really happened to know that she can trust Meadowes the way Marlene says she does.
But the thing is, Mary knows that everything she learned about Meadowes was when Marlene was at her lowest, and she knows that a lot of things can be said in the heat of the moment. She also knows that it doesn't have to necessarily be one person's fault when relationships end, and maybe it's no one's fault. She thinks of Pippa and wonders if she's brave enough to try with a few months of clarity. She thinks of Meadowes showing up at their flat telling Marlene that she's willing to try, if she gives her another chance by taking her back. By taking each other back. She thinks of the way Marlene looks at Meadowes with a fiery passion and she thinks of the way Meadowes looks at Marlene like she's the only girl in the world. She thinks that if she just gives Meadowes the benefit of the doubt, they might just stand a chance.
She also wonders if she'll ever be as brave as the two of them are.
Marlene chooses her words carefully. "I think it's enough to convince me to try. At least, I'm willing to try if she is." She says with a wistful look on her face and Mary wonders how it must feel to love someone as much as Marlene loves Dorcas. Marlene doesn't say it but she can tell by the look in her eyes.
"Things should be easier now that we're out of Hogwarts, shouldn't it?"
It's hopeful, the way she says it, and it's a simple enough statement. But they both know that it'll never be the way James is with Lily, tongue down her throat in the middle of a busy street. It's an optimistic way to look at things, she supposes, but she knows she'll never be able to see the world the way Marlene does. It's bloody fucked, the reality of it, but Marlene still has a little something called hope and Mary's not sure she’ll ever be capable of the same. Maybe it’s just the way she was raised and she hopes that some of it rubs off on her. The belief that the world can be better, that what they do actually matters in the grand scheme of things. She hopes Marlene's right, that it’s different now that they’re out in the real world.
"I think I'll regret it if I don't give it a chance." Marlene admits.
They order another round of muggle beers and Marlene promises to stop after this last one because it's Mary's first day of work tomorrow and she's not about to let her start it hungover. Marlene insists on just one more round they haven't toasted yet and Marlene's emptied hers about five minutes ago. Mary lifts her half-filled glass to toast Marlene's as the other girl lifts her freshly filled glass and shouts a little too loudly.
"To new beginnings!"
They head home with Marlene stumbling a bit, insisting that it’s just because the blood hasn’t reached her feet yet after sitting for so long. Marlene says it in a theatrical way and it makes Mary laugh and in turn, it makes Marlene laugh and Mary thinks she hasn't heard that sound in a while.