Stand up, keep your back straight. Head up high and shoulders back. Don't let your feeling show.
Those where the rules to survive. To survive being a black, to survive being the heir of the most ancient and noble house of black. From young age there where tutors who came from the highest pure blood families teaching subjects they thought to be masters of. Dark arts, potions, duels and hexes, creatures, dark curses, unforgivables. A life of luxury and more money than anyone probably ever needed.
Being raised by the likes of Walburga and Orion Black was not suited for the weak. No matter the age. I grew up in a house that was not a home. Walburga the most spiteful women to walk this earth my cousin Bellatrix a close second. She proved to me at a young age that there are people in this world who should never be a parent. Always preferred to raise a wand as a punishment. And Orion the head of the house. My father who although never raised his wand. Also never raise his voice to help defend his sons.
Only having a brother to keep myself sane. Regulus black. Intelligent and wiser beyond his age. Though with sharp pricks to cut you if you get to close. We used to be close at one point in our lives. Way before hogwarts. When it was just the two of us vs our parents even against the whole world. We could never rely on the grown ups. Only each other. He was my only constant. My younger brother.
I never wanted him to feel the burden of realising how our mother and father where never going to like us. So i did everything to make sure they atleast didnt hate Reggie. I taught him how to read, write, pronounce spells, play the violin. Even taught him Latin. How to be seen but not heard. Where as i took the blame for any mistakes made, i could handle our parents anger, curses and hexes. But Regulus is far too kind to face something so ugly.
Although it is the Sirus star said to be the brightest. To me there would be nothing in this world that can shine as bright as my little brother. Will that was until i met the sun.
James Potter, a blood traitor, a muggle lover, a friend, a marauder, a brother. The first person who bandaged my wounds. Who would take the blame for any pranks gone wrong to keep me out of trouble. The one who gave me a house to call a home. In all honesty i made friends with this curly specky boy on the train all those years ago. After i heard he was a Potter. The one pureblood household my family would never want me to interact with.
But James, prongs. He became more than a way to annoy my family. He became my person and i became his. We laughed together, smiled, cried, yelled and love each other. The first person to teach me what being loved truly feels like. Although Regulus was the first person i ever loved in this world James became the second, a love that i even felt so deeply that it was interwined with our souls.
Speaking of love there is one other person who showed me a different type of love. With regulus it was brotherly love, James showed me platonic soulmate level love. But it was my mooney who showed me a type of love that made me feel like i couldn't even breathe.
Remus Lupin was my friend a fellow marauder. But also the love of my life. He was someone who knew my faults, my insecurities, my anger, the scars of being the black family heir left on me. And he still loves me. He showed me how it felt to be seen even when i wanted to hide. He kissed my scars enough to feel as if they where finally healing. He became someone who i wanted to hold me and never let go. To hold my hand and take a step with me. Someone i can slouch and show my emotions to. The person i want forever with. Until the day we grow old and even beyond then.
Regulus was my first love in this life, the person i ever felt unconditional love towards. The person who knows better than anyone on how to hurt me. But also will always remember the time as children where he would sneak into my bed when he was afraid of the thunderstorms. Would cry when he saw me all bruised and bloodied. Would laugh when i showed him all different types of pranks i pulled on our family to make him smile again.
James potter was a love that felt safe. Like the warm sunlight shining on you. It was home and it was a type of love i knew i could always go to whenever i felt broken again. He was my person, the person i seeked refuge in when i had no where else to go. Rather than being mad at the fact we know shared a home and parents. He just laughed and hugged me, saying how he always knew we were meant to be brothers.
Remus lupin was a love that consumed every part of me. It was a scary yet wonderful love. Where it was so raw and real. It was so real. A love i knew i would never be able to live without. Felt like my heart knew how to beat again. A love that i felt like i didn't deserve back after making one of the biggest mistakes in my life. But still he decided to continue to love me, and helped me to love myself again.