“Alright,” Chanse said as if speaking to a child, “say goodnight to Amanda!”
Angela, who was stumbling to the Uber completely out of it waved to the best of her ability at her friend, before screaming out goodnight and I love you, “why isn’t she coming with us?” She asked Chanse, once she climbed into the backseat of the car.
“Shayne is taking her and Court home, now come on. I got you.”
“She’s not going to vomit?” The driver asked looking at the pair through the rearview mirror.
“She’ll behave.”
“I always behave,” Angela grinned, totally unaware of what was happening around her.
The driver shrugged and began to the route home, Angela leaned onto Chanse’s shoulder closing her eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep, “do I-?” She mumbled.
“What honey?”
“Do I have a chance with Amanda?” Chanse shook his head, “I don’t know sweetie, I don’t know.”
But Angela was already asleep by then.
^^
Angela was awaken by the sound of running water in her bathroom, sitting up in her bed, she stared at the closed door, her heartbeat racing scanning the room for someone to protect herself, not finding anything, she grabs a paper back book from the nightstand, once the door opened, she threw the book with all her might as it missed the intruder hitting the wall with a bang.
Amanda stood in the doorframe, confused, already dressed for work, her hair wet as she dried it with a towel, she looked at the book now lying on the floor and back to Angela. “honey?” She asked.
“Amanda?” She asked dumbly, “did you spent the night here?”
Amanda laughs, “where did you expect me to sleep?”
Angela tried to remember what had happened the night before, remember the bar, the drinks, dancing all night, Erin coaxing her into another round, Chanse taking her home, shaking her awake in the back of a car. Unanswered questions began to swirl in her mind, did Amanda come home with her? Did she spend the night? Lost in her own thoughts she did not notice Amanda sitting on the edge of the bed and kissing her forehead. “sorry if I woke you honey,” she said, “I have an early morning with Shayne, I am going to drop Cecelia at school, she has her tap class today, remember to pick her up from school. I’ll see you at the office.”
“who is Cecelia?”
Amanda laughs, “save the jokes for the camera.”
Watching Amanda leave the bedroom, Angela jumped from the bed to follow her, tripping over dolls that were sprawled on the floor, able to catch her balance, she watched as Amanda poured coffee in a thermos,
“AMANDA!” She yells making her jump, “What are you doing here? Is this some kind of bit? Did Chase put you up to this.”
“Ang, you’re scaring me, what’s the matter?”
“Why won’t you answer me? This isn’t funny anymore!” Angela snapped as she was freaking out.
She walked forward stepping random plastic toys that were scattered on the floor as well, cringing she looked down blinking at the mess.
“WHOS FUCKING TOYS ARE THESE?” She yelled.
“Mama?”
Angela looked up to find a small girl standing in the living room, she was wearing overalls and hair tied in pigtails with pink ribbons. Angela stared at her as if she saw a ghost and began slowly backing away.
“Angela,” Amanda said coldly, “this isn’t funny anymore.” Ignoring Angela silence pleas of help, she turned her attention to the child, “come on honey,” she said holding out her hand, “lets go, mama not felling well.”
Cecelia took her hand, and the two of them made their way to the front door without another word. Angela was frozen in her place, trying to wrap her mind of what was even happening. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Amanda turned to face her, “I’m going to call Chanse to come and get you - hopefully he’ll knock some sense into you,- get your shit together…” it sounded like a threat. “Don’t worry about pick up I got it today.”
Angela did not wait for Chanse to call or come and get her, once she heard the door to the apartment close, she waited five minutes to make sure they were gone, then ran around the apartment, avoiding all the toys, looking for her keys. Until she froze, in the bedroom on the nightstand was a small picture frame, her dressed in white smiling, holding a bouquet of flowers… Amanda standing next to her, also in white. She looked down at her hands, to keep them from shaking, only to see a small gold band on her finger, her heart stop. Not caring she was not dressed, did her makeup or anything. She grabbed the car keys and ran out the door.
At least the Smosh office looked the same, ignoring all the looks she got she marched in scanning the room, no idea who she really was looking for, until she was stopped by Selina, “Ang,” she looked worried, “are you feeling ok?”
Angela held up her left hand, showing the ring, she was close to tears at the point,“can you explain this?”
“your wedding band?”
“I’M NOT MARRIED!”
“Angela…”
“hey, Angela,” Alex interrupted defusing the tension, “we got games shoot in a bit, you ready for don’t win… are you ok?”
Angela felt herself going crazy, “I need coffee.”
She left the two of them alone and made a beeline for the kitchen, the place was empty, thankfully, she grabbed a mug off the self and made herself, after pouting in the milk she stared at the coffee as if it would give her answers to what was happening. For how much she drank the night before, surprisingly she had most of her memories, as she replayed the night in her mind. Did she drink herself into a wormhole? Her thoughts her interrupted by Courtney walking into the kitchen, looking at Angela as if she was a scared doe about to run off at any moment.
“Hey Court,” Angela sighed, “wanna cup of coffee?”
“I’m good.”
“what did you do last night?” Angela asked.
Courtney shrugged, “Shayne made chili for dinner, took the twins to the park, watched The Sound of Music with Poppy.”
Angela began rubbing her temples, “no, we went out last night! To the bar, Erin was there, you had an espresso martini and we had so many shots.”
“Out on a Wednesday,” Courtney chucked, “those were the days.”
“no, no, we went to that bar Pavlov or something….” Angela was pleading now.
“Angela,” Country said barely above a whisper, “that placed closed down like five years ago.”
The color drained from her face as she slowly backed away from the counter, “I have a games shoot…” she mumbled.
“in your pajamas?” Courtney asked, smiling a little, “come lets go find Brittany, she has some merch you can wear.”
Less than an hour later, Angela sat on the games cousin couch in between Spencer and Trevor, in some hoodie with a joke that Angela must had missed and pair of jeans Court had lying around.
Before the cameras started, Shayne tuned to her, “if you are not up for it, we can ask someone else to sub in.”
Angela shook her head starting straight ahead, “I’m fine, just fine, everything is fine.”
“Do you want us to ask Amanda to take you home?” Trevor asked.
“home?” Angela asked with a slight humorless laugh, “what even is my home.”
“Alex” Spencer said, “maybe we should just postpone.” “
No,” Angela begged, “please, I can do this, I need to do this.”
Once filming was wrapped, word got around the studio of Angela having an off day, she found herself sitting around in the break room, staring at her phone, her lock screen was of a little toddler holding Spork. Cecelia, thats what Amanda called her this morning. Suddenly the door to the room opened quietly, not looking up Chanse came in and sat down next to his friend. “I stopped by your place this morning, you weren’t there,” he said matter of factly.
“Im sorry.”
“don't be,” he said, “how are you really?”
“I’m married, I have a daughter, and I lost ten years of my life,” Angela said gesturing to the phone in front of her.
“what do you mean?”
“last thing I remember, we were leaving this bar, and you put me in the back of the Uber, the driver asked if I was going to throw up, and then I fell asleep until you helped me to my bed… thats all.”
“Angela, that was ten years ago.”
“I know,” she said, tears rolling down her face, “I can’t open my phone, the password is not working.” “you must have changed it in the last ten years.”
“Yeah,” she sighed, wiping away the tear, “do I love her? Cecelia?”
“More than anything in the world.”
Chanse stood from his spot on the couch and offered a hand, “let me take you home, make you some tea, and maybe go through some photo albums.”
^^
Angela sat on the couch in her living room, it was if she had stepped out into a different world from the last time, the guest bedroom was made into a child’s room, Chanse caught her staring from the doorframe before sitting her on the couch and handing her a cup of tea.
“Here, drink this,” he sighed sitting next to her, holding a large photo album on his lap, “maybe this would jog your memory.”
He flipped the cover, and the first photo was Amanda and Angela at the beach somewhere in Italy, Amanda on her knees proposing, Angela smiling into the camera, holding up her ring finger, laughing, pages filled with Angela and Ananda and all their friends, dressed up to the nines, their wedding invitation, cut out of articles from random news source announcing the marriage of the two, them at Vidicon, Amanda wearing a little veil in photos taken by a photo booth, a polaroid with Angela kissing them and Courtney handwriting in the bottom writing, finally. By the end of the book was the two of them standing at the altar, hand in hand, it had felt as if all the air in the room was gone. Angela turned the page, pieces of colorful stationary with little roses and lilies, adorning their written vows, Angelas with many spelling mistakes and Amandas with her poised handwriting, but tear stains from when she cried that day. The last pages was crammed with more pictures of the wedding, their friends and family laughing, smiling, toasting with champagne, Chanse giving his man of honor speech, Angela smiling at Amanda as if she was the love of her life.
Angela felt her stomach drop as tears welled in her eyes for the second time this day, she had no memory of any of this. She looked so happy, as if all her dream had come true, they did and yet she was none the wiser.
“Ang?” Chanse asked, placing the book on the coffee table.
“I look like I was in love,” she mumbled.
“you are,” he hesitated for a split second, “do you not remember any of this.”
She shakes her head, “where was our first date?” “you took her to this little Italian bistro, and after wards called me saying you had the best time with her.”
Angela nodded trying to digest this information, she couldn’t believe she asked Amanda out, her tall weirdo, was finally hers.
Chanse handed her another scrap book, this one small, the title read, “Cecelia’s Baby Book”.
“Do you want to-“
Chanse’s question died before he could finish asking it, Angela nodded and opened the front page, the pages laid a single image of a sonogram. Angela carefully turned the page as if she was reading an ancient text, she saw photos of her lying in a hotel bed in a gown holding a a small bundle of in her arms, smiling, more picture of hospital rooms with her mother and Amandas holding their grand baby. Cecelia in a Christening gown being baptized. It had seemed that Amanda and her had taken every opportunity to dress her up, Cecelia in a Tickle- Me- Wiggly costume for halloween, in a turkey costume for thanksgiving, and wrapped with many bows for Christmas. Mariah holding her in matching virginity rocks t shirts and butterfly clips in her short baby hair, watching in awe as Jon shows her the Sir-Hop- A- Lot puppet. Picture of Cecelia and Amanda adorning Red Sox outfits, as Angela sat next to them in Dodgers hat pouting. Cecelia and Amanda in the snow back in Boston making a snowman, at the west coast beach eating sand, crawling on stage at the Destiny Typewriter. More photos of Cecelia sitting on the Reddit couch as Shayne pretends to read off his iPad, her on the games stage eating a playstation controller as Spencer laughs and Alex trying to get her to stop. Sitting in the old yeet bucket smiling. So many more photos of just her being a menace around the office. As the photos went on she got older, dressed in pink leotards for dance class, holding herself up with the coffee table, walking around, and on the last page her on her first day of school.
“You cried that day,” Chanse said pointing to the picture, “broke down sobbing during a shoot on how my missed her.”
“She’s so precious,” Angela murmured not wanting to look away.
“She is, I’m her godfather.
Angela wrinkled her nose, “who gave permission for that?”
“you did idiot.” He laughs, causing Angela to laugh.
Suddenly the door to the apartment opened and Angela was greeted by blur running straight at her, “MAMA!” She calls out jumping onto the couch.
“Hi, Sweetie.” “what about me?” Chanse gasped causing Cecelia to giggle.
“Hi, Chansy!” She smiles with missing teeth.
“Cece,” Amanda said walking into the living room, “why don't you go play with Uncle Chanse while I talk to mama.” Cecelia jumped off the couch excitedly and grabbed her uncles hand before dragging him away, saying something about barbies.
“So,” Amanda said sitting down.
“I'm so sorry,” Angela interrupted.
“No, you did nothing wrong, Court filled me in, you have no memories from any of this?”
Angela shook her head, “no, I really wish I did.” Amanda nods, “
I get that. I want you know that I love you and CeCe more than anything else.”
“I don't remember, but I do have this feeling like I do love you…” Angela sighs placing a head on her wife’s shoulder, “Im scared to ask about Spork.”
“Oh Spork is fine.”
“Really?” “yeah, he’s at the vet for a routine check up, and they wanted to keep an eye on him for because of some weird blood levels, but nothing to worry about.”
R"eally?”
“Ang sweetie, that dog is going to outlive our grandchildren.”
Angela laughs, a wave of calm washed over to her, as if the apartment here with Amanda, filled with toys and lost memories felt normal, safe, as she was finally coming to terms that this was her home. This place was her home, and it was filled with love.
“One day you're getting your memories back, or I’ll have to make you all in love with me all over again.” Amanda sighs. “I was always in love with you, Mandy.”
“How about I take my two favorite girls out for dinner?” “Does that include me?” Angela asked. “Idiot.” Angela began to stand up, “one last question, what is my phone password?”
“Your daughter’s birthday.” Angela paused for a moment, as Amanda grabbed the empty mug on her way to the kitchen, “and when is that?” Angela asked sheepishly as she followed.
“you don't know your own daughters birthday?” She asked with a teasing smile and her hands on her hips. “I-I was there, according to the photos,” Angela sputtered, “no memories remember?”
“Unbelievable,” Amanda sighs leaving the kitchen to call out for Cecelia.