Part One
Draco knew that at some point, it was going to happen, but it doesn't mean that he was prepared for it. He wish he did, but of course, that was a lie. He did not want to prepare for it even if he knew it was coming. Be it retribution, karma or whatever wizards called it these days.
He promised to live in the present and let future Draco handle it and now he was handling it. He was future Draco and he wanted nothing more to be the past one.
"Mate, the healers are not sure when he's gonna get his memories back, but not that they won't be back," Wealsey interrupted his thoughts, looking at him with pity and sadness.
Ha! Never did think would a Weasley look at him with both pity and sadness in this life. He snorted, "If it would ever be back."
"Draco, we will do everything we can to make him remember," Hermione promised as she hugged him tight.
In the past seven years, that they have mended their relationship, through Harry, of course, Hermione is his favorite. They talked about their love of knowledge, exchanging different theories and practices during their healer training, and one of the things that Draco got used to was her warm and lovely hugs. He can't help but think that maybe this would be the last.
"He hates me and remembers his relationship with Ginny. I-I can-" he swallows, trying to make himself coherent. Hermione puts a reassuring hand in his shoulder.
"What if he never remembers me?" Draco whispers, afraid of speaking louder in case it truly happens.
"Then you make new memories. You will be able to-" Ron was cut-off by Hermione when she saw the tears on Draco's face.
"He will. Trust me. He loves you too much he will force himself to remember."
"The best thing to do is for him to go back home and resume his routines. As your healer, it's more likely that you will remember when you go back with your daily life," Healer Strout concluded. Anger covered Harry's face and stood up looking at tye healer's face then at Draco.
"Malfoy's a death eater! I did not marry a death eater! You have to check me whether it's potions or something," Harry shouted, disgust, hatred and misery flashing in his eyes as she spoke.
"Malfoy must've done something to me. You can't belive his lies. He's a fuckin' death eater," Harry continued pointing his fingers at a stunned Draco, who was looking paler by the second.
"Mr. Potter, I assure you there is nothing in your system that indicates otherwise. No love potions or other suspicious potions. You have been cleared to go home and we would still be looking for solution to get your memory back," Healer Strout concluded, doing the best he can at being professional, but Draco could see the pity he glances towards him.
What life has become, pity glances from a healer he doesn't even know or trained with.
"Har-" Draco stopped when he saw the shock and disgust on Harry's face when he attempted to say his first name, like he did not even deserve to utter the first name of his husband.
"Potter, we can, y-you can try to stay at our house just for a few days and if you really want, you can leave and go to Ron's or Hermione's," Draco suggested, if he had a slight chance of getting Harry's memory back, he will do anything. Anything at all.
Shock etched across Harry's face for a second before suspicion and anger overtook his face.
"If you want me to go back to your God forsaken manor-"
Understanding run over Draco and he immediately answered, "No, no. We don't live there. We live in Godric's Hollow after we fixed it."
Harry squinted at him and nodded. Relief washed over Draco and started listing the things that they would need according to the healer's recommendation.
Apparating from St. Mungos to Godric's Hollow was an easy feat since Harry already went there, since he refuse to side-along with Draco, like the mere thought of touching him would infect Harry with such a deadly disease and Draco understood.
It would seem that understanding is starting to become Draco's theme as of late, but he did not mind it. If it would help Harry, he did not mind it at all.
A week has already passed with the two of them creating a routine. A routine which Harry kind of like. Every morning, Harry would go down to an already made breakfast, like a feast. He thought it could rival the Hogwart's feast. Sometimes, they would eat in silence, but most of the time, Malfoy would talk to him about anything and nothing at all.
Harry learned that Malfoy is a potions master with healer's certificate but he mostly works in St. Mungo's potions and teaching apprentices, so during the day he would be gone, that's what Harry likes the most.
On the first three days, when Malfoy went to work, he went snopping around the house. At fist, he did it because he wanted to find evidence that Malfoy really was doing something to him but what he found were pictures and videos of the the two of them with his friends, Ron, Hermione, Luna, and Neville and Malfoy's slytherin friends, Parkinson, Zabini, Nott and sometimes even the Greengrass sisters. It was odd to see the group of people laughing and just being friends, and him being a part of that and not remembering.
In the past few days, Harry learned that Hermione and Ron did not get together but instead chose to be just friends. From what he's seen so far from their interactions when they visited him was that nothing change. They still seem to bicker like they used to. He also found out that Ron and Zabini were engaged and planning their wedding before his accident happened and now chose to postpone their wedding.
His accident was from a quidditch match with the Wealseys. A bludger to the head and eight years of memories gone. Harry's been with Malfoy for three years and they are married for four years before his accident happened. Now he doesn't know what to do with that information, so he chose to ignore it.
Harry looked at the clock and it showed way past eleven. Usually, Malfoy would be home at around eight and it was unnerving how he knew that and that he was actually worried for the blonde git.
During dinner, Malfoy would sit elegantly and talked about how his day went. Malfoy never cross any boundaries that Harry has silently set. On his first day back, Malfoy sat too closely to Harry on the couch making him flinch like he was burned, who was watching the telly (which was another shock to Harry and may have said a couple of profanities to Malfoy being a great pretender about liking muggles for the sake of his reputation and wanting to exploit people by how he's change and that will never work on Harry because he just knows Malfoy's up to something.)
After that unfortunate encounter, Malfoy never went or sat to the couch or next to Harry in the living room or any of the room, really. It was fine. Harry liked it better not seeing the posh git strut around in his tailored clothes, acting familiar with him.
Harry looked at the clock again and it's almost midnight. He decided that it was enough and he was not waiting for Malfoy any longer. Not that he was actually waiting for him. Harry stood up and went to his room, the guest room because on his first day back, he said to Malfoy that he would not be sharing a bed with a death eater. Malfoy just pointed to a guest room, three bedrooms from the master's bedroom and went to his room quietly.
Staring at his ceiling, Harry thought about Ginny. She was a great girl with fiery personality and wondered why they did not marry each other. What was he thinking choosing the blonde brat rather than his best friend's sister? He should definitely go to the Burrow tomorrow and see what has happened to Ginny. If she's married, what would he do if she is? If she's not?
Harry wanted a family so there must be something with Malfoy that they don't have children yet, let alone a child. He knew that wizards are able to get pregnant, especially purebloods because of the magical properties in their bodies. With all his mulling, he heard the door unlocked and quiet steps making it's way upstairs. He quickly shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep just in time when the door creaked open. Harry heard shuffling around and felt a presence beside him. Is Malfoy watching him sleep? Has he been doing this since he came back? Harry thought he should leave tomorrow and never come back. Who watches people sleep? Apparently Malfoy.
He heard a soft sob coming from the person beside his bed and how he longed to see his rival cry before many times, but now that it's actually happening he can't help but feel sad at the broken sounds coming from Malfoy. Harry felt Malfoy took his hand on his own like it's something fragile, like it's the only thing keeping him grounded.
"Harry, I-I," Malfoy swallowed what sounded like a sob. "I c-can't do this without you," Harry felt warm tears in his hand and the slight tremble of Malfoy's hand holding his.
"What am I supposed to do?" Malfoy questioned as his tears continue to wet his hand. It felt surreal to Harry to witness Malfoy's breakdown and he knew deep down that it was actually Malfoy's first time coming to watch him sleep or let his feelings show around Harry, granted Draco thought he was alseep. Harry had been walking on eggshells or lashing out at Malfoy in any interaction thay they had. He never really looked past the person with the mark or the person who was on the wrong side of the war.
Malfoy was the only constant that Harry had after the war. They kept on bickering but with less animosty from the blonde, now that he thought about it. During their eight year, Harry had kept on provoking Malfoy, and the blonde always retaliated but never like before. Their interactions kept Harry grounded. It kept him sane.
Now hearing his rival cry, forcing himself to keep it quiet as to not disrupt his sleeping churned his stomach uncomfortably. Harry heard Malfoy took a deep breath that got him out of his head. The blonde grasped his hands tightly murmuring, "Come back to me. Please come back to us."
Malfoy left a chaste kiss on his hands, like a fluttering butterfly on a flower, before leaving his room.
Another week had passed after Draco's mental breakdown. He did not mean for that to happen but it actually felt good to have a release, especially now that the healers have told him to be extra careful.
"What are you planning? Are you going to tell him?" Pansy questioned, sipping her tea on their favorite cafe. She got home a week before and has now resumed their weekly tea, updating each other with their lives.
"That what, he got a death eater spawn and I would probably use the spawn to gain forgiveness? I don't think so," Draco crossed his legs and looked outside.
"Don't call my godchild a death eater spawn and besides, you don't know how he will react," Pansy urged. It's been a week since the healers told him that he was pregnant, six weeks.
Pansy was the first she called and the only one who knows. She rushed to get to him during one of this many breakdowns that he had the past week.
"I can't do it, Pans. What am I going to do if he doesn't belive me? What if he wanted nothing to do with the baby? My child. Our child," Draco knew he was a coward but this child is now his life and he will not let anything happen to them. He wanted this child, it was part him and part Harry.
"What if this preganncy will help Harry regain his memories? Have you told Hermione and Ron? They deserve to know, yes?"
"I know, Pans, I know. I just don't know how to, okay? And Harry's been weird lately. He doesn't call me a death eater anymore and sometimes he would make comments about the stories I tell him. I just- I like it, okay, this changes that Harry shows and I'm terrified that it will shatter," Draco confessed and Pansy understood. She's a Slytherin, of course, she understood.
"Just think about it, okay?" Pansy hugged her best friend. She will be there whatever decision Draco makes. Whatever happens, she will support Draco.
Draco and Harry continued their new routine for another week and Draco is slowly believing that his Harry will come back because of the changes Harry shows. He's always been sweet, his Harry.
His Harry would often cook breakfast for him and would wait for him on the chair facing the living room holding a cup of steaming black coffee, waiting for Draco. His Harry would smile that charming smile at him and Draco would walk towards him and greet him with a morning kiss.
That's why one morning, Draco kissed Harry upon seeing such a familiar sight. Harry smiling and waiting for him in the dining table with a coffee in his hands. Harry pushed him with a look of disgust that immediately turned to pity.
"I-"
"I'm sorry. I did not mean to. It's just- I wa- you were- I'm sorry," feeling defeated, Draco waited for the outburst.
"It's okay. I understand," Harry offered.
Draco looked at Harry, confusion evident on his face, "I- than- okay."
Draco sat in silence while thinking about all the other ways that could've gone when Harry interrupted his thoughts.
"So I was thinking," Draco looked at Harry. Ah, this is it, Draco thought.
"Maybe, I could stay in the Burrow," Harry finished. Draco stared at Harry.
"But it's just been a month, I haven't done anything that would offend you. It's the kiss, isn't it? I won't do it again, I swear. I was just caught up in the moment, you-"
"Draco."
"Seeing you in such a familiar sight. You see, you, you always sat there with a coffee in hand waiting for me. I was, I would greet you with a morning kiss and then we would, we"
"Draco."
"We would talk about your work, my work. Seeing that was just too much. I was missing you, Harry. Please understand- I really didn't mean to do it. I'm sorry. I-I swear not to do it again. You- it's just-"
"DRACO," Harry shouted. The blonde was silenced, looking striken, by being called his first name and by Harry shouting.
"It's not the kiss, alright? Its just not- the memories. My memories aren't coming back. I've been holed up in this place for a month. Its driving me bloody insane," Harry explained and Draco did not get it.
"You're not my prisoner, Harry. You can go out. You can go to the burrow, just come back to me please," Draco begged, he knew it was beneath a Malfoy to beg but what could he do? He would beg a thousand more, Malfoy name be damned just to have his Harry back.
"Harry, please."
"No, we are just hurting each other this way. Maybe if we could spend time apart-"
"Spend time apart?! You have been doing nothing but spending time apart with me! I would not even go to the living room with you because the last time I sat beside you, you flinched like you've been burned! I've been missing my favorite show for a month to give you space so you can be comfortable!" Draco panted, and Harry saw the fight leaving Draco when he sat down. He never even realise they were both standing up from the dining table.
"I gave you the farthest room because I knew you wouldn't be able to stand the sight of me when you wake up every morning, so please don't tell me that we need to spend time apart when that's what we've been doing for the last month," Draco surmised and when he looked at Harry's face, he knew the decision has already been made.
"See, we are just hurting each other," Harry started.
"You're hurting me."
"I already packed my things and sent them to the Burrow. Molly was alright with me staying with them for a bit. I'm leaving after breakfast. I'm sorry," Harry stood up and move to the living rook where the floo is, leaving Draco with the barely touched, cold English breakfast.
As soon as Harry steps foot in the Burrow, he was attached with hugs from all the Weasleys present, and Zabini who was glaring at him from the side. After a long greetings from the ginger family, Harry excused himself and went to his room.
"How was Draco? I believe that he did not take it well to you leaving?" Ron asked in the doorway. He nodded as he arranged his stuff from the bag he brought. Harry looked for the potions he needed and found it nowhere.
"Damn it, now I have to go back and get it," Harry turned and walked past Ron giving him a nod, and headed to the floo.
When the floo roared, he went straight to the kitchen to find the breakfast he prepared untouched and still on the same place he left hours ago. He went through the cabinets and found no potions. Quietly, Harry started to go to the guest room he stayed in, wondering why did it have to be the farthest one. On the last step, he heard a muffled sob coming from the bedroom near the staircase and as soon as he's in the doorstep of the room, he could see Draco slouching on the floor with an old, familiar, definitely worn hoodie, crying his eyes out. Draco would never wear a hoodie, that's when it hit him. That hoodie was his. He wore that a lot during their eight year.
Draco looked like it was getting harder for him to breathe by the minute, like his own tears were drowning him. It was the first time Harry heard such an anguish cry of sadness and brokeness that he stood there planted on his feet, watching. Minutes, hours, days, he did not know how long he stood there until he heard a scream. No, Draco screamed. He screamed in pain clutching at his stomach.
Harry stepped forward, wanting to help when a patronous, a stag, blinded him.
"Pansy, help me," Draco pleaded and the stag disappeared. Harry looked stricken and dashed off to the floo, leaving a hurting Draco on the floor with his hoodie.
"Draco, honey, please, if you don't want to take care of yourself, think about your child," Pansy nagged for the 100th time, caressing his blonde soft hair in the bed in St. Mungos. It's been five days since he was admitted for almost losing his baby due to stress. His healer told him that his child was enduring and wanted to be born so they were both safe for now. He needed to relax and avoid situations where it would induce stress.
He did not mean for this to happen. There seems to be a lot of things he did not mean to happen but here we are.
"Pans, honey," mocking his best friend's voice, "as I've said before, I take care of myself and my baby, alright? That day was just too much for us." Pansy nodded giving him a look that mean they would talk about this again later.
"I'm getting discharge today. I'm healthy again and I have my potions. I promise to eat right and healthy and not let anything stress me out. I swear," Draco assured the brunette, but he knew she won't easily back down.
"You have to tell this to Ron or Hermione. Oh, I don't know, Blaise?! I can't keep this secret any longer, Draco. You will need all the help you can get," Pansy urged. This topic has been her favorite the last couple of days in which he won't budge.
"Pansy, I've been telling you, as much as I want Blaise to know, I can't tell him because he would definitely tell his fiancé, which, by the way, is Ron and would then tell Hermione, then would tell Harry. I can't risk that. I can't risk my child, Pansy," the brunette sighed, admitting defeat.
"Then what are you going to do?"
"I'm going home and hope that Harry recovers his memories before I could look like a giant whale."
Pansy took Draco home and stayed with him for a bit before attending to her business. Draco rested another two days before he received an owl from Harry, asking him to meet with him the next day.
Draco firecalled Pansy.
"I think Harry's going to ask for a divorce, Pans," Draco greeted.
"No, I don't think so. Maybe he remembered something or he wants to come home," Pansy suggested and Draco just snorted. As much as he love Pansy giving her different scenarios, he knew it just wasn't likely.
"My Harry would come barging in and be on his knees, asking for my forgiveness."
"Maybe he wanted to surprise you, but why do you look so calm if this is about you divorcing the love of your life?" Pansy wondered, Draco really was not the subtle type. He lashes out and ensues chaos when he doesn't get what he wants. He's not calm.
"I think- this child calms me and for the past two days, it gave me time to think. This is just not about me and Harry anymore. This child depends on me. I can't let them down, Pans. It hurts to think that the love of my life forgot about us, but I can't abandon this child. I just can't," Draco explained, caressing his tummy, which now has a visible slight bump, if you know what you're looking for.
"He still doesn't know," Pansy tried. She has been trying to convince him to tell Harry about the pregnancy in the last couple of days.
"I know, but what would say to the child when they ask his other father? That he did not want them? Wanted nothing to do with the child? That I was on the wrong side of the war and now they also has to bear the consequences for the mistakes I made? What if they took my child from me, Pans? I would die."
"Okay, okay, I understand. If he really did ask for a divorce what are you going to do?"
"I'll leave. I'll go to Provence. We have a property there with a lot of space for a child to grow up to. I'll raise my child there. It's near both magical and muggle so they would be able to respect both worlds. I'll raise them without any prejudice. They'll never grow up like us, Pans. And when they're old enough, I'll tell them about the war, everything. I'll let them decide if they still wanted to stay with me. I'll give them the love and freedom they deserve."
Pansy looked like she was about to cry, with her trembling lips and the redness on the corner of her eyes. She has always been a strong girl even when they were kids. She doesn't want anyone to see her cry but Draco knew. He knew all the tell tales of her best friend's signs when she was forcing herself not to cry.
She cleared her throat, "You really though this through, huh?"
Draco gave her a knowing smile and shrugged.
"Okay, okay. I support you in whatever decision you do."
The last seven days Harry spent in the Burrow was pure bliss. He remembered why he loved Ginny. Her ambitous and fiery attitude that he had missed and their love for quidditch. That's why he decided on the day he asked to meet Draco, he would ask for divorce. It was time they went their separate ways. He couldn't live like this. It's true that Draco has changed, but so has he.
So, on a bright Monday morning, he entered the cafe he asked Draco to meet him with beeming confidence and speech prepared and whatever alimony Draco asked for.
Harry scanned the cafe and saw Draco sitting on the corner looking outside through the window, sipping his tea. He looked ethereal with the sunlight glowing on his face, making it seemed like a halo around him. He made his way towards him and sat down.
"Hi," Draco greeted looking at him and then at the pastries he ordered.
"Hi," Harry greeted back and was able to observe the blonde some more. He looked exhausted and thinner than the last time he saw him, but even so, he still looked beautiful. Harry looked at his hands which was clasped laying on this legs.
"I think it's time we talked about our future," Harry started and fidgeted with his fingers. He was never really the type to confront people.
"It's been months since I lost my memories and I think it's time to say thay they're not coming back. I know you've changed, Draco. Hell, I even call you Draco. Hermione and Ron are friends with you and that says something. I know I'm just hurting you with this set up and I can't do this anymore. I've tried. We've all tried. Hermione's done her best and there just isn't-" Harry looked at Draco who was already watching at him. He has long forgotten about his tea and just stared at Harry.
He continued, "There's more to life to discover, and I'm really grateful for another chance in life. I think it's time we move on. Let's get divorce."
Draco sighed, looking at the window again.
"Okay," Draco spoke quietly, like it was a secret he did not want anyone to find out. It was true, they did everything they could do to get his memories. Hermione owled her all the things they've done when Harry was at the Burrow and while he was staying at St. Mungos. She was apologetic and promised to look for other ways.
"If there is anything you would like, the house, or money. Maybe appreances with me. I'll do it," Harry offered and for a second Harry saw anger flashed on Draco's face before looking sad. Incredibly sad. He looked resigned.
"No. Thank you, Harry, for your kind offer but I decline. I have no need for your house, your money or your reputation. I did not marry you for those things so I will not be divorcing you for those," Draco sipped his tea and went to rub his stomach.
"Is there anything you want me to-"
"No, Harry, thank you." It was odd, hearing gratitude from Draco and not putting up a fight. He expected for the blonde to create a scene or may be lash out but not this. Not a hurt and sad Draco resigned to whatever Harry says.
"If that's all, my lawyer will contact you for the paperwork," Draco stood up, making Harry stand as well.
"Live happy, Harry. More than anyone in this world, you deserve it," With that Draco left. No arguments. No fights.
True to his words, Draco sent his lawyer to do all the paperworks. He never once showed up even for the final proceedings and with that, their four years of marriage ended, peacefully.
-End of Part One-