Every time you’d allow your gaze to go over to him, amidst a group conversation, you were hoping to find him looking right back at you. But he never was, his eyes were forever fixed on the girl with the beautiful ginger hair. You couldn't blame him, you worshipped her as much as the next person. She was sunshine inside and outside, smart and funny, loving, caring, everything one would hope to be or get to love.
That didn't take away from the fact that you were also smart, funny, loving, or caring. But on her, it looked better, according to your rotten mind. If not so, why would no one look twice at you?
You could've spent the entire night, now with your eyes stuck like knives on the wooden table before you, but an arm sliding above your shoulders made you look up. Remus, aware of the feelings you were destined to take to your grave, sent you an empathic smile. Naturally, your body sank against him, and your hand grabbed the one on your shoulder.
“You could try n talk to him, you know?” He whispered to your ear, knowing that if anyone found out, you would act like it was the death of you.
“I’d rather choke on my own vomit, thank you, Rem.” His body beneath you vibrated because of the laugh he seconds later tried to push back.
Anyhow, james and i are just friends, nothing else will ever become of it.
On your other side was Sirius, holding your free hand and twisting the rings you wore, joining the conversation to begin babbling about how unfair it was that Remus would hug you like that and not him. Of course, the young man was met with nothing but jokes about his jealousy.
True jealousy was watching from the other side of the table. Crossed arms, lips pressed into a fine line, frown in forehead, and chest puffing rapidly by the way his breath was speeding up.
James could not bear the sight, his two best friends fawning over you, while he was stuck between Peter and Marlene’s childhood inside jokes. Needn't worry, soon enough they would follow his eyes to find you laughing while Remus kissed your forehead and Sirius your cheek, your face turning bright red.
“You’re such a loser.” Peter stated, shaking his head. Marlene just nodded and shrugged her shoulders when he looked at her saying you should be on my side.
“Stop pretending to be in love with Evans to hide away from the fact that this time you like someone who likes you back.” Marlene got up, grabbing her wine glass. “Honestly, your lack of bravery is a disgrace to Gryffindor himself.”
Peter gave him a final pat on the back and followed the blond woman to the kitchen, where Lily and Mary were.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
A week had gone by. Marlene's words were still loud in his head.
Since the moment he met you, he knew. He knew he only cared to spend the rest of his life with you, loving you, caring for you. But the idea of messing up a reliable friendship and maybe causing turmoils in their group had been enough to continue with the charade of pursuing Lily. She was aware it was a joke, it had been a joke between them since one drunk night she confessed to only liking women. From that night on, they would find each other to crush on you. Their eyes would link whenever you smiled, laughed, or did anything that required no effort yet made James’ heart skip a beat.
Of course, Lily found you simply cute. So she would tease James non-stop, about how shy and quiet the loud golden retriever boy would get.
“Hey!” A well-known female voice got him out of his head.
There you were, smiling at him from the order line of the little coffee shop they all took small shifts at, owned by Remus. Today it had been a slow and boring day, it read 20:10pm on the clock, five minutes away from closing.
“Hi. Whatcha doing here? We are almost closed.” He greeted you, feeling his demeanor fall into straight panic and anxiety.
“Had to drop off some stuff, and don't worry about closing I'm probably gonna stay here for dinner.”
Stop pretending. That was it, that was his only chance to be alone with you and finally build up the courage to speak up about his very well-hidden feelings.
Fifteen minutes went by. You had finished organizing the boxes you had to drop there. Doors were locked, most lights turned off, and James had finished his night shift. But he was still there.
You didn't wanna be annoying and ask, even though you were friends and it was okay.
“What do you wanna eat? I’ll make it. I’ll join you for dinner.” James said, walking into the back kitchen.
Half an hour, two sandwiches and two canned sodas later, you were both laughing at a recent memory of Sirius' jealous outburst when Remus had opened the door for a girl at the cafe, and not him.
“Even as a jealous person myself, I thought he was being a little dramatic.” James said, winning an incredulous look from you. “What?”
“You’re not a jealous person. I’ve never seen you flip out at Evans because of anything.” You answered. There it was.
“That’s cause I’ve got no reason to be jealous because of her.” James watched the look on your face shift into something that looked more like confusion. “... Cause I don’t fancy her.”
That was news to you. Thinking, you ate the last bit of your sandwich, giving you a moment to think how to phrase the million questions that ran through your mind.
“I’m confused. Haven't you liked her for like ten years now?” You said almost laughing, like a joke. But you were actually dying. Needing to know more, but you wouldn't pry.
To your unfortunate self, James didn't answer immediately, he just looked at you in a way you could figure out. Studying his face to find clues, you found nothing but more questions. Did he like someone else? Did he like another girl? Was this his way of coming out maybe? Did he like no one at all?
“I imagined myself punching Remus and Sirius when they were all over you the other night.” He said.
Your heart sank, and your only reaction was to stare and blink at him in disbelief for what felt like five straight minutes.
“What?” Your voice barely made it out your mouth, in a whisper you weren't sure he’d heard. “It’s not funny, James.” You tried to laugh it out, but the scared look on your face betrayed you.
“No, it's not funny. It's not funny that since I've met you I've spent every one of our hangouts hoping for you to be there. And if you were, that I would find myself sitting by you so I can tell you stupid jokes that will make you look at me with pity, but then you'll laugh or smile at me. No, you’re right as always. It's not funny. ” He stood up, taking the plates off the table and taking them to the kitchen.
He came back and sat in front of you again. Earning a blank stare from you.
“No.” You said, shaking your head.
He shot a smile at you, making you smile in return. You crossed your arms and looked at him, raising your eyebrows, signaling him to continue.
“I haven’t liked Lily for a while now. Almost two years ago, she and I became strictly platonic friends. Well, I always was that to her.” He wouldn't air out Lily. Besides, the years of rejection had humbled him enough already.
“And when I met you, something clicked in my brain and I’ve been denying it because it was easier. It was easier for me to love someone who didn't care to love me back than to love you, 'cause Merlin knows your ability to love everyone goes above and beyond.”
The coping mechanism part of your brain almost made you blurt out an Im sorry, why are you so sure that I love you back like that? But Remus had probably already taken care of that part in one of his weekly desperation rants about how stubborn and stupid you were being, and seeing James' side of the story you were sure he had gotten at least twice of those.
“So… we’ve wasted like a year because you’re a coward?” You joked, without being able to help it, you loved teasing him as much as everyone else.
“Excuse me? You could have done something too!” He answered, pointing at you.
“No, I'm not the one from the house with the trait of being brave and courageous.” You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance, sighing.
He walked towards you and grabbed your face in his hands, smiling at the sight of your face so close to him.
“I apologize, maybe we should start making it up for the last year now.” James answered, leaving a soft and short kiss on your lips.
Now you had to get ready for when your friends found out and started annoying both of you for at least one more year.